Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Video Girl Ai is the creation of Masakaza Katsura. No infringement intended.

Prologue

*shhhkk*ling-a-ling*

"Welcome to the Ucchan! Oh, hey there… The usual, right?"

I hate my life.

*sszzzlkrlk*

"So… how've things been between you and…?"

I probably shouldn't. I'm certainly doing well enough here; the money you can clear over lunch hour is just outstanding here.

*shff-shff-shff*sszzz*

"She told you that? Wonderful… I'm happy for you, sugar."

And I'm respected not just for my food; people come here to talk, to unburden their souls. Hey — high school kids are (supposed to be) too young to drink, and most of us can't afford shrinks. So they come to the Ucchan with their problems.

*fwp*kksszz*

*fwp*kksszz*

"Well, shoot, honey… if that's whatcha think of her, why the heck don'tcha up and tell her? Worst she can do is say no, y'know. And if she's gonna be all high-mucki-mucki like that, y'don't need her, anyway."

Yup. Nerima's Advice to the Lovelorn. That's me… good old Ucchan.

*whp*whp*chink*

"Look, sugar… if he's gonna be like that, showin' him the door's not good enough for him. If I were you, I'd send him right out the window. And if I weren't worried about the property damage involved, I wouldn't even open it first."

Never pulling my punches, always speaking my mind. Reliable, trustworthy, and steady as a rock.

*hsss*whoomph!* "Kyaah!!"

"Look out, gang… back away…" *clik*fwooosh*

"All right, show's over… Damn, so much for that one…"

But what the hell good does it ever do me?

No one ever even flirts with me… they know I'm taken. And he never flirts with me — not that he even knows how — I know he's taken.

And sure, my customers are loyal… they won't even leave their seats for a fire on the grill. But if I started in on my own troubles after listening to theirs, I bet the Ucchan would clear out like the whole place were going up in flame.

I am going up in flames, here. It hurts so bad, I bet I could pour batter on my naked chest and cook an okonomiyaki on it. No, I am not gonna demonstrate… perverts.

See? Everybody wants something from me…

I don't know where I heard it, but there's this story about this guy who's really depressed. His shrink tries everything to snap him outta his funk, until it hits him. There's this clown who performs every day in the town square. Everybody who watched him would bust into laughter — they just couldn't help it. If anyone could cheer this guy up, it was that clown.

Betcha know the story… the guy was that clown.

Well, I know exactly how he feels.

All I need is the greasepaint.

To be continued.

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: May 21, 2007