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A Ranma ½ story
by Ginrai

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.

C&C appreciated - ranmafics@hotmail.com

Warning:  The following was written during a period of temporary insanity.  -Lime Warning-

Ranma was feeling great.  He had finally married Akane without any problems occurring.  Sure, some of the others were feeling bad, but not bad enough to try and stop the wedding.  Right now, though, he had other things to think of.

He and Akane were in their hotel rooms and, hopefully, for the next few hours there would be only one thing that both would be thinking of.  Ranma had already finished taking off his clothes and was now paying attention to his wife, who was slowly undressing, making him even more anxious for what was upcoming.  The pigtailed boy then noticed that she had suddenly stopped and was staring down at him.

"Akane, why did you stop?" he asked.

Akane was still staring down before she finally walked towards Ranma and slapped him.  "How could you?!  Don't you find me attractive at all?"  The raven-haired girl was on the verge of tears.

"Of course I find you attractive.  Why do you think I married you?" Ranma replied.

"Then… why is it so small?  I thought it would react in some way if you saw me."  Having said that, Akane blushed a bit.

For a moment Ranma didn't understand what she was trying to say.  When he finally did, his face also started to turn red.  "Umm… it is reacting.  Why couldn't you notice that?"  He then realized what Akane said earlier.  "Small?!  What do you mean by that?  I'll have you know that this is rather big."

"Maybe for a ten-year-old it is."

Ranma was stunned.  "How so?  I know for a fact that I'm bigger than my father."

"So that's why Auntie Saotome allowed your father to leave for ten years of training."  Sighing, she continued, "Ranma, I'm no longer in the mood.  Maybe sometime later.  For now, let's enjoy other things that this area provides."

And so for the rest of the honeymoon they enjoyed the beach nearby and the beautiful scenery from the hotel room.

Ranma was confused.  Ever since the first day of the honeymoon, Akane would avoid any topic about sex.  She would always give some sort of lame excuse like he is too small for her to feel anything.  Whatever that meant.

Trying to recall any advice his father gave him on girls, the only thing that came up in Ranma's mind was Genma once telling him that when it came to women, the secret to success for all Saotome men was their tongue.  Women supposedly found good tongues to be rather manly.

<So they were all good eaters?> Ranma thought glumly.  <Well, that just sucks, considering that Akane can't cook for her life.>

Still in deep thought, he finally came up with a decision.  <I don't know what she's talking about.  The other girls would think that I'm manly enough for them.>  With that in mind, Ranma went out to ask the other girls.

Ranma decided to first go see Kodachi.  <Better of that I ask her first,> he thought while walking up to her.

Upon seeing him, Kodachi was ecstatic.  "Ranma-sama!  So you found out that the wicked Tendou girl wasn't worth your love!  I knew you would come to your senses soon."

"Actually, I…"  Seeing that he couldn't say anything, Ranma decided to get it over with and dropped his pants.

Kodachi stared for a few minutes; after which she got angry.  "That witch!  How dare she defile you as such!  I'll show her no mercy!"

"Kodachi, Akane had nothing to do with this."  The Black Rose, though, wasn't paying any attention as she was continuing the list of things she would do to Akane.  <At least it can't get any worse.>

That was when Kunou came in.  "Sister, what is this about the lovely Akane…"  Anything else that he would have said was cut off as he saw who it was with their pants off.  "Pig-tailed girl!" he shouted while running to hug Ranma.  "I know that your heart must be broken because of what Saotome did, but why turn towards other girls when you have me?"

"Kunou, let go of me!" Ranma screamed in a voice not similar to that of the pig-tailed girls'.

At first Kunou was stunned.  But then he realized what must have happened.  "So, Saotome, it seems that your sorcery with the girls came with a price.  I always knew that I'm twice the man you are."

Ranma decided that it would be best to leave while Kodachi was beating up her brother.

Before Shampoo could glomp him, Ranma got to the point and dropped his pants.  This confused Shampoo.  "Why Airen come see Shampoo in girl form?"

"I'm not a girl right now," Ranma mumbled, almost tempted to scream it out loud.

"Shampoo see.  Akane not womanly enough for Airen so you come see Shampoo, yes?" she asked, feeling rather giddy.

"Not really.  Shampoo, I have this problem and…"  Ranma pointed down.

"Shampoo see.  Airen too, too small, so need Shampoo's help?"  Seeing Ranma nod, she wrapped her hands around his waist, pulling him close to her.  "Ranma no worry.  Shampoo know old Amazon technique to fix this," she said in a rather seductive voice.

"Saotome, how dare you try to seduce Shampoo!" Mousse screamed as he ran into the room armed with every weapon he could find.  All the weapons were dropped once he saw Ranma.  Right away he ran up to Shampoo and hugged her.  "See, Shampoo, I'm more manly than Ranma would ever be!  Now that you know how big he is, let's get marr…"  Anything else that he would have said was stopped as the Amazon punched him into LEO.

"Stupid Mousse, Shampoo no marry you even if hundred times as big as Airen!"

Ranma left right away seeing that if Mousse could overhear what was happening, then Cologne could also.  And if anything did happen between him and Shampoo, they would be on the next boat to China.

<Good ol' Ucchan,> Ranma thought quite happily, <She'll give me some words of encouragement.>  With that he went inside Ucchan’s.

"Ranchan!" Ukyou said with tone that seemed harsher than it should be and a smile that seemed rather force. "Where is your wife?"

"She's not with me at the moment.  Ucchan, can we go to your room?  I need to ask you something important."

Ukyou didn't know whether to be happy or angry with what Ranma said.  She, instead, decided to wait and hear what he wanted to ask.  Maybe it could be amusing at the very least.

Once in her room, Ranma went up to her to ask the all-important question.  "Ucchan, what do you think of this?"  Then, for the third time that day, he dropped his pants.

For a moment Ukyou looked like she could kill.  Then, feeling defeated, she began to cry.  "Ranchan, why?  I already accepted that you married her.  Why do you have to torture me by showing how much you don't like me?"

Ranma tried to remember what he was going to say before Ukyou could cry anymore.  It was depressing him.  "No, Ucchan.  It's not like that.  This is as large as it usually gets."

Carefully looking at it and thinking of what Ranma just said, Ukyou's cries soon became laughter.

"Thanks, Ucchan, I really needed that," Ranma said in a sarcastic tone.

"Sorry, Ranchan, but you did come here for some sort of opinion.  Though, knowing you, it was for some way to inflate your ego.  After which you'll probably run back to your wife, leaving me alone again."  Saying this Ukyou had the urge to grab her spatula and bash him.

Before she could do anything, Konatsu barged into the room.  "What are you trying to do to Ukyou-sam…" When he saw Ranma, the male kunoichi's expression became sad and it looked like he was about to cry.  "So, another guy is closer to being a woman than I'll ever be."  As tears slowly started to fall, he looked up and screamed, "Why did the gods have to curse me with THIS?!"  Konatsu then dropped his pants to show everyone his 'curse'.

Upon seeing it, Ukyou turned her head away from Konatsu, her face crimson from all the blushing.  Ranma, on the other hand, began to twitch slightly.

<*Sigh* I guess it'll be another day without anything special happening.>  With that depressing thought, Ranma walked into the bedroom shared by him and his wife.

"Ranma, I was looking all over for you!" Akane shouted at her husband, though she did seem to be rather happy.

"Why?  It's not like we were going to do anything."

"Actually, today I felt that maybe we could…" Akane started to blush.  "I mean, we never did do it and I have such an urge to do so.  It was up to the point where I was looking for P-chan to get some release."

Ranma didn't care what the reason was or just what his wife was thinking.  As long as they were going to do _something_.  "Great!  When do we start?"

Akane took a glass of cold water and splashed him with it.

"What was that for?!" screamed Ranma-chan.

"Here," Akane said as she handed her an object.  "It'll allow for more pleasure.  It's even double-sided so you can have fun."

Ranma-chan just stared at the object given to her and then looked back at Akane, whose face was getting redder by the second.  She then shrugged.  <Oh, well.  As long as I'll be getting some.>  With that in mind she started to undress for the big moment.


Author's notes: One of these days I'll look back at this and feel ashamed for having written it.  Yes, one of these days.

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