Disclaimer: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon belongs to Takeuchi Naoko, Koudansha, TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC. The Zerg are from the computer game StarCraft, which belongs to Blizzard Entertainment.

Foreword: Yes, these past chapters have been dark, but you can't write about the Zerg and make it happy-go-lucky. Don't worry, comedy will soon return.

Part 5: Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead!

Sailor Jupiter awoke. Around her, smoke and a thick dust cloud obscured the smoldering ruins of downtown Tokyo. The cloud made it impossible to see more than three feet in front of her. Her head pounded and she had difficulty staying on her feet. She stared at the scene in openmouthed horror.

"Is anybody there?" She walked down what had once been Eighth Street. A few tears began to drip down her cheek as she saw shops that she had frequented, gutted and burned. Corpses of both Zerg and Human origin littered the ground on either side of the street. She tripped on what had once been a Zergling's head. Already, various rats and flies were swarming over the feast. The swarm of flies moved like a layer of skin over the skull. She proceeded to lose her lunch upon the pavement, and continued heaving long after she had run out of digesting food. A swarm of flies flew over and soon covered the vomit as thickly as they had the head. Controlling her reflex this time, Jupiter grabbed a chunk of wooden debris and used it like a cane, probing the ground in front of her.

After nearly ten minutes, she heard a groaning noise. Slowly walking towards the sound, she saw a pile of rubble with a human hand sticking out of it. It was contorted into a claw-like shape, as it had been when aiming the powerful Shi Shi Houkodan. She rushed over and began moving the large chunks of concrete as best she could. Years of athletic activity gave her above-average strength, but it only allowed her to move the smaller pieces. Suddenly, the hand began to glow a bluish color. She heard a muffled yell, and a beam of light emanated from the exposed hand. Giving a squeal of surprise, she leapt away from the explosion. When she turned to look, she saw a familiar figure lying amidst the rubble. She ran over, ignoring the new cloud of dust forming around her. She came in close and recognized Phil from their previous encounter. Warren did say he had backup, but I wasn't expecting him. She placed a finger on his throat. Surprisingly, his pulse remained strong despite several shallow gashes and a general lack of movement. Blood flowed from a few, but the rest were covered in the same gray dust that filled the air.

"Would you mind not touching me? I'm a tad sensitive at the moment."

Her oversized eyes grew even larger. He's conscious? That building collapsed on him after that explosion that leveled several city blocks, and he's conscious? What is he?

"Don't worry Jupiter. We won." He coughed, and a small trickle of blood escaped his lip.

"Oh God! You're bleeding internally! Don't move!" She attempted to force him down, but he easily overpowered her, even in his weakened state. Getting himself into a sitting position, he grinned at her.

"Not quite. I just bit my tongue. It should be fine in a minute."

He hurt himself more than that blast! "What was that purple flash?"

"That would be the Shi Shi Houkodan. I basically put all of my anger and resentment into a gigantic ball and released it. Very therapeutic, and very deadly. Now let's go see if we can find Tux-Boy."

"Tuxedo Mask was here?"

"Yeah. He wasn't as useless as I thought he was. A very good distraction, and brave to a fault. We have to find him fast, though. He was at ground zero with me." He rose to his feet. "Let's go. I'm picking up a vague power that away." He pointed into the darkest portion of the cloud. Jupiter, although she didn't completely understand, nodded and followed him.

Trudging through the cloud, they happened upon a pair of Zerglings. They were tearing at each other. Their eyes were sightless, having been blinded by the extremely bright light of Phil's attack.

"Why are they fighting?"

"They don't have Kerrigan controlling them anymore, so they've reverted to their primary function: destroy all life. If we looked, we'd see more like them. From the looks of it, they're blind. That light was about the same intensity a huge spotlight, right up close. I'm not blinded, because I've been training in these techniques for years."

"What about me?"

Phil looked at her with a look of condescension. "Well, let’s think about this. Your attack is to have a lightning rod extend from your head and send out bolts of white-hot lighting. So, you have some sort of resistance, or you'd have gone blind years ago. Also, whatever magic you Senshi have protecting you had to help."

"Oh."

After two minutes, they found the source of the signature. Despite the massive energies directed towards her, it was the prone form of Kerrigan.

"Impossible! Nobody outside of a DBZ universe is that powerful!" Phil lost his confident air and began to back away.

As Kerrigan opened her inhuman yellow eye, her entire body exploded in agony. All her blades had been burned away, leaving six stumps jutting from her back. Her wiry "hair" was also gone. Her right eye, having been weakened by Tuxedo Mask's rose, had been gouged away by the beam. Her other was in perfect condition. Already, her eye and blades were slowly regenerating themselves.

"Die!" She sprang forward towards the pair and attempted to slash them in half with her scythes. The stumps twitched, but it had little effect. She glared angrily at Phil. "My blades! I will eat your beating heart!" She used her human limbs to punch Phil. With one hand, the Physics Policeman blocked most of the blows. He reached towards his pocket for his lightsaber, but it wasn't there.

Damn! I must have lost it in the explosion! Despite her battered appearance, Kerrigan still had half of her power. She couldn't use any psychic attacks, but her physical strength was unaffected. On the other hand, Phil was almost completely drained.

Jupiter attempted to aid her ally. "Jupiter Thunderstrike!" The barrage of lightning bolts flashed towards Kerrigan. The electricity caused her to convulse wildly. Taking advantage of her situation, Phil landed several blows. The attack sent Kerrigan flying. Phil gave Jupiter a sideways glance. "Can you make another one of those?" She shook her head. "Then get out of here!" Complying, Sailor Jupiter ran away as fast as her legs would carry her. While his attention was divided, Kerrigan caught Phil with a tackle. The two rolled across the ground, each attempting to strangle the life from the other.

After it became apparent to Kerrigan that she wasn't making any headway, she kneed Phil hard in the gut and leapt away. The blow nearly caused Phil to pass out, but he somehow managed to maintain consciousness. The Queen of Blades smirked at the swaying warrior. "Foolish human. Your genes will strengthen the brood. Your futile assault has guaranteed the victory of the Zerg over all other races." Phil cursed, realizing she was right. "When I assimilate you into the Swarm, I can manipulate the stock of each species at my command. It will take time, but eventually every living Zerg will have your energy generating powers. Imagine that. An entire army of mindless drones, each as powerful as you, or even more so, all obedient to me. Thank you."

She rushed forward, fists flying. Phil lacked the strength to launch a counterattack, so he was forced to block each blow. However, several punches got through his failing defenses, pounding his arms and torso. In a desperate bid, Phil attempted to knock the legs from under Kerrigan. Seeing the attack, she simply leapt over the attack and struck out with her own kick. It caught Phil in the nose, shattering the bones within. Grabbing his face, Phil collapsed, the last of his energy leaving his body. He couldn't summon the power to stand up, much less attack. It’s over. I'm dead. Great.

Just as she readied the killing blow, a rose found its way into Kerrigan's surviving eye. Shrieking, she turned blindly towards the source of the attack. It was Tuxedo Mask. The Mask covering his eyes was gone, and his tuxedo was sliced to ribbons. Cuts, both deep and shallow, covered his limbs. His top hat was also gone. He clutched his right arm, which bled freely from numerous wounds. Phil would never know how he had managed to throw the rose with such accuracy in that condition. Almost completely blind, Kerrigan's charge was guided by her psychic senses. Lashing out with her left fist, she literally snapped Tuxedo Mask in half. The top half of his body flew into the gloom, while the lower collapsed.

Warren and Sailor Mars were moving the injured Senshi to a safer location. They had been spared the blinding light by the shelter of the destroyed hospital they were seeking sanctuary in. Each unconscious Senshi suffered from various small cuts and large bruises. None of them were in any immediate danger.

Grunting in pain, Sailor Moon turned to face Mars. "Rei. Tuxedo Mask."

An angry glint in her eyes, Mars turned to face her leader. "Yes, that lazy bastard never showed up!"

"No, not that. He's. gone. This new enemy… killed him."

"What enemy? Nothing could have survived that blast!"

"He's dead. I just know." Tears rolling down her cheeks, Sailor Moon was grasped by blessed oblivion.

Somehow, Mars didn't doubt her friend's testimony.

May God have mercy on us all.

Turning to face her fallen opponent, Kerrigan smirked evilly. "You should be proud. You and your little friends have done more damage than any group I've ever met, and with fewer resources. Congratulations." She grabbed a large rock, hefting it above her head with little effort. Unbeknownst to her, Phil had been gathering any Chi he could access in a desperate attempt to take her with him. His kamikaze assault was never performed.

"Planet X Beam!"

A beam of energy came from the cloud, and it found the spot on Kerrigan's chest where Phil's massive attack had struck. Already weakened by the strike, the exoskeleton gave in to the attack. The energy burned in one side and out the other. Kerrigan collapsed. Even the advanced restorative abilities of the Zerg required her heart. Before oblivion consumed her, her thoughts were along the lines of "What the hell?"

Struggling to his feet, Phil had a similar question on his mind. He turned towards the source of the energy. Out of the gloom stepped a Sailor Senshi Phil had never seen in any briefing.

She had Asian features, with smaller eyes and black hair. She was slightly older than the other Senshi, but not significantly. Her uniform was the same as the other Senshi, except her white sailor suit had black accents. She held a long staff in her hands, and at the end was a green crystal. Presumably, it was the source of the beam.

"Who are you?"

She struck a semi-dramatic pose. "I am Sailor Planet X! Guardian of peace and love! And you are?"

"I'm Phil, and I'm with the Physics Police." She gave him a confused stare. "You're coming with me." Somehow, his wristwatch was still operational. "Hey, this is Phil. Make us a portal for two."

"What?" Grabbing her by the wrist, Phil bodily held her in place as the wormhole sucked them both into its swirling red vortex.

Later:

After the medical technicians had given Phil a clean bill of health and a senzu bean, he joined Chief O'Connor in interrogating the girl.

Even the affable Chief was becoming frustrated. So much for good cop-bad cop. "For the last time, you are not a Senshi! A planet has to actually exist for it to have a Senshi, and there are only nine planets in your solar system!"

"But I can transform!"

"You told us yourself that you found that Transformation Pen in a dumpster!"

"Destiny led me to that dumpster!"

"Look, we've had a chance to talk to Agent Luna about this. She admits that it took her several attempts to make fully functional Pens. Yours is one of her earlier failures. It didn't disguise the user, potentially exposing their identity. Also, you require that stick and that emerald to focus your power. Another flaw that was later corrected. You have powers, but they aren't as strong as the other Senshi."

Phil joined in. "Yeah, the only reason you got Kerrigan was because I softened her up for you. And, while we're on the subject, you've been using those powers for a few months now without a license. That would be about five years in jail."

"But I didn't know! Please don't lock me up! I was just trying to help people!"

O'Connor nodded. "That is why we aren't carting you off to the Spice Mines of Kessel right now." The girl began crying. Understandable. She had just defeated the greatest threat to her world, and people she'd never even heard of just arrested her. "Look, I have a proposition for you. You have potential. If you joined the force for, say, two years, I'd let you off the hook. We would compensate you for your time. What do you say?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No, you really don't. Report to personnel. Move!" The scared Senshi-wannabe ran quickly towards a desk at the far side of the room.

"Phil, are you sure Tuxedo Mask is dead?"

"Yeah, I already told you. Kerrigan ripped him in half. Why?"

"This makes no sense. It says right here that Sailor Minimoon will arrive from the future some time next week. If her father is dead, how can she do that?"

"Maybe she's coming from an alternate reality? It's happened before."

"No, we checked that. She hasn't left the confines of her dimension. Somebody else must be her father."

"Hold the phone. This Mamoru guy he used to be had no siblings. How could the same person be born from different gene pools? Maybe we're going to send a clone?"

"No, that wouldn't fix anything. Somehow, Sailor Moon was able to feel when he died. It wouldn't be believable if he came back, and they'd likely alienate him. They don't have any of his genetic material, so artificial insemination is impossible, even if they wanted to do it. I can't figure it out!"

"Well, Chief, is there anything else?"

"Yes. I'm putting Sailor X over there and Ralph under your control. Permanently."

He immediately spat the coffee he had been drinking across the cubicle.

"Say what? Those rookies? Heck, they aren't even part of the force yet!" Why does he hate me so much?

To be continued.

Author's notes: What? How will Chibi-Usa be born without Tuxedo Mask? Why is the Chief putting these greenhorns in Phil's charge? And will Mike discover that Denise cheated on him while he was in his coma? These and other questions will be answered in Part 6: The Comedy Strikes Back.

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: January 7, 2006