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A Ranma ½ story
by Ginrai

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.

C&C appreciated - ranmafics@hotmail.com

Up in the heavens, Cupid was busy testing out a new love mechanism Urd provided.  I must really be bored to take time looking over something Urd made.  "So… when I shoot this type of arrow, it will always hit its intended target; after which that person will fall in love with whomever is listed on the arrow?"

With a huge smile on her face, Urd nodded in reply.

"Right."  The look on Cupid's face showed that he didn't believe a word she said.

"What do you mean?!  You don't know how long I worked on that!  It works, I tell you!"

Cupid still wasn't impressed.  "So, if I take these three girls and list them as my targets," he replied, writing down the names of three girls, "and make these three guys their intended loves," he continued as he wrote down the names of three guys, "then when these arrows hit their respective targets, those girls will automatically fall in love with the guys listed?"  With that he set the three arrows on his bow.

"Why do you put multiple arrows on your bow?"

"Huh?  Oh, it makes things easier."

"I see."  Remembering what he had asked about, Urd shook her head.  "Anyway, of course it will work!  I'm more sure of this than anything else in my life.  In fact, I'll go as far as to say that this will revolutionize the jobs of love deities all around!"  With that, she stood straight and pointed her index finger upwards, trying to look as important as possible.

Wiping the sweatdrop from the back of his head, Cupid sighed.  She seems so sure about this.  Then again, she was as sure all those other times.  But something does look different this time around.  "Well…. I guess I can give it a try."

"All right!"  Urd started pumping her arms and jumping up and down, overjoyed at not having her love arrows turned down.  "By the way, just what names did you write down?" she asked, running up to Cupid to get a glimpse.  Seeing two of the pairs, she laughed out loud.  "You really are stretching it there, aren't you?" she asked, patting him on the back.


Which had the unfortunate effect of Cupid letting go of the bowstring and having the arrows shot.  "ARRRGGGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, seeing the arrows go off into the distance.

"Oh, well," Urd sighed, "At least neither of the important two are affected.  Not like the others matter."

Right away Cupid ran up to Urd and started shaking her.  "Are you insane?!  Neither of those two matchups is even remotely possibly!  Only those foolish amateur deities actually think those two would work without any sort of reasoning, just so the eternal pair could be together!  Damn them and their haste!"  He stopped shaking the goddess and, lowering his voice, added, "Besides, there were three pairs, not two."

Urd's face became pale and asked, "You mean that…"

Cupid just nodded.  "Yes, all thanks to your potion… Wait a minute, this potion was made by you."  He pointed at her.  "YOUR potions never work!  All is not lost!"  With that he started dancing, overjoyed at the fact that there won't be any major problems.

"Actually, it was just my idea.  Belldandy did all of the work, while I just watched."

Cupid stopped dancing as his jaws dropped down as far as possible.  Slowly turning around to face Urd, he asked in a soft voice, "Belldandy?"  Seeing her nod, he slowly turned, eyes growing wide in horror, back towards where the arrows went, now only a small dot in the distance.  He could only think of one thing to say.  "Say, is Belldandy cooking tonight?"

"Actually, yes."

"I'll race you there."

With that, the two deities were off.

It was a typical morning in Nerima.

Ranma, having been kicked into LEO by Akane, landed in front of the Nekohanten.  Damn.  I wonder what set her off this time.  And so soon after I saved her.  Shrugging it off, he saw where he landed and decided to go in, hungry as ever.

Once inside, Ranma was confused.  Shampoo was cooking, yet there was no glomp that usually follows when he's around her.  The pigtailed boy became a little curious and wondered if anything had happened.  "Shampoo?" he asked, wanting to make his presence known.

The Amazon turned towards Ranma and smiled, looking happier than usual.  "Hello, Ranma," Shampoo replied, after which she went back to cooking, not taking any notice of his shocked look.  A minute later she turned back with an even more joyful look on her face and screamed out 'Airen!' before running towards Ranma.

Well, here it comes.  Ranma closed his eyes, anticipating an Amazon glomp.  When he didn't feel anything, he opened them to see Shampoo fiercely hugging an equally happy Mousse.  How?  When? he thought right away.  Thinking for a bit longer he realized that this does make things easier for him.  "So, when did this happen?"

"Shampoo had always loved Mousse throughout her life.  Just wait until he strong enough to beat her.  Now can wait no longer.  Shampoo had to show her love.  Mousse kindest person Shampoo ever know.  It always been true love.  Wo ai ni, Mousse."  Shampoo then gave Mousse a peck on the cheek.

Seeing how it turned out, Ranma couldn't be any happier.  "Well, I'm glad that you two got together.  I always knew that you two were fated to be together."  That last statement was followed by a cough from behind.  He turned around to see Cologne, who seemed weary, possibly from the late night activities by Shampoo and Mousse.

"Thirteen years.  For thirteen years he's continuously harassed Shampoo, always getting 'no' as a response and yet still continuing.

"He once ran through one of our most important ceremonies, screaming out 'Shampoo, I love you!', knocking over the sacrificial bird as he ran past it.  The bird managed to escape.  That was the first time in over three thousand years that the ceremony wasn't completed.

"Another time he mistook one of our up and coming fighters for Shampoo, grabbing her leg with his chains and pulling her off the combat log.  She's now a master of a special style of martial arts using a crutch, practicing on dummies with long hair and fake glasses.

"During the day of Shampoo's coming of age ceremony, he ran up to hug her.  This was while she was taking a bath, with other girls her age.  Did I mention that he was also naked?  He then proceeds to hug the granddaughter of another elder.  A girl that doesn't react so well to boys around her, in fact.  Shampoo was this close from being dismissed as future matriarch, for not having gotten rid of this nuisance like any true leader would.

"Then there was the time that he thought the leader from a nearby village was Shampoo and that her husband was a challenger.  It was by mere luck that civil war didn't break out.

"That Shampoo can tolerate his presence, let alone declaring any sort of love for him, is astounding.  Throughout her life she didn't have many friends because other boys were chased away by him, which goes to show you just how 'good' most of our young male fighters are, and other girls would avoid her, afraid of catching the 'curse of the blind fool'."

Throughout her speech, Ranma was continuously wiping the sweatdrops that were forming on the back of his head.  "You know, the way you put it, this match doesn't seem so good."

"The only way she could have declared any sort of love for him would be through the use of some love potion.  Possibly with outside help."  Cologne stopped to stare at Ranma.  "Either that or she was feeling lonely cause of someone not caring about her."

"Hey, you can't point this at me!"

Cologne, though, wasn't done.  "There was a statement used in these type of situations.  What was that?  Oh, yes."

The scream of 'RANMA!!  THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!' could be heard from many miles around the Nekohanten as one could see a figure being shot out from the roof and landing a few miles away.

"Does this mean you won't be giving me breakfast?" Ranma shouted back.

Still quite hungry, Ranma's next stop was Ucchan’s.

That was weird, he thought, remembering the events in the Nekohanten.  Well, at least that's one less girl to worry about.


Looking ahead of him, Ranma saw an enraged male kunoichi.  "Konatsu, are you okay!"

"What have you done to Ukyou-sama?!"  The anger in Konatsu was evident as he was restraining himself from attacking Ranma, wanting to first hear his side of the story.

Something's wrong with Ucchan? Ranma thought, getting a bit worried.  Could she have hurt herself?  But why would she?  It's not like he was angry about the wedding, especially since he perfectly understood the reasoning for her actions.  "What happened?"  God, please let Ucchan be okay.

"The day started out alright, though a bit strange.  Once she woke up, Ukyou-sama was hugging every plant she had.  I thought this was some sort of special earth day or that she became a plant lover.  Deciding to show her that I was also one, I too was hugging the plants.  But instead of a smile, she gives me an angry stare and asks if I've been 'Rhea-ized', whatever that means.  Once done with the plants, she went out to hug the mailbox but didn't take the mail."  Konatsu stopped for a moment to take a breath and continued.  "You should have seen how sad she felt.  But then I saw the gleam in her eyes."  Konatsu shuddered thinking about it.  "Right away she ran back inside, hugging everything in site: tables, chairs, even the grill which I had to turn off before something bad happened to her.  And then she went towards the spatula…"  He tried his best to not visualize what happened then.  "Luckily I was able to pry it away from Ukyou-sama and calm her down a bit.  It was soon after that when he came."  His face darkened as his anger came back.  "That… that…. CROSS-DRESSER!"  Not being able to handle his anger any longer, he ran towards Ranma, intent on hurting him.

Ranma just sidestepped the attack and knocked him unconscious.  Wondering how Ukyou was feeling, he went inside Ucchan’s.  The sound of Ukyou moaning 'Tsu-chan!' could be heard as the door was right away opened with Ranma running out as fast as possible.  If there was one thing he learned, it was that okonomiyaki batter just should not be used in such a way!

Well, this day's been strange, Ranma thought as he reached Furinkan.  Worse yet, for him, was that he still didn't get anything to eat.

"Hold, foul sorcerer!"

Well, at least some things stay the same.  "What is it, Kunou?" Ranma asked, cracking his knuckles as he was looking forward to the upcoming fight against the kendoist.

"Stop it!"

Anything Kunou would have said was halted as they both turned to see a girl running towards them.

"What do you want, tomboy?"  Ranma was annoyed that his fight was going to be interrupted, though somewhat glad that Akane was here.

Without any sort of reply, Akane splashed Ranma with cold water, instantly turning him into a girl, and turned towards Kunou.  "See, sempai?  The pig-tailed girl you've been lusting after is actually Ranma."

"Wha… why?"  Kunou couldn't believe it.  The sorcerer could change his body.  All this time Saotome made him take his attention away from the fair Akane Tendou.  And it worked perfectly.  He didn't deserve Akane's love.  Seeing his fair maiden in front of him, he asked, "Why now?"

"I couldn't stand seeing this any longer.  You looked completely pathetic," she replied, the tone of her voice serious.  Her response made Kunou feel even worse.

Seeing the scene between the two, Ranma sighed.  Finally!  No more being annoyed by him.  Though I do feel a little sorry for him.  Oh well, better to know now than later.

"I thought you only loved me.  It hurt that you would love someone who was actually a man."  Looking up at him with tears forming in her eyes, she added, "Because I love you with all my heart.  I want to be the only one you love."  Right away she kissed the shocked kendoist on the lips.  After a few moments, Kunou eagerly returned the kiss, neither of them paying any attention to Ranma, who had fainted.

Waking up in the nurse's office, Ranma saw that someone else was also there.  "Hiroshi?"

His friend looked up, seemingly glad that he was awake.  "I see you finally woke up.  You've been out all morning."

Ranma was relieved.  So it was all a dream, those events just couldn't have happened any other way.  "I just had one of the worst nightmares ever."

"You can tell while we're walking outside.  I really want to get home."

"Isn't there still class now?  Not that I want to go."

Hiroshi shook his head, a smile forming on his face.  "Kunou convinced his dad to give us today and the next few days off."

"Umm, why?"  Suddenly images of the 'nightmare' came back in Ranma's mind.

"Oh."  Hiroshi eyed the door and slowly opened it.  "To celebrate the upcoming wedding between Kunou and Akane.  Oh well, time to go."  As soon as he finished saying that he ran out as fast as possible.

Standing still, body noticeably twitching and slightly glowing, Ranma was soon able to open his mouth and express just how he felt.

Many years later, most Nerimans could still recall the day of the 'scream heard around the world' and the amount of damage it had caused.

Having regained some sort of grip on his sanity, Ranma thought of the situation.

Okay, so far three girls who supposedly love me have now expressed their love to someone else.  One to a blind fool.  Another to an annoying cross-dresser.  And the third to Kunou.  I wonder how my grandchildren would ever react to that.

"Grandpa Ranma!  Grandpa Ranma!  Who are these girls?"  One of Ranma's grandchildren asked, pointing towards a picture with three girls.

"Them?  Oh they were all in love with me when I was young."

"They're pretty.  Which one of them is grandma?" another asked.

"Actually, none of them.  They all fell in love with someone else."

"Whoa… they must have been models."

"Actually…" Ranma then proceeded to show them pictures of the guys they fell in love with.

For a few minutes they just stared back at him.  Finally one of them was able to say something.  "Wow.  Our grandpa's a loser!"

Okay, enough thinking of that!

Ranma realized that only one thing could be done.

"So, Kodachi… umm… Well, I…"  Ranma found it harder to say something to the Black Rose than he thought.  Probably because he was also trying his hardest not to pay attention to someone shouting 'Oh, sempai!  I didn't know you could do that with your bokken!  Harder.  Harder!  HARDER!' from what seemed to be upstairs in the Kunou mansion.

Kodachi was anxious for her Ranma-sama to say something.  Obviously he was depressed over that Tendou witch having chosen her brother.  Now he was going to propose to the only one who truly loved him.  Any thoughts of her future life along with her Ranma-sama were halted for a moment when she saw a rather deranged looking male kunoichi running towards them, huge sword in one hand.

"I can't watch!" Cupid lamented, waiting for Urd to shoot the arrows.

"Neither can I."

"No, no!  Not when you're about to shoot…"


"And, well…. Kodachi, I love you."  Ranma looked up to see how the she would react.  He saw her mouthing the word 'sama', eyes sparkling with love.  I guess this is it.

About to hug her, Ranma heard someone scream, "Kodachi-sama!"

"Konatsu-sama!" Kodachi squealed in delight as she ran up to Konatsu and gave him a hug that one would only give to their true love.

Ranma tried not to pay attention to them as he was getting more scenes in his head about being called 'Grandpa Loser'.  Unfortunately, for him, this caused the pigtailed boy to pay more attention to someone screaming in ecstasy 'Sempai!  Sempai!  Sempai!  I'm gonna…'

"Konatsu-sama, I would like us to be alone.  Would you please tell Ranma-sama to leave?"

"Sure thing, Kodachi-sama," Konatsu replied as he began cracking his knuckles.

Back in the heavens, Cupid was giving Urd a hard stare.

"Well, it's not like we wanted them to be together," Urd sheepishly replied.

Cupid replied by grabbing the bow from Urd's hands and smacking her with it.

"And that's what has happened the past few days, Ryouga."

"Ranma, I feel sorry for you.  But you know I'm not that way."

"What are you talking about?!"  Composing himself, Ranma continued.  "Say, how're things going between you and Akari?"

"Okay.  She's a sweet girl but I'm still not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

"Well, if you're not so keen on marrying her, maybe you should hand her off to me."


"I mean, she does lead a rather boring life.  You need someone more adventurous.  I, on the other hand, would love to have that type of life."  While he was talking, Ranma didn't pay any attention to the stares Ryouga was giving him.  "So, what do you say about that?"

Ryouga stood up, grabbed his umbrella, and provided his answer.

Stupid… Ryouga, Ranma thought while trying his best to walk with two crutches, He didn't have to hit me that hard.  Even though it was only for around a week, he was almost tempted to disguise himself and go to the Amazon village to learn how to fight using crutches.

Not seeing where he was walking, Ranma bumped into a girl with green hair.  Having dropped his crutches and lost his footing, he grabbed the nearest thing to maintain balance.  A good thing there were these horns here.  Wait a minute… horns?

The girl looked back at him, trembling with anger and electricity flowing from her hands.  "You!  How could you…"

"An opening!  Shoot!" Cupid commanded Urd.


Both Ranma (who was still holding onto the horns) and the girl had a momentary feeling of something sharp hitting them.  The instant they made eye contact, any sort of love they had for each other was magnified thousands of times.  It was as if the electricity being produced by the girl had cleared their minds and showed them their destined loves.

"Darling!" the girl shouted while glomping Ranma.

"Umm… What’s your name?"

The girl looked up at Ranma affectionately.  "Lum."

"Lum-chan!" Ranma responded, giving Lum an equally strong hug.

"Well," Urd said, dusting off her hands, "Alls well that ends well."

"Other than the fact that Ranma will be in a huge amount of trouble once Lum's friends find out, especially with him having to use crutches for the next week or so," Cupid responded dryly.  "Oh, well," he sighed.  "Say, you want to go get a drink?"

"Sure thing."

And the two deities left, prepared to spread love to other places.


Author's notes: I've read a countless number of fics where Shampoo declares her hidden love for Mousse and even read a few where Ukyou declares her love for Tsubasa…

*Five minutes later, after Ginrai stops shuddering*

But in all of these fics, Akane declares her love for Ranma and poor Kunou is left out.  Well, enough of that!  It's time that Kunou gets the girl of his dreams.  But when I started writing this, I realized that if Kunou should get the girl he wanted, then so should the other two guys.  And that is how I came up with this fic.

You may now pick up your sharp weapons.

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