Chapter Two: Two Princesses Too Many!

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You are about to enter a world where sanity has no place…
You are about to enter…the Fanfic Limits.

A ship was heading toward a small, insignificant planet that orbited a run-of-the-mill yellow star. While this event had absolutely no repercussions for the normal people that inhabited this dull little mudball, for one Ranma Masaki, this night would change his life forever.

For a spaceship, this one was rather unusual. It had no visible means of propulsion, and bore a faint resemblance to the old Viking warships that had dominated the Earth's seas a few centuries earlier. In fact, the entire ship looked like it had been carved from a tree. This astounding blend of science and nature was a Royal Juraian Battlecruiser, one of the most powerful vessels in the renowned Jurai Space Fleet. Possessing enough firepower to reduce a small city to ash in the span of a few moments, it was a work of art. The lines of the vessel had been carefully designed to give anyone who viewed it the impression of a great dragon or sea monster when they first beheld it. It seemed to fairly radiate an aura of quiet authority and subtle menace, an impression that the Juraians had used many times in their negotiations with others.

This particular ship's name was the Ryuu-Oh, the personal flagship of Crown Princess Ayeka of Jurai. Though technically her mother Queen Misaki was in control of Jurai's military, as the eldest remaining heir to the throne, the princess was expected to prepare for her future role as ruler of the vast Jurai Empire by learning the future responsibilities she would have bear before she was coroneted.

As the seventh most powerful class of ship in the known universe (eighth if you counted cabbits), there was practically no need for an escort of smaller vessels to protect the Ryuu-Oh. So when the majestic craft approached the third planet of the star known as Sol, it came alone.

And given Princess Ayeka's formidable natural abilities, and two loyal Guardians, it was of little surprise that aside from herself and her sister there were no other people on board.

As she came out of stasis, the crown princess had only the utmost confidence in her mighty tree-ship. It would take her to her long-lost brother Yosho, and finally allow her to take revenge against the evil space pirate Ryoko. The possibility of losing and getting stranded on this third-rate backwater planet never even crossed Ayeka's mind for a moment; it was simply inconceivable.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

-On the dull mudball

"YOU!!!"

He was quite ready to wake up from this nightmare now.

Any second now…

Any second…

Wake up, already!!!

"Mmm, hmm."

Ryoko sat up and gave him a long leisurely look normally associated with big, hungry cats and thick, juicy hunks of steak. The fact that she already had a rather feline quality to her helped convey the illusion quite nicely. Ranma actually patted himself to make sure his clothes were still on, so unnerved was he by the smoldering, sultry gleam in her golden irises.

Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. End result…

{I'm screwed.}

Well, it might not be such a bad way to go.

That traitorous thought was subsequently lynched by the calm, reasoning side of his mind.

"Time to put that sword of yours to some good use."

{Eep!}

The sultry double meaning left the poor Masaki boy stunned and helpless, as the wicked space pirate started to advance on her cornered prey.

"Oh, Ranma…"

Then the Ryuu-Oh’s energy signature came within her detection range.

{Damn! Why now, of all times?! I was just getting to the good part!!}

So much for a little fun first; it was time to get her jewels back and make tracks before she arrived.

"I want your balls, please."

The sounds of the crickets chirping outside could be heard for a long moment.

"…OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!"

"You numbskull! I meant the gems in your sword."

"Oh. In that case… Wait a second, what do you want those for?"

"I need to call Ryo-ohki."

"Ryo-ohki?"

"The other demon in the legend."

"Wait a second, you want to call another demon?!!"

"Got it in one, schoolboy."

Ryoko gave him a saucy wink.

"Forget it! One of you is trouble enough; two is absolutely out of the question!!"

"Are you sure? Because the one coming here is a lot worse."

He gave her a blank look, not understanding what the heck she was talking about.

"Who's coming here?"

A serious look appeared on her exotic face.

"She's the devil."

"What?!"

Ranma found himself distracted by the finger that the shockingly sexy demon was running along his chest, somehow she'd managed to corner him on the bed again.

"She's mean like a devil; she'll fire on us without even giving you a chance to talk."

He opened his mouth to make an intelligent reply.

"Uh…"

-High Earth orbit

The Crown Princess of Jurai sneezed.

"Haven't you found her yet?"

"Um… There appears to be a problem."

Azaka wished that he could be anywhere else in the Universe at that moment. Princess Ayeka tended to react violently to bad news, and being the one who brought it to her wasn't very conducive to one's health, even if that someone happened to be an advanced artificial construct designed to serve as both an assistant and personal defense system.

"What?"

"Well… it seems that… *mumble**mumble*…"

"Speak up!"

"Yes, Ma'am! According to Interstellar Law, the Galaxy Police file of the Space Pirate Ryoko will expire on stardate 00432. Which will be in about five seconds."

"WHAT?!"

A screen showing a picture of a smirking Ryoko along with her long criminal record popped up on the main viewer. A large red digital readout accompanied it.

'5'

"How can this be?! Why is that demon not chased and hunted for all eternity?!"

'4'

"The statue of limitations is set by the Holy Council of Planet Jurai…"

'3'

"That's not what I'm asking!! I want to know why that pirate hasn't received the maximum measure of justice!!"

'2'

"The statue of limitations…"

'1'

Ayeka stared helplessly at the smug picture of her hated adversary as the lines of text that recorded each and every crime that Ryoko had committed in the past 5,000 years were erased in the blink of an eye.

'File Deleted'

"What are your orders, Princess?"

For a long moment she said nothing, her royal head hanging in defeat. Ryoko was a free woman now, her record as clean as a newborn babe. By the Goddess, it was just so unfair! To have come so close, only to find that her quarry had slipped through her fingers. Now she would have to return in failure, while the pirate would no doubt be celebrating her good fortune.

Well it would be a cold day in the Nether-hells before a member of the Royal House gave up that easily!

"Azaka! Kamidake!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Take us down. We're going to question Ryoko about my brother's whereabouts."

"But contact with this planet is strictly forbidden by Jurai's High Council."

"Are you questioning my orders?"

The two Guardians shivered. They did not want to end up as royal lawn ornaments.

"No, Ma'am!"

"Then begin Ryuu-Oh’s descent."

"Right away!"

"C'mon, give them to me."

He held a hand up to block her advance.

"Wait! Let me think about it."

It proved to be a less then stellar idea when she kept on coming anyway.

"Gimme!"

Ryoko knocked him back onto the bed and reached over for the sword hilt; in the process, she wound up straddling Ranma's hips as she stretched out. It was quite a compromising situation, but the poor sap
(much to the horror of Ryoko fans everywhere) was in no mood to appreciate it.

"Hey! Get off of me!!"

This was starting to get frustrating for the space pirate. What was she doing wrong? Wasn't this how Earth people got together?

"You know, a lot of guys would love to be in your position right now. So just lie back and enjoy the ride."

"No! Let go!! Help!!!"

Ryoko paused for a moment as a sudden thought hit her.

"Say, you wouldn't happen to be…"

Ranma's face reddened angrily as he figured out what she was asking.

"I AM NOT GAY!!!"

-Outside the window

Nobuyuki perched precariously on a stepladder as he prepared to record his son's entry into manhood (among other things).

"Oh, glorious day! My wife in heaven, you'd be so proud of our boy. Ranma's finally brought a girl up into his room!"

And lo, there was light!

"Achika? Is that you?!"

The response blew him away. Literally.

"RYOKO!! RYOKO!! COME OUT AT ONCE!!"

The crown princess was feeling rather silly, since nobody was responding.

Had her guardians made a mistake?

"Is this thing on?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Oh, never mind! Fire a warning shot."

Matching sweatdrops materialized on the backs of Azaka and Kamidake.

"But you said we weren't going to…"

"That's an order!!"

"Ye-yes, ma'am!"

Oh well, what was the worst that could happen anyway?

Although the actual energy discharge dissipated harmlessly a few meters above the planet's surface, the resulting shockwave from several cubic meters of air being vaporized was enough to shatter windows for six blocks in every direction.

*BOOM*

It also sent Ranma flying straight toward Ryoko. Fortunately for him, his landing was well-cushioned.

He was so shaken by the explosion that for once he didn't notice at all that he'd landed in yet another compromising position with her.

"She's shooting at us!!"

The demon's devious smile now stretched from ear to ear.

"I told you so."

Even Ranma wasn't crazy enough to think he could take on a Giant Alien Spaceship With Really Big Guns (tm).

"We've gotta get out of here!!"

"If I had my gems, we could escape on Ryo-ohki."

Decision time. The Evil he knew or…

With a small sound the rest of what had once been his bedroom window fell to the floor and shattered.

Decision made!

"Okay! You win!! Just get us out of here!!"

Victory!

Her excitement temporarily getting the better of her, she glomped onto him.

"Arrggghh!!!"

Oopsie.

"You've got a twisted sense of humor, old man."

The greatest wizard in the Forgotten Realms smiled and blew a circle of blue smoke from his pipe.

"Age does have its advantages."

Rowan turned back to the pool.

"I wasn't complaining."

As soon as Ryoko released him, he was able to still the reflexive panic that her impulsive action had sparked. He would have time to freak out later. Assuming of course that there was a later…

"So what am I supposed to do again?"

"Just point the sword towards me and wish for my gems back."

"That's it?"

Somehow he thought there should be more to it then that. After all, in "Lost Neon Saber Successor Tenchi ½", the ritual to restore the magical grav-cores to the Evastalis units had taken a long and complicated ritual of chanting and dancing in formal kimonos while the Happo-dolls were ceremonially sacrificed to appease the Four Goddesses of Femininity.

"Yup."

Then again, never look a gift horse in the mouth.

He did as directed, aiming the gem end of the sword toward the cyan haired demoness and closing his eyes in concentration.

Ryoko clasped her hands together in front of her. She felt the beginnings of a familar tingle; one that signaled her long-lost power was finally being returned.

A wave of sheer pleasure swept over her as the first gem materialized on the bottom of her left wrist.

Then it stopped.

She was puzzled at first, then concerned, and finally the anger hit.

"HEY! You only gave me back one gem!"

"I know."

Ranma gave her a look that seemed to say "How stupid do you think I am?".

The demoness at least had the grace to look a little sheepish.

"Oh. Well, that's okay."

Deciding to make the best of things she began to call her long-lost partner to her.

"Come Ryo-ohki! Come!!"

In the Masaki Valley, a slumbering presence, long submerged beneath the lake, started to stir itself to full wakefulness.

{MiiiyyaaAAA!!}

Scattered crystals inside the heart of the ship arose from the floor and swiveled into place as the main systems came back online.

The surface of the lake began to churn and froth as the ancient ship arose from its watery grave to serve its mistress once more.

Ryo-ohki was resurrected.

"MiiiYYyaaAA!!"

-Run Away! Run Away!

"We are picking up another ship headed toward this area. It's Ryo-ohki."

A screen popped up showing the approaching vessel.

"There you are, you heinous criminal battleship!"

Needless to say, Ayeka was less then pleased to see it.

"Open Fire!!"

You might even say she was royally pissed off.

-B-A-K-A

{Why is this happening to me?!}

That one despairing thought kept echoing over and over in his head.

{I always wanted a little excitement in my life, but not like this!!}

He was in a spaceship that "meowed".

He was with a girl that had just tried her best to kill him a few hours earlier.

And to top it all off, some lunatic with some kind of score to settle with his companion was chasing after both of them, and apparently trying her very best to make them both very, very dead!!

"I'd like to wake up now!"

A distracted Ryoko tossed something square and flat at him.

"Could you hold this for a sec?"

"Uh, sure."

Ranma looked at the object in question.

Two seconds later he realized exactly what it was.

"MY HOUSE?!!"

"Sorry about that; didn't have any time, so I just shrank it and brought it along. You don't mind, do you?"

There was even a tiny squished 2D figure lying on the front yard.

"Dad?!!"

Desperately trying not to break down into a gibbering wreck from the multiple shocks to his system, the naive Masaki broke the first rule of the "Anime Laws Of Stupid Things Not To Think About In A Crisis".

{Well, at least things can't get any worse then this.}

-Things Get Worse

The running battle between the two warships continued as Ryo-ohki climbed through the upper atmosphere in its quest to reach the safety of deep space.

The Ryuu-Oh bombarded the smaller battleship with hundreds of brilliant blue laser blasts from multiple log turrets that sprang out of the vessel's outer hull.

This destructive volley was wasted on Ryo-ohki's advanced armor; in return, the pirate ship unleashed a powerful strike of six enormous red energy beams from its central core at the Juraian Battlecruiser.

The resulting explosion nearly knocked the First Princess off her feet.

"Why, you…!"

That did it; the gloves were off now!

Focusing her ire on the pirate vessel they were chasing, Ayeka activated her magical force field, the one that looked a lot like a bunch of silly logs floating in midair. It looked pathetic, but it did bring Ryo-ohki to a complete halt.

{VENGENCE IS MINE AT LAST!!}

"Go Azaka, Kamidake! Capture the Demon!!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Yes, Ma'am!!"

The two wooden Guardians arose from the floor and teleported out.

-You Rang?

Ryoko swore silently as her ship came to a sudden and complete stop.

{Damn! Stupid Power of Jurai!!}

The space pirate angrily gritted her fangs and began concentrating her energy, trying to break Ryo-ohki through the barrier that was holding them both captive. Her efforts were in vain, and a powerful field of electromagnetic force began to develop around Ryoko's body.

When Ranma reached out a hand to her she screamed a warning at him.

"Stay back!!"

He froze, his fingers inches away from her hand.

It was just as well that he did, as an instant later she was surrounded by a barrier of blue energy with more then enough power to render him extra-crispy.

Drums started beating.

{Oh, that's just great.}

"Guardians… of… Jurai…"

She was in real trouble, now. Those logs had her but good this time. With only one gem the pirate lacked the energy to defeat their combined power.

{I'm in trouble!}

The blue symboled one began pulling her into its subspace interior.

"Hey! Let her go!!"

She turned her head to see Ranma charge at the Guardian imprisoning her. It was a touching gesture, but futile.

A second Guardian with a red symbol on its front intercepted the boy before he took more then a few steps and sucked him into a stasis field.

Ryoko grimaced as she watched him get captured. Things had not gone at all according to her plans today.

{Heh, guess I've lost some of my edge after 700 years; never would have fallen for something like this before…}

Darkness descended.

-Hello! I Must Be Going!!

Ranma awoke to find himself imprisoned inside a small clearing. Surrounding him on all sides were alien trees that formed an effective organic prison.

"Where am I?"

Then he noticed someone was missing.

"Ryoko? Ryoko! Where are you?!"

Frantically he looked all around him.

Funny how things changed so quickly; an hour earlier, Ranma would have been happy to be rid of the violent pirate demon. But now, her absence was enough to send him into a fit of worry.

{Is she all right? Where could she be? And most importantly, how am I supposed to get back home without her help?}

A pair of unseen eyes twinkled with innocent mischief as they watched the young man begin to panic.

This promised to be so much fun!

To be continued.

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: May 21, 2007