(This preview has been approved for the viewing of ALL AUDIENCES. That means we had to cut out all the horrific violence and gratuitous immorality. So if you want to see the good stuff, you have to buy a ticket. Deal with it.)
(Scene: the building tops of London, England. All is in darkness. A shadowed figure cautiously moves from one side of a building to the next.)
Narrator: Legends have long been spoken of an unstoppable force, hidden among us, waiting to come forth.
(The shadow leaps from one roof to the next, obviously in a hurry.)
Narrator: You prayed it wouldn't happen.
(The scene pans down to a busy street.)
Narrator: You begged not to have to see it again.
(A manhole pops off and a snakelike hiss is heard)
(Traffic screeches to a halt)
Narrator: You offered up living human sacrifices as you prostrated in worship in hopes of being saved from it…
(A monster growls and shreds out of the asphalt, firing bolts of lightning out of its eyes and blasting aside cars; tearing holes in buildings.)
Narrator: …Your prayers were in vain.
(All of the sudden, in a snap, the monster is caught up in a thick binding of pink ribbons, neatly tied in a bow. The scene swings around to see who did it: An orange-haired girl with a tan in a blue-hued, short-skirted sailor suit.)
Girl (giggles): I'm the Cute and Fluffy Formerly One-shot Warrior For Love and Justice, Sailor Stylin'! I fight for Beauty and Fashion! On behalf of models everywhere, I will punish you! (Strikes a pose)
Narrator (light-hearted tone): She's back, and nobody's going to stop her!
(New scene: A blonde girl with a set of big glasses with a mask and a sailor suit looks at a wrist communicator.)
Blonde (ducks a laser-beam): Lynne! I'm on my way! (Raises a compact and blasts the monster she's fighting with a yellow laser)
Narrator: With Sailor V!
(Scene: A doctor's office. A white-haired man looks at a clipboard, straightens his white labcoat and looks at Sailor Stylin')
Narrator: Doctor Thomas Light!
Dr. Light (To Stylin'): Energy patterns… A liquid matrix, a pulse… Dear girl, you're either an alien or a humanoid robot!
(New scene: In front of a destroyed building. An armored, human-faced red robot, standing with his blue-hued companion speak with Sailors V and Stylin'.)
Narrator: Rockman "X" and Zero!
Zero: An apocalyptic monster, eh?
(Stylin' and V nod.)
X: Trying to destroy the world?
Zero (lights his beam saber): I'm game. How about you?
(New scene: The North Pole. A fluffy white harp seal pounds away on the keyboard of a laptop computer)
Narrator: And what story would be complete without some little fanatical seal-creature?
Seal (hits 'enter'): Alroight. Oye've located their hidden base. (Looks down and shivers from the cold) This is soooo depressing.
Narrator: And we mustn't forget…
(Stylin' and X stand side-by-side in a war zone. X hands Stylin' a backup arm-cannon. Stylin' holds it gingerly)
Styliní (with distaste, as if holding a dead rat): I can't use this! I hate guns!
(Sailor V rushes on, several battlemechs following right behind her)
V: Then give it to me! (Snatches the cannon and starts going ballistic)
(Scene: Doctor Wily falls from a giant robot-hulk, recently trashed. He lands in front of Sailor V, who has her compact aimed at him.)
Narrator: A crossover like you've never thought you'd see again. With a budget of over 600 Billion Canadian Yaks…
(The title comes up)
Codename: Project Sailor Stylin'
Coming to the FFML in August of 2001.
Seal (shivering in the cold, looking in vain for some hope of rescue soon): It's sooo depressing, isn't it?
Rated GG (for 'Good Grief'…)
Benjamin A. Oliver
"WE ARE BORED. YOU WILL ENTERTAIN US. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
But we're not here right now, so please leave your species number and galactic coordinates, and you will be assimilated at our earliest possible convenience."
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