Narrator: Coming someday before the Great Apocalypse:
(Scene: Outer space. Pass by galaxies, stars, planets, moons, and pass into darkness for a while.)
Narrator: The universe is full of many wonders.
(Pass by a burning sun, then another soon after, and another.)
Narrator: There are all forms of energy, powers, and forces.
(Pass to a black world, covered in a bubbling black slime.)
Narrator: Forces of creation; of life…
(A sun supernovas in a violent and brilliant display.)
Narrator: …And destruction and death!
(The supernova shockwave rages and obliterates debris, shredding through the planet. The ooze screams.)
(Dramatic drumbeating, changing the scene to a thorned starship as a large laser beam slices through it, an angered shriek resounding. Flash to a Roman-style civilization. A large blue blast rips through the main palace, to the horror of a redheaded girl in a green dress)
(Scene changes to the dark world as the ooze calms down)
Narrator: A great conflict is about to begin.
(A glistening comet rockets toward the planet)
(Scene change to an army of monsters headed by four people in grey uniforms.)
Woman's voice: Prepare the attack! Let none stand in our way!
(Cut to a horrific melee between sword-wielding combatants: One a shorthaired blond, the other an armored silhouette, who swings a second weapon out, a gun, and pulls the trigger)
(Crash to the comet exploding in impact with the dark world, shattering it. The goo lets out an angered yell. Cut to a redheaded girl continuing that same yell as a spherical barrier around her flashes out and shatters the rock around her.)
Girl: Power Overwhelming!!
(Drums sound as the scene runs past the faces of the five sailor suited girl warriors, all with expressions of shock.)
Narrator: Coming someday before the great apocalypse… to an FFML near you…
(A green-armored, six-and-a-half-foot tall warrior flashes his sword through a monster, bisecting it.)
Narrator: An action-packed thriller—
(Switch to a restaurant, where a pink-haired guy in a green Goku-style outfit grabs a slightly shorter Norse goddess by the neck of her outfit and lifts her three feet off the ground)
Narrator: —that picks you up and won't let you go—
(Another scene, Sailor Pluto approaches Ranma on a pier at sunset)
Narrator: —An epic tale to end all tales—
(Several hundred Sailor Senshi stand on the North Pole's glacier)
All Senshi: COMBINED UNIVERSAL ATTACK!!!
(A humongous blast erupts from their leader)
Narrator: —A story of overkill to end all overkill!
('Tim stands atop a mountain, badly beaten with a crescent-moon glowing on his forehead)
'Tim: Kawaii-ken… ATTACK!!!
(Vegeta's eye twitches)
(Switch to a scene where a cute little blonde girl looks, horrified, into a full-length mirror, seeing that she's wearing a one-piece swimsuit-style armor with a green cape and pink boots and gloves.)
Girl: Oh, no! The curse goes deeper than I thought!
(Another scene: A six-foot tall, pink-haired man in a green Gi carrying an A-10-style gun stands in front of a shorter pink-haired woman, dressed alike)
Man: Overfiends check in—
Woman (cocks her BFG-10000-D): —But they don't check out!
(Back to Sailor Pluto and Ranma)
Ranma: So the universe is going to be destroyed, time's going to end, and we've lost? That's it? We're done for? And there's nothing we can do about it?
Sailor Pluto (giggles nervously with a hand behind her head): Aheheheheh. Sucks, huh?
(Cut to Beryl, consulting with Kunzite)
Kunzite: This is a bad idea.
(Beryl blasts Kunzite. Cut to A big black tower. Zoicite battles the Senshi, while Kunzite, missing one arm, tries to strangle a heavily battered Atomic Starlight Knight)
Kunzite: You'll pay for that!
(Cut to underground base. The main computer cheerfully speaks.)
Computer: [Destroy all systems. Destroy Navigation (BLAM! Big explosion in the database.) Destroy life-support. (Blam!) Destroy! Destroy! (Blam!) MWAHA HA HA HA HAAAA! Deeestroooy!!! Hee-hee-hee!]
(Ranma and Sailor Pluto)
Sailor Pluto: Let's go out with a bang! (Grabs Ranma, falling into a giant, heart-shaped bed)
(Sailor Moon, alone atop an icy hill with her wand, battles against a huge black shadow).
Sailor Moon (teary-eyed): I just wish… Can't we all just… get along?!
(The Earth explodes, leaving only the title:)
Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
The new season!
Coming July, 2001.
(Scene, a green-patterned seal paces back and forth.)
Arby: Well, ya see, ya'z gotz ta 'ave nuclear weapons, or 'ow'd we signal the 'shrooms to attack? Simply wouldn't be propa'!
Rated PH: (Psychological Help recommended)
Arby: Darn roight!
Purple Arbyfish (takes out a watch): When did he say it'd be again?
Written by: Daniel "Admiral" Oliver
"WE ARE BORED. YOU WILL ENTERTAIN US. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!
But we're not here right now. So please leave your species number and
galactic coordinates, and you will be assimilated at our earliest possible
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