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A Ranma ½ - Sailor Moon crossover story
by Dark Phoenix

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video. Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC.

"Hey, watch it!" I screamed as I narrowly avoided a bolt of lightning. Why won't the damned devil hunters ever leave me alone? I'm not even a demon. There isn't a trace of demonic energy or blood within my body or soul, so why do all the nut jobs with a little magic come after me? Turning to face my attackers, I came face to face with the bane of demons the world over. The Sailor Senshi. It's funny. I've always been repulsive to the 'good' guys and all the really 'evil' horrible creatures from the various levels of hell have treated me like their little brother. You tend to pick up all kinds of useful information from demons who have just gotten their asses kicked and feel like whining.

I never really believed the stories about the Senshi, though. I mean, what kind of idiot mixes it up with the denizens of hell wearing nothing but a skimpy jumper and an almost nonexistent skirt? Okay, I have met plenty of people stupid enough to do that in my eighteen years of life, but none of them were actually able to survive despite their stupidity. Then again, if the stories were true, these bitches were packing some heavy-duty firepower. That lightning bolt had been pretty heavy on the magic.

"Um, why are you girls trying to kill me? Sailor Jupiter, right?" I asked pleasantly, all the while building my power levels up from a resting to an active state, and wrapping myself in as many planes of protective force as I could muster on such short notice. "What's a cute girl like you doing throwing around lightning bolts at a nice guy like me?"

Sailor Jupiter appeared dumbstruck, a heavy blush coloring her cheeks. Holy shit, it worked! Sailor Moon, at least that's who I assumed the blond chick with the odangos was, looked down to a small black cat and asked, "Are you sure that he's evil? What has he done to deserve being dusted?"

Nasty creatures, cats. Never had much use for the little buggers. "Don't be a fool, he has evil rolling off of him in waves," the cat hissed. Well I'll be damned, a talking cat. For the record, the 'evil rolling of me in waves' isn't really evil. I personally think that I'm just further along the evolutionary ladder than everyone else and anyone remotely sensitive to it gets jealous on a subconscious level and automatically thinks I deserve to die. Oh, well, that's life.

"But Luna, what kind of speech can I make if he hasn't done anything bad yet?" Sailor Moon whined to her cat, the apparent brains of the operation.

Meanwhile, I was throwing myself to the pavement to avoid a geyser of liquid ice and a beam of plasma. What a day, what a day. I was up and on my feet before they could reach capacitance again. Here goes. "All right, I tried to be Mr. Not Kill Anybody, but since no one wants to cooperate with me, I'm just going to have to get serious!" I snapped. By now I had gathered a substantial amount of energy around myself. It took very little effort when these girls were practically bleeding power into the air.

The next salvo of magical projectiles flowed around me doing nothing but ruining a perfectly good arcade.

"Nooooooo!!!!!" Sailor Moon shrieked, staring at the burning pile of rubble down the street. Tears streaked her cheeks and her lower lip trembled. She turned to me and shouted, "Y-you m-meanie! For destroying my favorite arcade and ruining a place of enjoyment for countless children I, Sailor Moon, shall destroy you!"

"You're joking, eh?" I retorted. "You're blaming that back there on me?" I gestured to the rubble. "I'd say it was your friends who ruined your precious arcade. Isn't that right, Mercury, Mars, Venus?"

"Stop trying to confuse me, enemy of fun!" Oh, boy, real brainchild here. Now I would like to coin a new term: magical howitzer. That's the only thing I can think of to describe this girl. I'd never felt anything like it before. Not that she had an unusual amount of magic within herself; no, she was just the owner of one hell of an energy crystal, but by the kami above and below, if I could handle that much raw energy at once, I am pretty freaking certain that not many entities short of the Almighty Himself could face me.

The only thing that saved me was the already active protective barriers I'd enacted and the ridiculous amount of time it took for Sailor Moon to activate her attack. Well, the first one might have helped if I had stood there and let myself get blasted out of existence. I was on the roof of the 711 across the street and wrapped in shadows before anyone knew what had happened.

So much for a nice leisurely visit in Tokyo. Hawaii is nice this time of year, I hear. Yes, I always have wanted to learn to surf.

"Hmmm-mmmm," came the quiet cough from behind me.

I whirled, confronted by yet another of the Senshi. Me and my sweet tooth were really going to get me killed one day. I hadn't really needed that gallon of triple chocolate fudge ice cream… No, I think I did. Screw this. I told them I was going to get serious. Not my fault no one ever takes me seriously. My attack came from either side of the green-haired and until now never-before-seen Senshi. Too bad that both blades of energy passed through her harmlessly.

"I'm not really here," the Senshi informed me.

"Wow, I was wondering why those didn't hurt you. I'm just such a complete idiot that I couldn't tell for myself." So I was in a bad mood, sue me.

"Nothing is stopping me from summoning the others and having you eliminated," green hair warned.

I snorted, "Please. I'm about to piss myself at the very thought." I sobered though. This wasn't some off-the-wall preprogrammed spellslinger. She really knew how to handle her power, and she didn't seem hostile… yet. "Really, the only one I don't totally outclass is Sailor Moon, and she doesn't have the speed or control to make a difference while I'm tearing her and her friends into little pieces. So, what do you want?"

Green hair nodded— in satisfaction, if I'm not mistaken. "You are most likely correct in your assumption, but in such an instance I would have full access to my temporal powers and would be able to easily destroy you myself."

"Temporal mage?" She nodded again. Almost as useless as cats. Heh. Never thought taking the time to study up on time manipulation through magic would be helpful. I'm not attuned enough with the cosmos and all that jazz to truly manipulate time, but I'd bet my life on being able to defend against the stuff. Not that this unusual Senshi needed to know that.

"To the point," she continued. "I'm aware of the skill and power you possess, and know of the trouble you have faced with lesser devil hunters since you were a child. It is within my power to grant you a certain artifact that would mask your true identity and distort the unusual energy pattern generated by your body that misleads so many others."

Too good to be true— way too good to be true. "And the catch?" Here it comes.

"As you must have seen, my fellow Senshi are not lacking in power. They simply do not have the knowledge and discipline to properly use what they have. The very nature of my power bars me from taking a hand in their education. If you would teach them, I would be willing to make good on my offer. "I couldn't detect any falsehood in her voice, but illusions aren't all that trustworthy.

"If— and only if— the deal is made in blood." Time for the clincher. "Magically binding, with exceptions made if any one of them cannot actually learn." She scowled. "Hey, Sailor Moon takes the whole 'blond' thing to the limit. I'm not going to have myself eternally bound to teaching an idiot."

"Deal." Then I felt the lines of force connecting the illusion before me to the mind of its caster strengthen and snap taut as the real thing teleported to the rooftop. Nice spell.

Silently, the unnamed Senshi drew a small jewel-hilted athame from some form of pocket-space, and lightly ran it across the back of her left hand. Good, she wasn't one of those fools that slashed their palm open whenever one of the various reasons to use blood arose. I did the same with my own vorpal-bladed athame. It was a much plainer affair than my counterpart's, but I bet hers couldn't call up a higher-level demon just by carving a smiley face in the ground.

We rubbed the backs of our hands together, mentally aligning the magical force surrounding both of us and allowing them to mingle together for the barest instant. No conflicts. I nodded. The agreement was made.

"The artifact you spoke of…" I prompted.

"Oh, yes." The green-haired woman's arm disappeared into another spatial pocket and rummaged around for almost a minute. When she finally pulled her arm free a bra and two pair of panties hung from her arm along with the black metal ring clasped in her palm. The undergarments vanished almost too fast for me see, but the ring remained. "I assume you know how to change the color of metals."

"Yeah, that's kid stuff." It really is. I accidentally learned how to do it when I was five.

"Wear the ring on any finger you want to and simply change it from black to white. Your identity and presence will be totally disguised. Return it to black and the effects will be negated."

I accepted the ring and slid it onto my right ring finger. It fit perfectly.

"You'll need these, also." She drew a manila envelope from yet another spatial pocket and gave it to me. "Inside is the address and keys to your new apartment, and an ATM card. Rent is paid for and I'll be monitoring all expenditures, so don't get carried away. I'll arrange a meeting with the Senshi and inform you of the time and place within a day"

If the deal wasn't sealed against anything but the destruction of the universe, I would be pretty worried right about now. It was just too good. I felt the beginnings of another teleport spell and quickly asked, "Who are you?" She did know quite a bit about me. It was only fair.

"Sailor Pluto," was the only response I got before she faded away. I was hoping for a name and a phone number. Not my fault that she was hot.

The Senshi who were now to be my students were nowhere in sight.

I sought out my new place immediately. Not that I didn't just love to prowl the streets of Tokyo at four a.m., but a few hours of sleep never hurt anyone. It took an hour of roof hopping, and occasional bursts of flight to find the apartment. It was in one of the more expensive areas of Tokyo. Sailor Pluto must really have money to burn. Well-furnished with all the latest high-tech junk, a TV with a few thousand channels (thirty of which were porn), and a very well-stocked fridge. This was too good.

Early the next morning, a horrendous scream combined with a moderately powerful 5.0 earthquake shook Tokyo and its surrounding suburbs.

Goddamn it!!! I knew it was too good to be true. Damn it, damn it, damn it!!! Arrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

The change is complete. Abso-fucking-lutely complete, right down to the plumbing. How could one little ring, barely enchanted, work such a dramatic shift? I really don't care. Now I have to turn into one of the sweetest pieces of ass I've ever seen just to teach a bunch of inept devil hunters how to do their job. Wooooooo, Pluto is so dead— just as soon as the agreement is fulfilled.

The busty redhead's image disappeared from the gateway, replaced by that of a taller, black-haired male. Sailor Pluto, a.k.a. Setsuna Meiou, didn't think she would be dropping by earth for some years to come. Not on the same continent as Ranma Saotome, anyway.


To be continued.

Author's Notes: I've been suffering from really bad writer's block for a while now. Hopefully this will be the start of at least a semi-regularly released piece of fiction. If not, I'm sorry. This is written in a style that I'm not really all that familiar with, so any C&C on ways to improve it would be really appreciated.


Chapter 1
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Last revision: May 21, 2007

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