Disclimber: The original author of the first part shall be known
in this disclimber as the original author of the first part. The
secondary author of the third part of the derivation of the original
author of the first party's part's part shall be known in this disclimber
as the secondary author of the third part of the derivation of the
original author of the first party's part's part.
If one, both, none, or all of these parties are found to be acting
silly to an inappropriate degree at any time, please refer instead
to the actual disclaimer immediately following this installment
of the Chocolate Oranges saga. Thank you for reading, and remember,
use only genuine Interociter parties.
It used to be later, but now… it was then.
Chocolate Oranges ]I[:
A Glass of 2% Time
A Ranma ½ retrofic
by Rylan Hilman (email@example.com)
Ranma thrashed about a bit beneath the surface of the spring, still
somewhat recovering from the surprise of having a panda knock him
into it, and quickly recovered his bearings. Slamming his feet on
the bottom of the pool, he propelled himself up through the surface,
and for the first time, noticed the effect that the mystical water
had on him, or rather, her.
"?!?!?" thought Ranma.
"Uh-oh," thought Genma.
"Not again…" thought the Jusenkyo Guide.
"Cool," thought a nearby parakeet, secretly very amused
by this turn of events.
Ranma spent much of the next fourteen and a half minutes chasing
her now-panda father around the training grounds, with the guide
chasing the both of them trying to get them to calm down and have
some tea. After tackling Genma and kicking him in the head several
times, Ranma began to return to some semblance of rational, yet
still massively annoyed, calm and order.
"Is okay, sirs!" the guide said, bringing out a teakettle
from his emergency hut nearby. "You can, like, return old form
with hot water!" He poured the steaming tea on top of the panda,
which immediately transformed back into the confused-looking human
form of Genma, wearing his classic white gi. Oddly enough, the tea
had stained the gi in such a way that it was now colored a somewhat
"Thank you, sir. Here, Ranma, you'd better change back, too."
Genma tossed the half-empty kettle back to Ranma, and turned back
to the guide to discuss lunch accommodations.
Ranma just stared at the kettle for a minute or two, looked back
at her father's pink gi, and decided she could wait for actual clean
hot water, seeing as it wouldn't do to get her undershirt or any
of the rest of her clothes stained with the hot, red liquid inside
the teapot. It took enough delicacy to do her laundry as it was,
and she wasn't about to start risking complications now.
However, a sudden and loud ringing bell approaching interrupted
her thoughts, as the weekly train to Nerima announced its arrival
at the Jusenkyo Station, its glass doors sliding open.
"Uh-oh… Hey, Pops!! No time for lunch, we gotta get goin'
if we're gonna get back to Japan before dark!" Ranma shouted
frantically, jumping to her feet and rushing onto the empty train
car just seconds before the doors shut behind her.
Genma, somewhat slowed by the fully-packed bento boxes he had just
received from the guide (as a dunking consolation gift), was a few
steps too slow to get through the door, even running all-out, so
he quickly thought up a new plan. As the train started to slide
off in the direction of Japan, he jumped into the air, carefully
aimed his leg, and made a flying kick at a glass window on the train.
He gave a mighty shout:
He defeated the window instantly, and it shattered inwards as he
and his lunchboxes landed safely inside the train, which built up
speed and left the cursed training grounds of Jusenkyo far behind
"Cut that one a little close, didn't ya?" Ranma took
one of the several dozen empty seats, drying out her shirt and pausing
for the first time to inspect her now-female body from a couple
"It'll be a long ride, and we needed the food." Genma
panted heavily as he sat down on the seat across from Ranma, putting
the bento boxes on the floor between them. He took a dry washcloth
from his pocket and mopped the sweat from his forehead before continuing,
"Besides, this train's going to Nerima, right? And I know of
an old friend living there who's really looking forward to meeting
you, Ranma." He smiled enigmatically at his currently female
son and offered him a slice of pizza out of one of the bento.
The train rolled silently across the landscape.
"Interesting…" Mr. Yotsuya commented to himself as
he perused the local newspaper. Due to his line of work, he felt
obligated to keep up on current events at all times, and for the
moment, since he was living in borrowed accommodations from an old
friend of his, a simple newspaper had to suffice.
"Very interesting indeed…" he murmured, reading a news
article which was continually updating itself through its own mysterious
devices, and finally stabilized in the one form he much preferred
it didn't stabilize in. He waited another moment or two, hoping
the story decided to change further, and when it made no additional
attempts to shift on him, he sighed and put down the paper, having
it confirm his worst fears.
Happosai was on his way.
At that very moment, at least according to the newspaper, Happosai
was riding a recommissioned junk through the Panama Canal, leaving
behind a trail of… Well, not quite destruction, but definitely
a great deal of inconvenience in his wake. Having recently escaped
from the cave he had been imprisoned in for several years, he had
apparently decided to make his triumphant return to Tokyo in a peculiarly
roundabout fashion: around the world and taking a very scenic route.
And now it's up to me to stop him, Mr. Yotsuya realized.
Pulling out his battle-worn, yet unbelievably sturdy, black trench
coat from his dresser, he put it on, along with his black dress
shoes and black fedora. His uniform completed, he beckoned across
the room to his suitcase, which telepathically heeded the wishes
of its owner and flew neatly into his outstretched hand.
"Mr. Yotsuya?" a gentle feminine voice asked from outside
his door, just a moment before he opened it to reveal Kasumi Tendo,
the oldest daughter of the household.
"Oh, are you going out now, Mr. Yotsuya?" she asked,
drying her hands with a pink towel. Yotsuya tipped his hat politely
and continued on down the stairs from his room in the attic.
"Indeed. Some pressing business has come up, and I shall have
to be gone for some time." He walked briskly downstairs until
he got to the main floor, where he turned in the direction of the
Kasumi followed him down the stairs and as far as the dining room.
"Oh, that's okay. I was just coming to invite you down for
supper, but if you have to go out, that'll be fine. Can I persuade
you to take a sandwich with you, sir?"
Yotsuya got to the pier in the Tendos' backyard, paused next to
his rowboat, and calmly called back to Kasumi, "I'll get drive-through."
The Yotsuya Rowboat gently lifted out of the water and let its
owner on board before noisily powering up in a bright and flashy
pyrotechnic display, spinning around towards land, and launching
in a silent arc over the top of the house and through the sky, its
destination known only to Mr. Yotsuya himself.
Somewhere else, a gerbil was feeling remarkably healthy. Not a
single mortal wound could be found anywhere on his body. Surrounded
by the darkness, he stayed right where he was, waiting.
Meanwhile, back at the house, the room of a certain Nabiki Tendo
was gripped with a reassuring silence. A being entered, in the usual
way, and looked around in a calm, confident manner usually reserved
for those who knew exactly what they were doing there, what they
would do there tomorrow and, furthermore, possessing confidence
in the knowledge that they had their future here planned out for
as far into the future as the eye could see.
The being, henceforth identified as actually being that certain
Nabiki Tendo whose room this was, sat down at her desk and idly
flipped through a stack of paperwork laying there. It was the homework
she had already done the week before, which was to be turned in
next Monday. Right under it was Tuesday's homework and Wednesday's
homework. The absence of any papers in between those and Friday's
homework, which was the next item in the pile, was explained by
the fact that nothing was due on Thursday.
Nabiki quickly checked the rest of the stack, which contained,
among other things, all the fully-completed homework for the next
two months, study notes for all major exams of the school year,
and a tentative plan to recruit agents for starting her own private
international espionage network, one with connections to all the
major intelligence agencies of various governments around the world.
Not that she had any real intention of embarking on such an ambitious
and potentially dangerous task on the budget she had, but it was
simply something she liked to tinker with in her spare time, just
"Hey, Nabiki?" someone called from her bedroom door.
Nabiki leaned back in her chair and saw her younger sister Akane,
wearing her usual jogging outfit for the time of day. "Dad
said that after breakfast, he's got some important announcement
or something, and that we should expect some visitors."
"He say who it was?"
"Not really…" Akane frowned, glancing away from her
sister and out the window towards the sea. "…but he sounded
really exited about it, whoever they are."
"Heh, it'll probably end up being some girl and her pet panda
that we'll be sticking in Mr. Yotsuya's room. Imagine the look on
his face if that happened," Nabiki chuckled inwardly
at that particular mental image as she put away the piles of homework
into a nearby organizing drawer.
"Well, Mr. Yotsuya just left a few minutes ago, so he probably
wouldn't do too much right away. Anyway, I'm heading out for my
morning exercises, so I might be back in a little while, or not.
It all depends on how soon Tatewaki tires out." She grinned
and waved briefly, then jogged downstairs.
Nabiki finished sorting the documents into the cabinet, closed
it, and suddenly stopped in her tracks, a confused look on her face.
"Wait… Where did that come from?"
Genma and Ranma stood in front of a dry wooden sign in the middle
of a thoroughly parched desert wasteland, the train tracks they'd
arrived there on sitting on the ground behind them, stretching quietly
off into the distance in both directions. A hot wind blew past,
stirring up a couple dust devils a few meters away. There weren't
any plants or animals in sight, living or otherwise, and no visible
sign that there ever were.
The train that brought them here had abruptly stopped in front
of this sign, opened its doors, and tilted up off the ground along
one edge, dumping them both onto the dusty platform right before
slamming back onto the tracks, closing up, and speeding off.
Ranma had watched it leave, her annoyance at life in general continuing
onwards unabated. Its unexpected tipping knocked her awkwardly to
the ground, where she landed on her hip, which was now slightly
bruised. She had tried to brace herself against the fall, but it
happened far too quickly for her to properly land.
Genma had watched it leave, his inordinately stubborn hunger continuing,
not quite sated. He had only gotten through two bento boxes, Ranma
having finished three others, when the train had dumped them here,
snapped its doors shut, and left with the other fifteen bento boxes
still sitting on board, unopened.
"So, where are we?" Ranma stood up, gingerly testing
her legs to see how well she could walk with her injured hip.
"Nerima." Genma pointed to the sign, which simply read,
'You are Here' in large, bold characters on the side facing
the tracks. He began to fumble around in his backpack a bit, looking
Ranma looked around. Aside from the sign, the train tracks, and
a vast expanse of sun-beaten desert stretching to the horizon in
all directions, the only thing visible nearby was a boarded-up okonomiyaki
restaurant, which appeared as if it had been abandoned for decades.
There was a small mailbox there.
"So, where's this old friend of yours livin'? In the shack?"
she asked with a tired tone of voice, readjusting some weight in
her backpack to try to make walking wherever it was they were going
a little bit easier.
Genma pulled a watch out of his pack, glanced up at the sun to
get his bearings, and then started walking in the opposite direction
from the sign, beckoning Ranma to follow. "This way. They live
just 15 kilometers from here, but we're going to have to hurry if
we want to get there before dark."
"Yeah, yeah…" she grumbled, wincing slightly at the
pain in her hip, but not bothering to mention this to her father.
She'd been on the road with him long enough to know that his reaction
to anything resembling complaining would probably include yet another
round of, "Why, a true martial artist could run from
Hokkaido to Okinawa with two broken legs! While decapitated! And
not say a word in protest! Yadda, yadda, yadda, man among men, yadda!"
…or something particularly annoying along those lines. She didn't
really feel in the mood for that, especially on the weird day it
was turning out to be.
Furthermore, as she caught up with her father she realized, in
retrospect, that maybe, just maybe, she should have taken the hot
tea at Jusenkyo back when she had the chance, as she was still stuck
in her cursed form. After all, Genma had only been a panda for less
than half an hour so far, lifetime total. A quick glance at his
gi, though, which had dried out to an even brighter pastel shade
of pink than before, comforted her slightly; that would have been
extremely hard to wash out of her clothes.
"Ah well," she continued, thinking out loud, "at
least if there's any water in this dust bin, it'll probably be warm
enough to change back with…."
What Ranma had no way of knowing was that there was, and it was,
but she wouldn't see a drop of it before it was all gone. She also
didn't hear the faint and distant sound of a mailbox creaking open
far behind the two.
Through the cold, moonlit night, more than several miles away,
a young girl in a parka trudged over snowy hills, in search of the
source of a brilliant flash of light she saw only moments before.
She couldn't see exactly what caused it from the distance she was
standing at, but it looked and felt as if an explosion of ki spiraled
upwards into the sky before gaining momentum and crashing back down
As she cleared the last snowdrift between her and her goal, she
could finally see the full extent of the damage caused. A 50-meter
wide crater of scorched earth, fully cleared of snow, stood in the
middle of a field, with a figure lying in the center, apparently
She could sense that he was still alive, though, and with a power
level considerably higher than an ordinary man would have after
being hit with that scale of ki attack, but his life signs, from
this distance, still seemed a little wobbly. After reaching the
edge of the crater, where the snow had mostly vaporized, she ran
down into the middle and next to him.
He rolled over slowly and groaned, clearly out of it, yet somehow
still clinging to life. After seeing his face, she started to get
curious; there was something different about him, some weird magic
lying just below the surface.
She kneeled down, placed her hands on his torso and tried a simple
recovery spell. After a few moments, his breathing began to approach
a somewhat normal rate. A small patch of snow slid off of her parka
hood and landed on his face, where it immediately began to melt
from his body heat.
This sudden cold sensation on his face caused him to wake up fully,
and as he got up with a bit of a start, an invisible transformation
took hold of his body, causing the girl to gasp in surprise and
jump back on her feet.
"Wha… where am I?" he looked around in confusion, slowly
noticing that he was sitting in a giant crater, and as that realization
took hold, a triumphant grin slowly spread across his face.
"Hiryuu… Hiryuu Shohokodan, it worked. It worked! I DID
IT!!" he yelled in triumph, leaping to his feet and jumping
around like a young child with a shiny new toy. "I did it…
Now, Ranma Saotome! You're going DOWN, do you hear me?! DOWN!! BWAAHA
HA HA HA—huh?"
Almost as an afterthought, he noticed his dance of joy had an audience,
watching in wide-eyed astonishment. He also noticed, quickly enough,
that aside from her half-open parka on the outside, she wasn't really
wearing all that much.
Remembering what the Jusenkyo guide had told him earlier that day,
he suddenly realized that being near a girl in his current state
probably wouldn't be a good idea.
"Uh, excuse me, miss…" he bowed politely, but just
for a moment, before turning on his heel and sprinting off in a
random direction. "Just you wait, Ranma. 'Cause Ryoga Hibiki's
the best there is at what Ryoga Hibiki does, bub! And what I do
A casual observer would deduce that this wasn't quite what he had
intended to say here. They would be correct, since Ryoga was rudely
interrupted by a three-legged eagle with the face of a man and the
tail of an ox, attracted to his relatively loud outburst, who had
swooped in and grabbed him by the hair before flying off towards
some unknown destination.
Back in the crater, the girl watched Ryoga leave. It seemed a somewhat
unorthodox exit, but she wasn't entirely convinced that he hadn't
planned it that way on purpose.
"Ryoga… Hibiki…" she whispered, totally captivated.
She had been around long enough to hear about Jusenkyo, and the
many transformation curses to be found there. Many different animal
forms, some various human ones, but there were a handful of exotic,
hand-tailored springs. Springs with additional powers beyond simple
She smirked. He'd somehow managed to find one of the rarer and
most powerful pools: Spring of Drowned Ultra-Bishonen, complete
with a potent blend of mystical pheromones specifically tuned to
attract the female gender. In his transformed state, she estimated,
he'd attract pretty much every girl he came across.
'This looks like too much fun to pass up….'
Getting to her feet, she flung off her parka, revealing an incredibly
skimpy outfit underneath. Where she was going, the fluffy outer
garment wouldn't be necessary.
'Sure, there's going to be a lot of competition…'
She leapt into the air, powered up a Raywing, and started flying
off in pursuit.
"… but not a single one of them could ever hope to BEGIN
to compare to Naga the White Serpent!!!"
Her laugh echoed long and loud through the chilly night.
Pereshte boldly hid in plain sight, holding a cup of hot tea and
silently chuckling at his own cleverness. They all said it was daft
to write an insurance policy in the spot where he did, but he did
it anyway! It sank into the swamp. However, since that was exactly
what it was SUPPOSED to do, he didn't make a second one.
Or, rather, won't make a second one. No need for it in the future,
he reminded himself, since when he did (wioll haven done) he remained
(willan on-remain) exactly where he would be, WITH what he would
have been having (mayan havian on-been), whenever he'd need (waten
haven on-need) it, and that was all that mattered (and will have
mattered, previously on) for the moment.
He took a sip of tea and continued onward, grateful that there
was no need to explain the situation to anybody, since by the time
all the pieces were (or, rather, will had been about to be) in place
once more, it would simply be very much fun time, with no distracting
grammar imperfections to muddle things.
His tea abruptly gained sentience, leapt from its cup, and burrowed
into the earth. Once thoroughly entrenched, it began an aggressive
xenocidal campaign against several indigenous species of insect
and bacterial life already present in the area, slowed only slightly
by the distracting dance of a trio of amorous rabbits prancing about
on the ground overhead.
*bump bomp rustle CRASH swi-swish*
"Hey, you hear something, Pop?"
"No… Like what, Ranma?"
"Dunno. Thought there were some rabbits over there or somethin'."
"I don't see any rabbits. Just a couple chickens."
"Huh. Maybe they broke…"
"Perhaps. We need to keep moving, though. The Tendos are waiting
for us, and it'll be dark soon. Hurry up!"
Pereshte watched them continue on their way in silence.
Very much fun time, indeed.
To be concluded.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of Ranma 1/2, as well
as the fantastically versatile Mr. Yotsuya, are owned by Rumiko
Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video. Naga the White Serpent
is a character from Slayers, originally created by Hajime Kanzaka,
Rui Araizumi, Kadokawa Shoten, TV Tokyo, Softx, and Marubeni. Pereshte,
however, is my own original character. The events and persons in
this fanfic are completely fictional and any resemblance to actual
events or persons is completely unintentional, and the author is
not responsible for any injury, trauma, or other detrimental condition
resulting from proper or improper use of this fan fiction. Comments,
suggestions, and other C&C are shall be eagerly read and replied
to, and will be accepted at the email address of firstname.lastname@example.org.
Keep circulating the fanfics!