Genma Gets It:
A stone contributed by Gregg Sharp
A Ranma ½ story
Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan,
Kitty, and Viz Video.
Author's notes: Almost all of this is Metroanime's work.
"Just change the angle here. See?" Kharon flipped a grain
of sand into the pool.
"This should be interesting." Rowan hadn't seen that
angle ever done before.
Ranma blocked and counterpunched, sending his father off into a
"GOTCHA!" Ranma paused as the spring bubbled. "Hey,
Pop! What's up? We done already?"
Something came rocketing up out of the pool. Ranma's expression
changed from cocky to horrified. "No… No! It can't be! NO!!"
"That is 'Spring Of Drowned Cat', terrible tragic story of…"
Ranma wasn't listening. With a screech of terror he fled; the meowing
and angry cat lagging just a few steps behind.
Ryouga heard the scream first, then saw him. Ranma, his cursed
rival, running right towards him. "Now, Ranma, you shall pay
for the insult of the bread!"
"Ryouga! HELP! HELPMEPLEASEPLEASE!" Ranma shot past him
at high speeds.
Ryouga blinked. That's odd. That didn't go nearly how he'd rehearsed
A cat shot past Ryouga while he was trying to figure out why RANMA
of all people would be pleading for help from HIM. Keeping the cat
in sight, Ryouga began to chase after them. When he caught up with
Ranma, he'd find out what was going on. THEN he could have his revenge
for running out on the man-to-man duel.
He'd never seen such horror in someone's face, and Ryouga's curiosity
was quite piqued. After all, making Saotome's life hell was supposed
to be his job!
Shampoo posed in her moment of glory, taking the title of Champion
for the second year running!
<WHAM> <CRASH!> <Teeter>
"Meow meow meow meow MEOW mew meow!"
"<Ranma, you (puff) get (huff) back here!>"
Shampoo woozily got out of the crater she'd made when she'd been
run over and noticed that there had been some changes made in the
Village. The bathing center over there had a new entryway. The challenge
log had apparently been knocked loose and it had run over a half
dozen warriors. There was also a trail of flattened amazons that
led from the village gate, over herself, and to the bathhouse.
"Shampoo," Cologne said from her staff. "An outsider
male has just defeated you. What are you going to do?"
"Was he cute?" Shampoo asked, still a little woozy. "What?!
No way! I wasn't ready for it. That can't possibly count. Let's
see him try that again!"
"Meow meow meow meow meow hiss spit meow meow MEOW!"
"<Pardon me, miss, I didn't see you, oops, sorry. Gomennasai.
Ranma! You come back here and apologize to these women!>"
Cologne picked herself off the ground, and watched dozens of other
amazons doing the same. "Lilac! If an outsider male defeats
an Amazon, she must give the kiss of marriage and marry him. What
does it say when two outsider men defeat a large number of Amazons
and run away?"
Lilac adjusted her glasses and checked the Big Book Of Amazon Law.
"Hmmm, let see. Case of Cola Vs Kohi. Hmmm. Also see reference:
Case of Jam Vs Jelly. I see. Well, there's two things. The first
girls to catch him get to keep him. And in the case of simultaneous
or near simultaneous, they have to share him. So that means whoever
finds their husband before everybody else gets first dibs on him."
There was a brief moment of silence as the crowd absorbed this
interesting little tidbit.
"WO DA AIREN! WO AI NI!" The cry erupted from a hundred
throats as a large number of husband-hungry Amazons joined the chase.
The sad thing was, this would turn out to be the least of
Ranma's problems in the near future.
Genma was learning about one of the drawbacks of being a cat firsthand.
Dogs. BIG dogs. With lots of sharp teeth.
And they looked very hungry.
Divine Retribution can be a real bitch.
Panting from sheer exhaustion, Ranma finally stopped running and
collapsed onto the ground. He'd finally managed to lose the c-c-ca-ca-ca…
furry thing that he was afrai-- er… just couldn't stand to be
Some vague surrealistic memories of his race from the monster that
had replaced his father popped into his head. There had been those
strange pale looking women talking in Chinese, a weird zombie with
an electric guitar fighting with some lady wearing bat wings and
not much else, and some big guy with an even bigger sword accompanied
by a little girl.
Ranma shook his head and managed a nervous cough. He must
have imagined it all.
After a few minutes the tired martial artist felt strong enough
to take a good look around.
His heart sank as he took in his unfamiliar surroundings.
"Where on Earth am I now?!"
Ryoga looked around all of a sudden.
He had a strange feeling that he needed to see a lawyer.
In hindsight, he really shouldn't have picked that particular moment
Dowel, Sponge, Lye, and the rest of the larger-boned Amazons in
the unmarried 25 years+ age bracket all dogpiled on their new husband.
Peace among them only lasted until they delivered their Kisses
Almost immediately, an argument over whom had first claim to the
wedding night started up among them.
If Ryoga had been conscious at that moment he would have blamed
Ranma for this, too.
Several unrelated events took place almost simultaneously.
A freak gale of wind blew apart the Tendo Dojo. Fortunately only
Akane and Soun Tendo were in there at the time, so nobody of any
real importance was hurt.
Several bolts of lightning hit the roof of the Kuno mansion and
caused a fire that was quickly put out, but not before revealing
a large and rather disturbing collection of perverted photographs
hidden beneath Tatewaki Kuno's bedroom floor.
Happosai managed to blast his way out of his rocky tomb a few weeks
ahead of schedule. Unfortunately for the perverted martial arts
master, the bombs he'd used turned out to be just a wee bit
too powerful. It would take him another month to dig his way out
of the rubble.
And Mikado of the Golden Pair was run over by a semi.
Very not-so-tragic story.
To be continued…(?)