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Genma Gets It:
A stone contributed by Gregg Sharp

A Ranma ½ story
by Shade

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.

Author's notes: Almost all of this is Metroanime's work.

Enjoy.


"Just change the angle here. See?" Kharon flipped a grain of sand into the pool.

"This should be interesting." Rowan hadn't seen that angle ever done before.


Ranma blocked and counterpunched, sending his father off into a spring.

"GOTCHA!" Ranma paused as the spring bubbled. "Hey, Pop! What's up? We done already?"

Something came rocketing up out of the pool. Ranma's expression changed from cocky to horrified. "No… No! It can't be! NO!!"

"That is 'Spring Of Drowned Cat', terrible tragic story of…"

Ranma wasn't listening. With a screech of terror he fled; the meowing and angry cat lagging just a few steps behind.


Ryouga heard the scream first, then saw him. Ranma, his cursed rival, running right towards him. "Now, Ranma, you shall pay for the insult of the bread!"

"Ryouga! HELP! HELPMEPLEASEPLEASE!" Ranma shot past him at high speeds.

Ryouga blinked. That's odd. That didn't go nearly how he'd rehearsed it.

A cat shot past Ryouga while he was trying to figure out why RANMA of all people would be pleading for help from HIM. Keeping the cat in sight, Ryouga began to chase after them. When he caught up with Ranma, he'd find out what was going on. THEN he could have his revenge for running out on the man-to-man duel.

He'd never seen such horror in someone's face, and Ryouga's curiosity was quite piqued. After all, making Saotome's life hell was supposed to be his job!


"THE WINNER!"

Shampoo posed in her moment of glory, taking the title of Champion for the second year running!

"aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

<WHAM> <CRASH!> <Teeter> <CRASH!> <THUD!>

"Meow meow meow meow MEOW mew meow!"

"<Ranma, you (puff) get (huff) back here!>"

Shampoo woozily got out of the crater she'd made when she'd been run over and noticed that there had been some changes made in the Village. The bathing center over there had a new entryway. The challenge log had apparently been knocked loose and it had run over a half dozen warriors. There was also a trail of flattened amazons that led from the village gate, over herself, and to the bathhouse.

"Shampoo," Cologne said from her staff. "An outsider male has just defeated you. What are you going to do?"

"Was he cute?" Shampoo asked, still a little woozy. "What?! No way! I wasn't ready for it. That can't possibly count. Let's see him try that again!"

"aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAHHAAAAAAA!!"

<WHAM> <THUD><THWACK><CRASH><BAM><CRUNCH>

"Meow meow meow meow meow hiss spit meow meow MEOW!"

"<Pardon me, miss, I didn't see you, oops, sorry. Gomennasai. Ranma! You come back here and apologize to these women!>"

Cologne picked herself off the ground, and watched dozens of other amazons doing the same. "Lilac! If an outsider male defeats an Amazon, she must give the kiss of marriage and marry him. What does it say when two outsider men defeat a large number of Amazons and run away?"

Lilac adjusted her glasses and checked the Big Book Of Amazon Law. "Hmmm, let see. Case of Cola Vs Kohi. Hmmm. Also see reference: Case of Jam Vs Jelly. I see. Well, there's two things. The first girls to catch him get to keep him. And in the case of simultaneous or near simultaneous, they have to share him. So that means whoever finds their husband before everybody else gets first dibs on him."

There was a brief moment of silence as the crowd absorbed this interesting little tidbit.

"WO DA AIREN! WO AI NI!" The cry erupted from a hundred throats as a large number of husband-hungry Amazons joined the chase.

The sad thing was, this would turn out to be the least of Ranma's problems in the near future.


Genma was learning about one of the drawbacks of being a cat firsthand.

Dogs. BIG dogs. With lots of sharp teeth.

And they looked very hungry.

Divine Retribution can be a real bitch.


Panting from sheer exhaustion, Ranma finally stopped running and collapsed onto the ground. He'd finally managed to lose the c-c-ca-ca-ca… furry thing that he was afrai-- er… just couldn't stand to be near.

Some vague surrealistic memories of his race from the monster that had replaced his father popped into his head. There had been those strange pale looking women talking in Chinese, a weird zombie with an electric guitar fighting with some lady wearing bat wings and not much else, and some big guy with an even bigger sword accompanied by a little girl.

Ranma shook his head and managed a nervous cough. He must have imagined it all.

After a few minutes the tired martial artist felt strong enough to take a good look around.

His heart sank as he took in his unfamiliar surroundings.

"Where on Earth am I now?!"


Ryoga looked around all of a sudden.

He had a strange feeling that he needed to see a lawyer.

In hindsight, he really shouldn't have picked that particular moment to stop.

Dowel, Sponge, Lye, and the rest of the larger-boned Amazons in the unmarried 25 years+ age bracket all dogpiled on their new husband.

Peace among them only lasted until they delivered their Kisses of Marriage.

Almost immediately, an argument over whom had first claim to the wedding night started up among them.

If Ryoga had been conscious at that moment he would have blamed Ranma for this, too.


-Nerima

Several unrelated events took place almost simultaneously.

A freak gale of wind blew apart the Tendo Dojo. Fortunately only Akane and Soun Tendo were in there at the time, so nobody of any real importance was hurt.

Several bolts of lightning hit the roof of the Kuno mansion and caused a fire that was quickly put out, but not before revealing a large and rather disturbing collection of perverted photographs hidden beneath Tatewaki Kuno's bedroom floor.

Happosai managed to blast his way out of his rocky tomb a few weeks ahead of schedule. Unfortunately for the perverted martial arts master, the bombs he'd used turned out to be just a wee bit too powerful. It would take him another month to dig his way out of the rubble.

And Mikado of the Golden Pair was run over by a semi.

Several times.

Very not-so-tragic story.

 

To be continued…(?)

 
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