A Ranma ½ / Ah My Goddess fan fiction story
by Jiro Maeda
Disclaimer: Ranma ½ is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video. Oh, My Goddess is owned by Fujishima Kosuke, Kodansha, TBS and KSS films, AnimEigo, Studio Proteus, and Dark Horse Comics.
Introduction: A few weeks back someone suggested a Ranma 1/2 / Oh My Goddess crossover. Here’s my take on the idea. C&C requested.
August 25, 2002
"Stupid curse, stupid fiancées, stupid life!!!" Ranma muttered to himself as he sat down near his favorite spot beneath the bridge, after another typical day in his life. His mood darkened as he wrung his shirt dry to prevent it from sticking to his very female chest.
Ranma groaned as he recalled what happened earlier…
"Ranma, come back here and try my tuna casserole!" Akane yelled as she carried a pot of something, while she chased her erstwhile fiancé. He'd turned to stick his tongue at her, when out of nowhere he got splashed.
"Aw man, why the hell do these things happen to me?" He asked, wringing his shirt dry. He felt something amiss and jumped just in time to avoid getting a bellyfull of umbrella courtesy of the raging fury of the Hibiki express. "Good morning to you too, P-chan," he said in rejoinder as he somersaulted into the air to land on the opposite fence.
"Don't call me that! For insulting Akane, you're gonna die!" the lost boy roared as he tossed several bandanas in Ranma's direction.
Ranma dodged the deadly implements of fashion, weaving to and from various side streets in hopes of shaking his pursuers. He put on a burst of speed as he neared the gates of Furinkan, only to stop as he got a face full of roses. He spat out the offending blossoms to gaze angrily at the visage of Kuno, Raging Idiot of Nerima.
"Ah, my dearest goddess, how I long to hold you in my arms. Come, let us leave this accursed institute of madness and sally forth on a blissful d…" Kuno didn't get to finish his declaration; it's hard to speak when you have a foot jammed into your mouth, after all.
Ranma smiled and leaped up, spinning. The foot was removed from the Blue Thunder's mouth when its mate slammed into his face, sending the delusional samurai to la-la land.
The pig-tailed warrior brushed off the imagined dirt on his pants and was just about to enter the school when Ryouga caught up with him. The lost one gave it to him with the force of an out-of-control freight train.
Ranma dodged his rival's blows and was just about to strike back when a penetrating voice stopped him.
"Hold, foul minion of darkness. I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, command you to cease your torment of the beauteous goddess of pigtails.
"If you wish to do battle with her, you must first defeat me." Kuno declared as he rose to his feet, his bokken at the ready.
Ryouga of course, studiously ignored him; only an idiot would take on another idiot.
Tatewaki was miffed at the implied insult and subsequently attacked. His father, Principal Kuno, and Miss Hinako, who was busy sucking energy from everybody at random, soon joined him. The minor scuffle soon escalated into a free-for-all brawl with Mousse, Konatsu, the golden pair, the ghost cat and Pantyhose Taro joining in on one side while the fiancées, Kodachi, Happosai and a mob of marauding school girls attacked from the other. Poor Ranma was caught flatfooted in the middle.
The resulting mess destroyed half of Furinkan High, as well as most of the surrounding residences. All those concerned agreed that it was all Ranma's fault.
When all was quiet, Ranma found himself alone, bruised, tired and empty. "Kuso, is it gonna be like this every single day? What the hell did I do to deserve this?" he muttered as he threw a stone into the water. The pebble skipped a few times and then sank. Its passing sent ripples along the waters that slowly faded to nothingness. "Just like me…" Ranma mused as he stared morosely at the reflection of the late afternoon sky. He felt moisture on his cheeks and furiously scrubbed it with a grubby hand; real men don't cry. The action was futile as it only made him pity himself more.
Much more than anyone else his age, he was constrained by traditions and mores that were old even before he was born. Honor, Family and Tradition bound him more than the stoutest chain could ever hope to. And struggle as he might, he couldn't break free. He had to satisfy honor, or die trying. There wasn't any middle ground to tread. He knew people didn't really think of him as a person; to his father, he was a meal ticket and retirement plan; to his mother, he was a manly man, the source of scores of grandchildren — prime breeding stock; to his rivals, he was an obstacle; to his fiancées, he was nothing but a prize; to the rest of the world, he was a passing entertainment: a freak.
"What I wouldn't give to be somebody else. A more normal life would be nice for a change," he mused, staring at the calm surface of the canal as if by peering into its depths, he would plumb the secrets of the universe.
"Are you sure about that?" came a voice from somewhere behind Ranma, startling the cursed martial artist. He turned and unconsciously shifted to a loose fighting stance. He was surprised to find a young girl with weird markings on her face, who was at the moment frowning and tapping her foot with impatience.
"My markings are not strange, Saotome-san. They identify me as a goddess. Your pure heart and sense of honor make you an ideal candidate, and so Heaven has decided to grant you your heart's fondest desire. Oh, and by the way, my name is Skuld, goddess-second-class in training," the girl said with a smile. The smile turned to an expression of uncertainty upon seeing her prospective client with a glassy look. The young goddess waved her hand in front of the martial artist's face and screeched when the cursed boy keeled over, promptly fainting after a full neural shut down.
"Saotome-san? Saotome-san, please wake up!" came a voice from outside Ranma-chan's head. Someone was calling his name, he thought. He felt warm water trickling over his body, triggering the change. He gingerly stood up as he tried to get his bearings. He was still in shock, he thought. Something that occurred earlier had shaken him to the core, although for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what that something was.
"That 'something' as you put it, was me identifying myself to be a goddess. Will you listen now, or do you want to faint some more?" a girl's voice queried somewhere to his left. Ranma turned and beheld the goddess Skuld's frowning visage.
Skuld sighed as she laid her hand on her face. Her first assignment, and it had to be someone that gawked at her and then fainted. The young goddess grumbled at the unfairness of it all. 'Why him, of all people?' she thought as she stared at the shell-shocked look that adorned the pigtailed boy's face. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he finally spoke.
"Are you for real? This isn't just a dream?" Ranma asked, still unsure of anything. Sure, he experienced weirdness before; monsters, aliens, ghosts and ghouls, but not something like this. He realized it really wasn't a dream a moment later when the young goddess' mallet slammed him to the ground.
"Why the hell did you do that for, you uncute, violent tomboy?" he asked, momentarily forgetting that he was speaking to a goddess. A fact he recalled a few moments later after he got bombed to blissful unconsciousness yet again.
Skuld seethed with barely-checked fury. The nerve of that mortal! He dared to imply that the beautiful Skuld-sama, youngest of the Norns and the flower of heaven, was a tomboy! More infuriating, an 'uncute, voilent' tomboy! If the mortal weren't unconscious, she'd have given him a tongue-lashing he wouldn't forget.
The clouds suddenly darkened, and a single lightning bolt struck the ground near Skuld, startling the young goddess. Words written in the language of heaven glowed eerily where the bolt struck the ground. "Behave yourself, daughter," it said.
The youngest of the Norns sighed at the unfairness of it all and sat at the canal bank waiting for her errant charge to wake up, so she could grant the infuriating mortal's wish and get on with the rest of her life.
Ranma awoke with his ears ringing like crazy and his body aching all over. He opened his eyes and tried to get his bearings. From the looks of his surroundings he figured that he was in a blast crater. "A very big blast crater. Even bigger than the old freak's Happodaikirins," he surmised. He whistled in appreciation at the damage created by a single 'Skuld-bomb', as the little goddess called it. The pigtailed martial artist slowly rose to his feet and jumped out of the blast hole to find the young goddess looking at him with a mournful expression. He smiled at her and bowed low, "Sorry about what I said earlier, my mouth is a bit faster than my brain sometimes," he said, once again bowing low in apology.
"Apology accepted, Saotome-san. I also wish to apologize for… err… hitting you and for blasting you," the young goddess replied, smiling to show that there were no hard feelings.
"Aw… Think nothing of it Skuld-san; I've had worse than that. That ain't even a finger to what I go through each day," the martial artist replied, misplaced pride showing through his voice and causing his holy companion to face-fault.
"Be that as it may, I still shouldn't have lost my temper," the young goddess continued, profusely insisting on apologizing to the pigtailed one, who merely shrugged in answer.
"How about we agree that we're both wrong and leave it at that; all this apologizin' is gonna get us nowhere fast," Ranma said humorously, his hand rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.
The goddess nodded, blushing as red as her mallet. She extended her open hand, "Friends?" she asked.
Ranma nodded and clasped her tiny hand. It had been a very long while since he'd had a friend, and now here was a goddess offering to be one. He smiled shyly as he observed how small her hand was compared to his. Even with the gloves, his hands still dwarfed hers by a great margin. He looked at her and saw that she was blushing profusely, a fact he found amusing. "What I wouldn't give to have a real friend… I really wish we could be friends, Skuld-san. I wish we could be friends for life," he whispered, and was startled when the goddess he was talking to began to rise and her markings to glow eerily. Moments later he was blasted off his feet and into unconsciousness yet again, but not before hearing his friend whisper, "Wish granted."
To be continued.
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