A Ranma ½ story
by Dragon Claw
Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.
Now his ultimate goal was only a few feet ahead of him!
A skinny mouse poked its head out of the bigheaded warrior's shirt pocket, and prattled, "Point! What goal was that, Vortex?"
Cape billowing dramatically, even the pink tail beneath seemed somewhat heroic in the rising sun. "Why, the same goal we have every story, Pinky. Try to take over the Multiverse!"
Ranma had had a rough night.
After staring at the water under the bridge for a couple of hours, he had come to a conclusion.
‘That yellow shirt with the bow tie is just too pathetic. I'll stick with the red, blue and black Chinese shirts on this trip. Now then, do I take the heels for my girl form, or stick to the slippers?’
Packing for training trips was brutal on a wardrobe. You just never had anything to wear.
“I’ve got it!”
Akane then had a sudden unpleasant bout of déjà vu as Happosai grabbed her… and started to dress her up in Ranma's clothing and a wig?!
Turning purple with rage, she shouted at the little letch, who was touching her panties like they were slimy, disgusting slugs. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Scowling at the little brat in front of him, Happosai answered "Why, disguising you to fool Vortex, thus insuring Ran-kun won't leave his poor old master here all alone!"
The fluttering eyelashes were the only motivation Ranma needed to run upstairs and be sick.
Great, I hope this is just a fan club send off.
“Gimme an R! Gimme an A! Gimme an N! M! A! RANMA! RANMA! HE’S OUR MAN! IF HE CAN’T DO IT, NO ONE CAN!”
Looking at the Nerima Wrecking Crew, Vortex grabbed Ranma's pigtail and teleported as fast as he could, reversing his previous desire. Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodachi and even Akane had looked pretty good in those cheerleading uniforms. However, Soun, Genma, Happosai, Cologne, and Mousse's outfits would probably give him nightmares for the next few years.
He knew what she was, and given where she was, his respect for Kami-sama dropped another four percent.
Flexing his fingers, he grabbed the back of Akane's head and revealed…
“Jinkies! It’s Mihoshi wearing a mask!”
Nibbling on a Scooby snack, Ukyo stated, "I'll bet she was sent here to cause a distraction from all the money-laundering Nabiki's doing!"
Glaring at the group from the upstairs window, Nabiki shook her hands, magically bound by the necklace Vortex had given her, shouting, "And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling martial artists!" Big blue eyes widening in comprehension, the Galaxy Police Officer made a number of heroic poses. "Oh! A Criminal! In the name of justice, prepare to be arrested, you wicked doer of evil!"
Looking at ‘Mihoshi’, Vortex removed the second mask revealing…
Mouth opening in shock, Shampoo gasped, "Egad! It too, too silly girl, Amelia! Me thought chest was on small side. Oh well. Hey, Spatula girl! No hog all treats!"
Satisfied, Vortex was about to demand they leave when his danger sense flashed a warning. It was the only thing that caused him to deflect the metal rod to the ground.
The silence was deafening.
Let’s see, a plain unmarked silver pole with a red eye…
He tired to get his shades on in time, but the remote Neurilizer was too fast.
Coming out from around the corner, a man in a designer black suit walked up to Vortex.
“Your name is Aaron Verde, and you want to go jump into a lake for the next twenty years.”
Looking at the frozen Nerimans, he stated, "Ranma and Akane want to get married. Genma will go make up with his wife. Soun will go date Ms. Hinako. Shampoo will marry Mousse. Ukyo will marry Konatsu. Kodachi will enter a nunnery. Kasumi will track down Dr. Tofu. Nabiki will marry Tatewaki Kuno. Cologne will marry Happosai. Ryoga will marry Akari. Everyone will live happily every after. Good day."
Walking over to his black Gremlin, the man nodded to his partner. "Ready to go, Agent True Knight?"
Smirking, he bowed to the genius his partner had just displayed. "Ready when you are, Agent Canon."
Looking around, Vortex noticed the looks of shock directed at him. "What? Do I have something on my face?"
Glowering in rage, Cologne hefted a chicken egg. "Not yet…"
Noticing the large volumes of rotten produce suddenly being aimed by the martial artists, Vortex got while the getting was good.
“Get rid of her, Shampoo.”
Looking at the strange man who seemed to be shaping the air, Shampoo blinked before asking the obvious: "How?"
Sighing at her slow reaction time, he stated, "The machinegun in my left pocket, of course!"
Looking at Vortex in alarm, Akane had enough time to go "HUH?!" before she tried to dodge the hail of bullets.
The three that entered her left lung were clearly going to be a problem later on.
Getting free of Akane’s iron grip, Ranma ran to Vortex’s side, even as Shampoo blew the residual smoke from the overheated barrel.
Ryoga Hibiki — in full, travel-worn appearance, complete with pack and umbrella — stood there. He was obviously uncomfortable under the scrutiny, but finally managed to screw up enough courage to express his innermost thoughts.
“Could someone show me to the hospital? I think I used the wrong leaves.”
Author’s notes: Well then. THIS set of omake has got to be the most insane yet. I do hope I can top it in the future. Oh, and by the way. If anyone was scarred for life by the imagery in this segment…
CROUCH OF THE WILD TIGER!
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