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A Ranma ½ story
by Dragon Claw

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.

Believing the worst was over, and Vortex wasn’t going to try carving planets into pieces like the last time he was truly peeved, Toltiir made a mistake. He answered.


Instantly, Vortex looked bored as hell.

"Oh, one of HER games. Well, I like leather and whipped cream as much as the next guy, but I’m not in the mood. Think I’ll check out Yu-Gi-Oh instead."

Wait a second… This power…

Looking at them more closely, he noticed a slight discrepancy and gasped.

"You… you unsealed the ULTIMATE ATTACK?" Smirking, Urd nodded.

"No… Not THAT!" Skuld licked her lips. It was almost time.

"ANYTHING but THAT!" Belldandy blushed, but this was necessary for the sanctity of Yggdrasil.

Acting as one, the Goddesses launched the one move that would subdue their opponent. "COSMIC TICKLE PILLOW FIGHT!"

And the battle was joined.

Ranma looked around, wondering what that feeling of unease had been. Sighing, he continued to head off, leaving Kuno lying prone on the street.

Meanwhile, at the center of the sun:

"Dang." Vortex muttered, trying to pat the flames out of his cape and search his pockets at the same time. "I missed. Ah well, where were those marshmallows again?"

Muttering a word that is the equivalent of cursing your opponents to have their genitalia rearranged by a pack of hyenas, tigers, rats and cockroaches-- without pain killers-- Cologne of the Chinese Amazons hopped out of there as fast as inhumanly possible, Shampoo hot on her heels.

Mousse, after hearing the old troll swear like THAT, promptly packed up his stuff, wrote his last will and testament, and ran from Nerima as fast as possible. 'I REALLY hope that Brush is still single. Wouldn’t want the world to end without having a wedding night, at least!'

Bleary-eyed from a night of tears and sake, Ukyo looked out the window and growled.

"Ok, that’s it. I have a hangover, my best friend hates me, and I just got to bed two hours ago. SOME JACKASS IS GOING TO PAY!"

She promptly took her giant spatula and started slamming it into Konatsu’s skull.

"WHY *clang* THE *clang* HELL *clang* DID *clang* YOU *clang* SING *clang* TO *clang* ME *clang* ALL *clang* NIGHT?

Looking up at his angel, Konatsu seemed to be beside himself with grief.

"But you just couldn’t seem to sleep! I just wanted to give you a nice lullaby to drift off to…"

Growling, Ukyo started swinging the sharp end of the giant spatula.


Crossing his arms over his chest, Ryoga’s green eyes seemed to flash as he contemplated information of the utmost importance. Giving up on his internal dialogue, he decided to simply ask, and wait for nature’s serenity to answer with its timeless wisdom. "Which leaves should I use, the banana or the palm?"

There were numerous theories concerning the effect of drinking Jusenkyo water without being cursed directly. Some said that it would result in death as the internal organs shifted to be too small or large for the body. Others said that it would cause a gradual change into what ever the spring water was for. Others thought it would simply cause a day or two of indigestion.

In Happosai’s case, the result was… different.

Having the tastes of a young man, you would think that it wouldn’t make much of a difference in Happosai’s situation, right?


"Must… find… pretty… boys."

In short, it reversed the polarization of his power source. Which was why his panty collection had been burned and the boxer shorts of every male in a five-mile radius had been acquired.

Brrrr, the horror…

Setting his cup aside, Vortex decided to begin before this time bomb exploded in his face. Now then…

He was then knocked silly by a stray bonbori as the battle royale began.


Looking at the major-league catfight, he motioned to Ranma.

"You want out, run with me. NOW!" And with a nod, the two set off into the sunset.


To be continued.

Author's notes: I'm sorry. Oh GOD, I am so sorry.


I just had to try this. Be afraid, though, because I think I like it. So… THERE WILL BE MORE!

Chapter 3-B
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Last revision: May 21, 2007

Old Gray Wolf