Wait for it
a Tenchi Muyo! Spamfic story
'Mystery Fanfic Reading'
by Adrian D. Moten
Ranma (Ranma ½) belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Celine Jules (Star Ocean: The Second Story) belongs to Enix. Tenchi, Mihoshi, and Washu (Tenchi Muyo!) belong to Pioneer. Yasuko is mine until otherwise proven. ^_^
Somewhere within a pocket dimension:
"How kind of him," Ranma grumbled after Washu finished reading the note that had been sent to the MFR gang.
"Look at the bright side, darling," Celine said to Ranma. "He is giving us something of a break."
"Yeah; just a reason to work us over on a huge fanfic later."
"He does have a point, Celine," Washu said, brushing back a crabby lock.
The young, platinum-haired sorceress hmph'ed at that, then turned to Tenchi.
"What do you think?"
"Me?" Tenchi gulped. "I'm just hoping it doesn't involve me and one of the girls getting ready to have se… se… sex." He gulped again, casting a nervous glance to Mihoshi, hoping she didn't take it the wrong way.
Fortunately, for him at least, the blonde GP officer was lightly snoozing across from Yasuko, who was also asleep.
Celine sighed. "Well, I suppose we better wake up darlings so we can review this spamfic.
"Yeah…" Tenchi and Ranma said in unison, going to shake awake Mihoshi and Yasuko respectively.
In a message dated 7/29/00 9:15:45 PM EST, Kichigai@tds.net writes:
> Bear with me now.
Yasuko: [yawns] Wish pillow with me now.
Mihoshi: Oh, don't exaggerate so much. It's only starting.
Yasuko: [yawns again] Who cares about that? I just want to go back to bed.
> "I love you, Ayeka."
Tenchi: [blink] Oro?
Tenchi: Um, I think he was a distant ancestor…
> Four simple words.
Ranma: How she wishes…
> Oh, how she'd longed to hear them pass his lips.
Tenchi: [sighs] So much for a lesbian pairing…
[Celine, Washu, Ranma, and a now-wide awake Yasuko stare at him in shock.]
Tenchi: [blinks then stammers] I didn't want to get involved in another "XXXX gets Tenchi" fic!
Yasuko: You know, it could be Yousho that Ayeka's waiting for…
Tenchi: [sighs] Oh, how I wish sometimes…
> Ayeka's eyes glimmered brightly with unshed tears as she clasped her hands underneath her chin. Her breath caught in her throat, making it impossible to speak.
Mihoshi: Wouldn't she die from not being able to breathe? I mean, if her breath is stuck in her throat, wouldn't that just cut her off from getting oxygen into her lungs?
Washu: [slaps her forehead] I will not answer her, I will not answer her…
> Tenchi reached out and grabbed her by her shoulders, looking deep into her eyes.
Tenchi: [sighs] I knew it…
> "You, Ayeka-chan. Not Mihoshi, not Sasami, not Washu, and especially not Ryoko.
Tenchi: [blinks] Oro?
> I love you. Will you marry me?"
[Tenchi facefaults in shock]
Washu: [sly] Wow, Tenchi, I never knew you had it in you…
Tenchi: That's not me!!
> "Oh, Tenchi!" she finally got out. "Yes! Yes, I will marry you!"
Washu: 1000 yen it's a dream.
Tenchi: I'll go with you on that.
Washu: [snaps fingers] Darn, you were suppose to go with the opposite choice.
> Nearby, Ryoko overheard and turned several sickly shades of blue before collapsing unnoticed.
Celine: My, a bit envious, isn't she?
> Tenchi pulled Ayeka into a firm embrace, holding her tightly to his strong, manly chest.
Washu: [pulling on a nurse's outfit, grinning devilishly] I don't know about his chest, but he certainly does have a strong, manly pe—
Washu: [grows into her adult form] Well, it's true, Ten-chan…
Tenchi: [shivering with fear while blushing beet red] Cut that out!!
> "Ayeka, it's you who I've longed for, all this time. You're so beautiful, so cultured, so perfect, how could I even look at the other girls?"
Mihoshi: [sighs] Mmm… it reminds me of a romance novel…
> "Tenchi! You flatter me!" she giggled, running her hands over his smoothly muscled back.
Ranma: [half-bored] Jeez, this is getting boring fast…
Celine: Darling, don't you have even one romantic bone in your body?
Ranma: Doubt it; I was raised by a moron father figure for over ten years now, you know.
Celine: Hmm… remind me to cast a Meteo Storm on him when we get back to our own dimension.
> "And modest too!" Tenchi exclaimed, continuing to extol her virtues.
Washu: Wow, Tenchi, where did you learn to lie like that?
Tenchi: Haven't the faintest…
> "You even showed mercy to Ryoko, even though she was your mortal enemy. With such an example, how could I do any less?
Ranma: Geez, this is so hokey. It's like a soap opera.
> I am very sorry for leading Ryoko on like that, please forgive me, I know how it must have pained you," he said, softly stroking her hair.
Tenchi: [mops his brow dry] Thank God Ayeka isn't here to see this. I'd hate to see her reaction to this fanfic.
Ayeka: [from afar] Oh, Tenchi!
[Tenchi eeps, finding himself fearfully clinging to the ceiling. Washu laughs so hard, she falls out of her seat.]
Washu: [clicks a button on the ethereal keyboard; Ayeka's perfectly synthesized voice repeats her line again] Impersonations; you gotta love 'em!
Tenchi: [groans] That wasn't funny. Can someone get me down?
> "No need to worry Ten-chan, I don't blame you. You were just being so gallant and noble…"
Yasuko: …and having the sexual impulses of a seventeen year old that had just taken two aphrodisiacs.
Tenchi: Um, can someone get me down from here? Please?
[Ranma nonchalantly swipes him down and puts him back into his place.]
Tenchi: Thank you, Ranma.
Ranma: Eh, it was nothin'.
> "And forgiving on top of all of that," Tenchi finished, breath quickening. He stopped talking, only making small ooh's and ahh's as he ran one finger down her cheek, causing her to tilt her head up and close her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her deeply, tracing the line of her neck down to her collar and over to her shoulder with his hand. His other hand drifted lower, not quite daring to touch her bottom.
[Tenchi's nose begin to show signs of bleeding.]
> "Oooh, Tenchi…" she moaned into his lips, helpless in his arms.
> Tenchi allowed his hand to drop just far enough to lightly caress her firm cheeks, eliciting a brief squeal, before bringing it back up and around. He drew back from the kiss and looked down as he cupped her breasts with both hands. "So beautiful, and much bigger than any of the other girls…" he murmured as he gently squeezed.
Tenchi: [pinches nose shut] Ninnywa god da thidue?
> Ayeka grabbed his wrists with the intention of removing them but Tenchi wouldn't have any of it. Instead, he grabbed both of her wrists in one hand and brought them above her head, reaching around her back with his other arm for support as he gently lowered her to the ground.
> Ayeka bit her lip and looked up at him apprehensively as she lay there pinned beneath him, unresisting as he used his free hand to slowly open the top of her kimono and reveal her naked breasts.
Tenchi: [closes eyes tightly] I won't look!
Ranma: [bored look] Jeez, you act like you've never seen breasts before…
Tenchi: And you have?
Ranma: Hey, buddy, I had breasts for over a year, you know…
[Yasuko proudly pushes her generous assets up and together.]
Yasuko: Yep, they're the real things. Would you like to squeeze them, koibito?
Ranma: Don't call me sweetheart!
Yasuko: Okay, Ranma… [leans in, poking out her chest] Want to feel them again, for old times' sake? [purrs a little]
Ranma: [jumps back, not noticing that one hand slapped over one of Celine's breasts and is squeezing it] Wouldja cut that out?!
Yasuko: [sighs] I suppose so, since you're fondling someone else… [sits back down]
Ranma: [blinks] Huh?
> "Ahh, Ayeka-chan, I cannot help myself. You… you are just too perfect, I must have you!" Tenchi exclaimed, lightly stroking and caressing his way down her stomach before stopping just above her obi.
[Ranma follows his arm down to his hand. It is attached to a breast clothed in an indigo fabric, which happens to belong to a blushing, stunned Celine.]
Ranma: Eep!! [snatches hands away quickly and covers his head with his arms, remembering what she did to Ryouga earlier] ImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorry!!
Yasuko: [smug look] Don't be, Ranma. I think she liked it a lot.
Ranma and Celine: [falls over backwards, then hastily sits up] She / I did not!!
> "Tenchi… Shouldn't we wait? It would be very improper…"
Yasuko: Tell that to Ranma and Celine.
Ranma and Celine: Shut up Yasuko!
Yasuko: [blinks] Whoa…
> "Nonsense!" he replied. "I love you and you love me, I just want to express my love beyond words." His fingers darted beneath her obi, brushing, teasing her, making her want it.
Washu: Tenchi, are you taking notes on this? This information you're going to need in the future, especially if you're going to marry my daughter.
Tenchi: [still pinching nose and eyes closed] I'd nod ludding thill.
> "Ano, Ayeka, do you want some cream for that?"
Mihoshi: [wakes up] Hm?
> "AHHHHH!" she screamed, startled. "What? Huh? Mihoshi!" she exclaimed, finally seeing the galaxy police officer standing near where she was sitting in her bedroom.
All: [snaps back to normal] Wha?
> "The itch," Mihoshi explained patiently. "I get them all the time and it's really very annoying, especially when you're in public and you just can't scratch because everyone turns and stares at you, it's so embarrassing…" Mihoshi giggled.
Mihoshi: [blushes] I wish she didn't go around talking about it, you know…
> Unable to switch gears from 'fantasy' to 'talking with Mihoshi' so quickly, Ayeka was forced to once again say "Huh?"
> "Your infection. You know, you've been scratching down there for a really long time now and I should know because I've been watching you the whole time and, ano, Ayeka? Why are you banging your head into the floor like that?"
[Everyone breaks into laughter then. Celine falls over into Ranma's lap, then the two quickly put more space between them than the distance of Pluto from the sun.]
Washu: BWAHA HA HA HA!! Oh, I loved it!
Mihoshi: [smiles] It's very well done, though I kinda took a nap in the middle of it… Um, sorry, Kichigai-san.
Tenchi: It's… stimulating.
Yasuko: I'll say. Just look what it did to—
[Ranma and Celine give Yasuko a cold glare at the same time.]
Yasuko: [kind of shrinks in on herself] Guys, would you two stop that? It's getting creepy now… like you two been married for years.
Ranma and Celine: [blink] Married for years? [looks at each other, then shake their heads simultaneously] Nah… that's ridiculous.
Ranma: Well, like I said before, I don't care much about mushy stuff like this, but it's okay, I guess, for a joke, you know. And it was pretty funny, too.
Celine: More importantly, there were very few errors in the whole fic. Now if we can only apply this sort of excellence to the standard fanfic…
> Gee, that was a lot more fun than it looked.
Washu: [looks at Ranma and Celine] That it was.
> Now I think I understand why people write those torrid romance novels so much.
Mihoshi: Actually, those are really self-insertions. That's why many of them have the same basic skeletons.
Tenchi: How do you know that, Mihoshi?
Mihoshi: Because I'm writing one. [pulls out a 200 page manuscript and shows Tenchi] See right here [thumbs through a few pages] and here [a few more] and right there [many more].
[Tenchi reads, then suddenly nose bleeds like crazy, just managing to avoid getting the manuscript.]
Washu: [takes the manuscript and reads it over] Hey… I love this position! It's a lot better if you try it in zero gravity or underwater.
Mihoshi: [shakes head] Not underwater. There's a pretty big chance of getting stuck together like that.
Washu: True, but I think I can minimize the suction force by making an adjustment with his legs and her inner muscles…
Mihoshi: Hmm… it could work, but it needs to be tested out.
[Washu looks at Tenchi, then slyly grins]
Washu: [to Mihoshi] Want to try it now?
Mihoshi: Oh? With who?
[Washu whispers into her ear. Mihoshi's face burns a deep red as she smiles.]
Mihoshi: Oh, Tenchi?
Tenchi: [finishes cleaning up the blood] Yes?
Mihoshi: [smiles] Can you help me with something?
To be continued?
Author's notes: It struck, I wrote. ^_^
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