Ranma: Tap Out

Disclaimer: Ranma (Ranma ½) belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Celine Jules (Star Ocean: The Second Story) belongs to Enix. Tenchi, Mihoshi, and Washu (Tenchi Muyo!) belong to Pioneer. Yasuko is mine until otherwise proven. ^_^

Last time: Washu, Tenchi Masaki, Ranma Saotome, and Celine Jules were all invited by the Adrian D. Moten to a fanfic reading room. However, disaster struck when Mihoshi tagged along, and inadvertently ruined their chances of going home. Ranma freaked out and Washu turned him into a kappa. Unwittingly, she also split him and the curse, which insisted on calling herself Yasuko, into two uncursed individuals. Washu set out to work on getting them home, while Tenchi, Ranma, Celine, Yasuko, and Mihoshi reviewed the fanfic "Toccata and Fugue." After the end of the fic, Washu had bad news: the Muse of the Rainman was purposely stopping her attempts to find a way home, and he was making them stay and review fanfics until he decided to release them. To ensure they did so, he placed the reading room inside a pocket dimension.

And now, the story continues…

Somewhere inside a pocket dimension:

"Whaddaya mean we're trapped in a pocket dimension?!" Ranma shouted.

"Exactly that. The Muse is, in effect, forcing us to stay here and review the fanfics it sends us."

"Washu-chan, isn't there some way to counter that?" Tenchi asked.

"At this moment, I'm afraid not. I would need some time to come up with something, and I can't access my lab."

"So we won't make it home in time to see Moldiver?"

"No, Mihoshi! We're stuck here until he lets us out!! Got it?!"

"Oh… sorry…" She sniffed. "You didn't have to yell at me…"

Tenchi patted her shoulder. "She's just stressed out, that's all." He turned to face Washu. "But what do we do about eating, bathing, and other things?"

"As I said before, right below us is another level that has sleeping arrangements. If what the Muse said is right, there probably is a kitchen somewhere close by as well."

"Must be a big kitchen," Yasuko joked. "Ranma eats enough for an army."

"Hey!"

"Not to mention so does Mihoshi," Washu added. "…as well as you, if I'm not mistaken."

Yasuko laughed nervously. "D-Don't be silly…"

"Right…" Washu then typed in some commands on her translucent keyboard.

"Well, then… huh?" She blinked at the readout on the scene before her. Brows furrowed, she began to type furiously.

"Hey, anybody seen Celine around?" Ranma asked.

"Ooo… already falling for another girl?" Yasuko inquired playfully, do her best cute, doe-eyed impersonation.

He stammered. "N-N-No! Don't be silly!"

She sniffed as if mourning. "Oh, how cruel the fates be to bring together such a perfect couple, only to tear them apart with the wiles of another woman…"

"It's not like that at all!"

"How unfaithful of you… but I forgive you." Quicker than a sneeze, Yasuko was pressed very snugly against the pigtail martial artist. "Kiss me, and all shall be right…"

"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT ALREADY?!"

She fell back on the floor laughing. "You're so easy to tease… and you're blushing, too!!"

"I am not!!"

"Then why won't you look at me, hmm…?"

Ranma grumbled.

"Darlings, come here, and quickly!"

"That's Celine!" Mihoshi cried out happily.

"Is she in trouble?" the pigtailed girl asked, flipping to her feet.

"Doesn't sound like it," Tenchi responded. "Still, we better be ready for anything."

The two martial artists nodded as one as well as Mihoshi. Washu was busy plinking away at her keyboard. "Go on, I'll be fine right here; I'm looking into something," she said, waving them off. "Just be careful."

"Okay, Washu-chan." Tenchi gave her a nod, and the small band rushed off in the direction of Celine's voice.

They hadn't made it very far when they came upon an open door with a flight of stairs leading down. Standing at the base of it was the platinum-haired mage adjusting her pointy violet and gold hat with one hand. The other hand held something small and black against her bosom.

"What is it, Celine?" Tenchi asked.

She looked up, smiling. "Well, I found the sleeping quarters as well as a bath area."

Everyone else relaxed. "Well, it seems the Muse is on the up and up," Yasuko commented.

"Also, I found this." She held up her hands, revealing a black and yellow lump.

Mihoshi edged her way closer. "What is it?"

The lump moved, opening its eyes. "BWEE!"

"Oh, how cute!" Mihoshi cried out. "A piglet! Can I hold him?"

"A piglet?" Ranma said in disbelief. He gave it a critical eye as Mihoshi joyously squeezed the little black piglet to her own bosom. He gasped after a moment. "Ryouga?! What are you doing here?!"

"Ryouga?" Yasuko echoed.

"Who's Ryouga?" Celine asked. Mihoshi stopped bouncing and tipped her head in inquiry.

"He's a guy back home who has a lousy sense of direction. Also he got a Jusenkyou curse like I did."

"Oh? What's his curse like?" Mihoshi asked.

Yasuko and Ranma blinked in eerie synchronization. "She can't be that dense…" they muttered under their breaths.

"You'd be surprised at times," Washu said, coming down the stairs. She spared a glance to the unconscious pig in the blonde's hands. "So, you're the one that cause that minor temporal disturbance a second ago…"

"Um, Washu, you got some hot water?" Ranma asked.

"What do you think I am, a faucet?" she said flatly.

"Here." Yasuko handed Ranma a steaming kettle.

"Thanks." He paused. "Where'd you get a steaming kettle from?"

"Anime trick."

"Oh…" He turned to Mihoshi who was trying bring the piglet back into consciousness. "Can I see him for a sec?"

"Okay… but…"

"Don't worry bout that; he does it all the time. This'll wake 'im."

"All right…" Reluctantly, she handed over the pig to Ranma. He set it on the floor, then upended the kettle without preamble on the black piglet. It changed into a boy, startling everyone but Ranma, Yasuko, and Washu, the latter busy recording the information down for later analysis.

"Ranma! How dare you embarrass me in front of these ladies?!" Ryouga fumed as he tightened the knots on two of his bandannas around his waist like a loincloth. "Dammit, where are my clothes?"

Tenchi had recovered from his shock, and started to ask Celine where she had found the pig. The mage, however, was glowering darkly. "Uh, Celine?"

Tenchi backed away from her, recognizing that look in her eye; he had seen it in Ryoko's and Ayeka's often enough. Everyone else, save Ryouga, instinctively backed away as well.

The lost boy looked up at Celine, and immediately panicked. "N-N-Now hold on a sec-!!"

"EXPLODE!!" Several volcanic explosions smashed into Ryouga, pasting his charred body into the nearest wall.

Tenchi winced. "That's gotta hurt."

"Nah," Ranma said, waving a hand. "He'll be fine. He could survive having a mountain dropped on his head."

"METEO—"

Washu snapped a hand over Celine's mouth. "Let's not push the envelope just yet. He's going to be my newest guinea pig so we can get out of here."

After a long soak in the newly discovered bath (as well as a few bandages and a set of clothes for Ryouga), the small band went upstairs.

"So, Ryouga, how did you come here?" Washu asked.

"Well, I was on my way to Akari's house…"

"Got lost again?"

"Shut up, Ranma!"

"I'm Yasuko; he's Ranma."

"Oh… sorry…"

"It's okay. Back to how you got here-"

"Fanfic convention. Gets lost in Hokkaido, ends up in Germany in half an hour."

"Oh. That's a pretty strange explanation."

"That wasn't me."

Yasuko blinked. "It wasn't."

"Nope," Washu stated, growling a bit. "That was our 'benefactor' speaking."

"Correct." An image of the Muse flickered to life before the group.

Everyone tensed, ready for battle. "Relax all; I am just here to deliver a fanfic for you to review. I think you will find Ryouga to be quite useful with this one. That is all." The image flickered back out.

"That Muse gives me the creeps," Mihoshi said, shivering briefly.

"Well, that's something we have little control over." Washu sighed. "I'll be downstairs installing a new lab."

"Do you think that will be safe, Washu-chan?" Tenchi asked.

"I believe so. The Muse is keeping us clamped down inside; however, I believe that I can make a new dimensional lab within here. That won't be going against the Muse's 'request.' It's worth a shot at least."

"All right, then. We'll be here reviewing this fanfic if you need us."

"Good. And someone keep up with Ryouga; he's my new guinea pig."

"Hey! I'm not anyone's guinea pig!!"

In the blink of an eye, Washu grew into her adult form and approached Ryouga whose eyes were popping out of his head. "You're so cute and adorable, won't you help us out with your unique genetic inheritance, please?" Adding more incentive, she slowly stroked his cheek, inching her face closely to his. "I'd be eternally grateful if you did…"

Ranma started to warn Washu. "I wouldn't—"

Ryouga passed out, spraying a mist of blood from his nose all over Washu's face. "Eww! He would have to be a shy guy…"

Tenchi sweatdropped. "Well, without further ado, here's the fanfic. Ranma, get him."

In a message dated 6/7/00 0:04:22 AM EST, skywarp@cephiro.com writes:

> W*ING Higley Presents:

> Ranma ½: Tap Out!

Mihoshi: So this is about tap-dancing?

Ranma: Er, no.

> [Historian's Note: This story diverges from the anime continuity after the episode where Ryouga is possessed by the phantom cat, and Akane finds out that Ryouga cares for her.]

Yasuko: Okay. Good noting.

> "Happy Birthday, Ryouga!!!"

Ryouga: [sits up] Huh? My birthday isn't for another three months… wait a sec, this isn't Tokyo.

Ranma: Congratulations, directionally challenged person. You have hit the jackpot.

Ryouga: Shut up, Ranma!

> The eternally lost boy stared in surprise at the Tendo Dojo, everyone was there. In the middle of the room was a large birthday cake.

Ranma: We would have gotten candles, but they seem to have wandered off.

Ryouga: [annoyed] Ranma…

> "Wha…?"

> Akane smiled. "One of Nabiki's spys found out that today was your birthday,

Ranma: Nabiki being this kind? I'd sooner expect her to give money to the local charity than to care about your birthday.

Ryouga: You do have a point.

> so we sent that challenge letter you're holding as a way to lure you here on time."

> "But the challenge was for four days ago…"

> "Exactly, we figured it would take you that long to find the Dojo."

Ryouga: Ha ha. Sure, make fun of my introduction story, why don't you?

> "Oh."

> And so it went, the party was your typically raucous Nerima Wrecking Crew event, with a dozen fights breaking out among the various partygoers.

Yasuko: They're not that bad. Most of the time, they can get along pretty well, barring Ranma sits there bound and gagged.

Ranma: Hey!

>What was odd, many noted later, was the fact that Ryouga and Akane stayed as far away from each other as possible.

Ryouga: Um, why would I do that?

> This was the first time Ryouga had been back in Nerima since the phantom cat had possessed him and Akane had found out that Ryouga loved her.

Ryouga: Oh…

>As it was, Ranma kept himself between the two of them, feeling very possessive of Akane tonight.

Ranma: Now what the hell would I do that for? At most, I'd just toss out a few insults, and let things go as they normally go.

> Then it was time to open the presents…

> Ryouga stared at the wristband in confusion.

> "It gift from Shampoo and Great-grandmother." Shampoo smiled. It is ancient Amazon artifact."

Celine: Missing a quotation mark before 'It is'.

Tenchi: Also, there's a speech inconsistency. If she's going to speak in stereotypical Japanese, then she would say "It ancient Amazon artifact."

> Ryouga was still dumbstruck.

Ranma: That's nothing new. Ryouga was always dumb as far as anime goes; Ryouga is average in manga.

Ryouga: …is that a backhand compliment?

>"Uh, thanks, I guess."

> "It is magical item. Person who wears it is given excellent sense of direction."

Mihoshi: Pretty convenient,

Tenchi: Speech inconsistency again.

> Ryouga stared at Shampoo.

Celine: Pervert.

Ryouga: That wasn't my fault!

>"You mean…"

> Ranma spoke up, "Try it on, Pig-Boy!"

> Ryouga glared, but slipped it on anyways.

> Instantaneously, Ryouga's world changed. Left became right, up became down, North became South. Ryouga's screwed up sense of direction balanced out. It was everything he ever wanted.

Ryouga: [blink] Um, maybe we could just drop all of that stuff and make it pretty simple.

Mihoshi: Something like, "Instantly, Ryouga's world changed. His terrible sense of direction straightened itself out. Everything he ever wanted was granted at that moment."

> Tears of joy formed in his eyes.

> "Excuse me, everyone." He got up and started to walk towards the back of the Dojo. (God, he actually knew where the back of the Dojo finally was!)

> "I just need a minute alone."

Mihoshi: [sniffing] That's so beautiful…

Ryouga: Uh, I wouldn't do all that.

Tenchi: What would you do if your sense of direction were fixed?

Ryouga: I don't know… it wouldn't be that, I'm pretty sure.

> Ryouga had lost track of time as he sat by the koi pond, adjusting to these new senses, and reflecting on his life. He was 18 now, and hadn't done much with his life, aside from hunt Ranma across the seven continents.

Ryouga: That not true! I've met Akari, fought against Lime and Herb and Saffron-

Celine: Taken advantage of women in pig form.

Ryouga: -taken advantage of- Hey!

Ranma: Relax, this is based on anime Ryouga, and he ain't done all that.

Ryouga: "…"

> Was it really worth it?

> No, he concluded.

> Then why did he do it?

Mihoshi: It was the writer's fault.

> Because he loved Akane, he realized.

Ryouga: [blink] He just realized that? God, is he ever pathetic.

Ranma: I couldn't agree more.

Ryouga: Yep. [pause] HEY!!

>Not that that meant anything. It was never like he'd get enough guts to actually admit to her how he felt, or ask her out, even.

Ryouga: Um, yeah, I did.

> And then there was the problem that Akane didn't know he was P-Chan, she would probably kill him if she ever found out.

Celine: I know the feeling…

Ryouga: [sigh] Will you ever let that go? It was an accident…

> Yep, life pretty much sucked for Ryouga Hibiki.

> "Feeling alright, P-Chan?" Akane asked.

> "Yeah, I…" Ryouga realized who had asked the question. "A… Akane…?"

[Ryouga chokes on air.]

Yasuko: Down P-Chan. It's only a fanfic.

> Akane sat down next to him and smiled tenderly. "Surprised that I knew?"

Ryouga: Well, not really; you had god knows how many clues given to you. I was beginning to think you were brain dead, or something.

Ranma: [blinks] What did you say?

Ryouga: [shrugs] Well, after getting over her, it's a lot easier to make these kinds of observations.

[Ranma blinks again.]

Ryouga: Okay, so I just wanted to piss off an Akaneite because some of them don't like Ryouga/Akane pair ups. Better?

Ranma: Oh… well, that makes sense, kind of.

> "Yeah, I… I mean…" Ryouga bowed down and started groveling. "Gomennasai, Tendo-san. Please let my death be quick. I am unworthy of my life. I have dishonored you…"

Tenchi: Eww… word wrap didn't work as well as someone thought.

Ryouga: Man, what a loser…

Yasuko: Tell me about it; Genma has more dignity when he grovels.

> Akane chuckled slightly and placed her hand on his cheek.

> "It's alright, Ryouga."

Ranma: What is this, Akane the Saint?

Yasuko: Another one? Oh, man…

> "Nani?!??!"

Mihoshi: Wow… I guess the universal translator messed up here.

Tenchi: All of that English, then we're tossing in Japanese. What's wrong with "Huh?!"

Ranma: "Nani" with all those marks behind it. It looks stupid.

> "I knew a long time ago. I just, it's difficult to explain." Akane blushed.

Ryouga: Try me.

> "When I first met you, I thought you were a pretty attractive guy. And you were so noble, never hitting on me or trying to take advantage of me.'

Ranma: BWAH HAHAHA!! He tried to KILL me in his intro story and ended up chopping her hair off!

Ryouga: …

> "But…"

> "I didn't realize at first that you were P-Chan, but it didn't take long.

Celine: Q and A. How did she discover he was P-Chan?

Ranma: Brain transplant, most likely.

> By that time, I'd come to realize you were a great friend."

Yasuko: Not that great a friend. She did you use you a couple of times in the series, mainly to make Ranma jealous.

Ranma: I don't get jealous.

Yasuko: So, you don't mind if Shinosuke takes Akane out while we get married, ne?

Ranma: [pig tail stands on end] Wh-Wh-WHAT?!

Ryouga: I think she likes you, Ranma.

Ranma: You stay out of this!

> Ryouga winced when she called him friend.

Tenchi: Oh, the friend thing again…

Celine: What's wrong with being friends with a girl you like?

Tenchi: Er… well, it's like a zone you can't leave once you walk into it.

Mihoshi: Oh? [ponders] Well, that's one way you can stop Ayeka and Ryoko from fighting. Call them friends!

Tenchi: [sweatdrops] You gotta be kidding… I'm too young to die.

> "You were always willing to listen to me, and my problems, whether you were human or pig. And then, after the phantom cat, I found out you loved me."

Ryouga: [blinks] Uh… excuse me…

Mihoshi: It's only a fanfic.

> 'Uh… I… Akane…" This was not happening, Ryouga thought. Akane knew that he loved her, knew that he was P-Chan, and wasn't trying to kill him.

Ryouga: [shaking his head clear] Yep, it's a fanfic.

> "How come you never told me, or asked me out?" Akane smiled coyly.

> "Well," Ryouga began scratching his head in that embarrassed fashion that Akane found so cute.

Ranma: [coughs into his hand] Buhsht! Buhsht!

Yasuko: You know, I always thought Akane was kind of put off by Ryouga massive strength. After crushing that stone telephone pole, she made a comment-

Ryouga: [bored quoting] "Whoever he married has to be made of sturdier stuff than I" or something like that. Yeah, I know. Just rub the salt into my wounds, why don'tcha?

>"You see, I thought you loved Ranma."

Ryouga: If I thought that, I wouldn't have been so in love with her.

Ranma: Plus you wouldn't have tried to murder me to win her over.

Ryouga: That, too.

> "I don't love Ranma.

Ranma: [blinks] Huh?

>He's so mean to me, I don't think I could ever love him."

Ranma: [makes a face] Wha..?

> Ryouga continued. "Plus the fact that the two of you are engaged."

> "So, I turn 18 soon. Once I do, I can cancel the engagement."

Ranma: [sweatdrops] Again?

> "But, your family honor."

> "Honor's a pretty complicated thing Ryouga, you know that. Some people think I can cancel the engagement, others don't. What do you think?"

Ryouga: I think…I'm in the Twilight Zone.

All: Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do!

> "I… I think it would be more dishonorable to be forced into a loveless marriage, than to break a loveless engagement."

Yasuko: Boy, Ranma, she's really laying down the Law on you, isn't she?

Ranma: I-It's only a fanfic.

Celine: Darling, you don't look so well. Are you going to be all right?

Ryouga: Darling? [snorts] Boy, Ranma, you just couldn't wait to lure more girls into your sinister trap, could you?

Ranma: Shut up, Pig-Boy!

Ryouga: Make me!

Celine: [annoyed] Do I have to cast Explosion on you again?

Ryouga: [shies away] Uh, no, once was quite enough.

> "Good. So anyways, how come you never asked me out?"

Ryouga: Um… I did, you know…

> A voice from behind interrupted them. "I can answer that one, because I'd kill him if he did."

Ranma and Ryouga: [blink] Who said that?

> "Ranma!!!!" Akane turned in shock.

Ranma: Huh?!

> Ranma grabbed Ryouga by his shirt and hoisted him off the ground.

Ryouga: Now wait just a cotton-picking minute here—!

> "Get this straight, pig-boy. I don't care if Akane does like you, or love you, or whatever. She's MY FIANCÉE! AND NOT YOU OR ANYONE IS GONNA ASK HER OUT OR GET HER TO BREAK OUR ENGAGEMENT! GOT THAT??!!??

Mihoshi: Wow, Ranma, you're really jealous like how Ryoko and Ayeka get with Tenchi.

Ranma: [dazed and shocked] I don't know who that guy is, but he sure ain't me…

Ryouga: I'll say…

> Ryouga was defiant, to say the least.. "Ranma, I challenge…"

Ryouga: …you to an OOC contest. Whoever is the most OOC wins. Ready?

> "Don't even think of challengin' me. In the last two years, how many times have you beaten me? None! Face it bacon breath, when it comes to free-form martial arts, you can't beat me!"

Ranma: Er… well… he has beaten me… a few times… they were close ones, though!

Ryouga: [sweatdrops] Oh, how humble you are…

> With that Ranma hurled Ryouga into a wall, then sent him flying into the air with a whirlwind blast.

Ranma: Without walking a circle, or hot chi?

Yasuko: Well, at least he kept it as a hurricane… sort of.

> "Ryouga!!!!!" Akane screamed in shock

Celine: Missing a period at the end.

> "As for you," Ranma turned, "you keep away from other guys. Dammit Akane, you're my girl."

Ranma: [blinks] Well, hell, I only got that way once… mainly because Mikado pissed me off so badly.

Ryouga: Uh huh…

> With that, he stormed back inside. Akane could only cry.

Ryouga: Ranma! How dare you hurt her like so!

Ranma: Hey! I didn't do nothin'!

Ryouga: Not you! [points at the fanfic] Him!

Ranma: Oh…

> As Ryoga sailed away from the Tendo Dojo, one thing that Ranma said kept running through his head.

Yasuko: You can't sleep with Akane anymore until you sleep with me.

Ranma and Ryouga: WHAT?! [pigtail stands on end as well as Ryouga's hair and bandanna]

Yasuko: [smiles] Boy. you guys are so easy to tease. Stop blushing!

Ranma and Ryouga: I am not!

> 'Face it bacon breath, when it comes to free-form martial arts, you can't beat me!'

> It was true, Ryoga hated to admit it, but it was true. Ranma was more skilled when it came to free-style martial arts. He was, after all, a black belt in "Anything Goes" style.

Ranma: Er… we don't use any sort of system to clarify where we stand in our skill levels of Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu, its branch schools of Umisenken and Yamasenken, or any other martial arts around Nerima. A black belt to me is just to hold my pants up.

> But what about controlled forms of martial arts. An idea formed in Ryoga's mind. This would be easier to implement now that he had a sense of direction.

Mihoshi: Oh, what does the mind of a Ryouga, granted a sense of direction, begin to weave, I wonder…

> Ryoga reached into his backpack and pulled out a well-worn map of the world.

> He needed to find Brazil.

Ryouga: Why Brazil?

Ranma: [shrug] Beats me.

> With luck, he hoped, he'd land near the docks.

> 6 Months Later:

> Location: Brazil, The Gracie Dojo.

Ranma: The Gracie Dojo?

Ryouga: Why would I be at the Gracie Dojo for?

> Rickson Gracie stood before the young man in admiration. Next to him stood his brothers Royce and Royler.

> "I must commend you, amigo. Out of all our students, you have trained the hardest and learned the fastest.

Ryouga: Um, you're missing a quotation mark at the end of the sentence.

> "Thank you, sensei."

> "It has been amazing, you are the only student of ours who I feel is at a level that has surpassed that of me and my brothers."

Yasuko: Boy, the Gracies are nice people.

Ryouga: Not that nice, I think.

> "Thank you, sensei."

> Royler stood up to him and presented him with a plaque. "Congratulations, my boy. You are now a certified master in Gracie style jiu jitsu and our forms of shootfighting. This, combined with the training you recently received in Ken Shamrock's Lion's Den Dojo make you the most skilled shootfighter in the world today."

Tenchi: Ken Shamrock teaches now? I thought he was still doing plays.

Mihoshi: Um… don't you mean wrestling?

Tenchi: Is that what it's called?

> Ryoga Hibiki smiled, "Thank you, sensei."

> One week later, the Tendo Dojo:

> Akane watched in fear as her fiancé trained with Genma. In the six months since they had last seen Ryoga, Ranma had become increasingly abusive towards her.

Ranma: [piku] How the hell did this happen?!

Ryouga: Sounds like the author doesn't like you Ranma. Portraying you as a bully… Don't worry; I know you're not that bad.

Ranma: Thanks… I think.

>Not physically, but verbally, and to the point where his sheer presence frightened her.

Yasuko: Considering that this is the same person that has smashed tables, hammers, fists, feet, and god knows what else over your head, I don't think so. What did you do, goose her?

> Then there came a shout. "SAOTOME! I CHALLENGE YOU!"

> Ranma turned, "Dammit Kuno, didn't that beating I issue to you last week knock and sense into you? And what the heck are you doing out of the hospital so early, it takes more than a week to recover from a broken back…"

Ryouga: Woah. That's really vicious…

Ranma: [insulted and annoyed] What is this?! A fanfic glorifying me as some sort of wife beater?!

Celine: Calm down, Darling.

Yasuko: Yeah. It's only a fanfic. We still love you, no matter how OOC you get.

> Ranma stopped as he realized that it was Ryoga who had spoke. Ranma smirked at this realization.

Tenchi: A Thesaurus might not be such a bad idea . That way, you won't use the same words over and over, which will bore your audience to sleep.

> "Well, well, well. Look who finally got enough guts to show up again.

Ryouga: Well, getting blasted all the way to Brazil and having to walk back isn't exactly fun, you know.

> Ready to get your ass kicked again, P-Chan?"

> Ryoga smiled slightly. "No, Ranma. I've come to challenge you."

> "So you did come to get your ass kicked."

> "No, I've come to challenge you, with a few stipulations."

> "Stipulations?"

> "Yes. If you beat me, then I leave, I'll stay away from you and Akane forever."

> "And if I lose?"

> "Then I get to ask Akane if she'll go out with me."

> Ranma laughed out loud. "Like that'll ever happen. Deal, Ryoga. Prepare to die."

Yasuko: Now that's a switch. Ranma sounding like Ryouga.

Ranma and Ryouga: Hey!

> Ranma assumed his usual loose fighting stance. He expected Ryoga to charge in blindly, like he usually did, but was surprised as Ryoga assumed a defensive stance.

Ranma: Well, Ryouga doesn't usually charge in blindly for anything, unless he's mad.

> "This is new," Ranma said.

> "You'll find I'm just full of surprises." Ryoga dove down, and floored Ranma with a textbook leg-sweep.

Ranma: [blink] What else did he learn from the Gracies, God Speed? That's about the only way you're going to floor me with any sort of ground sweeping technique.

> Ranma 'uffed' as he landed. Ryoga followed up by locking Ranma into a kneebar.

> "Get off, Ryoga, what the hell do ya think you're doing?"

> "Fighting you, Ranma. Just not in a way you're used to."

> "Oh, I see. Pig-boy starts watching a bunch of Ultimate Fighting tapes and suddenly thinks he's got the key to beating me." As he said this, Ranma rolled onto his back and used his free leg to kick at Ryoga's head.

Celine: Darling was already on his back, if you will note. He never turns in any direction after taking the fall.

> "Something like that." Ryoga caught Ranma's free leg and flipped him up into the guard position.

Mihoshi: What's a guard position?

Celine: I was thinking the same thing. The author should have described how it looks rather than just say "guard position" and assume everyone knows what he is talking about.

> "What the hell is this?" Ranma struggled to kick Ryoga off, but couldn't with his massive strength. Ryoga wailed away with fists to Ranma's head. It was all Ranma could do to cover-up.

Ranma: Interesting…did Ryouga also get a new curse, too, Spring of the Drowned four-armed man? That's about the only way he's going to hold my legs and beat on me as well.

> 'This was impossible,' Ranma thought,

Ranma: See? Even your Ranma agrees that move is impossible.

> 'Ryoga was beating him..' And there was very little he could do about it. Almost all of Ranma's offensive attacks required the opponent to be on his feet and standing at least a foot away, not pinning him down and wailing away at his face.

Yasuko: Obviously someone's missed out on the Umisenken/Yamasenken story…

> Finally, Ranma was able to roll onto his side, but Ryoga simple wrapped his hands around Ranma's gi and started to choke him out with it.

Ranma: Forgive me, I seem to have made a grievous error earlier; Ryouga has fallen into the Spring of the Drowned Octopus Man. There's no way in hell he can do all of that with two arms.

> "Tap out, Ranma. It's the only way to end this aside from you passing out or dying."

> "Hghff," was all Ranma could respond.

Celine: How… articulate.

> Ryoga finally let up and began applying blows to Ranma's left shoulder.

> Ranma shoved him off and tired for a spinning back punch. Ryoga grabbed his arm and applied a jujigatame (cross-arm breaker).

Tenchi: Would it have been so wrong to have just said that instead of the parenthesis note?

> Akane watched in amazement. Ryoga was employing submission skills, and was actually BEATING Ranma.

Ryouga: What is the author smoking? I can beat Ranma; I have, in fact, several times before. The two times in the Shishi Hokodan story were my first real victories against Ranma. I don't count all of the other times before then real wins.

> Ranma struggled to his feet and slammed Ryoga against the Dojo wall, trying to yank him off his arm.

Ranma: I'm not going to even bother trying to explain just how wrong this is. I just won't.

Ryouga: Um, didn't you lift a cement floor with your toes while you and Hinako-san were glued on your faces once?

Ranma: That's different.

> Ryoga responded by working his legs around Ranma's back, then quickly cinching his arms around Ranma's throat and shoulders.

> Akane watched in amazement as Ryoga applied a triangle choke. Ranma fell forward, struggling for air. Finally, it was too much. Ranma tapped out.

Mihoshi: How anticlimactic that turned out to be.

Celine: I was disappointed.

Ryouga: That makes two of us.

Ranma: Three.

Yasuko: Four.

Tenchi: Five.

Mihoshi: I guess that makes it six, then.

> Ryoga released the hold and collapsed in exhaustion. He'd won, he'd finally beaten Ranma Saotome. And he'd made him tap.

Celine: Noo! Not my only two Islands! Curses, I can't counter your spells now!

Ranma: Celine?

Celine: Magic reference, Ranma Darling.

Ranma: …okay…

> "RYOGA!" He turned to see Akane running towards him.

> "Akane, oh, thank the kami you're alright. I was afraid that Ranma might have hurt you after the party."

Yasuko: Nah. I treated him like a baby; pop a nipple in his mouth, and he went right to sleep.

Ranma: [turns to Yasuko] Huh?

Ryouga: [scratching his head] What did she say?

Yasuko: …nothing. [whistles innocently]

> "No, no. I'm fine." Akane was crying and hugging him. She lifted his chin so that he was staring into her eyes. "Well…"

> "Well what?" Akane glared at him. "Oh, the deal. Right."

> Ryoga got on his knee and took her hand. He gulped slightly, this was far more scarier than facing down a Gracie or fighting Ranma.

Ryouga: You act as if a Gracie is scary. I've faced worse… as P-Chan!

> "Akane Tendo, if you're free Saturday night, would you like to have dinner with me?"

Tenchi: Well, I would have expected him to be stuttering, or some other show of his nervousness.

> Akane smiled again, tears in her eyes. "I'd love to."

>

> The End

All: Thank God!

> Author's Notes: I've never seen a fic that dealt with Ranma and the world of Mixed Martial Arts / Shootfighting.

Ranma: Probably because I can stomp them all without really trying.

>It would seem logical that a person like Ranma, who relies heavily on magic / ki and flashy kicks and punches for his offense, would be completely lost in a UFC type match-up, and thus would get destroyed.

Ranma: That would be true… that is, if that were all I did rely on. In bare-bones honesty, I don't usually bother with ki / chi / magic whatever you want to call it, or flashy kicks like that Guile character in the Street Fighter movie.

Tenchi: [groans] You would have to bring that up. The movie was pretty bad in itself.

>My apologies for any OOC that you may not have appreciated.

Yasuko: Like everything…

> But then, this wasn't written by Takahashi or the TV writers, so anything I have them do is automatically OOC.

Celine: You know, he does present a valid point.

Ranma: Well, yeah, but it ain't gotta be that OOC.

Ryouga: True. Also, he could use some more work on developing a better story line.

Yasuko: Originality works nicely. However, not every idea will be original, so when you write, you have to make your story sound unique from other stories with the same or similar premises.

Tenchi: The fight scenes definitely need some work. Some of those moves, a professional contortionist couldn't pull off without breaking something. It was choppy, the way it flows. I just couldn't get into it at all.

Mihoshi: He could also use some more description. Not everyone watches UFC, or know what a guard position is, or any of that stuff.

> Ranma ½ & characters TM & copyright 1996 by Rumiko Takahashi.

> Royce, Rickson & Royler Gracie used without permission, based on composite likenesses of their real-life counterparts. Any relation is unintentional.

> W*ING and the W*ING logo ™ & copyright 1994 by Victor Quinones and Mickey Iberagi.

Ryouga: Let's get outta here. [heads off in a random direction]

Ranma: Hey, you dummy, it's this way!

[No answer]

Ranma: Ryouga?

[Still no answer.]

Ranma: Aw man, he got lost again! [sighs]

Tenchi: Washu-chan isn't going to like this…

Mihoshi: No kidding.

"He did what?!" Washu shouted.

Tenchi explained. "He just went off in a direction and… poof, he was gone."

The redhead genius groaned. "I can't believe this is happening. Our one chance to get home— lost in god knows where…"

The two Washu dolls popped up on her shoulders.

"Don't give up hope, Washu-chan!"

"You're the greatest scientific genius in the universe, Washu-chan!"

"Oh, put a sock in it."

The two dolls hung their heads and folded back to wherever they had came from.

"So," Mihoshi began. "How did the installation of your new lab go?"

Washu perked up. "Successfully." She pointed at a closet door. "Ta-da!"

Ranma, Yasuko, and Celine looked at the door. "A closet?"

"Not just a closet. My new lab!" With that, Washu swung the door open, revealing to them her newly created laboratory.

"Ooo…"

"Come on, I'll take you all on a little tour." The little genius walked into the portal, followed by Tenchi and Mihoshi. Ranma, Yasuko, and Celine walked in after some skepticism. "Don't forget to close the door!"

"Okay, Washu-chan darling."

As the door pulled to a close, Washu spoke aloud, "Now what am I forgetting?"

A few minutes later, there was a loud explosion behind the door. Black smoke streamed out from the cracks and gaps all around the doorframe.

"MIHOSHI!!"

"Sorry, Washu-chan!! I didn't mean to!!"

"ARGH!!"

To be continued.

Author's notes: Comments, questions?  Send them all to raemowse@aol.com. Flames, send to smores@campfire.site.

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: January 7, 2006