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A Ranma ½ story
by D.B. Sommer

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video.

All comments and criticisms appreciated. You can contact me at sommer@3rdm.net

It was a typical day in Nerima. Konatsu swept the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, enjoying the way the sun shone down and glistened off his flaxen hair. He wondered if he dared approach Ukyou for a raise. He supposed it would be a bit forward of him, but make-up was so expensive nowadays, and his kimono were looking rather worn. And he didn't even want to think about his lingerie. He would need to update his wardrobe soon, and there was simply no way he could afford it with what he made now.

Konatsu was still pondering his dilemma when Ranma ran past, as though the demons of hell were hot on his tail. There was a chain wrapped around his waist; one with a nearly blind martial artist, whose robes had been ripped to shreds, dangling at the other end.

"Get off of me, you idiot! You're slowing me down!"

"You have to save me!" Mousse wailed as he held on for dear life. "She's going to kill me this time for sure!"

"Serves you right for trying to cure her with a magic object bought from that dumb cursed antiques store! Now she can't change back!"

Konatsu paused in his sweeping. He waved cheerfully as the duo sped past. "Good day to you, Mr. Saotome, Mr. Mousse."

A moment later, a hiss split the air as a humanoid feline, obviously female, bounded lightning-quick past Konatsu. Purple fur lined all of the body that was visible beyond its ragged Chinese outfit. A head that bore pointed ears, a whiskered snout, and a mouth filled with needle-sharp teeth poked above the collar. A look of bloody murder shone in its eyes as it pursued the two youths that somehow managed to double their speed the instant the felinoid came into view.

"Good day, Miss Shampoo," Konatsu called out. "I love what you've done with your hair," he mentioned before she was out of earshot.

As Konatsu went back to sweeping, he realized he was envious of his friends having so much energy. Working has hard as he did, he was always exhausted by the end of the day. Still, there was something satisfying about doing something as normal as working in a restaurant with a fellow cross-dresser, instead of a bathhouse with his evil stepmother and stepsisters.

Konatsu's thoughts ended abruptly as a bouquet of red roses was thrust at him. Reflexively, he grabbed the bouquet before realizing whom they were from. Politely, he said, "Mr. Kunou, I've told you before; I have no interest in receiving flowers from you."

Posing dramatically, Kunou proudly stated, "So, I see the foul sorcerer still has you under his evil influences. Again, I shall endeavor to free you from his sinister clutches."

"Ukyou-sama's clutches aren't really sinister—" Konatsu found he was taking to air as Kunou had already forced his way into the restaurant.

Within moments, the kunoichi heard the sounds of a battle going on inside, and Ukyou shouting out, "How many time do I have to tell you I'm a girl, Konatsu is a guy, and I do not have any 'sorcerous influences' over him, you stupid jackass?!"

"Truly you are deluded to believe that you can deceive me, with what is evident before my eyes. Have at you!"

A moment later there was the sound of a spatula connecting to a head, which was followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor. Konatsu sighed to himself. What he needed was something interesting to happen, to really cheer him up. Sometimes the days were so typical, they were actually quite boring.


Author’s notes: Now all that's left is to be rewarded with the sounds of retching. ^_^

"There's nothing quite as boring as being in a place where nothing boring ever happens."
—The Devil, from 'The Young Ones'

This was inspired by a message thread generated over a spamfic from Andrew Johnson called “The Way to Ranma’s Heart”.  Gary Kleppe made a comment about 'typical Neriman days…” and that set me off.

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