The Jungle Home
by Brian Randall
Yes, it's another mystery fusion. My last one was not nearly mind-warping enough. This one should actually be pretty obvious…
A SAMUEL L. BRONKOWITZ PRODUCTION!
A young man looks out a window from a small apartment, "And that's it! I'm moving out!"
A young woman frowns, and crosses her arms over her chest, "Uh-huh. Sure you are. Have you seen the new manager yet?"
The man blinks, and looks down. His eyes bulge briefly, and he swallows, "Whoa."
The young man leaps out of the way of a giant slavering, white-furred beast, "Down bo- uh… girl! Calm down!" He turns to a young lady in a dress, "Is it always this dang protective!?"
The lady smirks, and turns her back on the boy. He frowns, and the animal knocks him off screen. The sound of tearing flesh and bestial snarls are heard.
The young man stands in front of the young lady, staring at his feet, "I… I love you."
The lady looks shell-shocked at the announcement, and the giant animal tackles him off screen again.
The young man is holding one arm, which is bandaged. He's talking to a squat man in dirty clothing. The man's most distinguishing feature is his bulbous red nose. The young man asks, "What do you mean not to mention 'leash laws'?"
The squat man with the red nose sighs and shakes his head as the beast smashes through a wall and tackles the young man again.
The young lady stumbled across the young man, who looks thoroughly mangled. Her eyes widen in shock, "Who could have done such a thing!" She turns around and picks up a phone as a huge white paw snakes across one edge of the screen, snags the man's body, and hauls it away.
The young man growls, "That's it!" and draws an odd sword with a notched edge. The large beast freezes mid-leap, and the screen rotates around the pair in a matrix-esque bullet-time sequence.
Now, meet the cast!
Voice Over: " Godai Ashitaka"
The young man smirks knowingly, sword over one shoulder.
VO: "Otonashi San"
The young lady walks across the screen, wiping blood from her face and wearing an innocent expression.
VO: "Toki Akemi"
The young woman with the towel wrapped around her head gives a sultry grin, leaning forward to expose far too much flesh to be considered decent.
VO: "Soichiro no Kami"
The giant beast from before glares at the screen balefully.
VO: "And Yotsuya Jiko Bou"
The dirty man with the red nose hides his hands behind his back and smiles guiltily.
in… Mononoke Ikkoku!
A Samuel L. Bronkowitz production.
In case you aren't sure yet, yes, it's Princess Mononoke and Maison Ikkoku.
I think that's sufficiently deranged for the time being. BTW, I wrote this. Not Durandall.
January 03, 2001
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