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Disqualified Private Bets (The Series?)
Entry Reject #1: An Evil, Evil Idea™

A Tenchi Muyo! story
by Shade

Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo!, its characters and settings, © Hitoshi Okuda, AIC / Pioneer LDC, and Viz Communications, Inc. Please don't sue me for the horror I am about to commit with your characters. The G-guy ain't mine either.

This idea may or may not have been done before, I'm not sure. Sorry.


"And you are?"

"Grog, divine entity demi-class, probationary. I represent those really awful drinks you find in only the seediest of bars, and I'm also the patron guardian of Groo."

That alone should have warned them.

Oh, well.


"Agghh! It's a mummy!" Tenchi cried as he backed away in fear from the pool and the now moving body that had been lying within it.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MUMMY!" Screeched the angry space pirate as she brandished her black bullwhip and cracked it menacingly.

"AAAIIIEEEE!!"


-Later

"Ayeka…"

"Huh?"

"That's my name…"

The now young and attractive demon stood above him, threatening to send large quantities of blood spraying everywhere.

It wasn't the floating electrical logs that got him, nor was it that nasty looking whip she'd been swinging earlier, now resting on her hip. It was her outfit. Where the HELL had she gotten such a skimpy piece of black leather? It threatened to violate all standards of decency every time she inhaled!


-And later

Crown Princess Kiyone of Planet Jurai had finally found that villainous space pirate.

"Yukinojo!"

"Yes Ma'am?"

"We must destroy that spaceship of Ayeka's at ANY cost! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Perfectly."


-Later again

"I want your balls, please."

"WHAT? NO WAY! YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM!"

"You fool! I mean the jewels in the sword!

"What?"

"I need the gems to summon Mihoshi!"

"Who?"

"The other demon in the legend!"


"…Yaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

The Yagami screamed across the sky, flying like a drunken maniac was at the helm. Amazingly, it managed to avoid hitting anyone as Mihoshi picked up Tenchi, Ayeka, and the Masaki House.


"We've detected Mihoshi."

"ALL GUNS LOCK ON THAT SHIP AND FIRE!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"NO MORE MIHOSHI!"


-Moving on

"Hi! My name is Little Washu!"

There was a brief pause as the sheer kawaiiness of the little crab-haired princess overloaded Tenchi's blood sugar levels.


-Uh…

"Isn't it just precious? Our very own love child!"

"CHILD? What are you talking about?!"

The large egg's speckled shell started to crack…

"Hiya!" Out popped a gorgeous tanned blonde with pointed ears and cute little fangs. Her big blue eyes fastened on the surprised Tenchi and turned into little hearts.

"Tenchi!"

-GLOMP-

Tenchi had just enough time to realize that Mihoshi was nude, and extremely well built for a starship, before he fainted.

"MI-HO-SHI! You're supposed to be MY Spaceship!"

"Mmmm…" The female in question was busy cuddling with the now unconscious boy.

"MIHOSHI!!"

Did you say something?" Mihoshi's cute face popped up from where the beautiful girl, who also could transform into a heavily armed battlecruiser, had been nuzzling Tenchi's neck.

"AAAAARGGGHHHHH!"

Ayeka swore to herself that she was going to be a solo gig from now on.


"Say… Isn't she a bit bigger then the egg she came out of?"

"Don't think about it, Bard. You'll only hurt yourself."

"Where'd you put the sake, Shadow? I need a drink."

"I think I'll join you, Rowan."


-Much later

A starship fell from the sky. The scary thing was that Tenchi was starting to get used to that as normal around here.

First Class Detective Ryoko and her partner Ryo-Ohki were rescued from a subspace portal by one teenaged Masaki.

Along the way, as they plummeted down to the Hot Springs, Tenchi became better acquainted with the officer's ample attributes.


-Later still

"I am Pretty Sammy! The greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!"

"Uh… pleased to meet you, Miss Sammy."

"Call me Sasami. Would you like to be a guinea pig for my experiments?"


"All right, STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!"

"What?!"

"You know the rules. We don't want this kind of entry around here."


-Aiyah!

"No, no, no, Tenchi, you can just call me Tsunami now…"

The stunning blue-haired bombshell leaned forward for a kiss.

"Ah… ah… ah…"


"I told you to pull the plug!"

-ZZZZT-

 


Author's notes: This one was just too weird, even for me. Just can't continue this, so please don't ask. If anyone else wants to try going with this idea, be my guest. Just please send me a copy of your story. ^_^

 
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