Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC.

Chapter 10-2K

"Then BAM, zoom!" Princess Terrifying shouted at General Zoicite, making emphatic gestures at the youma horde gathered in front of her. "Straight ta the Moon!"

Across the half-melted arctic plain, Zoicite grinned at those she intended to murder, dozens of her monstrous armed minions chuckling along with her. "Giles," she said to the tall blond man standing at the head of the group, "your daughter amuses me. Where did she learn such colorful language?"

Lord Giles Tranquility stood as best he could with a fractured leg and tore a large chunk of shrapnel from his side, applying direct pressure and muttering a healing incantation before favoring their attacker with a reply. "Probably from the Terrans," he spat out a mouthful of blood. "They've become so foul-spoken since Kull was overthrown. It's like they're not afraid to offend or anything, especially since I've not met a single one of those constructs of yours that's thought to use a deodorant."

"Ah-ha ha ha haaaa!" Zoicite laughed with a finger to her chin as she levitated with legs crossed. "Oh, you are truly a Lunar King, worrying about others' manners above your own lives!"

"You should be laughin'!" Terra shouted. "You're next!"

Huggyn and Kissyn, Adopted Princess Terrifying's personal assistants since she was a little girl, pulled their charge back. "Don't, Terra. We're in danger!" The three post-adolescents were in much better condition than Tranquility. The servants only had a few scrapes and bruises, while Terra's injuries had almost completely vanished in the few minutes it took to drag themselves and the other couple of survivors out of the small vessel's wreckage.

You jerks, thought Terra, glaring at the General and the assorted beasts surrounding her. You nearly killed my human body!

Honestly, they don't appreciate how much effort I've put into it.

I sure said it!

And they've wounded Giles. Grrr. He's my favorite being in this miserable…!

Huggyn and Kissyn seem to be okay, more or less.

Good. Call me crazy, but I actually like those two.

Okay, Crazy.

Well, why don't we BLAST THEM ALL for doing such a horrible thing to our toys?

Hello! Look, we don't have enough power left! We shunted it all into the crummy Knight in Shining Armor, WHO, I might add, still got taken out during the battle on Uranus!

WHOSE ANUS?!!?!?

…

Stupid, clumsy construct. Went and got himself killed.

Yeah. DARN, I miss him…

He was destroyed before I could get his essence back! He's GONE! Gone forever!

Don't worry; when we get out of this, we'll build a new one, a better one. We'll call him the Nuclear Midnight Ninja. Hey, maybe we'll even try generating a female Knight in Shining Armor to break the monotony! Call her the Midnight Ninja Maiden!

Wishful thinking…

I don't WANT a female KISA matrix running around, calling herself the MNM! I want my Atomic Starlight Knight back!!!

Let it go! He's gone.

General Zoicite laughed again. "Oh, why so glum, Princess? Don't you know by whom you have the honor of being killed?"

"Well, whoop-dee-doo and la-dee-dah!" Terra growled, tugging the torn shoulder of her dress back into place and tying it to help maintain her modesty.

Mary Ann said nothing, moving silently to the rear of the crashed group, shivering as she grimly looked back at the broken, smoldering ruins of the royal transport, along with the lifeless bodies of the captain and his crewmen.

"Terra," Sailor Mars whispered, putting out a hand before limping to stand in front of the Lunar Princess. The Inner Senshi had not taken the crash very well. Her powers had protected her a great deal, but she still had a big gash on her neck and huge, deep scrapes raked into one of her legs. Most of the bleeding seemed to have been stopped, though.  She looked back at the princess and said, "Stand back. I will protect you." Her blood went chill as she recalled the Oath she had halfheartedly taken so many years back. "With my own life, if necessary."

The redhead pouted.

I don't need to be protected by HER!

Uhhhhhhhhhh, yes we do! There's, like, NO usable power left here!

Ughhhhhhhh… Now I'm starting to wish I'd kept that dinky little prism. At least it was SOMETHING!

Power levels at minimum! I can barely even hold my human body's molecules together!

Well, it's not THAT bad, but I think we get the picture.

Just don't take any hits, and we'll be okay.

"It's been nice chatting," Zoicite added and signaled for the attack to start, "but my Queen wants you dead now."

Six of the sturdy-looking monsters began their advance. They were almost human in their appearances, aside from the claws, the teeth, and the odd-hued skin. Their muscular proportions just didn't look right, either.

*SHIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!* Giles quickly whipped out his huge golden claymore, and with his one working hand slashed at those approaching.

*CLANG!* The monsters crossed their arms in front, blocking the magical blade with a sort of energy field.

"Fire," Sailor Mars breathed, clasping her hands together. A flame appeared at the end of her index fingers, "Soul!"

The flames lashed out at the beasts and washed over them with as little effect as if they had been tickled with a feather.

"Where did we get such power, do you ask?" Zoicite mused. "We have help. A great Goddess known as Metallia has deigned to lend us Her strength for the coming battles. Even now She is resurrecting the finest of our slain warriors and giving them such abilities as have never before been seen in a thousand years!" She licked her lips. "Even the great Jadeite and Nephrite have joined us. When you perish, you may be converted to our cause as well, if you put up a good fight!"

"Can they do that?" Mars whispered nervously to Tranquility.

"Perhaps," Giles admitted, bringing his blade back for another strike. "Then we'd best not die, agreed?"

"Right!" Mars voiced her opinion and nodded. She crossed her arms in front of her, a ring of magical discs blurring in around her. "Burning Mandala!"

Rings of concentrated flame seared the youma, but did not seriously wound or stop them.

"KIYAAAH!" the Lunar King slashed his sword again, managing to sever the arm of a lizard-like beast.

In the next second, the limb regenerated itself in a smattering of green goo, twice as crooked and evil as it was before.

Zoicite and the monsters laughed as the two warriors battled to block the slashes and bites of the beasts.

Terra picked up a chunk of bent metal and looked at it in deep concentration. The metal glowed and dissolved until a flurry of dust left her hand. Then, she thrust her hand out past Sailor Mars's shoulder and sent the six attackers flying all the way back to the General's feet, where they picked themselves up and began to run at them again. The adopted princess let out an exhausted sigh.

Okay, NOW we're out of power.

Lord Tranquility tilted a smile at his foster child. "How are you on magical strength?" he asked Mars.

The raven-haired girl shook her head. "Not good. I don't think I can defeat that many." She pointed at Zoicite and the rest, who had all suddenly decided to attack at once. "I don't think I can even hold them back!"

"Nor I," said Giles, ashen-faced. "I spent nearly all of what I had blocking the fighters' beams and keeping the landing from killing us." He took stock of the situation and sighed bitterly. "They who hesitate are lost. Sailor Mars, go with the others. Prepare to use your 'Sailor Teleport'."

"And leave everyone behind? No, I can't do that!"

Giles knocked aside an approaching monster with a concussive kick that echoed across the jagged ice-laden valley. "I meant for you to gather them around you and escape along with them."

The Soldier of Fire's mouth opened wide in shock. "I cannot even teleport without the aid of at least four other Senshi. How can I possibly leave that way while also taking all of them with me?"

Giles grimaced and grabbed the girl's arm near the shoulder. A white glow permeated the area and Mars's long hair blew backward in a sudden wind and she could feel her muscles tightening and a great strength rush through her.

Sailor Mars stood in surprise, scarcely able to draw a breath. "You," she gasped, "you've done all— and yet— you still hide such—"

"All of what remains of my power is now yours," Giles breathed. "Get them out of here!"

*CLANK!* Sparks flew off of the man's sword as he deflected a blow from the nearest monster. He drew his blade back around to block eight more strikes. "NOW, Sailor Mars!"

"Everyone, gather 'round!" Mars ordered the crash's survivors. "Hold on to me!"

Huggyn and Kissyn each took hold of one the Senshi's outstretched wrists. Terra grabbed hold of her shoulders. Mary Ann took hold of the black-haired girl around the waist.

"Come on, Daddy!" Terra called for her adoptive father.

"He's not coming," Mars intoned, her voice vibrating with her newly given power.

"What do you mean he's not coming?" Terra asked, then turned her head to see Giles Tranquility valiantly fending off the attacking hordes with nothing but his sword and sheer determination to aid him. "He's gotta come!"

Giles looked back with his handsome face and mouthed, "Goodbye," just as Zoicite flew forward and impaled him through the heart with her crystal sword. Staggered for but a moment, he raised his sword to retaliate, dividing asunder four youma in a single swipe.

Terra gasped, eyes wide. "Daddy?"

"SAILOR," Mars said, an intense red glow burning around her.

"DADDY!!!" Terra shouted, reaching out with an arm. Zoicite drew her blade back and stabbed the man again.

"TELEPORT!"

Never before had Sailor Mars felt such a tremendous rush of power into her body as when Giles gripped her arm and bestowed his strength upon her.

Never before had Sailor Mars felt such a horrific drain on her abilities as when she, by herself, activated a Sailor Teleport, carrying four others with her, crossing in seconds the great distance from Earth's northern polar regions to the Moon's heavily blasted surface.

The last glimpse Terra caught of her adopted father was of him being swarmed by the youma horde. As the enlarged teleportation bubble rose out of the atmosphere, the bereaved girl spoke to herself with a very heavy heart, something irreplaceable having been taken from her.

Daddy…

The only human I really, truly liked…

Yes, I can feel it. His life functions have ceased.

He's gone.

Just like Starlight…

Well, I guess that means there's nothing left here to worry about.

We need to destroy this place.

Yeah, the sooner, the better. There's too many bad memories; too much lost.

We will take all the refined power from all the talismans we can find and carve a way back to our power source. I want to get out of here. Right now.

Hear, hear! This ain't no fun no more.

Nuke 'em all and show 'em who's boss!

Yeah. Nuke 'em 'til they glow!!

A few seconds later, the group made it to the Moon, where they were greeted with open arms by their loved ones.

Queen Serenity wept for days when she received the news of her husband's death. Princess Serenity joined in with the mourning. A memorial ball was planned for the occasion.

"Sailor Mars, could you not have carried just one more person?"

"I barely survived taking along all the ones I did!"

"Of course, of course. I apologize for mentioning it…"

Terra's demeanor changed dramatically from that point on. It was as if she did not truly care for anyone or anything anymore.

After all that, the end came…

Ukkyo sniffed, drying her eyes with a handkerchief. "But that shouldn't have happened! It's so sad!"

"And had I lived, I would have avenged his death," 'Tim spouted in a Spanish accent, his voice diminishing in volume, "I would have gone up to the effeminate general and said, 'Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'"

"It gets worse than that," the doctor said, examining his patient. Finally, with a sigh, he pulled the sheet over the man's face. "You're dead, 'Tim."

A long, black shadow hung over the bed.

Death grinned.

"N' that's 'ow ya does it," Arby finished his explanation.

"The badger…? The mushroom and the alcophobic marmoset?" Tuxedo Mask whispered in disbelief, trying to discover the meaning of the creature's words.

"Well, a'course! Gotta use the badga's n' the marma'sets. 'Ow else'dja take care a' the penguin roast, hmm? Hmm?"

"Penguin roast?!"

"He knows your secret!" Bruce shouted urgently to Kakkorotto. "Destroy him NOW!"

"Would you SHUT UP?!" the Sayajin yelled at the White ArbyFish, slapping at it with a free hand. He failed to knock the thing off his shoulder. "And GET OFF!"

"Now'z yer chance," Arby noted. "'It 'em where th' 'shrooms won't rhoyme!"

*WHACK!*WHOOOOSH!*BLAAAAAAM!!!* In his flailing, Kakkorotto kicked Tuxedo Mask away into another nearby mountain, which promptly exploded on his impact.

Dust scattered every which way and several horned demons and scantily-clad demonesses stood off on the sidelines to watch.

"WAY TO GO, KAKKIE!" Mara cheered, glad to see some retribution against the jerk that had stolen her laundry.

When the dust cleared, Tuxedo Mask stumbled out of the former mountain's rubble, wobbling around in a daze. "Ughhhhh," he groaned, stunned, but in no pain whatsoever. He brushed himself off. "How did I…?"

The demons booed and hissed, starting to throw turnips and handfuls of sauerkraut.

"Ya’z already dead," Arby noted, still firmly perched on the man's shoulder. "Wot's it gonna do? Kill ya?"

"But doesn't that mean I'm defeated?" the tuxedo-clad ghost asked, STILL trying to acquire his bearings on the situation.

"Nope!" Arby replied, just as the Sayajin dove forward in a sphere of flame, landed several thousand punches and kicks to Tuxedo Mask's chest and throat before grabbing him by the top of the head and hurling him up into the yellow clouds.

Kakkorotto held his hands together, gathering tremendous amounts of energy between them. "WIDEBEAM!"

A bright cylinder of light quickly bridged the distance between its sender and the intended receiver.

*WROAR!*BLAAAAAAAAAAM!* BLAM-BLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!*

A sphere of energy swirled and expanded around Tuxedo Mask's former position, exploding several times more before finally evaporating.

The demonic hosts applauded. "YAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

Tuxedo Mask landed lightly to the ground, blinking and squinting against the sudden intense illumination.

*WHAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOO!!!*

With a single kick from the Super Sayajin, Tuxedo Mask was sent skidding on the ground, leaving a deep half-mile-long trench in his wake before the pseudo-friction (and a stone pyramid) slowed him down.

Tuxedo Mask stood up and dusted himself off.

The audience started to boo Kakkorotto for not having destroyed his foe. This time, they started throwing mushrooms and rotting pieces of beef.

"Idiot!" Bruce screamed in the Sayajin's ear, again slapping him upside the head. "Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone before?!" He paused. "Though, he does have the First One advising him. That could be the reason. Do you not have any stronger attacks?!"

"You want stronger?" Kakkorotto asked. He grit his teeth and clenched his fists, holding out his arms. "You got stronger!"

*WROAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!* A sudden rush of power caused a tornado to whip around the hyper-powered alien. His hair became spikier and turned gold, puffing out and growing to ankle-length.

"A Legendary Level Three Super Sayajin," Kakkorotto casually commented to the White ArbyFish.

*Vrr-vrr-vrr-vrr-vrr-vrr!* The energy field around the alien was so powerful that its hum could be heard from far away.

Tuxedo Mask's eyes widened. "Uh oh!!!"

"Oh, iz that awl?" Arby asked rhetorically, grinning.

"What do you mean, 'Is that ALL?!'" Tuxedo Mask screamed.

"Is THAT all?!" Bruce hissed with a scowl.

"Wot's 'e gonna do?" Arby reminded the human ghost. "Kill ya?"

"Be quiet and watch," Kakkorotto sighed, pointing a glowing finger at his opponent.

*BLAAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAA AA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAA AAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAAAM!!!!*

"TOIME OUT!!!" Arby calmly called through the eighth loudest sound in the universe.

The explosion subsided at once, leaving a sixty-meter-wide hole in the ground. Tuxedo Mask hovered unscathed in the center.

The Green ArbyFish fluttered over to Kakkorotto, perching on his nose.

"GAH!" Kakkorotto shouted, backing off in post-mortem trauma of the Green thing.

Floating in the air, Arby pulled out a letter, sliced it open with a flipper, then pulled out the letter and read it. "Ahem. Buy our command, we does not want yew to destroy evr'ythin' on the first day. This means that ena'gy attacks are officially outlawed on penalty a' loss a' physical manifestation priv'leges, ex oh, ex oh, ('ugs n' kisses), Lord 'Ades n' Lady Persepha'nee."

*Wink*Wink-wink!* Kakkorotto blinked a few times.

Bruce slapped his forehead with his left flipper. "Curses and sugary tooth-rot! That means if you use another energy blast, you're disqualified." He snapped his flipper. "And you were SO close!"

Arby bowed respectfully, graciously handed Kakkorotto a mushroom, crumpled up the envelope and swallowed it, then flew back to sit on Tuxedo Mask's shoulder. "Continue!"

Kakkorotto tossed the mushroom aside and cracked his ghostly knuckles. "Okay, the old fashioned way, then." He rushed forward and proceeded to get Pre-Darwinian on Tuxedo Mask's disembodied form.

*BAM - WHACK - THWAH - THWAH - THWAH - THWACKKKKKKKKKK!!!!*

The Sayajin finished up with a beautiful double-fisted hammer-blow to his opponent's face, blasting Tuxedo Mask a million miles deep into the ground.

Kakkorotto paused to catch his imaginary breath and smile at his handiwork. The demons applauded.

Ten seconds later, Arby hauled Tuxedo Mask out of the man-shaped hole and tossed him to the side of it. "There ya go!"

The demons booed. A shower of fire and brimstone followed.

"You can't help him like that!" Bruce shouted out a formal protest. "It's against the rules!"

"'Course Oye can!" Arby replied, helping the Tuxedoed Wonder to his feet.

Though still unscathed, the man's shoulders slumped. "How the… What good am I against THAT?!"

"No, you can't!" Bruce insisted.

Arby folded his flippers. "Yes Oye can!"

"Can't!"

"Can."

"Can't!"

"Can."

"Can't!"

"Can yew dew the can-can?" Arby asked.

"Oh, all right!" Bruce gave up. "A compromise!"

"Advoisa' switch!" Arby called out and clapped his flippers together.

*Poof!* Bruce and Arby switched fighters.

"What the…?!" Tuxedo Mask shouted, looking at the White thing on him.

"I suppose that's fair," Bruce replied.

"Alroight," Arby said and looked at Kakkorotto. "Well, go on. Blow 'em up! Use yah Hawaiian Queen Flowah-Bustah Sock."

"I'm not falling for that! I'll be disqualified if I use an energy blast," Kakkorotto noted.

Arby smiled. "In-deed!"

"Just stand there and let him destroy you," Bruce urged the man whose shoulder he occupied, red eyes glowing. "Unfortunately, it will be mostly painless."

"But I want to LIVE!" Tuxedo Mask protested.

"Everyone dies, eventually," Bruce noted. "I did." He pointed at Kakkorotto and Arby. "They did." He grinned a fanged grin. "You did. And here you will stay, being beaten for all ETERNITY! BWA-HAH!"

Kakkorotto dove forward, crashing with skull-atomizing force to the side of the Tuxedo Mask's head, sending him burrowing through the ground, leaving behind a plowed trench, until his face and shoulders slammed through yet another conveniently-placed jagged mountain.

The others cheered as they saw him sail across the dirt and slam through a passing horned demon's car hard enough to puncture and put a spark in its gas tank, with predictable consequences. The resulting fireball obscured his further trajectory through a house across the hellish street, knocking down enough major supports to collapse what was going to be a local imp architect's showcase Sayajin-proof home.

Fortunately, no further obstructions presented themselves between the juggernaut and the River Styx, where Tuxedo Mask began to descend. He had enough presence of mind to grab the staff from Charon's hands as he passed; momentum transfer sent him back towards the other end of the landscape and peg Charon's staff right through the rock above Cerberus's head, which then broke off and slammed into the giant dog's head, but not before it was able to bat the Amazing Indestructible Tuxedoed Acrobat back toward the area near to where Kakkorotto was standing.

Atmospheric friction had, by this time, not done anything whatsoever to slow the man down, and full realization of this became apparent when he realized that Kakkarotto’s fist was extended to welcome his face.

Adding a well-placed and well-charged Ki-blast, Tuxedo Mask's head literally exploded, giving him just enough additional velocity to sail all the way back to the River Styx, break another rock and cause it to fall upon the poor tri-cranial pooch. He almost bowled over Mara when Cerberus smacked him back, until Kakkorotto intercepted him with another sudden dive and crash, exactly canceling out his remaining momentum.

Tuxedo Mask landed at Kakkarotto’s feet, only for the local Ethereal Birds Society to spontaneously declare his head the site for their next convention, starting immediately.

*SPLAT-SPLAAAAAAAAT!!!*

Tuxedo Mask groaned in a heap of imaginary dung, not in any pain whatsoever. Really.

"Stay down!" the hellish hosts screamed at him.

"Don't letcha' self be da'feated, ya wee pansy!" Arby called from Kakkarotto’s shoulder. "Yew 'assn't 'ad 'nough yet. Get back up n' take it loike a 'shroom!"

Tuxedo Mask slowly stood back up and resumed a sloppy fighting stance. "I mustn't let myself be defeated!"

"Good fah yew!" Arby replied. "Now take this critta' down!" He fluttered out of the way of Kakkarotto’s sweeping hand.

The demons and demonesses booed, signaling a thumbs-down.

"Do you mean to tell me that though you can destroy worlds with barely an afterthought but you can't kill the human spirit?! What kind of warrior are you?!" Bruce shouted across the field to Kakkorotto.

Arby turned to explain exactly what kind of warrior the Sayajin was, and what he could become, with a just a little scrap of lettuce and some fungus. "Well, ya see…"

Suddenly, Tuxedo Mask's shoulders slumped. His eyes widened in realization of his plight. "I've been trying my best; my hardest, but I CAN'T BEAT HIM!" He sunk to his knees, looking downward, ready to burst into tears.

Bruce grinned malevolently. "Yesss, just like thaaaat. You are nothing," he whispered into the man's ear. "You are scum; a lowlife that couldn't even defend your girlfriends from anyone! You'll always be second fiddle to that Starlight Knight. Yesss, he actually helped; but you, little one, you just showed up, tossed your tiny little roses and made your inane little speeches. Oh, what a tiny, insignificant life you've turned out to have. It would simply be a waste to go back to that. Remain here and take the suffering you so richly dessssssserve for your failure…"

Tuxedo Mask actually started to believe the things he had been hearing. "That's right… I've never been able to do anything good. Even though I got good grades in college, it was a Poli-Sci degree… All I have are these roses and this cane…" He buried his face in his hands.

"Don't give up now!" a commanding, kingly voice echoed in Darien's spiritual ears. "You're so close!"

A firm, queenly voice added, "You can do it, son! You can do it!"

The chattering of a hundred girls swirled into the mix. "You can do it, Endy-sama! You're the best! You can do it!"

Tuxedo Mask ceased his brooding for the moment and looked up into a brilliant light, in which were the ones that said they were his mother and father in a previous life, and all the others that said they were his dead relatives and old girlfriends.

All of them were cheering and urging him on, smiling and waving huge foam-rubber 'You're #1' hands as they did so.

"Look," Endymion's mother explained, "even in the past, you were a prince, and a very good one. You aided many battles, nearly won the entire thing. In the present, you've given emotional support to a group of very important and special young women! There is nothing nobler or more worthwhile than that!"

"Listen to your mother," King Kull added, pointing at his wife. "She knows what she's talking about."

Angelic singing followed, its soft, penetrating tones reviving Darien's dying hopes. Harps played in the background.

"Don't listen to them!" the White ArbyFish hissed.

"And back on Earth," the former Queen of Earth continued, clamping her hand over Bruce's mouth, "there are those that do and will need your help. They need you."

Bruce struggled against the hand covering his mouth, squirming wildly but unable to get the proper leverage to remove it. "Mrhphle!"

"They do?" Tuxedo Mask asked, rubbing his unmasked eyes.

"Mmm-hmm," the Chinese Valkyrie replied.

Darien pursed his lips and looked over at the Super Sayajin, who was busy trying to remove himself from Arby's presence, or at least, his rant.

"Mares eat oatz n' does eat oatz," Arby explained, "but li’l lambs eat oyvie." He paused, hopping to Kakkarotto’s other shoulder. "A kid'll eat oyvie too. Wouldn'tchew?"

"How can I defeat something like that?" Darien asked.

"Be confident," the Queen urged.

"I tried that," Darien whispered back uneasily.

The Queen sighed and shook her head at her former son's lack of understanding.

"Tell you what," Kull cut in, drawing Darien's attention back to the ancient king, "since you're family, I think it's okay if I lend you something." He took the big battle-axe off of his back and handed it to Darien, who accepted it wordlessly but quickly found his fingers nailed to the ground under the weight of the object.

Tuxedo Mask examined the weapon he had been given. It was a plain object, with little decoration. Its blade and handle seemed to be made of a fine quality of steel and looked to be sharp as a scalpel. One thing was sure, though: it was HEAVY.

"URGH!" Darien grunted, barely able to manage lifting the handle a few inches off the ground.

"Break it and I'll break your neck," King Kull added curtly. He turned around and whispered something to an obnoxiously cute cherub floating by his head.

The Chinese Valkyrie brightened. "So, are you ready to try again, Son?"

Tuxedo Mask looked at the woman for a moment, then back at the axe, then back at her. "Uh…" he began uncertainly. "Sure!"

The cherub talking to Kull nodded, then began to fly away, but the King grabbed it by the wings and whispered something to it in a much stronger tone. Only after the angelic creature had nodded nervously did the man let it go. After a word from the small being, the angels put away their harps and hymn books, and took out a bunch of really deep bass drums and started pounding their feet against a mountain-top, beating the drums and clapping their hands as hard as they could.

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*
*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

Kull turned toward Darien and said, "Okay, kid, we're gonna sing you a little song to get you going."

"How will a song help?" Tuxedo Mask asked, lifting the axe a little higher as he adjusted to its weight.

"It's a Venusian War Chant," Kull added with a confident grin. "With the whole planet singing it, Princess Althea once wiped out a full-scale invasion force."

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

"Who's Princess Althea?" Tuxedo Mask asked. "The Moon Princess?"

Kull raised an eyebrow.

The Queen giggled strongly for a moment. "Hardly."

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

The tiny cherub from before took out a microphone and in a surprisingly deep gangsta' voice began to sing.

o/Buddy you're a boy,
Make a big noise playin' in the street;
Gonna be a big man some day!\o

Kull did not cease to grin as he turned Darien around and pushed him toward Kakkorotto. "Kick his @$$, Tuxy!"

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

Darien lurched toward Kakkorotto, who was still being distracted by Arby's long, indecipherable ramblings.

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

"AAAARGGHHH!" Kakkorotto screamed from the insanity of it all while the cherub continued singing.

o/You got blood on yah face,
yah big disgrace!
Kicking your can all over the place,
singing:\o

The rest of the heavenly hosts joined in.

o/We will, we will rock you!!!\o

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

o/We will, we will rock you!!!\o

Hefting the axe with great determination, Tuxedo Mask continued his long, grueling trip ten feet over to where the third-level Super Sayajin stood struggling against the ArbyFish, who sang a traditional ArbyFish summoning chant.

o/Mushroom-fungus-cytoplasm all around ya kitchen!
Nevah thought ta clean it up, 'cause that would be admission!
Don't forget to feed the cat n' make 'er pay tuition!
Mushroom-fungus-cytoplasm all around ya kitchen!
Bumdoodleliddlefiddle-bum-middle-hoigh!
Bumdoodleliddlefiddle-bum-middle-hoigh!
Bumdoodleliddlefiddle-bum-middle-hoigh!\o

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!" Kakkorotto screamed.

At the same time, the angels kept up their shouting, foot-stomping, hand-clapping and drum banging.

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

o/We will, we will rock you!!!\o

*WHACK!*

o/Sock you!!!\o

Breathing heavily, Tuxedo Mask growled under the strain of the axe he was carrying and lifted it high above his head to get a sure-fire swing through his foe's neck.

An angel with a bandanna whipped out an electric bass guitar and started playing.

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!* *VRR - NREOW - NREOW!*

o/WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!!!\o

"Whoa!" Darien cried as he was pulled backward by the weight of Kull's weapon.

*CLANG!* Kull slapped his forehead and groaned as his prize champion fell down. With an angry sigh, he added his voice to the chant going on behind him. "If you don't win, then—"

*BOOM - BOOM - WHACK!*

o/WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!!!\o

When the angels' song stopped, Kakkorotto didn't seem to notice Tuxedo Mask as he stood back up and started to raise the axe again.

Arby glanced over to the one he had been advising, then continued singing to the Super Sayajin, this time in a painful falsetto:

o/He trav'led awl around th' world n' ev'rywhere 'e went,
'E found iz voice would irritate n' make the people sick!\o

In a deeper sort of voice, Arby kept going:

o/When Luke's got a lot a rock ta beat fer 'is kin,
Oye would say me special word n' 'e'd poke me wit a pin!\o

Arby stopped, but just when it looked like the song was over, he took a deep breath and added:

o/'Cos he's got mushroom-fungus-cytoplasm all around ‘is kitchen!
Nevah thought ta clean it up, 'cause that would be admission!
Don't forget to feed the cat n' make 'er pay tuition!
Mushroom-fungus-cytoplasm all around th’ kitchen!\o

Kakkorotto took a deep, agonized breath as the ArbyFish stopped singing and took notice of the man with the axe beside him.

Tuxedo Mask cracked a strained grin at him, then, far too tired to make any sort of speech, swung his axe, which sped toward Kakkarotto’s neck.

Quick on the rebound, Kakkorotto leapt into the air, feeling a slight breeze pass through his ankles as he did.

Tuxedo Mask collapsed from the overexertion of it all, panting and sweating. He looked up to see the Super Sayajin float down toward him.

"BWAH-HAH!" Bruce, still firmly seated upon the tuxedoed man's shoulder, laughed maniacally when he saw Darien's ineffective strike.

Taking a moment to sort out the confusion that had been dumped into his mind like a supertanker of manure, Kakkorotto looked down at his foe. "Heh," he said, "looks like we all know who the winner's going to be. One last chance; give up or I'll make you regret it."

From a distance, Kull also laughed. "Guess again, Kakkie! Look down at yourself."

On a whim, Kakkorotto glanced down at himself. Yes, he still wore his Bermuda shorts and all that, but he couldn't see below his shins for some reason.

"Oh, very sorry, sir," the Chinese Valkyrie added in a pidgin accent, smiling pleasantly, "but you get nothing. You lose."

"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Bruce screamed in a rage, hopping off of Darien's shoulder and examining Kakkarotto’s legs.

"I… won?" Tuxedo Mask asked slowly.

Arby looked down, then looked into the Sayajin's eyes. "Oh, yew'z been de-feeted, you 'az!"

Indeed, Kakkarotto’s legs just below the ankles appeared to be missing.

"That means," Bruce whispered in a deathly silent voice.

"It means," Arby said, "Tuxy n' Bruce get ta go back ta Earth n' live out'cha short loives there," he turned to the Sayajin, "n' yew n' Oye get ta spend the rest of eter’ni’y ta’getha’!"

"WHAT?!" Kakkorotto cried, raising his arms in shock.

Mara the Demoness stepped forward, grinning wildly. "Sorry," she told the Super Sayajin with a shrug, "but rules are rules." She took him by the arm and started to drag him back into the depths of the underworld.

"B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BUUUUT!!!" Kakkorotto protested.

Reclining on the alien's shoulder and sipping from a mushroom with a tiny umbrella in it, Arby continued, "So, let me tell yew about the 'shrooms n' the fleas n' the bowers n' the knees. AND the world up above that'cha don't get ta see. Listen up, cos…" He looked at the wrist of his flipper as if to check the hour. "We'z only gots awl of foreva’ ta discuss it." Arby smiled, wiping a tiny, green tear from his cheek and continued explaining things.

Arby's voice and Kakkarotto’s confused protests slowly vanished into the darkness. The angels and cherubs started heading back into the light while the demons returned to business as usual.

Bruce and Darien stared after them.

Kull stepped forward and put a hand on the man's free shoulder. "Heh, that wasn't so bad, now, was it?"

Bruce shook his head, burying his face in his flippers. "To live again… Is it worth it?"

Nobody said anything for seconds, and after what seemed like minutes, Tuxedo Mask finally found his voice.

"What just happened?" he asked.

"You de-feeted him," the Chinese Valkyrie replied, brushing a strand of her purple hair out of her face, "as was the agreement between Arby and the Great Green Arkleseizure. He's given up quite a lot for your sake. I certainly hope you're happy."

Kull sighed sadly. "That's one brave… thing. I've known people that've given up their lives for their friends, but never have I heard of anyone giving up their hard-earned afterlife… Arby did both!" He looked at the man lying on the ground. "You've got an awful lot to live up to, boy. Don't make him regret this."

Darien closed his eyes and took another confused breath. "What?!"

Suddenly, everything was deathly silent; as silent as a crypt and smelled of rubbing alcohol.

"What?" Darien repeated.

There was no answer.

Darien slowly opened his eyes to the sight of a pair of flickering fluorescent lights. He gasped and sat up so he could have a better look around.

It would appear that he was in some sort of basement. He was sitting upon a large stainless-steel tray with wheels. Beside him was another tray which had a number of very painful-looking surgical implements. A sheet covered him from the waist down. It looked to have been pulled slightly aside before he had even thought to sit up.

Darien could tell that he was alive: every part of his body ached like he'd been blown apart and stuck back together with superglue. As a cautionary measure, he checked to see if everything he had was intact. It was.

He was just in a boatload of pain.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I like pain," he muttered to himself, clinging to every sensation that indicated to him that he was alive. "Give it to me! Arrgh…"

*Crack-crack!* Darien stretched out, nudging his spinal column into its proper place. "Ohhh, yeah… owwww…"

{Waaaaah, hellllp!}

Darien glanced around. He had heard something and felt a definite psychic connection of some sort. It usually meant that the girl he was supposed to be protecting was in danger, so he had to go help her immediately, no matter what sort of agony his body might be experiencing. "Gotta go save Terra… urgh… Sailor Earth."

Darien wrapped the white sheet around his waist and stumbled out of the basement, muttering, "Hope I get it right last time. Last time I went looking, I found Sailor Moon. Heh, who cares about that girl?"

The recently revived being stumbled past a man in a long white coat on his way out.

The mortician continued his journey down the steps and his jaw dropped when he caught sight of the large, empty autopsy tray. His gaze shifted between the deathbed, the large saw in his right hand, and the stairway.

The man in the white coat coughed as he realized that the stiff had just walked out. With eyes wide in shock, he whispered to himself, "I've never lost a patient before…"

[Sailor Sez]

“Today, we learned something very important.”

(Scene of Vegita powering up to Super Sayajin level)

“No matter how powerful you are…”

(Scene of Lina Inverse powering up the Giga Slave)

“No matter how many tricks you've got…”

(Scene of Akuma brutally taking out M. Bison)

“No matter how evil you think you are…”

(Scene of Dark Schneider)

“You can't beat an ArbyFish.”

(Scene of Arby holding up a mushroom and reciting poetry)

“Sailor Nuke sez…”

“BWAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!”

The group started holding hands and singing "Kumbaiyah"

The six girls smiled, laughed, and giggled together until Princess Terrifying separated herself from the rest and backed off, raising her hands and grinning broadly.

"Terra, what are you doing?" Princess Serenity asked. "Didn't you like the song?"

"Loved it," Terra replied, creating a glow between her fingers. "I wanna share something with you now."

*BLAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!* In the next instant, Princess Serenity and the Sailor Chibiscouts' giggling was silenced as they were vaporized in a wash of white light.

The galactic destroyer brushed her hands off and smiled to herself. "Ahhhhhhhhhh, NOW I feel better."

Queen Serenity poked her head out of a window in the Moon Palace and asked, "Terra, are you done playing with the other girls?"

Terra glanced between her hands, the Queen, and the huge smoking hole in front of her. "Ummmmmm, yes, Mother! We were singing a song, but… they had to leave." She glanced around, red with embarrassment. "I'm gonna go hijack a starship and get the heck outta here. That okay with you?"

"Sure. Just be back before dinner, okay, honey?"

"Uhhhhhhhh, rrrrrrrrrright!"

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: January 7, 2006