Disclaimer: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha, TV Asahi, Toei Animation, and DIC. Dragonball Z is owned by Akira Toriyama, Bird Studio, Toei Animation and Funimation.

Thought of the Day: It is very hard to come up with good "Thoughts of the Day".

Part 8: The Training Begins

In a remote corner of Japan, which is a remote corner of the world, there is a place that completely violates the Laws of Physics. It was known as "Kami's Lookout", until that particular Guardian of the Earth had merged with Piccolo. Now, Piccolo had taken Kami's place. He and Mr. Popo, a short, round black man with no discernible nose and oversized lips, were the sole inhabitants of the massive structure. Well, technically there was Dende, but he was off doing who-knew-what. All Piccolo knew was that the new Guardian of the Earth would spend large amounts of time missing, and he was constantly picking up the slack. He didn’t know where or why, but he had heard rumors from Gohan that a “Green Messiah” was making his way through various Third World nations, healing the sick and whatnot. If that’s Dende, I suppose this isn’t TOO boring. I mean, I wasn’t doing anything more important anyway.

The green man sat in an opulent palace, suspended thousands of feet into the air by a far-too-thin totem pole. Piccolo was spending his day as he normally did, meditating. Occasionally he would journey into the forest at the base of the structure to train, but it hadn't been as pressing since Cell had been defeated.

Crouched in a lotus position, the Namek was breathing in a slow, deliberate manner. He resembled a human or Saiyan, except for a few minor differences. First of all, his skin was a green hue, and he had pink marks on his arms and torso. From his head sprouted a pair of antennae, and he had claw-like fingernails and fang-like teeth. (Author’s note: OK, fine! He looks absolutely nothing like a human or Saiyan! Just forget I said anything!!!)

Mr. Popo was off doing… whatever it was Mr. Popo did when Piccolo wasn't around. Not that the Guardian of the Earth particularly cared.

Elsewhere in the Shrine:

"Gotta catch 'em all! Pokémon!"

Suddenly, Piccolo detected five energy signatures moving towards his residence. He reached out to each one, in an attempt to discern their identity. He didn't recognize any of them.

One had a fairly conventional power level, drawing upon chi as he did. This one was reasonably strong, but nothing compared to himself or his friends. Another was, based on her signal, unconscious. Her chi power was laughable, but Piccolo sensed that there was a sleeping strength buried deep beneath the surface. Close to her — possibly the one carrying her — was one slightly stronger than she was, but still puny. However, energy unlike any other he had yet encountered seemed to flow from him. Another female signature flew. She was an odd mix of chi and whatever energy surrounded the second male. Finally, and most powerful, was another female. This one's chi was oddly familiar. It resembled the unconscious girl's energy, but also that of somebody else close to him. Her power was enough to pose a threat should violence break out.

He rose to his feet. "Mr. Popo! We have visitors!"

"Yes, Piccolo." He switched off his television.

SU5 arrived about five minutes later. Phil, being the strongest member of the team, took point. Slightly behind and to his right, Ecks landed and rolled. She drew her oversized staff out of the nothingness she kept it in and prepared it to fire. Ralph gently set Usagi to the ground and moved to Phil's left. He activated his lightsaber, and the red column of energy extended, ready to defend against any threat. Moving like a professional, GoChibi took up a fighting stance next to Phil.

Piccolo stood waiting for them. He was clothed in his usual white outfit with the ludicrously large shoulder pads. "You're trespassing. What do you want?"

Phil, seemingly unimpressed, stepped forward. "I am Sergeant Phil of the Physics Police. May I see your Superhero license?"

"My what?"

"You heard me. Hand it over."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"In that case, you are in big trouble." He pulled out a pair of stun cuffs. "You are under arrest for multiple acts of superhuman strength, speed and stamina without a license."

"You think you can take me?" The Namek grinned savagely.

"No, but I think she can." GoChibi transformed to Super Saiyan. Her now blonde hair was forced from the bands that had kept it in pigtails and stood straight up.

"What… your chi… It’s just like Gohan's…" Now he knew why she had felt so familiar.

Phil coughed into his hand. "Ahem. I have been authorized to pardon you for your offenses if you will a) return with Ecks here to get your registration and b) let us use the Hyperbolic Time Chamber."

"Huh? Return where?"

"The less you know, the better for you. However, I need to train badly if I'm going to survive in this timeline, so I need your facilities. Also, Ralph here will need to stay with the meatball head."

"And what would the penalty be for my "crimes"? He nervously eyed the Saiyan girl.

"Approximately three hundred years, give or take."

Piccolo winced. "I think we have a deal, but the second I get back, I want an explanation!"

A wormhole opened in the fabric of reality, and Piccolo and Ecks fell through the space between dimensions.

Phil stooped over, bending his arm at GoChibi's level. "Shall we?"

She looped her arm around his, and the two merrily skipped towards the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.

Piccolo's already oversized anime eyes were larger than ever. He had seen alien worlds; beings that could destroy a planet in their sleep and at least a dozen shapeshifters. Until a few moments ago, he had thought that nothing would ever surprise him again. His senses were assaulted by a myriad of sights, smells and sounds. He heard conversation in more languages than he knew existed, several alien species that he had never even imagined and smells that ranged from intoxicating to nauseating. Ecks was leading him along, and occasionally had to use all of her strength to move the Namek as he stared at something. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, they made it to the licensing desk.

"Here you are. I'll be waiting. Just holler when you're done." She disappeared into the endless sea of cubicles.

Behind the counter was, to his surprise, a perfectly normal man. "Name?"

"Uh, Piccolo."

"Would that be a first name or a last name?"

"Uh, I'm just Piccolo."

"Okay." He checked another box. "Home address?"

"Uh, my home really doesn't have an address."

"Well we need an address in order to give you your license."

Piccolo frowned. It looked like this could take a while.

"Ralph, your job is to make sure Usagi doesn't fall off the edge. That would be a bad thing." Phil looked past Ralph's shoulder to see the drugged-up Moon Princess. "In principle. If the other Senshi find out we're here, what do you do?"

"Hit Usagi with another dose of chloroform, use the Reality Checker, and engage them at close range."

"Very good. See you in two years." Phil and GoChibi entered the overly-ornate entrance to the Chamber. On the other side was a fairly normal dwelling, with more luxuries than he had expected. On the wall was a huge clock.

GoChibi scratched her head in confusion. "What's this place?"

"It's called the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. I'm surprised Gohan didn't tell you about it. Every day we're in here, a year passes for us, and we're allowed to stay two days. For now, we are just focusing on increasing our physical strength. Special techniques and strategies can wait until later."

"Why are we here?"

"Look, at the moment neither of us is strong enough to be much of a threat to the Z fighters or their enemies. You managed to bluff Piccolo back there, but we got lucky that he didn't notice how hard it was for you to transform. Now we work on our base powers."

Thus began their training.

Two Hours (1 Month) Later:

A scared little girl ran through a seeming dreamland. It was white in all directions, and nothing else. She was sure she was lost, but couldn't stop running. She had been fleeing from her pursuer for hours, and couldn't see him. Suddenly she saw a shadow on the ground beside her. She glowed yellow, and GoChibi transformed into Super Saiyan. The presence above her began to glow red. With this, Phil scowled menacingly at her. "For the last time, young lady, you are taking a bath. Now!"

She unleashed a bolt of chi energy, which Phil barely managed to avoid. He fired his own barrage, and the sheer number of energy beams ensured that a few of them hit. Then, the two came to physical blows. Phil was using his longer reach and greater mass to hammer GoChibi while she vainly attempted to block and parry the blows. She cupped her hands. "Kame…" When Phil moved his arms to block the blast, she halted her attack and flew forward, planting her fist directly into his gut.

The wind knocked from his lungs, Phil collapsed to the ground in a heap. GoChibi pressed the attack, but her stubby leg passed through the afterimage of Phil. The real warrior materialized directly behind the young Saiyan and his fist smashed into her temple. Stunned, she plummeted towards the ground like a marionette with its strings cut. After making a crater in the blank nothingness, she leapt back to her feet, activating a blue lightsaber. Phil pulled out the yellow-bladed weapon that had replaced the one lost in his fight with Kerrigan. The two flew towards each other at approximately mach 2, and began to execute a midair version of the Jedi's odd fighting style.

GoChibi landed a burning strike against Phil's right arm. Fortunately, the weapons were only set to training levels. However, it still stung. Whipping out with his right foot, he kicked away her lightsaber. He struck out, and the yellow blade lopped away some of her hair

"Hey!"

"Don't worry about it. That look is definitely you!"

"But I'll look like Misty with bright pink hair!"

Phil winced. "I guess you're right. I'll fix that," he said, his voice taking a dark tone. "After your bath."

"Never!" Using her small grasp of the Force, GoChibi plucked her weapon from where it lay. She began to force Phil back with the ferocity of her attack.

"Kayo-Ken times forty!" The red glow surrounding his body intensified. With a single backhand, he slapped her across the face. The young Saiyan clung desperately to consciousness. Phil lifted her by her right arm, dangling her at about eye level. "Give up yet?"

She responded by swiftly kicking him in the groin. Even using the Kayo-Ken, Phil's eyes began to water after the Super Saiyan's blow. In a very high-pitched voice, he commented, "Impressive. Most Impressive. But you are not a Jedi yet!" He waved his hand directly in front of her face. His voice still unusually high, he said, "You are very sleepy." She immediately dozed off. "The Force can have a great influence upon the weak-minded. Heh." The red glow dissipated, as did her yellow aura. He walked bowlegged back to the living area. Good thing I put that homing beacon over there. It's really easy to get lost around here.

GoChibi awoke. It took her a moment to remember where she was. "Phil-san?"

Then she smelled the familiar aroma of frying meat and vegetables. Putting two of her fingers to her head, GoChibi teleported directly next to Phil. He was in front of the stove, making some sort of stir-fry. Shocked by the sudden appearance of the young Saiyan, Phil grasped his chest and glared at her. "Gah! Don't do dat!"

"What'cha makin?" She sniffed the concoction, and a grin spread on her face. "Fajitas Con Phil! My favorite!"

"Yeah, that was what I was planning on calling them. But this is the first time I've made, it so how…" He smacked his forehead. "Of course! You're from the future!"

"Yeah. You're a really good cook."

Phil blushed. "Aw, gee, you're spoiling me."

"You make this all the time."

Phil's eyebrow rose. "You mean, every time you visit. Right?"

"Oh, no. I spend more time at your house than at the Palace. Mom and Pop are always too busy to take care of me, and none of the maids like me much cause of my powers, so I basically live with you."

"Wait a minute. You mean, in the future, I'm your… nanny?"

She furrowed her brow in concentration. "Yeah, you could say that, I guess…"

Phil lowered his ladle. His face was an emotionless mask. He calmly placed the ladle in GoChibi's hands. "Could you watch this for a minute?" She nodded. "Thank you." His body glowed a dark purple as he swiftly flew into the white void.

After stirring the fajitas a moment, GoChibi decided to add a few more onions. While she cut the vegetables, she heard a faint yell of, "Perfect Shi Shi Houkodan!" A purple flash filled the air, and a massive shockwave followed a moment later. While the structure shook around her, the future Moon Princess continued to obliviously slice the onions, while singing a happy ditty.

Later:

The two warriors sat at the simple table. Phil hadn't spoken since returning and finding out that GoChibi had been ordered by Future Phil to destroy Present Phil's cyanide pills. Her exact words had been, "Something about a suicidal impulse, but he…you… he didn't explain what it meant."

Phil finally spoke. "Sorry I reacted like that."

"Reacted like what?"

Phil's eye twitched. It's like Gohan's genius somehow exists alongside Usagi's ditziness. Weird. "Never mind. What I was going to mention earlier was that I've figured out how we can completely dominate anybody we run into here."

"How?"

"Well, there are two steps. First of all, no more transformations or Kaio-Kens." GoChibi sat there in shock. She almost stopped eating. Almost. (One can't fight the combined glutton genes of both a Saiyan and Usagi for long.) "You see, I've uncovered a basic fault in every training exercise in every Dragonball Z universe after the Super Saiyan level is discovered. Basically, everybody here relies too much on the "next stage" in whatever series of transformations they practice… A stage that may not exist. Piccolo remains a powerful figure, but only because he regularly absorbs other Nameks. But, you see, one can't rely on that. Also, they always train in Super Saiyan mode. It makes it almost impossible for them to strain themselves, which means they have to work that much harder to grow stronger. You see, one basic element of both the Kaio-Ken and Super Saiyan transformations is that it increases your power based on your original level. It's easier to find a way to work out in normal mode, so gaining even, say, a one percent power boost during training can have profound results on your transformed state."

"Okay, I see. So, we're going to work out as-is?" She pointed to her hair. After losing the hunk during the fight, Phil had rearranged it into a simple pigtail that was a little more than shoulder length.

"Well, that's the first half. Also, every technique and transformation I've seen around these parts wastes insane amounts of energy on cool lights and sounds. Once we train a bit more, I'll start working on increasing the efficiency of our attacks. You'll probably be able to adapt it to your Super Saiyan transformations, but I make no guarantees. We still need to work on our speed, but our regular training should cover that." Seeing that GoChibi had cleaned her plate, he used a small amount of Force to clear the table.

"Step one begins now." A blue battle aura surrounded him. "After you." He opened the door. Actually, he more ripped it off its hinges. "Oops. Maybe I should have powered up after opening the door." He shrugged. After all, they had another twenty-three months to train. He would fix the door another day. It wasn’t like they really needed a door. Who were they trying to keep out? With these questions on his mind, GoChibi flew out the door, with Phil on her tail. The two began to exchange blows and energy attacks.

But what about Piccolo?

After five hours of filling out paperwork, Piccolo wiped his green, perspiration-coated brow. This is harder than it looks. He handed the last form to the man behind the desk. "So, when do I get my license?"

The serious man chuckled. "Oh, those weren't the forms for your license. Those were the forms to let you sign…" He paused as he hefted a two-foot pile of documents onto Piccolo's desk, "…these forms."

Piccolo facefaulted. I'm going to need a new pen. "Where do they find you people?"

"Well, I used to work for the IRS."

A scream of horror filled the licensing department.

To be continued.

Next Chapter: Ralph versus the Sailor Senshi!

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: January 7, 2006