What The Heck Was The Author Thinking When He Came Up With This One???
Disclaimer: Way too many series from other people used in here. I suggest a strong drink before reading this. You’ll need it.
1a: Oh, my…
From the now-fixed dimensional portal, a new figure stepped out…
Death perched on his shoulder, a living jewel that watched the others there with cold unblinking eyes.
The Bard and several of the non-immortals here kept a safe distance between themselves and the newcomer. They might possess powers greater then most mortals, but even they could be killed by several things. An Alaspin Minidragon was one of them.
Although more of a winged snake then a true Dragon, the Minidragon possessed one feature that made its reputation even more well known and feared then even the mightiest Red or Great Horn.
Like a certain type of Terran cobra, the Minidrag could spit a thin stream of corrosive toxin from its mouth. The venom sacs were so powerful, in fact, that it had an effective range of over twenty feet and enough accuracy to hit the pupils of a victim’s eyes at fifteen.
A person hit in the eyes by cobra venom would be temporarily blinded for a few minutes. Anyone short of a God hit in the eyes by Alaspin Minidragon venom would be dead in less then sixty seconds.
The winged serpent’s venom contained over two thousand identified neurotoxins, as well as possessing a corrosive agent capable of eating through starcruiser armor like it was smoke. There was no antidote for it. Once it entered your bloodstream, you were dead, period. If the venom hit anyplace else besides your eyes, you might live for as long as five minutes before the poison finally killed you. It wasn’t a pretty sight, and even worse, the snakes were excellent shots.
Which was why everyone was quick to clear a path for the young man.
Well… Almost everyone.
"Hi, Flinx. I see you brought Pip."
"Nice to see you too, Shadow. Am I late?"
"Nah, you’re just in time to make your bet."
There was a long moment of silence.
"YOU know this guy???" The Guardian demanded. This was news to him.
"I do a little D-hopping from time to time. Ran into him at a nice little planet called Moth. Figured 'what the heck, why not invite him to our little Bet'?"
"You… are nuts."
As the two fell into an age-old argument, the mysterious Flinx studied the pool. Then a grin, and a rock and a toss later and the next Private Bet entry was started.
Rowan took one look at the change made and sighed.
"You have GOT to be kidding me."
Kami-sama felt a chill of foreboding, as if someone had just caused an event that threatened the very fabric of reality itself.
He wasn’t far off the mark.
The miracle of life is a wonderful thing. Of course, too much of a good thing is almost as bad as not having it at all.
Let it just be recorded that several couples in Asia experienced a brief period of extreme fertility…
-Nerima, Japan: 17 years later (give or take a few months)
"COME BACK AND DIE, OLD MAN!!!"
As a light storm showered the neighborhood, a handsome young man with a ponytail (who bore a striking resemblance to a girl) chased after his arch-nemesis, the bane of his existence, his father… Who was currently in the form of a large blob of bouncing fat and protoplasm; a Blorple, to be precise.
Judging from the looks of the fancy lightsaber being wielded by the youth, if the young man caught him he’d be an ex-Blorple. As the bystanders blinked and their brains struggled to process that impossible visual data, three more figures came running down the street.
"Big brother! Wait up!"
"Ranma!! Wait for Nuku-Nuku!!"
"Sigh. Poor Ranma. I wonder if there’s a theater in this area?"
A slightly haggard Soun Tendo greeted the day’s mail. A giant smile with a hint of relief lit his face as soon as he finished reading the postcard. At last, they had come. Soon he’d finally be free from the burden that weighed heavily upon him. Now all he had to do was call all of his daughters.
Soun grimaced… that could take a while.
The kitchen was his first stop.
"Tsunami! Kasumi!! Makoto!!"
"Yes, Father?" Three heads looked from where the girls were cooking. It was almost eerie how alike his eldest daughters’ responses were. He still wondered about the aqua-blue hair color sometimes.
"Nanami! Nabiki!! Afura!!!"
"Here." A hand stuck up from the couch. Afura was watching the weather channel again.
"Mmm?" Nabiki bit down into her cracker.
"I’m busy selling lunches dad!" Shouted a voice from outside.
"Akane! Asuka! Lina!"
"Where are those girls, anyway???"
"Did you try the dojo, daddy?" Nabiki asked as she walked into the living room.
"I hate BOYS!!!"
-SMASH- -POUND- -DESTROY-
-Major Owwie Time-
The battle cries of Soun’s youngest daughters shook the old wooden walls of the Tendo Dojo, as they proceeded to demolish enough construction materials to build a good-sized skyscraper.
Akane gave satisfied sigh as she vented her built up frustration. She always felt better after breaking something.
Standing next to her was a giant black suit of power armor and a red-haired girl with a modest chest. Said girl had wisps of smoke curling up from her slightly sizzled hair. The rest of her wasn’t in much better condition.
"How many times have we told you, Lina! No magic in the Dojo!!!"
It was a rare peaceful moment in Nerima.
"FIANCÉ??!!" The Tendo house jumped a foot off the ground from the sheer power of the girls’ outcry.
It was a very short-lived peaceful moment.
"Get back here!!! I’m going to thank you for dragging me and Mayuka off to China! Then I’m going show my appreciation for engaging us to a bunch of people WE HAVE NEVER EVEN MET BEFORE!!!!"
The bouncing blob stopped and turned, its single eye glaring back at the boy charging it.
"Feh. Your move, old man."
The young man’s eyes widened. Of all the things he’d thought Genma would try, this was dead last on the list. A morbid fascination filled him as he looked up to see the sun briefly obscured by the shadow of that giant lump of worthless blubber. Then it started on its path back down to earth.
Five hundred pounds of pissed off Blorple came crashing down on one Ranma Saotome, smashing him into the pavement.
Satisfied that he had incapacitated his son for the moment, Genma grabbed his Ranma’s shirt in his mouth and proceeded to bounce his way toward the Tendo Dojo. Mayuka Saotome picked up her brother’s empty sword handle and followed.
To be continued?
-Assorted Amazon sisters of Shampoo
(Ah… no comment)
Proving once again that you don’t have to be crazy to write fan
fiction… But it helps. -_^
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