by Ben Jonas
Disclaimer: Samurai Shodown/Spirits is property of SNK (who are now known as SNK Neo Geo, a subsidiary of Playmore. Got it? Good!)
Introduction: Yes, I know what you're thinking. But Samurai Shodown was made into an anime, twice (once as a TV special in 1994, and once as an OVA mini-series in 1999), so technically, Samurai Shodown (or Samurai Spirits, whichever you prefer to call it) does belong here. Anyways, on with the story!
Location: Nighttime, the middle of the forest, somewhere in feudal Japan.
Nakoruru: Ah! It feels good to take a nice, long stroll at night. It sounds so peaceful. This cool breeze is also very refreshing.
Nearby, atop one of the trees:
Gen-An Shiranui *whispering*: Here she comes!
Kibagami Genjuro: Finally! I can't wait to take her and shake her down.
Cham-Cham: Me too! I want a piece of her as well!
As Nakoruru slowly walked across the path, she came ever closer to where the trio was hiding.
Nakoruru: It's getting late. I think I'd better head on back.
Genjuro: You're not going anywhere, little lady!
Nakoruru *shocked*: Who said that?!
Genjuro: I did!
Suddenly, Gen-An, Cham-Cham, and Genjuro descended from the trees and surrounded the Ainu girl.
Nakoruru *surprised*: *GASP!* Genjuro! Gen-An! Cham-Cham! What do you three want?!
Gen-An: Isn't it obvious? We want you!
Nakoruru: Hey! Wait a second! *Points to Genjuro* I thought you always pursued Haohmaru!
Genjuro: I do; it's just that he doesn't get here until Tuesday, and I need someone to chase after before he shows up.
Cham-Cham: Enough talk! Let's kick her tree-hugging ass!
As Nakoruru's attackers moved in, she took off her scarf, whipped it around Gen-An's neck, and tossed him into a nearby tree.
Genjuro: Hmmm. Not bad, but you're still hopelessly outmatched.
As Nakoruru reached for her weapon…
Nakoruru: OH NO! My Chichiushi! It's gone!
Cham-Cham *with weapon in mouth*: Actually, it's mine now. *Runs off with Nakoruru's weapon*
Nakoruru: Hey! Come back here, you lousy cat burglar! MAMAHAHA!
Out of the night sky appeared Nakoruru's falcon, Mamahaha, who chased after Cham-Cham.
Cham-Cham: GAH! Get this crazy bird away from me!
Genjuro: Better give up while you still can, Nakoruru. You haven't got much of a chance against me without a weapon.
Nakoruru: We'll see about that! ANU MUTSUBE!
Nakoruru charged toward Genjuro at a blinding speed, encircled by a pink aura. Just when she was about to make contact with Genjuro, he grabbed hold of her arms and slammed her to the ground.
Genjuro *while pinning Nakoruru*: A word of advice: never call out the name of your attack.
Nakoruru: Thanks for the advice!
Nakoruru applied a few rapid kicks to Genjuro's stomach, forcing him to release Nakoruru. As she got back up on her feet, she witnessed a horrible sight before her.
Nakoruru: *GASP!* MAMAHAHA!
As it turned out, Cham-Cham had placed Mamahaha in a headlock, and was repeatedly punching its head.
Cham-Cham *while pummeling Mamahaha*: HA! Not so tough without the ability to fly, now, are you?
As Nakoruru watched in horror as Cham-Cham continued to pound away at Mamahaha's skull, Genjuro came up from behind her, tackled her to the ground, and grabbed hold of her legs.
Genjuro: Quickly, Gen-An! Grab her arms!
Gen-An: Got 'em!
Nakoruru *struggling to get free*: Let go of me, you cretins!
Genjuro: Oh, we'll let you go, in about a few seconds. Ready, Gen-An?
Genjuro and Gen-An began swinging Nakoruru left and right.
Genjuro and Gen-An: THREE!
Nakoruru was tossed through the air, where she collided into a nearby tree, landed on a rock, and fell unconscious.
Genjuro: Well, that takes care of Nature Girl.
Cham-Cham *holding an unconscious Mamahaha*: And her pet bird, too.
Gen-An: So, what do we do with her now?
Cham-Cham: I know what I want to do with her. *Licks lips in a suggestive fashion*
Cham-Cham ran up to the now-unconscious Nakoruru and began sifting through her robe, until…
Cham-Cham: AHA! I finally found what I've been looking for! Funster's Fruit Pies! *Holds up 4 packets of Funster's Fruit Pies*
Genjuro: Excellent work, Cham-Cham! At last, our search is at an end!
Cham-Cham *while munching on a Funster's Fruit Pie*: MMMM! Awesome Apple! Bodacious Blueberry!
Gen-An *while munching on a Funster's Fruit Pie*: Incredible Cherry!
Genjuro *while munching on a Funster's Fruit Pie*: Primo Peach, too!
Cham-Cham: AH! That hit the spot!
Genjuro: Come, my fellow comrades. Let us celebrate by singing at a local karaoke bar!
Gen-An and Cham-Cham: RIGHT ON!!
As the trio left to go celebrate their victory at a nearby town, Cham-Cham left Nakoruru's weapon and falcon right beside her.
One hour later…
Rimururu: Sis! Wake up!
Nakoruru *dazed*: Uhhh… what happened?
Rimururu: You were lying unconscious in the middle of the woods. I got worried, so I went to go look for you.
Nakoruru *pats down her robe*: Oh No! My Funster's Fruit Pies have been stolen!
Rimururu *saddened*: *SNIFF!* Does that mean… I won't be able to taste the warm, flaky, fruit-filled goodness of a Funster's Fruit Pie? *SOB!*
Galford: Have no fear! Galford is here!
Nakoruru *surprised*: It's Galford!
Rimururu *cheering up*: And he's got a big bag full of Funster's Fruit Pies! YAY!
Galford: I heard you lovely ladies were in trouble, so I hurried on over with as many Funster's Fruit Pies as I could find.
Nakoruru *while eating a Funster's Fruit Pie*: MMMMM! Delicious!
Galford: *pulls out a Funster's Fruit Pie* Now available in Creamalicious Custard!
Rimururu: Sweet! *Unwraps and starts eating a Creamalicious Custard-flavored Funster's Fruit Pie* MMMM! That's good pie!
Nakoruru: Thank you, Galford!
Galford *mouth full*: Don't thank me, thank fufuuu fuu fuu!
Rimururu: Say what?
Galford *mouth full*: I said, don't thank me, thank fufuu fuu fuu… D'OH!
All Three: HAHAHAHAHA!!!
All Three: Funster's Fruit Pies! AW YEAH!!!
Announcer: Funster's Fruit Pies. Available at a grocery store near you.
Author's notes: So, what didja think? E-mail me your feedback at firstname.lastname@example.org. See ya!
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