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A Video Girl Ai / Ranma ½ crossover story
by Ukyou Kuonji

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Video Girl Ai is the creation of Masakaza Katsura. No infringement intended.

Episode 3: Memories of Me

Ukyou lay on her futon, curled up in a fetal position, trembling. So many times during her self-imposed exile from femininity, she had dreams of being discovered. Nightmares, really… like the old standard one of finding herself naked in class. Only, in her situation, that was more than a simple case of embarrassment…

…it was an invitation to expulsion, or worse, gang rape.

And yet, when Ranma had found out her secret, it hadn't been like her nightmares. Apart from dumping a kettle of hot water on her, he hadn't tried any funny stuff. Suddenly, it was 'good ol' Ucchan' again.

And her nightmares of being discovered became dreams. Dreams that one day, Ranchan would see her as a woman, not just a friend.

But he hadn't yet. And the people who had

…she shook violently…

They sat next to each other in class. They were required to.




"Here, sir."

Alphabetically: It was the logical way for teachers to arrange the class. And as a result, Ukyou found herself sitting next to Kurenai-kun as a matter of course. Not that it ever was a big deal: Tsubasa seemed the shy, mousy type, and Ukyou kept to herself for her own reasons, so they never had much to say to each other.

But now…

"Hsst! Kuonji-kun!"

"Tsubasa? What is it?"

WHAK! "Gentlemen, if this discussion is not germane to our studies of feudal Japan, I suggest you take it outside. I assume you know where the buckets are?"

"Thanks heaps, Tsu-chan." Sarcasm was dripping from Ukyou's voice.

"Well, you had this class sewn up, anyway. I don't know what you're so upset about."

"Whatever. So, what was so damn important you had to risk getting us tossed out here on bucket duty, anyway?"

"Well…" and the boy looked down at each of the buckets he was holding, as if the combined power of his reflections would give him sufficient support to broach the subject.

Meanwhile, Ukyou was getting impatient, "Yeah? Well what?"

The question was nearly inaudible: "What's it like, Ukyou-kun?"

"What's… what… like, Tsu-chan?" There was a nagging voice in the back of Ukyou's head telling her she knew full well what Tsubasa was talking about, but she didn't want to believe it.

Tsubasa had turned nearly crimson by this point, and was staring at the floor as he spoke. "You know… last night, when you said… you'd… you'd…"

"I'd what? Spit it out, kiddo." The bravado in her voice was false, but she hoped Tsubasa was sufficiently nervous himself not to notice.

"You'd… done it. You know… with a girl."

"Eh…. The voice in the corner of her mind was dancing around and singing 'toldja so, toldja so.' The rest of her mind was wondering who she could get to beat that voice into *quiet* submission.

There was the sound of a drop landing in one of Tsubasa's buckets. "Mari-chan… she said I wasn't man enough for her. That I could never be man enough to satisfy her…" He turned to face Ukyou, eyes brimming with tears. "How did you manage to satisfy her?"

Ukyou took a step away from Kurenai-kun. "Uh… now, hold on… every girl's different and all that…" the smaller boy's face fell, "…and, uh… I don't know anything about your Mari or nothin'…

"uh… whaddya mean, said you weren't man enough?"

Tsubasa turned to stare up into Ukyou's face. "Look at me, Ukyou-kun. Look. Down. At. Me. What girl's gonna go for a guy so little…?" He dropped his gaze again, this time straight down. "I'm not big enough to please anyone…"

Ukyou looked aghast. "You mean you showed her your…?"

A mirthless laugh escaped Tsubasa's lips. For a moment, Ukyou felt relief, assuming that Kurenai-kun was on the road to recovery if he could laugh at the situation. "Not hardly. If only I could have gotten so far. Naw, she just meant I was too short for her. But I know…"

So did Ukyou. She had her ways of changing in private after gym classes, but she'd seen just about every one of the other boys naked at some time or another. Her cheeks turning a deep red, she spoke: "So what does this have to do with me?"

Tsubasa gave her a look that suggested Ukyou had to be one of the dumbest boys he'd ever met. "You'd know how to satisfy her. I want you to teach me."


One of the classroom windows shunted open. "Kuonji-kun, one more outburst like that, and you'll be on cleanup duty tonight instead of Moteuchi-kun. Understood?" Ukyou didn't even get the chance to respond as the teacher closed the window with a loud bang. She stared numbly at the window for some time before turning back to Tsubasa…

…who was still looking up at her expectantly, "Good grief, you're serious."

"Would I have asked if I wasn't?"

"Shit. How to please a woman, huh? And you think I can give you pointers?" The boy nodded. "Hoo boy. I dunno what to tell you, Kurenai. I mean, you seem like a nice enough guy and all… maybe you're already trying too hard."

Tsubasa's face faded into confusion. "Too hard…?"

"Oh, yeah, I've seen girls fall for jerks that didn't seem to know they exist. Maybe even because the guy didn't know they existed. I mean, here you are, making noise, chasing after the girl… that's a real turn-off. At least, I think so… I really don't know how a girl's mind works, either." She just barely resisted adding "any more" at the end of that phrase.

"Yeah, but if I don't make noise, they won't even notice me," the boy sighed. "I can't change that. I just want to prove her wrong. Can you show me how?"

Ukyou looked down into the boy's eyes. He was practically on the verge of tears. She could show him… so wasn't it her duty to do so? She sighed heavily.

"Fine, meet me at my dorm at about eight. I'll see what I can do for you."

The sun was setting as Ukyou trudged through town, wondering what to do next. Why the hell had she agreed to this? Sure, she had exactly the knowledge Tsubasa wanted. And there was that whole code of the martial artist to help the weak; if anyone seemed to fit the bill, it was Kurenai-kun.

But how in the world to present it to him without destroying both of them in the process?

"Omigod! Ukyou-chériè!" Uh-oh…

When Ukyou had renounced her femininity so many years ago, she had donned a disguise that ensured that no man — well, no straight man — would consider approaching her. The drawback to this, however, was that she attracted a lot of female admirers along the way. It helped to hole up in the all-boys school she attended, but there were some girls that would not be put off…

*gallop-gallop-gallop* "Mon chér!" *pkkt* "Oof!"

Aiko Onani was of this sort. Perhaps it came from being cloistered herself in an all-girls Catholic school like Notre Dame du Carpentier that some local wags dubbed St.Kerin's, perhaps she had a fetish for the bishonen type that Ukyou certainly fit into, perhaps she was just going through an extreme phase of boy-craziness.

Whatever the reason, she was a major pain in the neck. And, at the moment, the back as well. "Aiko… get the hell offa me!"

Dutifully, the girl released her grip around Ukyou's neck, but slid only a few inches down the length of her battle spatula, stopping at the point where the hilt met the face. "Aw, Ukyou-chér, you're so mean!" she cried, bouncing against the hilt with each syllable.

Ukyou reached over her shoulder and grabbed the pommel of her spatula. "You don't know how mean I can be, Aiko. I said, let go!" She made as if to unsheathe her weapon, and Aiko quickly scrambled off. "THANK you," Ukyou responded coldly.


"Stop calling me that…" Ukyou muttered under her breath. She had long since stopped bothering to actually ask Aiko to stop, as it had proven fruitless.

"…why do you treat me so badly? I want to love you, dear Ukyou, and all I ask is for you to let me. Why is that so hard for you?"

"You already know the answer to that, Aiko."

"That's right! Your broken heart!" This only served to encourage the smaller girl. "Let me nurse it back to health, then. I could soothe you in ways that damned harridan could only dream of…"

"What damned harridan?"

Aiko blinked at Ukyou in confusion. "Why, the pitiful little fool who broke you heart, of course! Don't let her have the victory of destroying you for all women! Let me help you…"

"Let you help me…" Slowly, an idea formed in Ukyou's mind, her eyes widening as it grew in her mind, sprouting wings and taking flight. "All right… maybe you can help me, Aiko. Meet me tonight by the dorms around a quarter to eight, okay? I'll try to see if I can sneak you inside."

Aiko Onani went all starry-eyed. "Do you mean it, mon chéirè?" Ukyou nodded, trying to keep her expression neutral.

"A secret assignation!? Oh, you do care about me, my dear!" Aiko flung herself at her perceived darling with sufficient force to knock over a lesser man. As it was, Ukyou barely managed to maintain her footing, but she did stay on her feet. Feeling her paramour buckle slightly, Aiko let go, dropping to the ground and bouncing a number of times in excitement. "Oh, be strong, mon chér… I will come for you, and rescue you from your heartsickness! Until then…" and she leaned over and kissed Ukyou on the cheek.

Ukyou found herself unable to control a furious blush, and the sight of it reduced Aiko to giggles as she turned and bounded off.

Ukyou herself was chuckling as she headed back to Kotebuki. "Yes, you will come, and you will rescue me…" It was not a particularly nice chuckle; it was not a particularly nice plan she had come up with. But it *would* discourage Onani from pursuing her, and it would serve as a perfect object lesson for Kurenai, without running the risk of exposure.

It wasn't nice, but it was perfect.

Ukyou's chuckling grew slightly louder, not quite enough that passersby would stare and back away from her, but enough that they would at least notice her good mood.


To be continued.

Episode 4
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Last revision: May 21, 2007

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