Yeesha was born in Tomahna in 1815, and was raised there by her parents, Ātrus and Catherine. Her name, yESa, is the D'ni word for "laughter", although the name also exists on the surface world as well. On the surface, Yeesha is a girls' name of Arabic origin, and means "alive and well". It's an alternate form of Leesha, which in turn is a form of Aisha.

She only knew about her grandmother Anna (tE'ana) through tales and pictures.

This is a photograph of Catherine (nee Katran  katran) and Yeesha that Ātrus had in his office in Tomahna.

This is a photo of Katran and Yeesha from the same time frame, not long before Saavedro stole the book of Releeshahn. Saavedro was a man from an Age called Narayan. He had been a tutor for Sirrus and Achenar, and was trapped away from home when they destroyed a number of the Ages written by Ātrus. Saavedro wanted revenge, believing that his home had been destroyed as well.

In AD 1823, at the age of eight, Yeesha first visited Serenia with her parents. Yeesha developed a close relationship with the Protectors of Serenia and was trained in their customs and to enter a spiritual realm called Dream. She was able to obtain a spirit guide, having been tested and shown to be a Child of Water, one of the three metaphysical paths able to enter the Dream. The other paths are fire and air. In a ceremony, she was presented with a Protector's amulet which could show its wearer images and sounds from an object's past, a paranormal phenomenon called "psychometry" or "psychoscopy". It was in Serenia that Yeesha was introduced to Journey Cloths, an idea that she would make frequent use of later. Serenian Journey Cloths are a special type of cloth that detects one's elemental nature and which Spirit Guide someone is best suited for.

Also in AD 1823, Ātrus and Catherine took Yeesha on trips to visit her brothers in their prison Ages, Spire and Haven, and she became friends with them. Sirrus had been introduced to Yeesha a year earlier. Ātrus admitted to the Stranger that the books he'd destroyed on Myst Island were merely linking books — he couldn't bring himself to destroy the descriptive books too.

The next year, 1824, Sirrus escaped from Spire and freed Achenar. They decided to continue a plot they'd begun decades before, and kidnapped Yeesha. Yeesha was taken to Serenia, where Sirrus trapped her mind in the Dream realm. He then attempted to transfer his mind to her body using an old memory chamber. His plan was to fool their father into teaching him the Art of Writing, after which he would kill him. The plan was foiled by the Stranger and Achenar, who had changed drastically while imprisoned in Haven, and who truly liked his little sister and was horrified when he learned that Sirrus had decided to harm her.

At Achenar's urging, the Stranger began the process to restore everyone's proper memories. However Yeesha's consciousness was still trapped in Dream and the Stranger had to enter that realm to finally free her from Sirrus' control. Yeesha returned to her body and was saved, but at the cost of Achenar's life. Her oldest brother, whom she had grown very close to, had sacrificed himself to delay the failure of the Memory Chamber Sirrus was using to take her body. This was the first of at least two traumatic events in her life. Sirrus had attacked her mind in Dream to keep her disconnected from her body, and both he and her oldest brother died during the incident. She was never the same afterward.

In AD 1832, when Yeesha was seventeen, she left Tomahna on a journey of self-discovery, still disturbed by her ordeal in Serenia. She wandered around North America for a time, before finally returning to New Mexico and settling in the Cleft. While there, she traded with the local Amerindian tribes for food and other necessities as Anna had before her. Eventually, she followed the footsteps of Anna, Gehn, and Ātrus down into the caverns of D'ni by way of the Great Shaft. She later left notebooks containing entries from her personal journal in the Shaft as clues for Richard Watson.

When Yeesha arrived in D'ni, she found it deserted. Most of the D'ni survivors had moved to Releeshahn before she was born. She mentions in her eighth journal that her only companions at the time were two animals, a senomar and a tredfish. She drew sketches of them while she was there.

While exploring Ae'gura Island, she was in the Great Library and was surprised when she spotted an old man on the floor beneath her. At first she thought she was delusional, but the man turned out to be real. His name was Calam, a D'ni master of the Guild of Writers who had returned to the cavern when Ātrus had gathered up the survivors of the Fall. He had remained behind to conduct research when the other D'ni left for Releeshahn.

Both were very lonely, and they soon became friends. Calam picked up teaching her the Art from where Ātrus had left off, and it was a windfall for Yeesha. Calam was a trained master of the Art, whereas Ātrus and Catherine had learned the basics from Gehn — who was not good at it — and had refined their techniques by trial and error. At first, he was angered and frustrated by the novel and heretical approach to Writing she'd learned from her parents, and they argued frequently. However, he eventually began to see value in her style, and she inspired him to look beyond the ancient and strict rules of Writing handed down from Garternay.

Yeesha had by then read the Words of the Watcher, and knew of the prophesies of the Grower. When she began learning from Calam, she was astounded by his talent and the skill he possessed. She wrote in her journal that his abilities were breathtaking to her, as he had mastered the thousands of years of D'ni development of the Art. Over time, she began to believe that he might be the Grower she'd read about in Words. However, as they began to learn from each other rather than just she from him, he eventually told her that he thought she was.

Her apprenticeship came to an end when another D'ni Writer found out what they were doing, and seems to have begun screaming abuse at Yeesha for her ideas. Calam attempted to protect her, and was murdered for it. This triggered a battle between Yeesha and the man. The true nature of the fight is unkown, but it ended when she managed to defeat him. The Bahroglyph of that incident suggests that she trapped him in a prison Age. She wrote in her journal that she destroyed him. It's possible that she burned the descriptive book for the prison Age, and she meant it in a figurative rather than literal sense.

The death of Calam was the second major traumatic event of her life, and left her with a deep sense of guilt that she never escaped. She apparently believed that she was the reason why Calam died. This event may also have caused her to lose more of her sanity, which she hinted at it in later notes and speeches. However, her insanity was not a raving lunacy. She always behaved rationally. It was more subtle than that.

After the death of Calam, she became disenchanted with D'ni culture. Where she'd been reasonably objective about them before the event, afterward she began to hate everything D'ni and slanted the information she planted in the Ages about D'ni society. She made it sound as if D'ni had been entirely corrupt and evil. She took a number of true stories, presented them out of context, and implied that they represented the common D'ni way of life, rather than the normal, occasional flaws that can be found in any civilization. If you examine her words closely, it's easy to see that she was largely projecting her own perceived faults onto D'ni.

There are several theories as to whom the D'ni murderer might have been, and he's often referred to as "evil book" because the Bahro draw a large linking book symbol over his head, and used red colors in his depiction. One idea is that he may have been Guildmaster Kadish. Yeesha's notes mention that she "saved his life" by somehow traveling into the past and rescuing him from his vault before he died. The theory has it that she brought him forward to the time of her training, and he was the one who killed Calam.

I see a major flaw in the idea. Yeesha mentions in her ninth journal that her training in the Bahro Art, which permitted time travel, came after Calam was dead. It doesn't make much sense that she would have mastered Bahro linking, and then brought Kadish forward into her own past just so he could murder her mentor.

It was during her time with Calam that Yeesha discovered the Bahro and of the sacred tablet that bound them. Bahro seem to have been watching her for some time, and after Calam died, they seem to have contacted her and offered comfort and assistance to her as she grieved. During this period she began to learn their methods, gaining new abilities by means of the Bahro Art. As she learned, her skill grew far beyond what the D'ni or her parents could do. If she can truly be said to have lost her sanity, then it showed during that time in her life as a form of monomania. Yeesha took freeing the Bahro from their servitude to D'ni as her new and only purpose in life.

Something that should be mentioned is that the bondage of the Bahro is a topic about which we have very little information. Virtually everything we know about it came from Yeesha. The only hint of it in the DRC notebooks is found in the one about D'ni social classes, where a class so low that it was considered less than even the poorest. The passage in the notebook reads, "Sub-low? - Reference to "the Least" (an undefined sub-class?) are found on rare occasions. Not enough data to elucidate."

Whether or not that refers to the Bahro or to an untouchable class of D'ni citizens is never said, and no other notebook speaks of them. None of the notebooks mention the Bahro at all. As far as can be told from the records, the majority of D'ni had no idea that the Bahro existed. One thing that is said in the records is that slavery was illegal in D'ni and when discovered was punished severely. Thus, the nature of Bahro bondage is uncertain. How they were bound, why they were bound, and who they obeyed is all a mystery. What is certain is that Yeesha's claim that they were imprisoned, hunted, and used to make D'ni life pleasant and to entertain them has no evidence to back it up. We have only her word for it.

After learning from the Bahro, she believed that she was ready to take take on the quest for a tablet that was somehow the key to the bondage of the Bahro to D'ni. Having grown arrogant due to her talent and abilities, she approached the task with complete confidence that she would succeed. She managed to get the locked pedestal holding the tablet to appear in a space-time bubble in K'veer. After traveling to various Ages to locate four controlling minor tablets, she siezed the master tablet and attempted to use it. However, she did so selfishly, and was found to be unworthy and lost her ability to touch it. It would seem that there was a safeguard condition on its use; the person who unlocked it could not use it on their own behalf. It had to be willingly given to another to use. It became intangible to her and returned to its pedestal.

Yeesha became equally angry and repentent after her failure to unlock the tablet. It taught her in no uncertain terms that she was not as great as she'd come to believe. Even as she raged about it day, on others she took the loss more humbly. This is reflected in one of the speeches she recorded to be played in a Bahro cave in the ceiling of Rudenna cavern. But even in this moment of brutal honesty, she had to throw in the claim that the D'ni shared her failings on a grander scale.

After her failure, the quest to control the tablet became known a D'ni survivor named Esher who also believed that he was the Grower. He also tried to control the tablet and failed to gain mastery of it. Yeesha and Esher both mentioned that many people had tried the quest with equally poor results, although it's not said whether those people preceded or followed them.

Unable to use the tablet again, Yeesha created a plan in which individual Bahro would draw people to the cavern as a vehicle for their liberation. To this end, she gathered a number of D'ni descriptive books and modified them, and had her Bahro followers place special journey cloths and linking stones in them, along with a number of pictographs and carvings.

Her plan was semi-successful. Each person who completed her Path of the Hand quest set an individual Bahro free from its slavery. However, this was not enough. Not everyone who was called responded, and not all who responded completed the quest she had created. She became enraged by the length of time it was taking for the Bahro as a whole to be released.

A second chance for Yeesha came in AD 2005 when Dr. Richard A. Watson, who had finally decided to follow her footsteps in an effort to truly understand D'ni, went after the master tablet. Having finally learned to distrust her own motives, Yeesha gave him no help besides a cryptic initial speech and some notebooks and recordings scattered in the Great Shaft. When he succeeded in completing the quest and gave the tablet to the Bahro, Yeesha considered her burden lifted. She went to Releeshahn, where she was reunited with her father. As of 2007, she was still alive and working with the freed Bahro.

Yeesha's abilities

Other than abilities she gained by her interest in Serenian culture, such as being able to enter Dream and re-experiencing memories, Yeesha also showed great talent in the Art. She studied under her father and mother until she was seventeen, and then left Tomahna. After learning from Calam and the Bahro, Yeesha is known to have altered linking books in ways that defied traditional D'ni linking technology. For example, she wrote linking books that linked users to other places in the same age, Relto. She was also able to alter many of the Ages explorers can currently link to, adding portals, puzzles, linking books, Bahro Stones, and her monogram to them. That was something the D'ni could not do, because altering a linking book using their Skill would result in either the link being switched to a different instance of the world, or the link being lost entirely.

She learned to use the Bahro ability to link wherever she wished without books, and to create and manipulate objects and conditions within Ages. It has been theorized that this ability is related to the facial markings she is seen with in recordings, or when she met personally with explorers. The markings were not tattoos, as they have been observed to change over the years. Instead, they may be drawn on her using the same type of ink used in the Art. Ainia, another talented archeologist studying D'ni, has mentioned that Richard A. Watson once stated that Bahro were not born with the ability to link. Instead, they gain it from markings on their hides using their own version of the Art. I cannot confirm this as yet, as I have not been able to find a transcript of the quote from Dr. Watson.

Here are two comparisons of the markings she wore. One is from the time of the Calling, and her image recordings in the Cleft. The second is from around the time when Dr. Watson took on the quest for the Bahro sacred tablet. Yeesha had shaved parts of her hair for the first set of markings, but let it grow back out by the time of the second picture. She'd also gone partially grey by then.

Strangely, given her talent in Writing, there are only one Age that we know she wrote from scratch. That Age is Relto. She also wrote a linking book to the Cleft and an instance of the Cleft in which it is raining, but it's doubtful that she wrote a descriptive book for them. Her father, Ātrus, had already written linking books to Tomahna before she was even born, so a descriptive book for the region must have already existed. Most of Yeesha's known work involves her ability to alter existing Ages seemingly at will, a feat that the D'ni struggled to accomplish, and which was prohibited under normal circumstances. Of course, given the multitude of personal instances of Ages in explorer hands, it's quite possible that's exactly what she did with the Cleft.

Was Yeesha the Grower?

This is a fairly confused issue. First, it should be said that prophecy, especially popular prophecy, is often empty. It is wise to be skeptical of anyone who claims to see the future. Words, the book of prophecy written by the Watcher, is especially suspect because many people wanted to be the Grower mentioned in his text. Those people used the Art to mimic the signs mentioned in Words to try to prove that they were the person the Watcher foretold. Kādish was the last full-blooded D'ni to try, and Yeesha knew of him and admired his efforts. Yeesha herself also used her Skill to show that she could fulfill the prophecy at times. But in the end, that does not make what the Watcher wrote true. It simply means that people attempted to make it true. That said, if we look at the Words of the Watcher, Yeesha came closest of anyone to matching what was written. While Esher wanted to be the Grower, he was not a Writer and never tried to show any of the signs mentioned in the prophecy other than being able to link at will.

Doubt remains because while she accomplished a number of the signs and portents, there are also a number of things she didn't do. Here are some quotes lifted from Words, and I'll add some notes to it. We'll see if you can agree with my points.

The only thing that is certain is that this is a complex and uncertain topic, so I'll leave it to you to decide whether she was the Grower for yourself. My belief is that the prophecy of the Grower is a myth that led many people to ruin when they tried to be that person. It seems to be certain that people went out of their ways to fulfill the conditions and none fulfulled them naturally.

Yeesha's notebooks

This is the text from each of the notebooks Yeesha left in the Great Shaft, as found by Dr. Richard A. Watson while on his quest for the sacred tablet. Yeesha drew a number of sketches inside the notebooks, and drew sketches of events she considered important on their covers. The journals were left along the path through the Great Shaft deliberately. Yeesha introduced them with this message.

Yeesha's First Journal (about Myst Island)

This is a sketch of Myst Island when Ti'ana, Ātrus, and Catherine arrived. The box is to show that Sirrus and Achenar were born there. I am finding where I am, by understanding where I was. And everything I was, is linked to the island of Myst — the refuge. And I must know where they were as well. My heritage, my people, my family. My Father, the prisoner of the hidden and the revealed. Raised by Ti'ana who hid the truth. Then raised by Gehn, who revealed the truth. But Ti'ana hid for love, and Gehn revealed for power. Mother too, nothing more than a slave to what she knew and what she felt. Taught by Gehn to write what she knew. Then taught by Ti'ana to write what she felt. But Gehn's teaching imprisoned her, and Ti'ana's teachings freed her. And in the end, through the hidden and revealed, through the known and the felt, through the good and the evil, through the gods and the devils — they came together. Together they came; Father floating and mother caring. Father knowing and Mother feeling. And my Great-Grandmother Ti'ana watched, and my Grandfather Gehn fell. And so began our path of pain. Ti'ana was called the destroyer, but she brought them together — and lived with them on Myst island. Father could not keep Myst simple — new structures and new Ages he brought. Mother could not keep Myst solitary — two new sons she brought — my brothers — Sirrus and Achenar. And they grew up strong, and hungry, and lustful, like their Grandfather Gehn — unable to control the power of Books — the power of writing Ages. And as a result all became prisoners. Prisoners in their refuge. I will never return to that place.

Yeesha's Second Journal (about the coming of the Stranger)

This sketch shows the island with many of the structures in place. Ti'ana has died, and Sirrus and Achenar are growing boys. Pride is a thief. Pride stole the soul of the D'ni people. Pride stole my own brothers. The temptation was too great. It is not the power, but the desire for power that destroys. That desire is in my blood. The blood of my ancestors — the blood of my flesh. I fight it, but I am pulled, even now. My father tried to hide what he valued, his Books and Ages, while my brothers tried to hide what they valued, riches and power. Father was trusting, or naive, and Ages and people were destroyed. And so my family was imprisoned. My brothers in Ages written by Father; Father in a D'ni prison he had escaped from in childhood; and Mother in the world she loved and feared the most — Riven — her home — her refuge. Perhaps it's why I now fear my home — my refuge. And then by the Maker, or by the roll, a stranger found the Book. The Book had been intended to be destroyed by fire, but by the Maker, or by the roll, it was taken far away. The Book was preserved until it was time. Surely it was the Maker who preserved the Book that would bring help. Now it was time. A stranger found the Book, came to the island and freed Father. A lesson was learned, a friendship was forged. Friendship. The least are my friends. I must use the Least wisely. I must listen to them. And respect them. They are powerful, they are willing, and they are afraid.

Yeesha's Third Journal (about Riven)

This is a sketch to show that Ātrus and Catherine (Katran) met in Riven. The arrival hut and star fissure are shown beside them. The stranger, the friend, returns again to help Father save Mother. Imagine — a stranger — traveling to Riven — risking all, asking for nothing. I think of humility, thinking more of others. Humility: prisoners are freed by nothing more, and nothing less. Gehn, my Grandfather, my heritage, that monster who thought himself a god, was once again imprisoned. Perhaps he still rules that desolate, empty, and dead place, riven by the pride and bitterness of his own heart. But more likely he is in another desolate, empty, dead place, where there is weeping. I hope he is miserable. I cannot forgive him for what he did. It eats at my heart. I hate him, because I have his same desires. Mother and Father came again together to the refuge — to Myst island. But it was only a shell, a place to exist — a fallen place — torn apart by pride just as the great D'ni city was. Just as I am Torn. What is a stranger? Someone who is not me? Yet sometimes I feel like a stranger to myself. I become two. One who I know, and one who I do not. Where does this other one come from? Which one is me?

Yeesha's Fourth Journal (about Ātrus' leading the D'ni back to the cavern)

This sketch shows the expedition in which Ātrus leads the D'ni survivors he was able to locate in various Ages back to the D'ni caverns. They collected the bodies of the dead for burial, and made an attempt to rebuild. In the end, the task proved too difficult and costly, and Ātrus began seeking other solutions. I am sick of The Grower. Oh yes, some believe in prophecies that predict the restoration of D'ni — the fallen city of D'ni would grow. There were attempts before, and there will be attempts again. They always fail. Even those led by my father tried. They learned great things of the Made and the Maker. They learned of the Bahro, of the Least, and of deeper truths. They learned of Father and his wisdom in rebuilding and rewriting. The D'ni city came alive again, for a time. The dead were properly buried and the living were properly cared for. D'ni took short, labored breaths. Sap flowed, though the tree did not grow, for there was no grower. Even Father did not see them as I do now. The grower had not come. I had not come. I am the Grower. I failed. And I think of myself as worthy? I am nothing — the failed child of failed parents, of failed grandparents. How many generations must fail before we give up? Why do I try? I have failed with the Tablet already. There are no second chances here. And yet I long to hold it, and try once more.

Yeesha's Fifth Journal (about Tomahna and Saavedro)

Ātrus and Catherine left Myst Island behind, and built a new home in a desert canyon near the Cleft, which they named Tomahna. Yeesha was born there. Tomahna — my home — the place where I was; the place where I began. I was a spark of joy to Mother and Father, after their fire was almost quenched. And yet what joy could we have had if my brothers had been there as well? Still torn. Father and Mother loved and shared with me, their desert bird. Father shared wisdom and knowledge, and Mother shared visions and dreams. When did they come to know my destiny? Surely not from birth. As I look black, they knew so much; they saw so clearly. They planted and watered, so that I would learn how to do the same. I would not realize it until long after I was to see them no longer. Am I the Grower because they taught me, or did they teach me because I am the Grower? Torn. But peace was not yet with us. From the past, an enemy came, seeking revenge. But there was no help for a third time. Without help, where would we be? Would there be a grower? Would there be a seed to grow? It's all been so fragile. But it must be by the Maker I am here — and there is meaning. Or it may be by the roll I am here — and there is no meaning.

Yeesha's Sixth Journal (about Sirrus and Achenar)

Yeesha grows older, and meets Sirrus and Achenar in their prison Ages, Spire and Haven. I was very young when I first felt strong. Indeed, I was young but I thought I understood. I had many abilities, even then, but little wisdom. Better to have fewer abilities and much wisdom. I knew I was doing something great for us, but what I did was foolish for me. I thought I was rewriting our family, bringing back what joy we once had. I almost brought an end to life. yet again, it was a friend who came to our aid. Now I think that most things cannot be returned to how they were. My brothers were not to be released. But the Maker turned my poor choice to some small good, and Achenar was redeemed. My tears flow as I write the memories. The suffering and pain I have caused — and endured. And yet I am thankful. I will be powerful like the Bahro. I long to be so strong. They will sing a song of thankfulness. They will sing a song, without regard to their circumstances. They will stand and take time to sing to the Maker with hearts of joy. If only I could have such a heart.

Yeesha's Seventh Journal (about Yeesha's Journey)

After being betrayed by Sirrus, teenaged Yeesha leaves Tomahna. She eventually settles in the Cleft for a time. Alone. There is a powerful conjunction between the in and the out, the beneath and the above. A wound, a mouth, a well, a pit. I wanted to make the journey for myself from where the D'ni dug upward, where they almost came to the surface. From the place where Ti'ana first climbed downward, and where Father followed evil into the ground. I began my journey with a heavy burden. It was Ti'ana who came to D'ni, and caused its fall. I am from her. I feel I am destined to bring another destruction. Father and Mother tried to prepare me — tried to tell me who they thought I was. I still see the power of each. I have the best of each — and the burden of each. And as they watched me leave, I saw the sadness and the fear. But more terrifying, I saw their hope. And I left my comfort to find me. And even as I took my first step away from Tomahna, my shoulders ached, for the burden I bore. Deep prophecies and weighty destinies. So much to learn and understand about myself. My father said we can never understand — we can only understand more. The more I understood the more powerful I became, and the more dangerous I became, and the less I understood.

Yeesha's Eighth Journal (about her time in D'ni, and Calam)

Yeesha travels down to D'ni, where she meets Calam on Ae'gura Island. Home was far behind — I was no longer a child. I journeyed deep — deep within myself, deep within the earth, down to the D'ni cavern. I was alone for a time as I consumed my heritage, breathing deep the air of the cavern and the knowledge of my people. But the desire for companionship drove me mad. I engaged a senomar as my confidant, and a tredfish in the harbor became my younger brother. I spoke to them as family and they answered. I swear they answered. Then my mind took a final step into madness when I walked into the library on Ae'gura and saw an old D'ni man on the floor below me. Now I was imagining people to ease my loneliness. But he was no mirage — his name was Calam. And he was a D'ni Writer of Ages. Trust did not come easily. There was a conflict between us — between his ancient rules of D'ni, that I did not respect, and my creativity, which he feared. We fought and feared and battled and screamed, until exhausted, we began to learn from each other. We learned of the power of both, just as Father and Mother had done. So I learned to Write with all the skills that the D'ni had known — beyond what my parents had taught me. For their lessons were given by a flawed instructor and by their own trial and error. I learned to Write from a Master; an opportunity father was never given. Calam's abilities were breathtaking — he knew all the D'ni knew, when D'ni fell. But I taught as well as learned. There were things that the D'ni were forbidden to Write, words they feared, concepts they shunned. Rules and boxes. I had no cultural fear of such things, so I dug deeper, asking questions that Calam could not answer. And together we sought answers. That is how we learned of the Bahro and the tablet. I learned of its power. We grew in knowledge and strength, and Calam became one of my dearest friends. I began to think that it was he who would be the Grower. But evil will find you, even in the depths of the earth, and Calam was murdered.

Yeesha's Ninth Journal (about Calam's death and Yeesha siezing the tablet)

After Calam died, Yeesha decided that freeing the Bahro from servitude should be her life's work. She learned much about their Art from them. Power is a gift. Power is a curse. I learned of the fearsome power I wield on that day — the day of Calam's death. In a fit of rage I destroyed the murderer, and I destroyed my innocence. And again I learned that most things cannot be returned to how they were. And my power continued to grow even as I began to see that the prophecies of the Grower might speak of me. My destiny began to be fulfilled. But there was still more. The Least. Abused. Mistreated. Misunderstood. Ignored. They were mocked and scorned and their hearts still show their pain, but they continue to serve. Such power they have, and yet they serve. They treated me with kindness, and I learned from them. They respected what I was becoming. With them I learned new laws, new rules, and new powers. I used the powers to care for a tree to come, and the Tablet allowed me to grow beyond Ti'ana, beyond Father and Mother, beyond D'ni, beyond Calam. The Tablet held them. The Tablet chained them. The Tablet held me. The Tablet empowered me. I watched with them. I waited with them. I learned with them. I called them from captivity and grew while they gathered. Together we became both weak and strong. And then my time came. My time to take the Tablet. My time to choose. I was ready. I felt the pull of holding it, of channeling and releasing the full power of the Bahro. I would right the wrongs. I would set things the way they should be. I would choose well — I could not fail. I am the Grower. I was so sure, so strong, so wise, but I didn't open myself and listen to the Maker. The noise of me drowned his quiet voice. And I failed. Failed to see anything beyond myself and what was obvious. And pain came quickly, when I realized what I had done. The tablet returned, and the Bahro continued to serve. The pain still burns me. But the powerful Bahro simply wait and serve. Pain is often how we learn. But it is not for us to give — we are not the teachers. We must not abuse them. We must not abuse the Bahro.

Yeesha's Tenth Journal (about the Calling to Uru)

Yeesha decides to have the Bahro call normal people to D'ni, where she has set up a quest that leads them to free individual Bahro, one per explorer. How could I have not seen the true path? I see it now so clearly. But can I get another chance to make things right? They came. They came to D'ni — those who felt called. I knew they would. I was prepared for them, and I painted the way. I spoke often of the pride of D'ni, of their belief in their own power and strength and the reason that D'ni once fell. And a few understand. And they begin to follow me. I am the Grower — I would lead them to rebuild. Yet another burden. But what is the task of a grower? My Father wrote another Age, but I see that the tree is not a place, but a people — the heart of a people. That is what must grow. If only I had another chance to make things right. The tablet is the key — how could I have failed?

Yeesha's Eleventh Journal (more about the tablet)

Yeesha and Esher contend over who will control the Tablet, and who will be considered to be the Grower. I know what to do. I see it so clearly. One more chance to determine the destiny of the tablet. I can feel it. To be so close and yet so powerless — it drives me mad. The Tablet sits there, holding the power of the Bahro captive, and I alone know what to do. I failed once, but what does that mean? Why am I punished when I could accomplish so much? The rules seem so arbitrary — some game of the Maker that only he understands. This legacy of failure. And now I see this final chance to right generations of wrong. To unleash the power of that has been held for thousands of years. It is at my fingertips! I know what must be done, but I cannot speak of it, for fear that it would somehow break the rules — tarnish the heart, taint the act, soil the innocence. I had a dream... I am carrying the seed of D'ni, the seed of all things that are D'ni, through a small cave. And I come to a place where the path stops, and there are two holes — one above me, and one below me. And through the hole below I can see the D'ni cavern and the great city. And through the hole above I can see the sky and sun. A voice calls to me "In which hole will you plant the seed?" And I know it is easy to drop the seed in the hole below, and I know it is impossible to throw the seed through the hole above. I call out to the voice, asking for wisdom. And the voice answers me "Do not drop the seed in the hole below, for that is easy, but that is the way of the past. Do not throw the seed in the hole above, for that is difficult, and that is the task of another. In which hole will you plant the seed? And I know what to do. And I know I am the Grower.

Yeesha's viewer recordings

Dr. Watson found viewers in the Great Shaft. Yeesha had recorded short messages on them to vent her emotions.

Yeesha's viewer recording in the first Eder Tomahn (on the D'ni.)
(Yeesha speaks of how she has come to hate the D'ni culture, and herself for being descended from them in general and Gehn in particular.)

Arrrgh! How could this be?! On their backs this fallen empire was built. What hypocrisy! Such abuse of power! I think they even deluded themselves into believing their own lies. It pains me to the point of ill. It makes me pleased that they are dead! What I hate is in me.

Yeesha's viewer recording in the third Eder Tomahn (on the Called explorers.)
(Yeesha speaks of how frustrated she is at the speed at which the Bahro are being freed by explorers.)

What will I become? I will make something more of me. I will rebuild what I am. Is there anyone who is master over me? Have I not become the Grower? The Grower... Yet all I grow is anger. Watching them call, watching them fail, waiting and watching. I am the Grower! How can I wait much longer on such fools?

Yeesha's viewer recording in the fourth Eder Tomahn (on her perceived burdens.)
(Yeesha speaks of the burdens she believes have been placed on her shoulders.)

What am I left with? Why did he leave this weight on me? Did I ask for this? Did I ask to lose my brothers? Did I ask to cause the death of Calam? Did I ask to watch my Mother die? Did I ask to be my Father's tool? Did I ask for so much power? Did I ask to be so alone? Father, I wish you could hold me.

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