A Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon story
by Benjamin A. Oliver
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC.
Despite the intense, power-laden efforts of Sailors Mars and Mercury, the youma horde kept on coming, even after being blasted back a few dozen times.
Panting from the effort of casting so many fireballs with so little practice, Sailor Mars whispered to her companion in the fight, "I think this'd be when we'd tell Sailor Moon to use her tiara, isn't it, Mercury?"
"We're doing fine," Sailor Mercury replied calmly, then drew her leg back and sent a kick at the nearest youma.
The kick was backed with so much force that only slow-motion film would have been appropriate for recording it. Little high-pitched vibrations followed her six-million-dollar movements.
*THWACK!!!* Llama the WhickerWoman went flying back into a tree. "WAAAH!"
Three more youma grabbed Sailor Mercury from behind, grasping both arms and her neck.
In another slow-motion act, Mercury body-flipped the two on her arms and swung the other down to the ground and brought her foot down on its back.
"OOOF!" BoomBoom cried.
"Yaaay! Go Mercury!" Serena cheered.
Nephrite looked around for escape routes. He checked to make sure teleportation was still blocked. It was. "Dang…"
Sailor Mars took several more breaths. "Fire," she began slowly, gathering the magic again between her hands, "ba…ll…" Her hair suddenly turned white. The magic departed with a whine and she swooned to the grassy knoll.
Sailor Mercury took note of her fallen comrade and moved to intercept the beasts heading for the white-haired girl. Unfortunately, the loss of the extra firepower meant that she was getting a bit swarmed.
"Uh oh," Serena whispered with a worried hand over her mouth.
"We are strong!" Scream screeched.
"You are weak," BoomBoom said.
"We will kill you now," Llama the WhickerWoman beamed.
Nephrite glanced between the advancing youma squad and his only standing defender.
Serena rushed over to kneel by Sailor Mars's side. "Sailor Mars! Are you okay?! What happened to your hair?"
Sailor Mars elevated herself on one elbow, breathing hard, so exhausted she couldn't even speak. The blonde helped her scoot out of the way of the majority of the fighting.
BoomBoom chucked a handful of explosive red nodules at Sailor Mercury, which bounced off of her big, blue 'fro, flew backward and detonated right smack on the center of the same youma's face.
*BLAAAAAAM!* "WAAAAAAAH!!!" BoomBoom cried, falling to the ground and clutching at her scorched face.
Super Sailor Mercury touched her earring with one hand and gripped her watery guitar with the other. Her transparent blue visor winked into place over her eyes. The Heads Up Display began displaying a host of useful information about power levels and pointed out weaknesses on every monster in her field of vision.
Mercury raised her guitar and started playing it again.
Bolts of water again started blasting out in seemingly random directions, hitting every last member of the attacking group in just the right spot to cause serious injury.
Gritting her teeth, Mercury started playing faster and harder.
*Crash-crash-crash-KERAAASHHHHH!!!* More and more strikes flew out, tearing through all the monsters' defense networks, breaking bones, burying several, and generally harming them.
Super Sailor Mercury went down on her knees, striking her chords and notes harder and harder, faster and faster.
The strings on the magical guitar vibrated louder and louder and despite the entire device being made of water, Mercury's rhinestone-studded and long-fringed gloves began to smoke.
Serena applauded loudly. "Yay! Go, Sailor Mercury!"
Although Sailor Mercury's element was not thunder, sparks blazed around her, creating brilliant flashes that shone around the poorly lit section of the city like a rotating mirror ball. Wisps of water gathered around her, along with little combusting spheres.
"Mercury," the blue 'froed girl began with curled lips, and with one foot planted firmly in an indentation on the sidewalk, twirled around a few dozen times per second. Her hair straightened out somewhat from the high angular acceleration.
Llama the WhickerWoman blinked and stood back up, scratching her head at the display. Next to her, Scream groaned from the fierce impacts of the water-bolts she had endured. Most of their companions were staggered or just barely getting back up.
"Disco," Mercury whispered in a powerful voice.
"Disco is dead!" a wolf-like youma screeched, diving forward with claws extended at the gyroscopically-inclined young woman. "And so are you!"
The Super Sailor Scout suddenly stopped spinning and thrust a finger into the air, screaming, "INFERNO!" She shattered her guitar on top of the wolf-like monster's head, driving it down. Mercury then spread her arms wide.
*WROAAAAAAAAAAR!!!* A sparking, flaming whirlwind of water swirled outward from Sailor Mercury, engulfing the entire horde and ripping through it. For entire seconds, all of the girl's foes slammed into each other while being burned and drowned and electrocuted under the Water Scout's powers.
Finally, when it ended, all of the monsters fell to the ground, groaning and with huge burns and deep slashes all over them.
"OOOWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Scream screamed, opening her big mouth to its greatest volume.
Sailor Mercury wobbled back and forth for a little while. Her determination spent, she collapsed to her knees, then fell forward. Looking to the side at Serena and the fallen Sailor Mars, she whispered, "I'm sorry… I tried…" She lost consciousness.
The Super Sailor's brilliant outfit faded, shimmering back into her normal blue and white sailor suit while her hair returned to its normal length and style.
A darkened crystal fell from Mercury's grasp, a large crack having formed in it.
Serena gasped. "Mercury, no!"
Llama the WhickerWoman grinned, standing up on half a leg and waved around a mostly-severed arm. "Is that the best you can do?!"
Twenty monsters remained alive. They stood up and mostly brushed themselves off, groaning and cracking their joints as their limbs quickly regenerated.
Llama the WhickerWoman spread her vines, regrowing everything she had lost in the past few seconds.
Sailor Mars coughed in exhausted shock. "There's no way!"
The remaining Negaverse minions advanced once more. Some were stumbling and dazed, but they kept on coming.
The un-powered girl dressed as Sailor Moon looked desperately at where Nephrite had been standing. "Uhhh, could you, like, finish them off for us, please, Neffy?" She paused. "Nephrite?"
Nephrite had taken off running past their injured foes, carrying Molly with him.
"You no us escape!" Llama the WhickerWoman shrieked, turning around and thrusting her spined arm at the running man.
*SKERUNCHH!* "AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!" Nephrite yelled in sudden agony as the spikes went through the back of his right shoulder, digging through his skin, parting flesh and grinding through bone on their way out the other side.
Serena gasped, her eyes going wide. "Nooo!"
Too weak to do anything about it, Sailor Mercury and the now white-haired Sailor Mars tilted their heads to watch the scene in horror.
Llama the WhickerWoman pulled her arm backward, leaving a lovely set of hardened, sharp, jagged, sparking spines in the man's newly created wound. "Hah," the youma minion laughed, "that spike'll drain yer energy 'till there's nothing left of ya! Hah, I say again!"
"Aaaghhh!" Overcome with pain, the youma general dropped to his knees, half-slumping over Molly's inert form. A black crystal dropped from his jacket, landing by Scream's feet. Molly's head hit the hard ground, jarring her into sudden consciousness.
Doctor Samuel Beckett thought he was just having one of the worst nightmares in his entire life, but was rudely awakened to the unpleasant knowledge that it wasn't a dream after all.
First of all, judging by his outfit, he was still this girl, Molly Baker. Sam looked around to see the tattered forms of a couple dozen monstrosities that would have best been left in a horror film.
To make matters worse, the guy he was supposed to be protecting was leaning over him with a bunch of jagged, sparking tree branches through one shoulder.
"I'm sorry," Nephrite breathed. "Molly…"
Dr. Beckett stared in shock for several seconds.
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, SAM?!" Al, the hologram from the future yelled. "QUIT LYING DOWN ON THE JOB AND HELP HIM OUT!!!"
Sam's glanced over to Al, not having noticed his presence before. "Al! Do you see this?!"
"I got a Japanese translator and Molly— I mean, NARU— explained the whole thing!" the hologram added quickly, waving toward the injured man. "Get those spikes out of him, NOW!"
"Right!" Sam replied, turning back toward Nephrite. He grabbed the spikes and quickly let go. Thoughtfully, he asked, "Wait, with a wound like that, we need to leave them in until we can get him to a hospital!"
"It's magic, Sam! Can't you see those things are CHARGED?! Molly— NARU says that he'll heal right up if you can get those things out of him!"
"Magic?!" Dr. Beckett winced, looking at the spines. "Ho-kay, Al, I'll trust you on this one."
Llama the WhickerWoman, BoomBoom, Scream and the rest of the assorted beasties danced around in a crooked circle, singing, "We win, we win! Nyah ni nyah ni nyah nyah!"
Serena grabbed for her tiara, but remembered that she didn't have any powers at the moment. "Noooo, Nephrite! Mollieeee!" She stood up against the wall, hopping up and down in horror, holding her hands near her mouth.
Llama the WhickerWoman pointed at the blonde with her spiked arm. "We're gonna get you n' yer friends next!"
"Waaaaaaaah!" Serena bawled.
*WHOOSH!*BLAAAAM!!!*CHING!!!* There was a red flash, the crack of a sonic boom, and a long-stemmed rose imbedded itself in the asphalt between Nephrite and the nearest youma. The rose glowed with a swirling light-red aura.
"What da heck?" BoomBoom asked, looking upward along with her companions.
"Wait, it's…" Serena began, but trailed off.
Some dramatic chords were struck in a major key as everyone's gaze fixed on the figure that had thrown the rose. He stood on the edge of a nearby roof, and he was brandishing a big honkin' double-bladed battleaxe.
"Oh, it's Tuxedo Mask," the only standing sailor-suited girl muttered in disappointment.
"Just when all seems lost," Tuxedo Mask began, tipping his top hat at the fallen ones, "hope shines anew. Don't give up, Sailor Scouts! This is only the beginning!" He lifted the axe high over his head, obviously trying to hide the fact that he was struggling with it. "Tuxedo AXING Bomber!"
Tuxedo Mask leapt off the two-story building, swinging his axe in a smooth downward arc directly upon the head of a lynx-like monster.
*SQUELCH!!!* The youma that the tuxedoed man had attacked split neatly down the middle from top to bottom. Unable to control his weapon any further, Tuxedo Mask's axe imbedded itself a foot deep into the ground.
"Ullgh," the bisected creature gurgled for a second before vanishing in a puff of grey dust.
The remaining nineteen monsters gasped in shock.
Then shock went to anger.
"Fritz!" Scream cried. "You killed Fritz!"
Tuxedo Mask cocked a grin at his foe and said, "You're next." He pulled at his axe, trying to yank it out of the ground, but it wouldn't budge. He frowned at it, then glanced back up at the youma, who had all turned their attention away from Nephrite and were now going after him. His top hat fell off. "Er-r-r!"
"GET HIM!" BoomBoom ordered, tossing a bunch of explosive nodules at him.
"Gyaaaaaaaaaah!" Tuxedo Mask yelled, dodging the blows while trying to avoid panicking.
"Don't… die, Tuxedo Mask," Sailor Mars whispered weakly.
"Yeah, go get 'em, Darie— ER, Tuxie!" Serena cheered while Tuxedo Mask barely managed to sidestep a mortal blow.
Nephrite leaned back, tensing as the sparks wracked his body. "I'm sorry we couldn't do anything like share a chocolate parfait, Molly," he whispered apologetically.
Without a word, Molly stood up and placed her feet against his shoulder and started yanking on the spines with all of her might.
"GYAAARRGGH, NO, MOLLY!!" Nephrite cried, his eyes bulging from the added discomfort.
"I have to get these out," Molly whispered urgently, applying more force.
Nephrite didn't agree quite so wholeheartedly.
At the foundry where Jadeite waged a desperate war against himself, the dust cleared and the residual energy waves departed.
Guardian Jadeite hung his head, down on his hands and knees on the catwalk. "It… it can't be," he whispered, knowing full well what his last attack should have done to his 'real' body.
"It isn't," General Jadeite replied in disappointment. He still held the cute little blonde girl's body in his arms. She looked badly burned and a lot of her dress was torched, but she was still breathing. Her expression showed that she was in a lot of pain.
Guardian rose to his feet and glared at his opponent. "How dare you!"
"How dare you?" General parroted. He looked down at the body he held. "Funny," he said, "in the old days, a blast like that would have easily killed me."
"I must've managed to blunt the energy before it hit," Guardian whispered in relief.
"Oh well," General said with a shrug, then flung the girl over the railing.
"NO!" Guardian cried, jumping off the catwalk and using his powers to quickly fly under the falling body and catch her. He slowly levitated down to ground level, feeling his powers fade as he continued to exhaust them.
Just as Guardian reached the floor, General came from behind and got him in a headlock, nearly strangling him. Guardian was forced to drop the girl so that he could try to get his enemy off of him.
Jadeite's 'real' body slumped lightly to the concrete floor.
"Oh, do you want that body soooo badly?" General asked in a mocking tone. "To think, the 'great and everlasting Jadeite' reduced to such a pitiful little form… Delightful, wouldn't you agree?"
"ACK-ACK-ACK!" Guardian replied while the two levitated upward.
"Who knows?" Guardian continued. "Had you lived, they might have even let you join the Sailor Senshi. Would you like that? Dancing around in a miniskirt? Maybe showing off your pretty legs to the boys, HMMM?"
Still enraged and close to tears from overexertion and the fierce taunting, Guardian pried harder and harder at his captor, but he was too weak to escape.
"Maybe you'd have found a nice young man to settle down with and get married. Yes, I can see such a weak, effeminate one such as yourself seeking pleasure in that area almost immediately. Why, you'd jump at the chance. Perhaps that's why you're fighting so hard to get hold of that body. Bwah-hah-hah-haaaa!"
General laughed long and hard, then punted the weakened Guardian into the nearest ingot machine.
The youma possessor waved his hand at a vat of molten iron, causing it to tip over and spill its contents into the machine.
Guardian began to scream, but his cries were quickly drowned out as the machine filled with ultra-hot liquid metal.
The ingot machine began to grind its gears and pound its contents into the shape of large bricks.
General smiled evilly and dusted his hands off, floating over to watch the glowing blocks come out on a conveyor belt. "Ah, Guardian Jadeite. What's wrong? Nothing left of you to come up with a snappy retort?"
General Jadeite shook his head, chuckling to himself softly at first, but soon burst out into a peel of intense, maniacal laughter.
*KABLAM!* Suddenly, the ingot machine exploded outward and Guardian emerged, singed but intact with streams of molten iron flowing past him.
Before the General could react, Guardian Jadeite strode forward and grabbed his enemy's neck with both hands, squeezing with all his might.
"YES," Guardian growled, "I WANT that body SOOO very badly!"
"AAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!" General wasn't faring quite so well under the chokehold as had his counterpart.
"You know what?" Guardian asked in a deathly serious voice. "I think I WILL! Yeah, I'll go and join the Sailor Senshi. I'll find the SHORTEST skirt I can find, and use THAT on my outfit. Yeah, I'll show off my just-plain-DARLING, ADORABLE legs to all the boys." He emphasized some of his words with an intensified choke.
"Then I'll find one of them that I REALLY like, then I'll settle down in a nice COUNTRY home with 'em and I'll take up COOKING and KNITTING and I'll CURTSY when guys say hello to me. I'll have about SIXTY children and be a GOOD MOMMY and teach 'em to EXERCISE, EAT right, have good MANNERS, and ALL THAT GOOD STUFF!!!"
"And you know what I'm going to think of while I'm doing it?! I'm going to think of YOU! Yeah, I'll think of YOU and all your evil, wicked, nasty friends, and I'll blow THAT in all your faces!" Breathing raggedly, Guardian added, "You couldn't take it, could you?! WELL, I CAN, AND I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!! YOU HEAR ME?! HUH?!"
General Jadeite's image flickered, and he finally vanished, fading between Guardian's fingers.
Little sparkles of black dust marked the end to the General's reign of terror. They flashed around for a few moments before touching the ground and flickering out.
Beginning to fade himself, Jadeite stumbled over to where his body lay. He looked down at himself, then back over to the little girl. She looked so helpless; so sweet, cute and helpless that he really couldn't make any sort of comparison to her and himself.
"Can I really do this?" Jadeite breathed, going to his knees beside the girl. He slumped over her. "I'm too tired to care…"
The Guardian faded out of sight and a glow surrounded the girl. Her small form pulsed with energy, and she grew a little. Not much, but her body advanced to a further-along pre-adolescent stage. "Oh yeah, that's much better…"
She took several deep breaths before lapsing into blissful unconsciousness.
As he watched the occupied bed covered entirely with a large sheet, Death continued to grin. It wasn't like he had much of a choice.
"That's not funny, Doctor!" 'Tim complained, pulling the sheet off of his face.
"Yes it is!" the EMH begged to differ, chuckling wildly.
"What are you doing?!" Ukkyo yelled. "Help him!"
"He's beyond help," the doctor replied, not ceasing to laugh. "Believe me, there's nothing either of us can do."
"Like HECK there isn't!!!" 'Tim shouted. He reached over and, with one flick of his hand, tore the medical swing-arm off of the bed and sent it flying past death's head. The bioscanner crashed into counter filled with rare and irreplaceable chemicals and genetic samples.
The pink-haired man flipped off of the bed and tried to land a kick right on Death's well-polished forehead. He failed, passing straight through the entity and landing on the floor behind the skeleton.
"Grrr!" 'Tim growled, clenching a fist and powering up a ki attack. He thrust out his hand. "SHI-SHI HOKOUDAN!!!"
*BLAAAAM!* The shot past through Death harmlessly and obliterated the BioBed 'Tim had been using.
Ukkyo backed off and used her giant spatula to deflect the shrapnel. "'Tim, what are you doing?!"
"Killing Death!" 'Tim shot back. "What does it look like?!"
"What did you inject him with?" Ukkyo asked the doctor.
"His own brand of adrenalin," the EMH replied calmly, "it speeds up his natural healing process." He paused. "But this is perfectly normal and healthy." He stopped again before adding, "Well, for him, in any case."
'Tim dodged in close and let fly with dozens of punches and kicks to Death's midsection, head, and legs. None of the attacks connected, however. "DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE!!!!"
Death looked amused. At least, as amused as a black-robed skeleton can. Almost casually, he nudged the man in the stomach with the blunt end of his scythe's staff.
*WHAM!* 'Tim crashed up against the wall on the opposite side of the room from the force of the blow. "ARRRGHH!" Quick on the rebound, he stood back up and faced Death with muscles tensed and ready to strike.
Death continued to grin. Even though that was the only expression he could maintain, he looked like he really meant it.
NO MORTAL MAY FIGHT ME AND WIN.
'Tim bared his teeth. "Who're you callin' a mortal?!"
"Is he fighting someone invisible?" Ukkyo asked the doctor, urgency in her voice. "He wouldn't just go flying back like that by himself!"
Short of breath and eyes periodically unfocusing, 'Tim fought to stabilize himself before saying, "Okay, try this one. I've seen it done TONS of times." He cleared his throat. "Darkness beyond twilight," he intoned, "crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the flow of time—"
IT WON'T WORK.
'Tim stopped, then blinked at Death. "Of course it'll work!" He paused again. "Won't it?"
NO. Death flicked at him with a finger, knocking him down. He kneeled to stare the man straight in the face and said, I DO SO ENJOY WATCHING YOU SQUIRM. UNTIL YOUR TIME COMES AGAIN, FAREWELL.
Death got on his white horse and vanished through the roof.
"Hey!" 'Tim exclaimed, bolting back up. "Where'd he get that horse from?!" He paused in thought again. "Wait! Get back here and take what's coming to ya!" He shook his fist at the roof. "I'll bite your kneecaps off!"
Ukkyo walked over and tapped her boyfriend on the shoulder. "Umm, 'Tim?"
The pink-haired man instantly swung around. "Yes???"
The purple-attired cook tried a disarming smile. "Is he gone?"
'Tim sighed sadly. "Yup, 'fraid so." He looked down. "I guess I'll have to die without Death…"
Ukkyo checked out the man's chest. "Hmmm…" He had very nice pectoral muscles, that was for sure. "Ahem!" She paused, shook her head, and looked again through the circular hole in his outfit. "Ummm, sweetie-pumpkin? You're not wounded. The hole's gone."
'Tim fingered the singed edges of the fabric of his outfit. "Hmm, it is, isn't it?"
"Don't bother to thank me," the EMH muttered, his arms folded while looking at the ceiling. "Replacing your innards is my job, or has been, ever since you've HAD innards."
"Then WHY have you been saying that I'm doomed?!" 'Tim demanded.
"Oh, you're still doomed. You've got something that's incurable, remember?"
"I do not!"
"What does he have?" Ukkyo asked, glancing sideways at her boyfriend.
"Let me put it this way," the doctor said, going through a few items on a nearby screen. "Have you been experiencing any odd symptoms lately? Shortness of breath, inability to focus, racing pulse, mood swings, elevated temperature, weakness in the joints, the sudden, uncontrollable urge to go up against the world?"
"Ummmm…" 'Tim hesitated. "Maybe?" He furrowed his brow. "Okay, give it to me straight, Doc. What is it?"
"You are," the EMH began, "madly, incurably, uncontrollably," he paused, "stupid."
"And you've also fallen deeply in love with a fourteen-year-old blonde schoolgirl," the doctor added after a moment.
"WHAT?!" both 'Tim and Ukkyo cried in unison.
The doctor pointed to the screen. "I saw it while monitoring your brainwaves." He punched a key and the image of the girl in question popped up. "Apparently, it was love at first sight."
'Tim clutched his heard and his eyes unfocused. "Se… re… na…"
Ukkyo frowned, looking between 'Tim and the doctor. "How could this have happened?!"
"It's love at first sight," the balding doctor added. "No rhyme or reason to it, but when someone gets hit with it THIS bad…" He shook his head. "There's nothing I could do to stop it, short of killing him." He deadpanned that last part.
A tear formed in the corner of the girl's eye. "So, he's not in love with me?"
'Tim tore his gaze away from the picture on the monitor and looked back at his girlfriend. "Yes I am!" As if pulled by a strong magnetic field, his head turned back at the screen. "Serena…"
Ukkyo sniffed sadly, wiping away more tears.
After a moment, 'Tim grimaced, jamming his eyes shut. He pulled out a spare gun and pointed it at his head. "Doctor. TURN. THE. SCREEN. OFF!"
*Wink!* The hologram cheerfully deactivated the display. "There, I told you it was terminal."
'Tim put away his gun and clenched his teeth. "Grrrrr…"
*Beep-beep!* The computer cheerfully chimed and said in an equally happy voice, [Dear, sweet Miss Jade's life signs have been fluctuating wildly for the past hour, and I thought you might like to know that they are now fading.]
"WELL, BEAM HER BACK, ALREADY!!!" 'Tim yelled in anger. "One of my wards' life-signs are fading and you've just BARELY gotten around to telling me?! Sheesh, you're just BEGGIN' for another reprogramming, ain'tcha?!"
[Ummm, working…!] The main computer sounded nervous.
The space on top of a working BioBed glowed, sparkles flitting about in the air. In a moment, Jade's form appeared atop the bed. She had burns over most of her body and her clothes were pretty badly charred. The girl moaned weakly, shifting around.
Ukkyo gasped at the sight.
'Tim shot a mean glare at the EMH. "Doctor! NOW."
The emergency medical hologram had already gone to the girl's side and scanning her with a medical tricorder. "Most of the wounds are superficial, but her central nervous system has been seriously compromised!" He held a hypo-spray to her neck and pushed the button.
"Grrrrr," 'Tim growled, his eyes narrowed. He started pacing around, running a hand through his pink hair. "First I get attacked by what's-their-names— Skuld and her sisters, then the doctor gets a sick sense of humor, THEN I fall in love with someone I don't WANT to be in love with, THEN a girl I'm supposed to be taking care of gets injured AND the computer doesn't tell me until it's almost too late… Grrrrrrrrrr!!!"
"It's not fair," Ukkyo whispered to herself.
"That's what I get for trusting Fate to take care of everything!" 'Tim roared, pulling out a green grenade. "DOCTOR! What's Jade's condition?!"
"Her condition is critical," the hologram replied, acting quickly to try to save the girl's life. "She very well may not survive." Most of the gauges above the bed were down in the red zone and were making urgent beeping noises.
'Tim clenched his teeth and his eyes started to glow. "GRRRRRRRR!!!" He bit out the pin and threw down the grenade.
*BLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!* In the process of reverting to the Atomic Starlight Knight, 'Tim went through a very long transformation sequence, which in fact only lasted eight seconds in real time. His height shot up half a foot, his hair turned black, his muscles tightened and his green camouflage armor formed around him.
This time, though, his armor was much more black than green.
*Vreow-vreow-vreow-vreow!* A light red aura burned around the six-foot-six armored man and he stalked toward the door.
<Aaaaah, it's good to be back! Didja miss me?>
<Yeah, we're all glad to be here!>
<So, what do we do now?>
<Everyone okay? Ukkyo's fine, but Jade's…>
ASK turned his head to stare at Ukkyo with his eyes aflame. "Ukkyo!"
"Er, umm, yes?" the woman replied quietly.
"Help the doctor treat Jade. Keep 'em in line. When I get back, I don't want to see her dead, got it?"
Ukkyo nodded. "Right, but where are you going?"
The Dark Knight in Shining Armor thought to himself for a moment. <Where are we going?>
<Not a bad question.>
<What ARE we going to do tonight?>
<The same thing we do every night…>
<Try to take on the world!>
ASK unsheathed his sword, showing off the fact that it was different than before. The blade was a great deal longer, sharper, and the hilt now curved off to one side. A device that looked like a VERY large revolver had built itself in between the blade and the hilt. Resting the large sword against the plate armor on his shoulder, he said, "I NEED TO GO BLOW SOMETHING UP!!!"
As if backed by a thousand other voices, the Atomic Starlight Knight's words rattled all the glass in the room. He turned and walked out, a black cape trailing behind him.
The door slid shut, trapping the leading edge of the cape. Muffled cursing came in from the other side of the door before the magical cloth was eventually pulled free.
Amidst the scuffle, Tuxedo Mask finally managed to free his axe from the ground. He made a single circular swing around him.
The youma jumped back a few feet to avoid the blade. Then they started making faces and taunting him.
"Nyah nyah ni nyah nyaaaaaaaaaaah!" BoomBoom teased, pulling down an eyelid with one finger and blowing a raspberry. "You can't hit us!"
"Oooh, Tuxy's got an axe," Scream mocked in her obscenely high-pitched voice, "Look out, everyone, he's gonna swing it at us, oooooh!"
Everyone else chortled and laughed in agreement.
"Grrr!" Tuxedo Mask strained against the weight of his weapon, trying to bring it back for another strike. "Tuxedo… Axing—"
BoomBoom giggled, chucking a handful of explosive red nodules at him.
"Oh, great," Tuxedo Mask muttered as he saw the balls approach.
*KERBLAAAM!* The explosion knocked the man backward and left his axe spinning midair to imbed the blade into the ground again. Tuxedo Mask slumped to the ground near Sailor Mars.
"No!" Mars cried, pushing herself up onto her elbows. A little color had come back into her hair, but she still felt very weak.
"Ughh," Tuxedo Mask groaned with a wry smile. "Hurts so good!"
"Uh oh," Serena whispered in extreme worry.
"AAAAARRRGGGHH!!!" Nephrite yelled, slapping the ground with a free hand in a frantic attempt to ignore the pain as Molly continued to yank on the sparking thorns in his shoulder. With all her efforts, she'd managed to move them about three inches. There yet remained about a foot and a half of evil jagged plant matter to extract.
"It might not seem like it now," Molly said, adjusting her footing on the general's shoulders, "but you'll thank me later. Trust me!"
"AAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Nephrite screamed in reply, green ichor oozing all over the place from his wound.
A flurry of cherry blossoms swirled in the air above Nephrite and Molly, resolving into Zoicite, the third Negaverse General.
"Ah-hah-hah-hah-haaaah!" Zoicite laughed, covering her mouth with a hand.
"Z-Z-Zoicite!" Nephrite growled. "WHY?!"
The blonde general waved a hand. "Oh, you know. The usual: usurping power, favor and authority." She grinned. "I just couldn't miss this chance to see your demise personally, now, could I?" She looked toward her death squad's leaders. "Finish the others off now, would you?"
"Ahah!" Scream cried, looking at all their downed foes. "Now is when you all die at the noice of my SCREEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMS!!!" She opened her great, big mouth REALLY wide and sent out an intense burst of deadly sound waves.
Sailor Mars gripped her ears, grimacing from the damage being done to her ears. Tuxedo Mask did likewise. Mercury moaned in severe discomfort.
Zoicite laughed and applauded in approval.
Serena gripped her broken prism while looking down and around to check out what were their chances of winning. Sailor Mars was down and out of power. So was Mercury. Tuxedo Mask was stumbling to his feet, but he looked pretty out of it, too. The blonde looked at the youma. There were still about nineteen of them. She glanced past the youma. Nephrite was badly hurt, and Molly had gone completely bonkers.
All in all, the situation seemed pretty grim.
Serena collapsed along with her friends when the shockwave hit her. "I wish," she sniffed, "I wish the Starlight Knight was here."
*KER-THWACKKKK!!!*ROAAAAAAAAAAR!!!* A thunderclap sounded and a few dozen grenades imbedded themselves down Scream's throat.
"ULP!" Scream urped, pausing her sonic outbursts for a wide-eyed second to swallow the explosives.
*BLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!* Scream exploded in several puffs of magical dust.
Zoicite looked around in confusion. "WHAT?!"
*BOOM-CRAAASH!* Another thunderclap sounded and all the lights went out. It suddenly started to rain fiercely, puddles forming in all the street's potholes and drenching everyone instantly.
"HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!" A malevolent chuckle echoed throughout the streets. Everyone gazed around in the darkness to see where it was from.
Zoicite frowned along with her youma. "Uh oh…"
Another lightning bolt illuminated a dark, horse-mounded figure in the distance. The black horse's hooves clopped through the puddles and the creature leapt forward into a fast gallop.
*SHHHHHHHHHHING!!!* The rider unsheathed his sword, which gleamed, reflecting whatever little light was available.
*Th-thump-TH-THUMP!!!* The horse's hooves beat faster and faster and the beast let out a low whinny. Its rider passed five youma, decapitating and bisecting them in rapid succession. He turned and spurred his horse toward three more gathered nearby.
*CHING-CHIINNG-CHI-CHI-CHIII-CHIIIIING!!!!* The attacker's sword blurred and hummed as it hacked through the large youma, sending bits of flesh, bone and carapace flying every which way.
Neatly dismembered, those three creatures fell to the ground in a heap before turning into dust and blowing away in the wind.
The fighter back-flipped off of his horse as it sped away into the darkness. He grabbed BoomBoom by the neck, spun her around, threw her high into the air, pointed his sword at her and pulled the trigger.
*BLAAAAAAAM!!!* BoomBoom detonated in a brilliant display of fireworks. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Lightning flashed again, illuminating the sword-wielder's features.
Serena gasped in recognition. "Starlight Knight!"
*SQUELCH!* With fire, murder, death and destruction in his eyes, the Starlight Knight rushed over to Llama the WhickerWoman, grabbed her spined arm and jammed it down her own throat.
"GRRRGLE!!!" Llama the WhickerWoman's eyes bulged and unfocused. Zoicite watched in disbelief.
*SHIIIIIIING!!!* With one swing of his sword, the dark knight split the plantlike youma in half. The creature disintegrated a second later. He pointed his sword at two others and fired.
A spider-like youma and a gaunt, haggard one bit the dust.
Zoicite held her head and stared in wide-eyed shock as the rest of her death squad was systematically eliminated. The rain soon stopped and the street lamps lit up one by one to illuminate the battlefield.
*KA-CHONG!*BLAAAM!* The dark knight dove at another youma, bringing down his sword and splitting the beast down the middle in two before pulling the trigger on his gunblade, blasting the creature to pieces.
*SHING!* "DIIIIIIIIIIE!!!" the Starlight Knight called out as he decapitated the last remaining beast in a single, powerful swing.
"Zoi," Nephrite coughed, "meet the Starlight Knight. Play nice." He actually began to smile, at least until Molly gave the spines in his shoulder another tug. "ARRRRRRRR!!!"
Zoicite looked in stark, agape horror as the knight in question turned his burning eyes toward her and raised his sword.
The Starlight Knight narrowed his eyes as he recognized whom he was up against. "Hello," he said in a Spanish accent. "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Zoicite quickly created a sword-like crystal spike in her hand and lifted it into a defensive position. After a moment of looking at the remains of her minions she thought better of it and took off running.
"YOU AIN'T GETTIN' AWAY THIS TIME, ZOICITE!!!" the Starlight Knight virtually screamed as he began to pursue his prey. He threw a grenade in Zoi's path.
*BLAAAM!!!* "GYAAAH!" Zoicite cried, barely managing to avoid being killed by the large fragmentation explosion.
SK dashed forward, kicking the female general into a tree.
*WHAM!* "AAAAAAH!" Her eyes wide, Zoicite panted in fear while a bunch of pinecones bonked her in the head. She lifted her crystal sword and held it in both hands.
The armored man cleared his throat. "Hello," he repeated. "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
The general gasped as she suddenly recognized the man against whom she was fighting. "Admiral StarKnight," she whispered. An evil smile returned to her lips. Holding up her sword, she said, "I recall how to defeat you."
*Ching-KLANK!* Zoicite deftly parried a slash.
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to DIE!"
"Have to make it rhyme," Zoicite whispered to herself, doing her best to avoid being hacked to pieces. "Well, Joe, your fame is bidding low and broiling. You'll fill my—"
"Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father! Prepare to die!"
"That wasn't it," the general whispered to herself before tying again, "Jello, your chain is brillingly unrolling. You willed my loaner—"
"HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!!!"
Zoicite scowled at her opponent. "Stop saying that!"
*CRAAAASH!!*SHIING!* The Starlight Knight found the crystal sword's breaking point with the edge of his own blade, shattering it into a thousand tiny bits. He didn't miss a beat, slashing upwards against Zoicite's cheek, cutting it open. "Offer me money!"
Zoicite reached up to touch her sliced cheek and tried to back off, but found herself up against another tree. She suddenly realized that the dark knight had her trapped. Quickly, she replied, her hands raised defensively. "Yes, yes!"
*SHING!* Zoicite recoiled when SK slashed open her other cheek.
"Power too," SK added, his teeth clenched and his entire body shaking in rage, "PROMISE ME THAT!!!"
"Uhh, yes! All I have and more!" Zoicite panted. "Please, don't—"
The Starlight Knight waved the tip of his sword around in front of the general's face. "Offer me anything I ask for."
Zoicite clenched her teeth. "Yeah, anything you want!"
The dark knight grabbed the woman by the neck and held her in a chokehold against the tree and pulled back his sword. "I want my father back, you son of a…" he paused, "daughter of a…" He couldn't seem to come up with the right words.
*SQREUNCH!!!* Shrugging, he stabbed her anyway.
"ACK!!!" Zoicite choked, looking at the blade that went though her chest and out the other side of the tree she was up against.
"Hurts, don't it? But not NEARLY as much as THIS!"
Grinning maniacally, SK pulled the trigger.
The knight looked down at his sword and frowned. "What?!" He placed his foot against Zoicite's stomach and yanked his gunblade out of her chest. He examined it and let out an annoyed sigh. "Out of ammo?! Sheesh, not NOW…"
"Aaaaaaaaaaah," the blonde general breathed weakly, crumpling to the ground, holding her chest and writhing in pain as red bodily fluids rapidly drained out of her in a large puddle beneath her.
*Clinkle-clinkle-clinkle!* SK flipped open the revolver section and shook out the empty shells. He withdrew six more large, evil-looking bullets from his belt and loaded them one-by-one into the firearm section of his weapon.
"Ooooh." Zoicite's eyes bulged as she squirmed around, not quite dead, but almost wishing that she was. "Eeeeeeghh! Aaaawwwhh! Hmmmmm! Whaaaaaaa!" A trail of blood went down the edge of her mouth. "YEEEGGGHH!"
"Here we go." Satisfied, the Starlight Knight clicked the gun closed with a flick of his wrist and pointed his sword at the general on the ground. "Time to put you out of your misery."
Zoicite wedged her eyes shut. Cherry pedals started appearing around her.
*BLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!* The space where Zoicite had been lying exploded in a brilliant red and yellow flash of fire.
The resulting wind and flurry of broken particles forced Nephrite and Molly to shield their faces while it knocked Tuxedo Mask down again.
When the dust cleared, nothing remained save for a vanishing flurry of cherry blossoms.
SK thought to himself for a moment, then realized what must have happened. "She didn't die?! INCONCEIVABLE!!!" He stamped a foot in anger. "I hate it when they get away," he muttered. "And so do I," he replied.
Sailor Mars stared in shock at the Starlight Knight's gory presentation. "We could barely even DENT them and he comes and slaughters everyone in just a few seconds!" she whispered in a mix of horror and relief.
"I'm just glad he's on our side," Sailor Mercury whispered, sitting up.
Mars looked at the blue-haired girl. "Is he?"
"Upstaged again," Tuxedo Mask muttered, shaking his head. He sighed and snapped his fingers. "Oh well, there's always next time…"
"Starlight Knight!" Serena cried, applauding in appreciation. Her eyes were filled with a pair of large, beating pink hearts.
The dark knight turned toward her. "Hmm? Oh, hi, Sailor Moon. How are you doing? Get better yet? It kind of felt like we— YOU were a little hurt a little while back."
"I'm good," Serena replied, nodding emphatically. "Thanks to YOU!"
"Uh, sure, no problem," SK said. He looked around and took notice of the others. "Hi, Mars. Hi, Mercury. Hi, Tux-boy. Hi, Nephrite. Hi, whatcher-name-with-the-brown-hair." He waved to each of them.
Mercury and Molly waved back hesitantly as Mars stared in shock.
Tuxedo Mask laughed wryly. "Yeah, hi."
"GLAAAACK!!!" Nephrite choked while Molly pulled the last bits of the spikes out of his shoulder, leaving a big, gaping, green-encrusted wound in their place. He slumped onto his back. "Arrghh…"
"Now what, Al?" Molly whispered seemingly nobody in particular.
"Umm, Starlight Knight?" Serena began.
SK turned to face her. "Hmm?"
"Why do you always come in to save us when things start looking impossible?"
"Good question," SK replied. "The answer, which I'm sure you know already, is that I'm doing it all for us— you."
Serena brightened noticeably and pointed at herself. "For me? Do you really mean it?"
The tall man nodded. "Yeah. Actually, come to think of it, I do everything for you. It's probably because I really could NOT live without you, and I mean it."
The blonde's expression became almost goofily happy. "Ohboy! ohboyohboyohwowie!!!"
SK took a few steps closer. "And I might as well tell you something important that could affect us in the future."
Serena shook her head rapidly to clear it and gave her undivided attention to the man. "W-what is it, Starlight?"
"It seems that," the Starlight Knight began, "I've fallen madly in love with this lovely blonde young woman. She has two long ponytails, like these." He touched one of Serena's ponytails and tossed it back. "And she has these cute blue eyes, just like these." He touched the girl's face just below her eyes. "And a sweet little nose, like this." He touched her nose. "And she likes to wear a brooch, just like this one."
"Hmmm…" The Starlight Knight paused in thought for a second, looking over Serena's appearance, then shook his head and shrugged. "Eh, coincidence." He paused again. "No it isn't!" He whapped his knuckles against his right temple. "Yes it is. Now quiet!"
Serena looked elated. She giggled, looking down with her hands held behind herself and nudging at a few rocks on the ground with the toe of her footwear. "Oh, umm, like, WOW!" She giggled some more, goosebumps forming on her skin.
SK sighed and shook his head. "I love her incurably, you see, and for that, I'm going to have to fight." He paused and furrowed his brow. "But what am I saying?! You're my only true—" He stopped and shook his head. "You already know that, don't you?"
Serena nearly fainted, falling flat on her back in ecstasy. "Heeeee…"
SK frowned. "Hmmm…" He knelt down and picked her up, setting her on her feet. He paused in thought, then shrugged. "I suppose there are a few Earthly customs that you'd appreciate. Anything to help us be closer." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Good night, Sailor Moon. Have a safe trip home. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Serena sighed, nearly swooning again. The tall, armored man released her. She wobbled around as if made of Jell-O.
"Gotta go," SK said, giving a casual salute. "I have a few things to take care of. I'll let you finish up with Nephrite. Bye!"
*Fhoomp!* As if part of a dream, the dark knight vanished from sight.
Serena giggled some more, not quite knowing what to do with herself other than shiver in joy. "He… he loves me!!!"
Nephrite watched his wounds seal themselves as the spikes were withdrawn from his shoulder. He gazed in relieved surprise at the girl who had accomplished such a task.
"You're welcome," Molly breathed in a relieved, exhausted voice, in a slightly sarcastic-yet-serious manner only achieved by such great actors as Scott Bakula as she fell flat on her back.
To be continued…
Author's notes: There, that wasn't so bad, now, was it?
So, he's not dead. Neither of 'em.
'Tim fell in love… sort of. Innit that sweet?
For saving generals, we're two for two. Even Jadeite made it out alive, eleven years old and female she may be… (And this isn't even a Ranma 'fic… Technically.)
All we've got left is to tie up some loose ends.
Tell me, would you prefer it if I ended the entire series at the end of Part 10-2K, or would you like the saga to continue in its typical absurd manner? ^_^
ArbyFish: Speak now, 'er foreva' 'old yer licka'!
Benjamin A. Oliver
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