A Whose Line is it Anyway? crossover vignette
by Ukyo Kounji
Disclaimer: Whose Line Is It Anyway? is owned by Hat Trick Productions and Warner Brothers.
If Ya Know What I Mean
['Whose Line' intro music plays as the rear left camera pans down to the stage. Seated near the rear of the stage are BRAD SHERWOOD, WAYNE BRADY, COLIN MOCHRIE and RYAN STILES. DREW CAREY is seated at his desk, stage right]
[Camera on DREW]
DREW: Awright. Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it, Anime:' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right. The points are like gravity to a Gainax girl's chest—
RYAN: Of course it matters! How would you get that Gainax bounce (he illustrates with hands cupped in front of his chest) without it?
DREW: With that size? What bounce? They'd just hang there. Anyway, it isn't easy coming up with anime-related similes like this every ten minutes.
COLIN: Ten minutes? Try ten months.
DREW: Right. Well, just to prove it, our next game is called "If Ya Know What I Mean," and it's for all four of you [BRAD, WAYNE, COLIN and RYAN get up and take positions on stage: COLIN and RYAN in the middle of the stage, while WAYNE and BRAD stand off to either side] It's a great game for you to play at home, or, in this case, if you're in the car on a road trip to your local - and I use the word loosely — anime convention. The object is to come up with as many anime-related double entendres as you possibly can. Let's start with Colin and Ryan as two otaku waiting in line to get into the cosplay. Take it away, Colin and Ryan.
COLIN: Hey, did you check out the girl in the Rose Bride Dress? [RYAN nods enthusiastically] Boy, wouldn't you like to put the Sword of Dios where it belongs, if you know what I mean.
RYAN: Yeah, but you know how it goes, she's probably got a thing for Utena, if you know what I mean.
COLIN: Hey! Don't jump to conclusions about her! The Juri's still out on her, if ya [He is drowned out by the audience's groaning] Hey!
RYAN: [pointing at an imaginary girl in the audience] Ooh, look at that! You don't see too many girls dressed as Lum these days.
COLIN: You don't see too many girls, period. [‘Ooohs' from audience] But you're right, I wouldn't mind grabbing her horns, if you know what I mean.
RYAN: I'd prefer to be grabbing a bit further down, if you know what I mean.
[BRAD runs onstage and joins COLIN and RYAN]
BRAD: Hey, thanks for saving me a spot in line. Was busy polishing the Yamato, if ya know what I mean [sly wink].
COLIN: Hey, Brad, nice Vash outfit. Packing that big gun, if you know what I'm saying?
BRAD: Oh, you betcha. [Mimes hefting a replica of Vash's big-ass pistol, if you know what I'm talking about] Gotta be equipped to go out looking for a little LOVE'N PIECE! [Makes the 'V' for victory sign] If you catch my drift.
RYAN: Looking to make a few cream-filled donuts, if you know what I'm saying?
[This stops the game momentarily in its tracks, as BRAD gawks wide-eyed at RYAN and the audience absorbs the last line]
BRAD: Uh you could say that.
RYAN: I think I just did.
COLIN: [indicating another imaginary girl] Check out the Excel over there wonder if I could get Koshi Rikudo's permission, if you know what I'm saying.
RYAN: Oh, yeah pull that cord, Il Palazzo, I wanna drop into her pit, if you catch my meaning.
BRUCE: I dunno, I think I'd prefer to spend a night in the Hyatt, if you dig my meaning.
WAYNE: [running onstage] Oh, hey guys. Sorry I'm late — had to make sure my henshin stick was operational, if you know what I mean.
BRAD: Wayne! Niiice fuku. Anything in particular you're scouting for, if you know what I'm saying?
WAYNE: [pauses, looks at BRAD for a moment] Not really. Anyway, wanna see my transformation sequence, if you know what I mean? [He begins to spin about, as if going into one of those nude henshin routines, when DREW hits the buzzer]
DREW: Awright, thank you. [The players head back to their seats] Thousand points apiece. Sorry about that, Wayne, but I had to stop you before you got down to your G-string, if you know what I mean.
WAYNE: [now back in his chair upstage] I'm not wearing the thong today, Drew.
DREW: Not this week, huh? Please tell me you're wearing something
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