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An El Hazard songfic
by BobCat

Disclaimer: I got the idea for this from Ash the Wandererís DBZ version "Blame Kakorot".† The song "Blame Canada" is from the movie "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut".† El Hazard is owned by Pioneer and VIZ.†

Quick note: I have not seen any of the El Hazard anime series.† All of my knowledge is based on the manga version of "El Hazard: the Magnificent World"…† just to explain away any inconsistencies.†


In the darkest depths of the Bugrom CitadelÖ

Jinnai walked out onto a stage.† Music started in the background as the general of the Bugrom armies arrived at the microphone.† In the background was a blown-up picture of Makoto.† With a single swift motion, Jinnai whipped out what could only be described as a Generic Science Fiction Blaster and vaporized the gigantic image of his hated foe.† As the annoying chirping that constituted Bugrom applause died down, he began to sing.†

Jinnai:

Times have changed!† I used to be the best!
But if you have read the manga, then I think you know the rest!
Should I blame myself for my inferiority?
Or Makoto for being better than me?

No!

Blame El Hazard!† Blame El Hazard!
It seems that everythingís gone wrong since El Hazard came along!
Blame El Hazard!† Blame El Hazard!
Makoto isnít all that smart!† Itís El Hazardís fault!

I wonít blame myself for my repeated loss!
He came to this damn place, its magic erased all his faults!
My baby sister once had my picture on her shelf,
But now when she sees me she tells me to screw myself!

Blame El Hazard!† Blame El Hazard!
Because when El Hazard is gone, thereíll be no more Afura Mann!
Blame El Hazard!† Blame El Hazard!
Itís not even a real planet, anyway.

I could have been a doctor, or Prime Minister, it's true,
But instead I lead a bunch of bugs!† Whatís a poor guy to do?
Should I blame my teacher, should I just yell at God,
Or do a crossover and blame Gorilla Grod?

Hell, no!†

Blame El Hazard!† Blame El Hazard!
With all that magic hullabaloo,
And that bitch Rune Venus too!
Blame El Hazard!† Blame El Hazard!
My newfound powers arenít so hot!† Itís El Hazardís fault!

Jinnai called up the crowd of Bugrom,†"Everybody!" The insectoids ran up on the stage and began to dance and chirp in a language no other human could understand.

Bugrom:

[Blame El Hazard!† Blame El Hazard!]

Jinnai:

With Shayla-Shaylaís crazy eyes,
And Ifuritaís friendly thighs,

Bugrom:

[Blame El Hazard!† Shame on El Hazard!]

All:

[ForÖ theÖ way that he talks,
the way that he walks,
the way he gets laid without having to pay,
and most of all because,
because,
because of his annoying girly eyeeeeeeeeees!
]

 

The End.

 
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