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Chapter 16

A Ranma ½ - Sailor Moon crossover story
by Dark Phoneix

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC.

I was the last to step through portal, right after Telerin. If something went wrong, I didn't want any of the girls trapped here without anything but pokémon as company.

The portal deposited me on a huge area of brown and yellowish stone that looked as if it had been ground down and polished to a mirror sheen. This was where the mountain had been that had been transported us to the first world. There was a twenty-foot high chainlink and razor-wire fence surrounding the entire surface. The government hiding their screw-ups, I guess.

"Wow, if this got wet, we could slide around forever. Wouldn't that be fun!" That was Usagi. As jubilant as ever, she might be, but that little idea she'd just spun out of the wide open expanse that is her mind could actually be profitable. But the government wouldn't sell, anyway.

"Yeah, Usagi, that would be fun," I answered her. "But right now, we should probably be getting back and seeing if everyone thanks that we're dead. If we've been gone long enough for a fence that size to be put up…" I left it hanging, knowing she could finish the concept.

"Oh, no! My parents must think I'm dead!!! Wah!!! I bet Shingo took my room!!! Who's been feeding Luna?! Waaaahhh!!!" We all watched Usagi run around in circles, pulling wads of her own hair out and occasionally slipping on the smooth surface below.

"We might all be dead, legally, I mean," Makoto said cheerfully. She didn't have any parents to worry about so the idea must have been pretty novel to her. "My apartment was paid off for six months when we left, so it should still be there."

I just stepped back and let the Senshi worry themselves sick about what their parents thought, how much makeup work they would have from school, that was a big one for Ami, and all kinds of little stuff. Usagi for instance, declared that she was going to break her ice cream consumption record everyday of the week for a month.

"Anyway," I said loudly, "we should be getting back now. I'm sure that there are people who want to see you, and we really shouldn't wait around here for some of those commandoes to come after us. We were working for the government when a mountain, along with us, vanished. They probably covered it up and made everything out to be one big accident." Oh, let them try, just let them try. I was itching for a chance to loose my power on something and in the process blow it up.

Minako rose into the air slowly, as if unsure whether or not the spell would work. "This feels great!" she exclaimed. "I didn't realize how boring life could be without magic!" That degenerated into a match of airborne tag, somehow. I let myself be brought into the game just for a chance to chase Ami around for a couple minutes.

Finally, and this was like two hours after we'd gotten home, I managed to convince the girls that we should be leaving. With her magic back to full strength, Usagi was able to store all of her pokéballs in a spatial pocket and eliminate any need for us all to split the burden. I'm going to have to get Ami to show me how to make one of those pockets someday. The Senshi each have one naturally. It's not fair.

"You can't let your pokémon out to play either, Usagi," Rei warned. Her two new pokémon eggs hadn't hatched, but already her attitude was improving. Amazing. She had a point. Most of our pokémon would appear demonic to the citizens of Juuban, who had endured years of silly looking demons and daemons. My Demon would cause a citywide panic and probably warrant an attack by the Bible Rangers.

Hmmm, maybe Demon could make an appearance after all. I could have him wonder around Tokyo eating trees and cars and as soon as the Bible Rangers showed up, he could roast them alive in their robot. Yes, I think I will. That way my good deed for the century will be taken care of.

Katya led her sister, much cleaner, though still obese, over to the Gates of Time and Space. The Senshi of Time's uniform had been mystically tailored so that the ruffles and bows managed to hide most of the rolls, but the green-haired Senshi was still looking like something of a roly-poly.

Katya looked at the simple ring of metal and frowned. She pulled a hanky from thin air and spit on it, then began buffing a small panel at the top of the ring that had become tarnished. It'd read 'Gates of Time', but when Katya finished and moved back, the panel said 'Gates of Time and Space'. "Little sister, couldn't you have at least kept the thing clean?" The Senshi of Space asked.

Setsuna shrugged, setting three of her chins to bobbing. "I didn't think you had been reincarnated. If the other Senshi had seen that, they would have asked unpleasant questions." Setsuna had really just wanted all trace of her sister gone from her sight. Katya had always been prettier, better in every way, and all the nobles had always asked her to dance. Setsuna couldn't help that she had an attitude problem. It ran in the family. But Katya hadn't gotten that particular Meiou trait; no, she was too good for an attitude.

Katya sighed. "I suppose that makes sense. Now that I'm back, though, we should be able to find our missing Senshi." Katya made her silver staff appear and tapped the edge of the ring, realigning her powers with the Space half of the Gates of Time and Space.

Setsuna glowered at her sister's back. Why did Katya get the impressive staff, while she was stuck with a giant key with a heart on it?

"I'll just start by perusing through the nearer dimensions. They are most similar to our own plane and more likely to draw accidental travelers," Katya said.

Leave it to her older sister to just barge in and ruin everything. Ranma had taken the Senshi, Ranma was evil, and Ranma must die! The answer came to an unasked question came to Setsuna then. Katya was being manipulated just like she had. That must be it! Well, she'd show her sister. She'd show her who was the better woman.

"This may take a while," Katya told her gently. "If you want, you can sit down." That much weight must be killing her ankles.

The key still unlocked the door to my apartment and my stuff was still there. I hadn't expected any of the food in the fridge to be good, but the soft drinks I'd left in it were fine. I passed them out to the Senshi and said, "You can't just go up to your parents and say, 'Hey look, I'm alive!'. That would be bad. There would be heart attacks and stuff like that."

Ami asked, "How should we break the news? I don't like sitting here when I know my Mom is nearby and believes me to be dead." Ami's mom sounded like a nice lady from what she'd told me, but I didn't want to be the one held responsible for her daughter's disappearance.

"How much do you care about your secret identities?" I asked. My idea would work, if and only if the girls let their parents in on their little secret.

"You're not serious?" Rei snapped. What's her problem? Her grandfather already knew that she was Sailor Mars.

I shrugged. "Why not? They're bound to find out someday. Hell, they may know now." Adults aren't stupid; they just have problems seeing the world around them sometimes. Besides, the government (I'm really starting to hate that word) could have broken the news and used it as an excuse to exonerate themselves of responsibility.

"It's fine with me," Makoto shrugged. Ha, ha, real funny.

"Ranma, you haven't really been raised by normal human beings," Ami said gently. "Parents try to protect their children from harm. I know that my Mom would do everything in her power to stop me from being a Senshi. She's just overprotective." She had a point. Demons did tend to live more for the moment, and future existence be damned, but I knew where she was coming from. The short time I'd spent with my own Mother had had its share of arguments and lectures related to my way of life.

"How can they stop you?" I asked. "I don't mean for you to attack your parents." Jeez, they'd all got that impending violence look in their eyes. "We'll just explain how the world needs you and tell them that lots and lots of people will die without your help. Usagi, you being a princess might help some, too."

Now that I'd introduced a way for them to guilt trip their parents into letting them be superheroes, the Senshi got all excited and wanted to get started. Teenage girls sure can change their minds fast.

(This takes place a couple days before Ranma and the gang gets back to Earth)

With the help of the one-use Phoenix Person curse packets that Cologne had given to Shampoo, and some duck ones that Mousse had 'borrowed' (no one really used the duck ones anyway), the pair of Amazons reached the Chinese coast within a week. After resting and taking a short amount of time to get a bearing from the Orb, a duck and a winged Shampoo set out for Japan.

Shampoo couldn't get enough of flying and the personal freedom it brought her. She also liked being able to talk to birds. They were a skittish, airheaded lot, but they were always so happy, and the way they talked about their babies and nests brought a smile to the serious Amazon's face. She could even talk to Mousse in his duck form.

"Shampoo no speak stupid language good," the winged Amazon told her companion in Japanese.

In duckish, Mousse said, "If we are to move around in Japan well enough to find Ranma, we must be able to speak the language. I can't always translate for you." Mousse wasn't flying alongside his love, instead he was held tightly in her arms, right against her generous bosom. Mousse's little wings simply couldn't keep up with Shampoo's. He didn't care. He was in heaven.

"Shampoo know that, stu—," She stopped. "Damn it, I can't speak Japanese. It makes me sound like a complete idiot. I don't know how you learned it. Stupid language for a stupid people," Shampoo grumbled. "With the exception of Ranma. Being raised by Hellbeasts must have burnt the dumbness out of him."

Mousse did the equivalent of a duck growl. "Ranma was never a dumb beast!" he exclaimed. "Ranma is a great and powerful sorcerer."

Shampoo patted the duck on his head and said, "Of course, Mousse. Whatever you say."

Usagi's parents were the first of the adults to arrive at my apartment. They looked depressed, and I could feel the emotion bubbling beneath the surface of their thoughts. They wanted to know what I had called them for, who I was, and all kinds of other crap. I just told them that others would soon be arriving and that it would be easier to explain once and not have to answer the same questions repeatedly. I had wanted to tell them individually, but the girls had outvoted me, and since they were the backbone of the plan, I had to go along with them.

Minako's dad knocked on the door a few minutes later. He explained that his wife was out of the country on business and then followed the Tsukino pattern pretty closely. I gave him the run around and turned him loose to talk with Usagi's parents.

Ami's mother wasn't very happy being called in the middle of a shift at the hospital, but the urgency I had expressed got her attention enough to see what I had to say. Ms. Mizuno was an older version of Ami, still very attractive and looking younger than her forty-odd years. It's good to know that Ami will still be hot in a thousand years.

Grandfather Hino was the last to arrive, and he was a little cheerier than I had expected. Then again, he was a partially trained sorcerer himself. He might have felt Rei's presence and figured out what was about to happen. Lot of wasted potential there.

"Okay," I said to the little gathering. They were arranged around my living room and Minako's dad had been flipping through the porn channels on my tv when he thought no one was watching. I reminded myself to tell Minako about that. "I appreciate you all being able to make it here tonight, and the reason for the secrecy will soon become apparent." Well, I haven't hosted very many secret identity coming-out parties before. You can't expect me to be good at it.

"Could you get on with it, please?" Ms. Mizuno asked. I got the distinct impression that she had thrown herself into her work to take her mind off of her daughter's disappearance.

We had determined, thanks to a calendar and a newspaper, that we'd been gone for a little under six weeks. "Recently, I believe, each of you lost a child." There were sharp intakes of breath from three of them, a smile from one, and a glare from the other.

"If you've brought us here to remind us of our loss," began Mrs. Tsukino, standing up and pulling her husband with her, "we'll be going. And you can expect a call from our lawyer!" she hissed.

"Hey, wait, you got it all wrong!" I said. Stupid plan, I should have never let them talk me into it. "Ah, damn. Girls, come on out," I called. Screw it. Usagi and I can fix anything less than a stroke.

The Senshi, except for Makoto, who had gone to her apartment with Telerin so as not to complicate anything tonight, came out of my bedroom in their civilian forms. They must have heard that things weren't going too well for me, or they would have been transformed like the plan had originally called for.

There were squeals, gasps, a scream, lots of wailing from Minako's dad, and tears, bunches of tears. I just stood back and enjoyed the show.

"Usagi, you are so, so, so grounded!" Mrs. Tsukino shouted in between hugs and kisses. "You're never leaving your room again!"

"Waaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! My baby girl came back! Waaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!" Minako was starting to turn a little purple within her father's crushing grasp.

This was ridiculous. I eventually gave up and went to the corner convenience mart to pick up some snacks. When I got back they were finally starting to lose some steam. I was in the middle of eating a sandwich when everyone pulled themselves together and the girls were able to escape from their parents long enough to gather together.

"Um, Mom, you see, we were gone because, well, it's kinda hard to explain… Ranma?" Usagi finished, pointing at me desperately. All eyes turned towards me. Hey, this wasn't my part.

I sat there, my sandwich stuck in my mouth, for over a minute while they just stared at me. I got tired of it and finished that bite. "Fine, if you all are too chicken to say it, I will. Parents and grandparent, your children and grandchild were gone because they are the Sailor Senshi, and we had all been trapped in another universe. I'm Ranma, and I teach them magic. We got back a few hours ago." The silence was truly profound. I heard crickets chirping, despite being well above street level and far from any park.

"Usagi is Sailor Moon, and the reincarnated Princess of the Moon Kingdom. She first lived during the Silver Millennium, about… ten thousand years ago, I think. Ami is Sailor Mercury, advisor and guardian to the Princess. Rei is Sailor Mars, and I think she was guardian and assassin for the royal family. Ami's computer is a little sketchy on that one." I ticked off the next finger. "Minako is Sailor Venus, also an advisor and guardian to the Princess. That about sums it up; well, except for Makoto, who is Sailor Jupiter, but she's an orphan and didn't want to intrude on the reunion." The following 'blink-blink' was actually audible.

Ms. Mizuno's eyes narrowed and she looked at her daughter closely, nodding to herself. Grandfather Hino just smiled at Rei and grinned knowingly at me. The Tsukinos decided to blink a few more times, then together, they seemed to actually accept what I said as true, apparently fitting suspicious little instances together into something that proved me as not insane.

Mr. Aino didn't quite want to believe me, though. "Are you a lunatic? My precious little Minako," Heh, Minako turned red, "would never fight monsters. She's too nice to do that. Why, if she breaks a nail, we have to listen to her whine about it for days." That last one was most definitely true.

I made a curvy little gesture with my hand and the Senshi clasped their hands together and murmured the activation phrase to their altered Senshi transformation. There wasn't any twirling involved, and pretty ribbons didn't turn into magical underwear. Nope, my transformation spell was much faster and more practical. A flash of light, white for Usagi, red for Rei, yellow for Minako, and blue for Ami, and the girls were gone, replaced by Sailor Senshi. Their color-coded body armor, glowing with power, covered most of their bodies, leaving only their upper arms and parts of their thighs unprotected by the actual armor. Planes of force covered the bare flesh with invisible barriers. Each girl's visor partially covered her face, but enough was visible that their identities, when the glamour was not in effect, were clearly recognizable.

Mr. Aino's head *thumped* as he passed out, slumping out of the chair he had occupied and colliding with my coffee table. That would leave a mark.

"These costumes are much better than the old ones, don't you think?" I asked, drawing the still conscious adults' attention away from the Senshi. "The skirts had been so tiny before, you really should be glad that I did that." They all nodded to that. I think they were stunned speechless. Maybe they hadn't believed me before the demonstration, after all.

The moment of truth. The others, parents and grandparent in one case in tow, had left my apartment. Except for Ami and Ms. Mizuno. Yes, now you see. BIG moment of truth. Just in case my lover's warning hadn't been jokes, I'd woven a couple barriers around myself. Not that I expected the woman to get through my defenses, but eyes take so long to grow back that I didn't want to risk losing one.

Ami was in her mom's grip, being rocked back and forth by the happy woman. "Oh, Ami, I missed you so much," was repeated constantly with a few "I'm so proud of you” 's thrown in for variety. Ami broke away from her mother and stood up in front of her.

"Mom, no one was really properly introduced to Ranma," Ami said. "He's taught us so much, and without him we may have been in a laboratory somewhere being experimented on now instead of back home." I smiled and waved, deciding I should just keep my big mouth shut.

"You're an adult, and you understand what it feels like to care for someone in a mature fashion," Ami continued.

I had to say it or Ami would beat around the bush for hours. "Sorry, Ami, your Mom is starting to look impatient," I said. Ami looked really, really relieved. "Ms. Mizuno, your daughter and I have been sleeping together for a while now and are, well, I guess in… l-love." THAT was majorly hard to squeeze out. "When magically gifted people become truly involved and committed to one another, they sometimes form a bond that links their thoughts together, and eventually their lives. Ami and I have such a bond. It's permanent. So you see, we, actually Ami, would like your permission for us be engaged with the intent to marry when she finishes school." Whew, I said it, and much better than I would have believed possible.

Ami grinned sheepishly at her mother. Ms. Mizuno then proceeded to examine me like a piece of meat. I was getting nervous when she finally said, "I guess you'll do. Now come give me a hug." I didn't have much choice. I let her hug me. In my ear she whispered, "Thank you, Ranma, you don't know how much this means to me."

"Hey Setsy," Katya said to Setsuna, who was eating a bag of chips and reading a magazine while her sister looked for the Senshi.

"Don't start calling me that again," Setsuna snapped. During her entire childhood, Katya had only called her Setsuna three times. It had been Setsy all the other times.

"Now that I've got your attention, I should tell you that the Senshi and Ranma have returned to this universe. Actually, I just watched the Senshi reveal their identities to their parents. Then Ranma announced to Ami's mother that he and the Senshi of Mercury were soul-bonded and that they were planning on getting married. Isn't that sweet?" Katya loved weddings. She would arrange a nice ceremonial meteor shower for the couple whenever they got around to tying the knot.

Setsuna dropped her chips and magazine and stood up in a flurry of wobbling blubber. What had Ranma done to her Senshi? How could he have brainwashed Ami, the smart one, so easily? He had to die! She called the Garnet rod to her chubby little hand and disappeared with a pop.

"Now what is she up to?" Katya asked the space where her sister had been sitting.


To be continued.

Author's Notes: I said that lots of stuff would happen this chapter, but I was wrong. That happens a lot when I write because I never really plan what the next chapter is gonna be about. That's part of why I never finish a fic. Next chapter, I promise, will be full of Setsuna getting her ass kicked and all kinds of other interesting stuff. I think that I took the whole revelation of the identities too lightly and faster than I should have, but now it's over and the story can move along with the world domination part. C&C me at dark_phoneix@hotmail.com


Chapter 17
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