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A Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon story
by Ebiris

Disclaimer: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC.

Feedback is always appreciated. Email me at danielmcdonagh@hotmail.com


Chapter 2: Robbery at Tokyo Central Bank!


Three of our intrepid protectors of the peace were currently engrossed in an activity which was doing little to serve the cause of justice. They were watching The Weakest Link. On a 64-inch plasma TV.

They had not taken Pluto's advice not to go overboard seriously.

In addition to the TV, one side of the room was dominated by an enormous aquarium which Aluminum Siren had bought. Originally it contained several varieties of fish from angel fish to goldfish and piranhas, not to mention a few guppies.

Now it just contained piranhas.

"Well, Toby, what do you do for a living?" Anne Robinson asked the person just voted weakest link.

"I'm a web designer, Anne." Toby replied, sounding not at all perturbed to be voted off.

"A web designer? And you don't know what the capital of Venezuela is?" Anne asked, presumably trying to insult him.

"Why would he, you damnable harpy?!" Zoicite threw an empty Pringles tube at the TV, but missed and hit the wall. "What the hell is she trying to prove? Her insults make no sense!"

"It's only a TV show. Stop getting so worked up," Tigers Eye said blandly, knowing full well that protesting was useless.

"I just don't understand! She's supposed to insult these people, but she just asks what their job is and ‘humphs' at them! It's even worse than that insipid 'Millionaire' program with his 'is that your final answer?' crap!" Zoicite thundered. He was getting on a roll now.

"I like that. It makes it seem more exciting," Siren chirped, earning a death glare from Zoicite.

"Exciting? It's just a copout so they can stretch the show out for longer, so less people can go on so they have to pay out less money! Why are we watching these foreign game shows anyway? What's wrong with good old-fashioned Japanese game shows?"

Tigers Eye sighed. "You mean ones where people get scorpions stuffed down their pants for no logical purpose?" He downed his glass of brandy and filled it up again from the bottle.

"Yes!" Zoicite replied, an evil gleam in his eye "Now that's entertainment!" Zoicite reached over and snatched the remote control from Siren. "Let's see what else is on." He started fumbling with the controls.

First the contrast went right down. "No!" yelled Siren.

Then the screen came up completely blue with a blinking 00:00. "What are you doing, you maniac?!" Tigers Eye shouted, trying to reach the remote.

"I've almost got it!" Zoicite kept the remote out of his grasp. The blue screen disappeared and Zoicite turned the brightness right up on The Weakest Link.

"You're doing it wrong!" Siren screeched.

Zoicite continued his struggle. The blue screen returned, this time with a menu containing a bewildering array of options. "What the hell does this mean? Oh, wait, that one says 'set channels'." Zoicite selected that one, bringing up a tuning bar. "Huh?" He had no clue what he was doing, but still continued, successfully rendering every channel to static. Realising that it was futile, he slumped his head and offered the remote to Siren. "Help me, please," he said meekly.

Siren "humphed" and swiftly restored all the channels.

The trio continued watching The Weakest Link in a hostile silence. Towards the end of the program, a beeping began to emanate from Eudial's scanner.

"Yippee! Our first case!" Siren leapt from her seat and darted to the scanner. Eudial had constructed a wonder of technology, as the scanner searched all police and military frequencies, then filtered them based on certain key words. When something was deemed relevant, a beep would sound, and the unit would display all the pertinent data.

"What's it say?" Tigers Eye leaned over Siren's shoulder.

"There's a robbery at Tokyo Central Bank by international terrorists. They have hostages! This is so exciting!" Siren started hopping up and down. She was majorly hyped at their first job.

"Well, let's go see if Eudial is finished with the car." Zoicite went to the door and was followed by the other two.

As they ran out to the driveway, Eudial rolled out from underneath her recently purchased car. It was the same model as the one she died in, but she was only just getting started on customising this one. "What is it?" she asked while standing up and wiping some grime from her forehead.

"Is the car ready? There's a robbery at Tokyo Central Bank," Tigers Eye informed her.

Eudial looked uncertainly at her car, then back at the others "I've souped up the engine and installed the armour, but I haven't put any weapons on it yet."

"Good enough. Let's go!" Siren spoke rapidly as she dived into the driver's seat.

"Hey! I wanna drive!" Zoicite insisted, moving to yank her out.

"You'd get us all killed! I'm the one who should drive!" Tigers Eye said.

"What?!" Zoicite looked outraged. "Just how much have you had to drink today? No way an alcoholic like you is driving!"

Eudial coughed. "Hands up, everyone who actually has a driving license?" No one else made any movement, so Eudial took hers out and held it up, using her thumb to cover up the number of penalty points.

"Then it's settled, then," she said, pushing Siren into the front passenger seat as she got in.

The other two got in the back. "So you say you souped up the engine? How fast is this thing?" Tigers Eye asked.

"Oh, it's fast!" Eudial grinned wickedly "We'll be there in no time at all." She revved the engine, then screamed out of the driveway and onto open road.


Twenty-five minutes later:

"We'll be there in no time at all," Zoicite said sarcastically.

"Look," Eudial growled irritably. "I can't help it if there's road work, can I?" The plucky former supervillains were towards the tail end of a huge traffic jam.

"Isn't there anything we can do? Those hostages are in danger!" Siren was frantic with unspent energy. She NEEDED to fight crime -- or at least do something. She hated to get all worked up for nothing.

Eudial sighed. "I didn't have time to put any weapons in. There's only one option left, and I really wanted to keep this in reserve…"

"Just do it! People are counting on us!" Siren encouraged her.

Eudial grimaced. "Okay…" She reached over and pressed a button on the steering wheel.

BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEP.

"That was it?" Zoicite asked dumbfoundedly "You beeped the horn?"

The car in front moved forwards a few centimetres. Eudial eagerly closed the gap. "See? It DOES work!"


Sergeant O'Flaherty surveyed the carnage around him. It had been a massacre.

After a standoff lasting half an hour, the chief had ordered the police into the bank. They had killed all the terrorists, but all the hostages were dead, and the police had taken losses too. O'Flaherty had seen his own partner, a rookie fresh out of the academy, get riddled with machinegun bullets. He himself had been shot in the arm, but he considered himself lucky.

"It's just not fair." He looked down at the body of young Mickey O'Rourke. "You had so much to look forward to… it should have been me…" He sighed and closed up the body-bag, nodding for the coroner to wheel him into the van.

He heard a screeching of tires and looked up to see a white car pull up. Four people stepped out and looked around at the body-bags and bloodstains. The blue haired woman stamped her foot a few times while the other three just shrugged. They all got back in the car and drove off.


"Well, that was a big fat waste of time." Zoicite pouted in the back of the car.

"I don't know. For our first job, I think we did all right," Tigers Eye said reasonably.

Eudial glared at him via the rearview mirror. "In what way did we do 'all right'?" she hissed.

Tigers Eye shrugged. "We didn't kill anyone. For four former supervillains, that's gotta count for something, right?"

"We're lucky we even managed that, with the witch's driving." Zoicite sneered.

Eudial deigned not to respond, but made a mental note to do something horrible to Zoicite at a later date.

Tigers Eye leaned forward to look at Siren. "Are you all right, Siren? You haven't said anything."

Siren looked like she was ready to explode, her fists were clenched so tightly that the knuckles were white, and her face was flushed. "I am NOT all right! I need to help someone!" She didn't care about all the dead people back at the bank; that was in the past. She wanted to help someone NOW.

"Well, we'll do better next time." Eudial tried to sooth her.

Siren just continued glaring straight ahead for a few moments, before suddenly shouting, "Stop the car!!"

Eudial duly slammed on the brakes (which luckily hadn't been removed by an annoying fangirl) and was about to ask Siren what was wrong, but only saw an empty seat. Siren had already left the car.

The former Animamate had accosted a frail looking old lady. "Do you need help crossing the road, obaa-sama?" She asked sweetly before picking the old dear up and leaping clear over two lanes of traffic. She set the woman down and leapt back to the parked car and got in. The car swiftly took off again.

Poor Mrs. Kaede dizzily tried to get her bearings after the disorienting experience, dimly becoming aware that her left arm was tingling. She promptly proved Tigers Eye wrong by dropping dead of a massive cardiac arrest.

 

To be continued.


†: Yep, even in Tokyo all policemen are Irish. *notices blank stares from readers* Look, it's a Batman reference, okay?!

Chapter 3
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