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A Ranma ½ story
By Ukyou Kuonji

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.

Foreword: 'Natsu-chan and I were on holiday, visiting a local theme park for a two-day excursion — you'd be amazed at how much shorter the coaster lines are on a Monday. Of course, there were still plenty of highschoolers there all the same (some on field trips, some I think that were ditching school), and a lot of them had tattoos and odd piercings. On that same subject, an Akane-chan of my fond personal acquaintance told me she was considering getting a tattoo herself. I tried to dissuade her, but I did start thinking about what might happen if I were to get a tattoo of my own… strictly for fanfic purposes, of course.

(Heh. I've been doing an awful lot of self-insertion (no pun intended!) Lemon fics lately, ne?) Anyway, this takes place after the manga series; but probably not that long after. Comments are always welcome — nay, begged for. An MST might be fun, too.

-Lemon Warning-

I have to give the Tendos credit for their forgiving spirit. After I helped wreck the first wedding party, and especially after Ran-chan stopped speaking to me, I kinda figured I was pretty much persona non grata with them as well as the Saotomes. But Kasumi herself came to the Ucchan a month or two later to deliver my invitation. I'm sure it must have been her who decided that I could handle the wedding this time with maturity and grace.

And I suspect it was Nabiki who determined otherwise. In a way, they were both right. True, I wasn't about to try any more of those destructive shenanigans that marred the party last time around. On the other hand, I guess I must have run up quite a bar tab, watching those two carry on like that at the head table. And I think everyone had been expecting it, too. Every time I heard glasses clink, a waiter came by with another drink. And when the two of them kissed, well… I wasn't gonna look, so I buried my face in a cocktail. I had pretty much drank myself stupid by the time the music started, and I wandered off to find a restroom.

Next thing I remember was waking up in my own bed upstairs over the Ucchan. My head felt like it was on fire, and my crotch was throbbing. It hurt and itched at the same time. It took a while for this information to reach my badly scorched brain, but when it did, I sat bolt upright in alarm.

Oh my gosh… did I sleep with someone last night? What in Kami's name had I done? I couldn't remember a thing. I was still wearing the formal dress I had on last night at the wedding… at least, I assumed it was last night. Something still didn't feel right, though… like a bit of a breeze on my…

Oh, shit… where were my panties? I flipped my dress up… dammit, they were missing! What's more, I'd been shaved completely bald down there. Now I was beginning to suspect someone had decided to play a joke on me, seeing as I was completely smashed and all. I hoped Konatsu could tell me what happened, so I could get my revenge on whoever thought this was so damn funny. I swung my legs over so that they were dangling off the edge of the bed, and stood up.

Oooh, that wasn't such a good idea. I dropped to my knees almost instantly. Right now, my head hurt worse than anything or anywhere else. Even the sound I made as I hit the floor rang in my head like a New Year's bell.

Fortunately, it was apparently loud enough to be heard elsewhere throughout the Ucchan. Within a few minutes, Konatsu had rushed up with a pot of tea. "This will soothe you, Ukyou-sama. That had to have been quite a night for you to recover from…" he whispered.

"Heh. I wish I could remember, 'Natsu-chan…" I moaned. "Do you know where I was, or what I did?"

He shook his head. "Not really, Ukyou-sama. I went chasing after you about half an hour after you left the party."

"Humph. Well, it's nice to know my absence didn't spoil the festive atmosphere."

His reply was plaintive and just a little defensive. "Ukyou-sama, we all figured that… after having all that to drink… you'd gone to, uh… freshen up. So we didn't realize you weren't in the ladies' room for a good 15-20 minutes right there. Anyway, I searched for you most of the night. I found you outside a tattoo parlor in the Henjin district."

I gasped. The Henjin district wasn't too far from the red-light zones. Please, dear Kami, don't let me have gone and bought myself a lay! I mean, on top of any disgrace it might cause me, there was the fact that I would have completely wasted my money, as I couldn't remember any of it.

Hold on… did he mention a tattoo parlor? A small light went on in the corner of my pain-wracked mind. I had to confirm my new-found suspicions. At the same time, I wasn't sure I wanted Konatsu to know what may have transpired — if anything — assuming he didn't know anything at this point. "Uh… Konatsu?"

"Yes, Ukyou-sama?"

"Look, I really appreciate the tea and all, but… maybe you could go back downstairs and attend to the customers?"

He bowed, and backed out of the room. "Yes, Ukyou-sama."

"Oh, and Konatsu?"

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "Mistress?" I wish he wouldn't call me that…

"Did you notice anything… unusual… about me when you found me?"

He gave me a weak grin. "Apart from being drunk and only semi-conscious, Ukyou-sama… no. Should I have?"

"Uh… no. No. It was nothing. Thank you, Konatsu." He nodded once more and closed the door after himself. I was still lying on the floor in my formal gown. I shakily poured myself a cup of Konatsu's tea and slowly sipped at it. As I did, I could begin to feel its warmth permeating my head and body, soothing it, refreshing it. By the time I had finished my first cup, I was able to bring myself to a kneeling position; with the second, I was on one knee; and after finishing a third cup, I found myself able to stand and walk around. Now, I had to find out if whether what I thought happened actually had.

There is a mirror hung on the back of my bedroom door. I walked over to it, unfastened the strap of my gown and let it fall to my ankles as I stared at my reflection in wonder.

There, at about the place where my pubic hair should have started, were a trio of tattoos. A heart, broken and bleeding, was situated in the middle, directly between my navel and my crotch. The blood from the heart dripped like tears to my labia, where the shades of red and pink began to mix and blur.

To the left of the heart was an image of myself, still in my formal dress and spatula, with a forlorn look in my eyes. I looked cute as a manga character, and as pitiful as a lost puppy.

On the other side, though, was an image of him. Ran-chan, drawn straight from life, handsome as a god in his tuxedo, head tilted toward my image with a look of love and concern. I sighed to myself… would that the real Ran-chan had ever looked at me like that!

Suddenly, a wave of confusion washed over me… How could the guy who drew this have known about him? I was pretty damn sure that Ran-chan wouldn't've accompanied me to a place like this, especially seeing what he was preoccupied with at the time. What would the artist have had to go on? And yet, he looked so perfect, so even beyond perfect; this was the Ran-chan I'd dreamed of waking up every morning, and looking into his loving face first thing. I gazed at the picture on my skin, awestruck. So beautiful, so lifelike, so caring… I was getting a thrill just from the sight of it. I could only imagine what the sensation of touching him would be…

Then I sank to my knees in despair. I've ruined myself! Twelve years I've spent chasing after a man who ends up marrying someone else. And the day he does, what's my response? I go out and get his image tattooed on my cunt! Is there anyone who could understand this? What man would appreciate the idea of carrying me over the threshold, undressing me for the first time… and seeing another man emblazoned there? Such a masterpiece it was, too… but who could I share it with? Only the tattoo artist and myself would ever see this… such a waste!

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, crumpled on the floor.

Once more, I had lost all track of time. By the time I looked up from my crying, the outside world had gone dark. There was a gentle knocking on my bedroom door. "Mistress? Mistress?"

I sighed. "What is it, Konatsu?"

"Are you going to be all right in there? I heard you crying. Do you need anything?" My eyes widened as the doorknob started to turn… and here I was, wearing nothing but my bra!

"NO! No… no, that'll be fine, Konatsu. I'll be all right." I hoped he wouldn't be put off by my yelling at him.

I needn't have worried. The concern in his voice was unmistakable. "Are you sure, Ukyou-sama?"

I hated to hide this from him, but I wasn't ready to be seen naked by anyone, let alone a guy, even if he acted like a girl most of the time. "I'm sure, 'Natsu-chan. There's really nothing you can do about it for now. I think I'll feel better in the morning. Thanks for watching the shop for me…"

"Yes, well, I've closed the shop for the night and I'm going to bed. Are you positive that there's nothing else I can do for you before I do?"

I wasn't feeling positive about anything at the moment, but there really wasn't anything he could do, after all, and I did not want him in here. Not now, not yet… "Positive, 'Natsu-chan. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" I even forced myself to smile as I said this, hoping that it might sound cheerier for it.

"Very well, Ukyou-sama." As he padded downstairs, I turned to look at my alarm clock. Ten p.m. How time flies… I dragged myself over to my bed and poured myself in. A good night's sleep should settle me… I was beginning to believe that myself.

There it was. That twitch again. I could feel my hips twitch in involuntary response to… what?

Whatever it was, it felt good. It felt… sexy. It was like I was masturbating, but… my hands weren't anywhere near there. Not with having to deal with the lingering pain of the tattoos.

But there was no pain now, just the pleasant rubbing of someone's hand against me, down there…

!! I switched on a lamp that sat on my nightstand, and pulled the covers off of myself. What the hell was going on?

There was nobody there. I was alone in the room, and yet… oooh…

I had to see what was happening to me. I folded my pillow and propped myself up on it.

My eyes slowly panned down to the bleeding heart, with the drops coursing down to my cleft. All at once, I saw a flash of ink cross my clitoris, and I sat bolt upright from both the shock of surprise and the jolt of pleasure.

Now I could see it plainly… but could I believe it? The image of Ran-chan had moved down my pelvis, and now stood right next to my lower lips. He was rubbing my clit! I watched in fascination as the ink outline of his hand ran up and down, across my sensitive spot.

This can't be possible. This has to be some kind of hallucination! It's gotta be… ahhh…

It's gotta be some kinda beautiful dream…

My hips twitched once more, and then began to rotate… I was about to go over the edge. If this was a dream, it was damned realistic. I just hope it keeps up… for just… a little… more!


Even as I was gasping for breath afterwards, my hand instinctively went down to my crotch, just to assure myself that what I had just experienced was real. As I began to touch myself, I heard a voice — well, maybe "heard" isn't quite the right word; I "felt" the vibrations of the voice — "It wasn't a dream, Ucchan… I'm real."

Who was that? Who said that?

"You know very well who said that, Ucchan…" and there was a tap on my fingertips. I lifted my hand from my body, and there was Ran-chan, looking up and waving at me!

I slapped my hand down over the image in shock.

"Hey, whadja do that for?!"

"Ran-chan?" I lifted my hand, and I saw the mouth of the tattoo move, but now no sound came out. After a moment, he noticed this, stopped, and motioned for me to put my hand down on him again… gently. Which I did.

"No need to slap me like that, Ucchan… especially not after I've just given you the orgasm of your life…"

I had to smile. This picture was perfect; it even had Ran-chan's arrogance.

"Hey, who you callin' arrogant? Can you deny it?"

Well, I…

"See? You can't."

"Yeah, but… how can you do this to me? How can you even move? You're just a drawing, a picture. You aren't real."

He cocked his head and stared at me for a minute or two, with the strangest look on his face.

"Look, are you gonna doubt your own eyes? Your own senses? C'mon, Ucchan, it's not like this…" and I watched as the ink that made up his hand once again played across my clit. A tingling surge ran through my body, and he continued, "…ever lies. This is real, and… this is forever. Look at yourself in the mirror, Ucchan. Look at your heart."

My heart?

"Just trust me on this one… stand up and look at yourself in the mirror." Slowly, so as not to disturb my head unduly in case this really was a hallucination, I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, and stood up. I walked to the mirror, and stared at the reflection of the heart tattoo.

There was no blood dripping down from the heart, no tears. Only two kanji enscribed upon it… "Ran". "U".

The voice came buzzing through my fingertips again. "You see? You and I… together… forever." He slipped out from under my touch, climbed over the heart tattoo, and took the hand of the picture of Ukyou on my left. At that moment, I felt the shadow of a hand in mine, and an arm slipping around my shoulder as his did so to the Ucchan image. "You can feel it, but you can't see it happening, right?" I nodded. "Well, I can't explain it, Ucchan, but… who needs explanations, anyway? Let's just enjoy ourselves, ne?" I nodded again, languidly, and wandered back to my bed.

I watched as the figures made their way across the landscape of my skin. I saw myself disrobing, and leaning against my breast as if it were, say, a haystack. The look on her face was no longer forlorn, but lusty with anticipation. Ran-chan also removed his tuxedo and I could see him in all his manly glory. I closed my eyes… I couldn't wait for what was to happen next.

I didn't need to wait long before I felt something thrust deep inside of me. It was so real, I had to open my eyes once again, to assure myself that there was, after all, only me and my tattoos. Sure enough, the two of them were making love with abandon, and I could feel every motion, every twinge, every… every…

I returned to work the next morning, as I had promised my dear friend and employee. He seemed quite relieved at my recovery, but perhaps a little puzzled at its suddenness. The day passed, with nothing in particular to commend it, although I found myself sneaking off into the kitchen or somewhere private every now and again, just to be with my dear Ran-chan, to feel him beside and inside me, to hear his words of love directed at me, and me alone.

It was relatively early, but I had had enough of work, and was just about ready for the night to begin again. But I needed to satisfy my curiosity on one last point… and maybe thank the guy who did this to me, while I was at it. "Konatsu?"

"Yes, Ukyou-sama?"

"I'm thinking of closing up a little early tonight. What say we take a little walk?"

"All right, mistress."

"Please, 'Natsu-chan…"

"…where did you have in mind?"

"The Henjin district, I think. That place where you finally found me after that bender I went on the night on the wedding." By now, I had taken down the curtain, and hung a "Closed" sign in the window. I turned around, and gave Konatsu a wide smile. "There. Shall we?"

"Okay… this was the corner where I found you, so the tattoo parlor should be… huh?"

A look of utter amazement crossed his face. He was pointing at an empty lot. Just a small plot of gravel, surrounded by multi-story buildings on every side, bathed in mercury vapor from an overhanging street light. I walked over, and sat down cross-legged in the middle of the lot. "Right here, you say…?"

He nodded weakly. "It was here, I'm telling you…!"

"I think I believe you, 'Natsu-chan. Maybe we don't need explanations, anyway. Just savor the irony…" and I strode over to him and kissed him on the lips. "Thank you for bringing me here."

He backed away, hand to his mouth. "What what that for…?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Well… I had to thank someone…"


Author's notes: And that's it, I think. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!

Itsu mo,

Ucchan ^_^

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