Lost Library Email Form Lost Library Mailing List
Lost Library Home Page
 

It's nice to see this finally released for other people's viewing pleasure. Ordinarily, I'd leave it alone, but as I promised Ben vicious dogs would tear it to bits for him, I have no choice but to throw it into the pit that I readied for him nearly a month ago. I stocked it with the nastiest, must brutal canines available to mankind, and I haven't fed them for nearly a week, just to make them that much nastier.

Here they go! Let's watch!

*Tosses the fic into the pit*

*Looks in*

Darn it, he kept them waiting too long! The vicious dogs starved to death!

I guess I don't have any choice but to tear it to pieces myself, with a little help from a few good clones. Well, one Good one, and one Evil one; though after rereading this, I'm no longer sure which one is which.

In theory, however, Eyewrin is the Evil one, and boy is he evil. Most of the time. Aerin, however, is Good; well, as Good as any genes from my particular pool can be. This means that she can sometimes be… less than sane, but we love her anyway.

Fic begins in 5… 4… 3… 2…

> &&& [Begin Chapter 1.]


Chapter One: Let's take this space time error out on the road and see who's boss! Or, Just introduce the character — or at least a part of it.

EYEWRIN: Who's the Boss will be back in a moment — don't stick around if your legs ain't broken.

> The Atomic Starlight Knight was having a rather boring day. There hadn't been an outbreak of really nasty evil badness for… Well, since that Moon Kingdom had that clash with the Nega-something-or-other. That was fun.

AARON: But over far too quickly. (Shines light in ASK's eyes) Exactly which side were you on, and where were you the night of the—

> During the past couple of thousand years, life had gotten a tad too tame. Sure, there was the occasional moderately evil villain to secretly fight against, but nothing really serious. Occasionally, he would, for example, sneak into some highly guarded military installation, and, well, blow something up.

EYEWRIN: "Should we stop that guy in the shiny armor who's heading for the ammo dump with a glint in his eye, Sarge?" "…Nah, how much damage could one guy possibly—?"

> He really enjoyed blowing things up. In fact, he was the embodiment of someone else's good-natured extreme insanity and deep desire to blow things up combined with the love of generally wreaking havoc with evil, not to mention the occasional practical joke.

AERIN: (eyes shining) Oh my, that's me he's talking about! I thought he'd forgotten all about me! (Deep sigh) He's such a gentlemen, fulfilling my unrequited desire for destruction… (Fans herself)

AARON & EYEWRIN: ….Umm……

> So, essentially, as far as he knew and cared, his job was blowing things up. It was quite a fulfilling job, as a matter of fact. Blasting evil into its component quarks was, quite possibly, the most fun thing in the entire world. Unfortunately, it was rare for something evil enough to pop up that required that level of obliteration.

EYEWRIN: Yes, they really have to cross that line between everyday villainy and cartoonish supervillainy before he steps in.

> In the meantime, he would do something else. Occupying his time was the first and foremost thing he needed to accomplish. Boredom was a dangerous thing; he might end up losing his mind. That had happened a few times, but not for decades. So, he always needed something to occupy his time and to give himself some sense of purpose.

AARON: Role-playing? Owner-operating a small nation with an iron fist, or at least a bronze one? Model trains — no, on second thought, I don't want to even think about what the ASK would do with model trains.

EYEWRIN: Wait a second… Losing his mind? Don't you have to have something in the first place to lose it?

> But today, there was nothing else to do. No evil to destroy, no new types of explosives to try out — not even any material science classes!

EYEWRIN: "Bored, bored, bored. No unnecessary sedation, no electroshock therapy… I mean, not even any elevator music!"

> Why was this day so completely and utterly boring? It was vacation. The Atomic Starlight Knight hated vacations. He loved his job, but given the periodic nature of his job, he spent most of his time on vacation.

AERIN: Yes, he does tend to be so efficient that he puts himself out of work very quickly. The poor dear real-l-ly needs to learn how to make one supervillain last until the next one pops up. Maybe he could just… shoot one limb off at a time or something…

> Over the past millennia, he had picked up a great deal of knowledge: about hurling explosive blasts, accelerated self-healing, aura manipulation, energy duplication, and he could even control his alternate personalities! What he most liked was his energy duplication capabilities. He could draw upon the reserves he kept around and copy something he encountered. It was exceptionally fun when he nearly got struck by lightning; for a while, he started doing "Thor" impressions.

AARON: Until he got sued for infringement on intellectual copyright; the ASK sulked for months after he got the subpoena.

> He really had nothing better to do with his "life."

EYEWRIN: What, is this the hell that is his life?

> Under normal circumstances, when a spiritual embodiment of a particular aspect of a personality is no longer needed for a task, they will re-merge with whomever their personality had been extracted from. However, that was not an option in this case. It seems that Queen Serenity, at the fall of the Silver Millennium, wished with the Imperium Silver Crystal (or was that Ginzuishou? I can never remember) for her daughter and everyone else to have a normal life.

AERIN: Where did THIS come from? Did the subject change when I was getting some sodas?

AARON: I think the subject changed right in this paragraph with no discernable transition from the last subject. How annoying!!!!

EYEWRIN: Isn't this the sort of thing that we should be giving him advice on instead of heckling him about it? ….Nah, let's just get on with it.

> Unfortunately, his original persona had not fit into this new "normal" life. Not even a total memory erasure could have made it so. And therefore, the magic of the Silver Crystal caused his original persona to have the non-"normal" pieces removed, while whatever was left got reincarnated. To top that off, he hadn't even found his reincarnation yet, so he couldn't even check in to see how they were doing.

AARON: Hey, did you put that popcorn in the microwave yet?

> "Wait, why haven't I found my reincarnation yet?" he asked himself.

EYEWRIN: Why do you want popcorn?

> "Could it be because, maybe, you haven't looked?!" another part of himself answered.

AARON: It's traditional. Popcorn is both a tasty snack and a weapon of scorn; few stories can withstand the pain of having cold kernels thrown at it.

> "Hmmm. Perhaps. Maybe…."

AERIN: Isn't there a fanfic we're supposed to be reading?

> "That's it! I'll look!"

EYEWRIN: (waves hand dismissively again) Aw, it's just some expository dialogue to show that the ASK isn't entirely all there, in more ways than one. Necessary, but not particularly funny, until he starts banging his head into a wall to shut up the voices.

> "That's… brilliant! But how?"

AERIN: I see! Well, it's Aaron's turn to get up, so he should be the one to put the popcorn in the microwave if he wants it so bad.

> "Let's see, my existence constantly being drained from them, the psychic connection should lead me right to 'em. Unless, of course, I have one of those Moon Princess Protection plans installed to go along with it."

AARON: Well, okay. If that line is any sample of what he's trying to pass off as jokes at this point, I won't be missing much. (Gets up)

AERIN: Was that a joke? I just don't get it.

> "Not last time I looked. Wait, let me double check… Nope, no protection plans. The princess part is debatable, though."

EYEWRIN: What kind of debate? Any self-inflicted violence involved?

> "But there is a connection, right?"

> "Yup!"

EYEWRIN: No! I demand disagreement! I must have chaos, and self-inflicted violence!

AERIN: You know how little I like to down a personal friend, but the Atomic Starlight Knight does seem to have lost a bit of his… edge.

> "Okay, now, concentrate on yourself. Any connections to anything?"

> "I feel… the sudden craving for a bowl of macaroni and cheese!"

> "What the huh?!"

EYEWRIN: Dammit, now I'M hungry! HEY AARON, HURRY IT UP WITH THAT POPCORN!!

> "Yeah… Besides that! I know I haven't eaten since lunch… But that's beside the point! Try again. Don't call back until you're sure." A part of his mind took a nap.

AERIN: I am very tempted to do the same. (Yaw-w-wn) Oh dear…

> A few minutes later, he was shocked awake by the rest of it.

> "WAIT! Yes! That's it! I now know with absolute certainty who my reincarnation is!"

AARON: Did I miss anything?

EYEWRIN: He engaged in more exposition, tossed in a few unfunny jokes, and made me hungry, so hand over that popcorn!

> "Great! Now go find them!" Atomic Starlight Knight's mind concluded. The search was on! He blasted off at top speed toward the origin of his psychic link…

> *WHAM* And slammed directly into a wall.

EYEWRIN: A-HA! Told you it wouldn't be funny until he slammed into a wall!

> Peeling himself off, he turned toward a new destination, still following the link. It was difficult, partially because this link wasn't an active one, but mostly because there were too many things to run into…

> So, he walked.

> Anticlimactic as it was, walking while watching where he was going did reduce the frequency of impacts.

AARON: Bah. It'll only make you stronger, ASK.

> All through this, he kept invisible so people would not be disturbed at a 6'6" guy in shining green camouflage armor with combat boots crashing into walls left and right.

AERIN: Since when did the ASK become a public servant, actually caring about his image in the community at large?

AARON: Maybe he just wants to avoid someone trying to throw him in an asylum. His drycleaner is threatening to cancel his account if he brings in his blood-soaked armor even once more…

> He didn't bump into things as a general rule… but desperate times call for desperate measures! Several hours of this brought him to his destination.

> "There she is!" his mind cried out triumphantly.

> "Alright, how is… Hey, back up. Did I just think what I thought I thought?"

EYEWRIN: Or did you think you thunk what you didn't think? He's managed to boil down all the major philosophies, all the significant religions, into a single incoherent sentence. Props!

> When the view clicked in, it consisted of two girls in school uniforms who were walking to school. Apparently, vacation was not in effect for junior high students. The girls were talking about something or other.

AARON: (tosses popcorn) BOO!!! How would he know when vacation is?! He's an engine of destruction incarnate, not a card-carrying member of the PTA!!!

> "Yes, I did. My theory is that after the fall of the Silver Millennium, her leftover psychic residue, of which there was a lot, made me. Basically, I'm the aspects of whatever didn't get taken along."

EYEWRIN: You mean he's yesterday's leftovers, having spoiled long enough to actually develop sentience? I knew it all along. ^_^

> "Okay, I guess that explains it— huh?!"

AERIN: Now, now, Eyewrin, that wasn't very polite of you, even if it's true. Poor ASK; someone didn't put the lid on his Tupperware dish tightly enough…

> "Yeah, quiet. Let's have a look-see. Shall we?"

> "Okay, let's see how she's doing. I wonder if this "normal" thing has been as great as it's cracked up to be."

AARON: I gave up normality ten years ago and never looked back.

> "Yeah, let's go find out."

> The Atomic Starlight Knight went into clandestine operations mode. Eavesdropping, if you will.

> "Wait, is something wrong with that? Spying, I mean?"

EYEWRIN: He's developing sense of right and wrong? Since when?

> "I doubt it."

> "Why?"

> "What's wrong with spying on one's own self?"

AARON: Well, it does sound a little perverted…

> "…"

> "Got me there."

> "I want to go blow something up!" another part of his mind called out hopefully.

> "Yeah, me too!"

AERIN: Oooh! Mee tooo! Mee tooo!!! (She waves one hand in the air) Pick me!

> "Not until I see some evil."

EYEWRIN: He's finally starting to show some of his old edge. Whew! I was afraid that someone had edited it out entirely.

> "But I want to blow something up now!"

> "Yeah, give me a chance!"

> "No."

> "But I want to blow something up now!"

> *WHAM!*BAM!*WHACK!* "Shut up, shut up! Everyone JUST SHUT UP!" Atomic Starlight Knight yelled while banging on his head as hard as he could.

EYEWRIN: Now that's comedy.

AARON: Or an unreasonable facsimile thereof.


> On this school day, which I think was a Tuesday, Molly had found a new friend. She stood about 4'11" tall, had red hair in a ponytail, and had an impossibly happy, yet vacuous expression. Molly had just found out that the new girl had just moved in from some other country.

AARON: Hey, is Molly still from Joisey in this fic?

> "Really, Terra? What country are ya from?" Molly asked in her New Jersey accent.

AARON: (tosses popcorn) Booo!!!!

EYEWRIN: Propa Joisey would be: "What country are yaz frum?"

> "I'm from Ireland! Tee-hee!" Terra Incognito said in an accent that wasn't even close to an Irish one, giggling, blissfully ignorant of her surroundings. She giggled again for effect.

AERIN: I'm confused. We're in a dubbed Sailor Moon fanfic that's also a character-insertion fic? Aaron, is this supposed to be a hilarious send-up of fanfic stereotypes, or an annoying perpetuation of them?

AARON: The former, Aerin, the former. It never really crosses over that invisible line…

> "Wow, Ireland! So ya like it 'ere?" Molly asked.

EYEWRIN: (continues Molly impersonation) "Wow, Oireland? So's ya like it 'ere?"

> "Yeah! Everyone here is just soo nice and cute and funny!" Terra said. She then went on to detail how she wanted to grow up to be a big movie star in Hollywood and have people asking for her autograph, have a cute boyfriend and such. Molly giggled at that. Terra just smiled and swung her head side to side happily.

AERIN: Oh my, what a nice girl!

> Someone out of view fell loudly on his face.

AARON: How about somethin' like, 'The sound of a face colliding with concrete echoed from around a corner as someone unseen fell down in shock, twitching helplessly'

EYEWRIN: You're giving too much help.

> "I can't wait 'till you meet Serena!" Molly said.

EYEWRIN: "Oi cain't wait 'till ya meet Serena!"

AARON: Do you have ANY idea how disturbing it is that you can do that voice?

EYEWRIN: (Pauses for a moment) Yes. Yes, I do.


> The Atomic Starlight Knight got back up from his impromptu slamming into the ground and watched and listened to the rest of the conversation in complete and utter disbelief.

AARON: Something about 'peeled his face from the concrete and' would be better than just 'got back up'. More visual, Ben, more comedy!!!!

> "This is NORMAL?!" his mind asked incredulously.

AARON: Yes. Frightening, no?

> "They… CUT OUT HER BRAIN!" he whispered to himself in horror.

AERIN: Well, most modern lobotomies actually leave a great deal of the brain intact.

> "That's about the size of it. Who do you think you are?"


> "Apparently the remnants of a once proud mind."

EYEWRIN: Well, at least he can… can… Dammit! There has to be some kind of pun on "pride" or "prideful" or "once" that I can stick in here, I know it!!!

> "Well, at least she's happy," one voice in his mind commented.

AARON: In that dull, washed-out way of the average Muggle.

> "Yeah, but, look at her! She's… how to put this nicely… a complete and total zonked-out, mindless ditz!" another part replied.

EYEWRIN: Why bother putting it nicely? (Tosses popcorn) I once again mock the new PC Atomic Starlight Knight!!!

> "That wasn't a very nice thing to say about yourself."

EYEWRIN: If you can't insult yourself, who can you insult?

> "Well… Is there anything I can do about it?"

> "Hmm… Maybe, just maybe, I might be able to do something," he replied thoughtfully.

AERIN: No, there aren't too many ways to fix a full frontal lobotomy. Sorry, dear, she's stuck the way she is.

> "Excellent. Care to share it with the rest of the class…?"


> "If I push hard enough on the link, it may activate, reawakening memories and restoring her personality to something recognizable."

AERIN: Or it could brain-fry her even worse…

> "Good thinking!" his mind congratulated himself.

> "Okay, if there are no complaints, I'm going to activate the link and rectify the problem."

> "Wait!" some random personality called out in his mind.

AARON: Look, Ben, I know we said we wanted more internal debate. I know we said we wanted more argument… but… but… (Starts sobbing just a little bit) we demand action! The time for talk is past! The banditos are running for the hills, and if we chase them now we can wipe them out so they'll never raid our peaceful peasant village again!

EYEWRIN: what the hell are you talking about?

AARON: Sorry, slipped into 'bad Mexican movie' mindset.

> "What is it this time?!"

> "She's happy as she is!" that small part of his psyche reasoned.

> "Wait. I'm her. I'm not happy as she is. Therefore, she is not happy as she is."

EYEWRIN: And we aren't happy as she is either. Do something!

> "…Wah?"

> "I'm not going to be satisfied having me running around brain-dead. What do I have to think against that?!"

AERIN: A lobotomy is not brain-death, ASK; it simply removes most of the subject's higher reasoning capacity and personal motivation.

> "Well, see her?’Brain-dead' as you say she is, she's happy! Look at it this way: She's me, and if she's happy, I'm happy, and well, isn't happiness what everyone wants?"

AARON: Happiness? Heck no! We want excitement! Adventure! Really wild things!

> "…"

> "Okay. All right. Fine! Just stop pouting. That really bugs me. So, I'll watch her for a while, and if all seems well, I go as I have before, and perhaps concoct some long, drawn-out plan to eventually get to know myself… her… whatever better and find some gradual way to reintegrate myself. If not, I activate the link. Agreed?"

EYEWRIN: So he agreed…

AARON: To do nothing.

EYEWRIN: I never read the original, Aaron. Did this happen in that version to?

AARON: Well, I seem to remember more self-inflicted pain… and somehow, I remember it being more interesting…

AERIN: Stop being so nitpicky, Aaron. This scene wasn't that bad.

> Almost knocking him off his feet, a chorus of affirmative replies echoed through the assorted net of constantly firing neurons, or at least the magical equivalent thereof.

AARON: The slight hint that he's a magical creation here; is it foreshadowing or something unintentional?

> He slowly regained his balance. "Very well, then."


> "Jedite, come forth!" Queen Beryl commanded. A blonde man in a gray general uniform appeared and bowed before her. "Is everything ready?"

AARON: Jedite? Is that how you spell it?

> Jadeite looked annoyed at having his name mispronounced so badly. "Er, yes, Queen Beryl. It is ready. And, just in case someone decides to try and stop the energy draining process, well, I have made a special surprise," he said before adding, "It was a good thing I decided to actually look at my plans before implementing them. I was able to see several weaknesses in the plan I otherwise would not have."

EYEWRIN: The villain isn't supposed to have sense!! The heroes are doomed if the villain gets smart!

> "Excellent. Proceed, Jedite," Beryl replied.

> Jadeite winced, then nodded and teleported away.

AARON: Ah, I get it now…..I guess that it's funny, if you still remember the first season dubs.

EYEWRIN: The problem isn't remembering those, Aaron… the problem is excising those terrible memories from my brain!!! (Claws at head) Nooooo… bad dub flashbacks… bad dub flashbacks….


> When they got to class, Terra was still happy as ever. They had arrived about ten minutes early.

> Serena ran in a few seconds after they took their seats. "OhmygoshI'msorryI'msorryI'mlateMsHaruna!" she called, hurriedly taking her seat. Everyone was quite surprised at this. As we all know, Serena is typically a late arrival. (So why am I telling you this? Just because I felt the need to. Thank you.)

EYEWRIN: Yes, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for the pointless exposition. (Pause) Jerk. (Clutches at head) Aagggghhh… more flashbacks…

AARON: (flashes subtle thumbs up to Ben)

EYEWRIN: I SAW that!!!

> "Wow, Serena! You're early today!" Molly noted, expressing the obvious, of which Serena was not aware. Ms. Haruna raised an eyebrow.

EYEWRIN: Ig… that would be… "Wow, Serenah! Yoi're oirly today!"

AERIN: Oh dear, that's taking the accent a little too far in the other direction; making it unreadable doesn't help the poor readers a bit…

> "Are you feeling alright today?" Ms. Haruna asked.

> "Huh?" Serena said, confused.

AARON: When isn't she confused?

> "You made it with a whole ten minutes to spare," Melvin said, amazed.

AERIN: Well, almost ten minutes.

> "Wait a second! My clock said for sure that I was about fifteen minutes late!" Serena said and paused before realizing something, "Oh, I remember! I set my clock ahead!"

> "See? I told you it would work," Melvin said with great enthusiasm.

AARON: Said, said, said… 4 'saids' in a row! Try somethin' else, like "exclaimed" or "stated" or, uh… well… something. It's only a little touch, but little touches make a story.

EYEWRIN: Is that the best rant you can perform? Sheesh. I feel ashamed that any of my genetic material once belonged to you.

> Serena blinked. "Hey, you're right. It did!" she replied. Before Melvin could start going on his usual offers to take her on a date or some such thing, Molly interrupted.

AERIN: Aww, poor little glasses geek, just wants a date with the hot blonde main character… doesn't he know that she's destined for some tall, dark stranger?

EYEWRIN: (whispers) …Aaron, when did she get so mean?

AARON: (whispers back) I dunno. Guess even Washuu-chan's finest cloning technology can't make a clone of me completely Good…

> "Serena, now that you're here, I'd like to introduce you to Terra," Molly said, indicating the redhead. "She's come all the way from Ireland to be here!"

EYEWRIN: "Serenah, now that yoi're 'ere, Oi'd like ta intraduce ya ta Terrah! She's come all the way from Oireland ta be here!"

> "Wow! Cool. Ireland. So when did you get here?" Serena asked Terra.

AARON: Hmmm… Maybe just add, "Cool. Ireland. Uh. So, when did you get here?"

EYEWRIN: AAGGH!!!! That's even creepier than my Molly voice! How did you sound so air-headed? Oh, wait, I already know the answer to that.

> "A few days ago," the redheaded girl said happily.

> "So, do you know your way around?" Serena asked.

Terra thought about it.

AARON: And thought so hard about it she forgot the indentation?

> "Well?" Molly asked, waiting for an answer.

> Terra slumped a little and frowned. "Not really," she said dejectedly, looking on the verge of crying for some reason.

EYEWRIN: Talk, talk, talk… I guess that we have to introduce the Annoying Insertion Character to the Regular Cast, but still, I…. COMPLAIN ABOUT IT FOR NO REASON!!! Aheheehee. (Throws popcorn)

> "Hey, it's okay," Serena said, trying to comfort the suddenly sad girl, "we can show you around, right, Molly?"

> "Right!" Molly said.

> Terra instantly brightened at this. "Great!"

AERIN: Yay! Maybe Terra can show them the chunk of brain they removed during her lobotomy!

> "I can help too. I can show you around the museums, and maybe I could even show you around the research labs, not to mention the—" Melvin said before being cut off by Serena and Molly.

> "Quiet, Melvin!"

EYEWRIN: But he's the only character with half a brain in his head! How dare you allow your mental inferiors to boss you around? You pansy!

> The bell rang, signaling the beginning of class.

AARON: And the end of this scene, too. Thank the Maker!


> "So far, so good. She's made a couple of friends, and seems to be adapting well. She's a tad weak in the mental and emotional department, though," Atomic Starlight Knight thought.

> "This coming from a figment of someone else's imagination that has a bad case of multiple personality disorder."

EYEWRIN: Hah!

> "Quiet, you!"

EYEWRIN: Ha-ha!

> "My point exactly. I'm not going to revive the link unless someone's life is in danger, got it?"

AARON: Noo! Accelerate the plot! Do it, do it, do it, do it…

> "Or if it gets too annoying."

> "Yes, or that."

AERIN: But wait, if she's had a lobotomy, how would that affect the ASK's efforts to revive her mind?

> "I wanna go blow something up!"

> "Yeah, me too!"

> "Me three!"

> "Why can't we just go have tea?"

> "Alright, we'll blow something up, then have tea and biscuits."

> "Oh, not biscuits."

> "Alright, not biscuits but let's—"

> *BAMBAMBAM!* "Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!" A.S.K. yelled, pounding on his head.

EYEWRIN: Now that was worth wading through this entire fic for. ^___^


> Being invisible does not shield your vocal output. That's what soundproofing is for. Unfortunately, A.S.K. had not studied that particular area of academia yet. That went a long way towards explaining why everyone who was sleeping through class was suddenly not. Everyone that was not sleeping just looked around quizzically.

AARON: That… could be funny, if structured a bit differently. Hmm…. "Invisibility has many benefits to anyone obsessed with moving silently, be they ninja, tomb raiders, Atomic Starlight Knights, or ancient withered perverts, but one of those benefits is not silence. That's why one of the basics of training in invisibility is to stay quiet.

"However, insanity beats training just like rock beats scissors." …and then continue on with whatever. Well, it's probably not that funny, but it's a little better than your Plain Jane attempt. :p

> "Alright, who did that?!" Ms. Haruna asked, annoyed, and turned toward the class. There were no responses. "Let's continue, then." She went on to discuss the next lesson.

AARON: And another scene, over so quickly? Could this be some pleasant dream??


> Serena and Molly were finished with school and were showing Terra around. After having confirmed that they didn't need to be home anytime soon, they showed her the arcade, the mall, a couple other places, and finally Molly's mom's jewelry store.

AERIN: All the vital places that every teenage girl should know? (Spits scornfully) You mock my sex, Ben, and I will have your guts for garters if you keep it up.

AARON: (aside) Sorry, folks, she's usually not this cruel; reviewing a fic must bring out the worst in her.

> During these activities, Terra had kept mostly quiet, but when she spoke, it was stating the blatantly obvious in such a way as to sound extremely deep, and that was the only thing that kept A.S.K. from activating the link along the way.

EYEWRIN: What, you mean, like, uh…. Sorry, Ben, that sentence totally does not give me any sort of clue as to the sort of things that she said which would stop the ASK from doing what must be done. Maybe it's just my imagination faltering. Maybe not.

> "Oh, it must be a popular place," Terra said vacuously, noting the many people clustered inside.

> "Not really. But wait, something's happening," Molly said, leading them inside. "Hey, mom, what's going on?"

EYEWRIN: "Not really. But wait, somethin's happenin'. 'Ey, Ma, what's goin' on?"

AARON: That's becoming a little too Cockney and not enough Joisey, Eyewrin.

EYEWRIN: Sor-ree! I'm just not feeling it as much as I was earlier, ya know?

> Molly's mother jumped slightly in shock, then slowly turned to face her daughter. "I'm," she said, flashing a marginally malevolent smile, "having a diamond sale!"

AARON: …Wow. I am, like, totally dead to any advice given about this scene, except… describe something!!! The crowds, pushing everyone from side to side, maybe the smell of fear and hunger as the women move like a pack of feeding piranha over the counters. I remember this scene moderately well, and it did have some crowding before Molly found her mom, no?


> A.S.K. was still following Terra as she went into the store. He instantly perked up at something he sensed.

EYEWRIN: Pie?

> "Hello, is that EVIL I smell?" he thought as the prospect of blowing

EYEWRIN: Evil pie?

> something up would soon become an option. He shook the feeling off as his jaw dropped when he saw Terra purchase a diamond.

> "A diamond? A diamond?! A DIAMOND?! Eh, heh… The kid's gone completely bonkers."

AERIN: Whatever do you mean? (Sarcastically) Diamonds are a girl's best friend, right? Grrr… You're walking awfully close to a line you don't want to cross with me, Ben.

> "Maybe she comes from a rich family or something."

> "I really doubt that."

AARON: I don't. Insertion characters always have lotsa money. Well, either that or they kick the main character's arse in martial arts. ^_~ Don't take my Insertion insults too close to heart, Ben, I don't mind her at all.

> "I can't stand it anymore! I'm activating the link!"

> "No, wai—" The thought was cut off as the link was finally established. It was disappointing, really. Instead of a full-on memory restoration, what he got was a few links to some various portions of her mind.

AERIN: See? I told you that her lobotomy would affect it! Now, how are you going to squeeze that lump of brain back in her nose..?

> "Aww, now look what'cha gone and did. It's not even a perfect link!"

> "Better than nothing, I suppose. Perhaps we can boost her intelligence a tad. Maybe add a little emotional strength, too."

EYEWRIN: w00t! Some intelligence in this fic for once! …Hold on, intelligence? From the Atomic Starlight Knight? It doesn't seem possible!!!

> "Can she handle it?"

> "Uh, hey, what are you planning?" a still small voice that A.S.K. never listened to anymore asked.

AARON: So why did it say anything at all?

> "I don't know, but I'm about to find out."

> "What's that supposed to mean?" The small persona asked, then gasped. > "You can't be serious… WHAT ABOUT A NORMAL LIFE?! YOU'LL RUIN HER HAPPINESS!"

> "It's my life, got it?!"

EYEWRIN: (teenage girl on Jerry Springer voice) "I'm sixteen! I'll do what I want! Whateva, whateva, whateva. You don't know me! Whateva!"

> "No it isn't! Not really! She's just a little girl! It's not—"

> Pointedly pulling down his right lower eyelid, blowing a long, loud raspberry at that voice, and shouting "BII-DAH!!!" at the top of his lungs, the tall, green-armored knight set the link to MEGA-ULTRA SUPER-PULSE MIGRAINE-SHOCKWAVE for fastest results.

AERIN: Well, if she wasn't actually lobotomized before, I bet this does the job! And if she doesn't have a personality after this, Ben, you'd better be looking over your shoulders for the rest of your short, miserable lifespan.


> "Thank you, Mrs.—" Terra broke off, just as someone shouted something very loud behind her. Before she could pick up the diamond she had acquired, she got a major jolt to the brain as her I.Q. suddenly shot up against its will. "ACK! MIGRAINE! Migraine! Bad migraine! Ow! Ow! Ow!" She went down to her knees, holding her head and wincing.

> "Are you okay, Terra?" Serena asked, rather worried at her new friend's behavior.

EYEWRIN: "Well, I'm on the ground, clutching my head and screaming. What do you think, Ms. Blonde Genius of the Year?"

> Terra looked up at the pigtailed blonde and smiled pleasantly. "Oh, perfectly alright, except for the fact that my—" Her smile turned into an intense grimace as another mental shockwave hit her. "Brain feels like it's about to explode!" She paused as there was a momentary break in the pain. "But, I really think that I need to get home." She slowly stood up and brushed the dust from the floor off her skirt.

> "Can you make it home by yourself?" Molly asked.

EYEWRIN: "Could ya make it home by yoirself?"

> "Well, maybe," Terra said thoughtfully, and then held her head in agony as the shocks resumed. "AAH! I don't think so!"

> "I'll take you home!" Serena said quickly.

AARON: Contrived plot device to get the real main character out of the way so the ASK can do his thing? Naaaahhhh….

> "Thanks," Terra said with a smile. Serena took the wincing girl by the arm and led her out the door.

> "Wait! You forgot your—" the shop owner urgently began to say before Molly interrupted her.

> "So, mom, what's with the sale?" the young girl asked, casually glancing around at the few new people behind the counter, "And who's the hired help? And why are there so many of them?"

EYEWRIN: "An' what's with tha tentacles outta yoir back, Ma?"

> A.S.K. was feeling a tad better. He


was improving his own intelligence. Now if he could only get himself… herself… themselves to go and blow something up. Perhaps if they had similar interests, he might be able to rejoin.

AARON: Tea ceremony, macramé, high explosives… having similar interests is the secret to any successful relationship.

> Now, after a great deal of inner conquest, he had devised a plan for doing this: Training — lots and lots of heavy-duty martial arts madness. If he somehow managed to get her to go into that, and enjoy it to the right degree, then he would be even less necessary than now, and would have a much greater chance at being able to reintegrate.

EYEWRIN: What? Now he's displaying foresight and planning ahead? What kind of insane bloodthirsty superhero has the ASK become, I ask?

> But, in order to survive this rigorous training, Terra would need a little more — or a LOT more — in the way of basic offensive and defensive capabilities. There was a way for relatively fast, easy, and reliable results, and for this purpose, he had awakened an old friend, a true specialist in this area, from a small sleeping capsule.

AARON: Could it be..?

> Come to think of it, two others appeared to have been opened recently: One within the past few years, and another within the past few days. But that's a discussion for a later date. First, he'd have to adapt Terra to combat.

> "That evil I detected back at the shop would do very nicely for this purpose."

> "I'm not going to turn me into some sort of mean, lean, fighting machine, am I?"

AERIN: Better than a vapid, idiotic, diamond-wearing schoolgirl, wouldn't you say?

> "That's the plan."

> "Well, time's a-wastin'."

> "*Sniff* What are you doing to her?! She deserves a normal life; one away from fighting, away from—"

AERIN: Sanity? Intelligence? Adventure? Excitement? Really wild things?

> *WHAM!*

> "You know what to do, right?" Atomic Starlight Knight asked the odd-looking moon-something, brushing off the annoying little voice that kept trying to bug him.

> "Roight," the creature said in an odd accent before fluttering off, humming an innocent tune.

AARON: Yay! 'Ere 'e is! Rioghtchooare!

EYEWRIN: …Who was that, Aaron?

AARON: Oh, nobody in particular… (Hums innocent tune)


> Terra thanked Serena and said goodbye once she got home. She went directly to her room, jumping directly on her bed and wrapping her pillow around her face, completely forgetting about Tylenol and all other pain-relief medicines… which is really too bad, because it actually would have helped her a great deal in this instance.

AERIN: Aspirin really IS magical, if it can help overcome the effects of a forced lobotomy reversal.

> "Mufflt UI WeuF of mffduff!!" she screamed into the pillow.

> And then, suddenly, as if by magic, the throbbing stopped. Terra stopped, put down her pillow, blinked, smiled, took a deep breath, and then relaxed onto her bed.

EYEWRIN: Shouldn't that be the point at which she becomes most suspicious, if her intelligence is really increased?

> Her first impulse was to try to take a nap to recover from the experience, but dutifully remembering her homework, she sat up and pulled it out.

EYEWRIN: And Ben expects us to believe that the vapid Terra enjoyed doing homework?

AERIN: Actually, Eyewrin, that kind of character often is very dutiful about doing anything school-related.

> She had the entire eight hours worth done in one. It wasn't due until next Friday, and it was a Tuesday, but she just felt the need to finish something.

> "Aaah! That's better." She was just getting relaxed again when a small seal, about eleven inches in length, fluttered inside, using its tail in much the same way as a hummingbird uses its wings. The color scheme on the seal had green dominating on its back… It kind of looked like camouflage, but only if you were in a snowy, lush, green area. It had soft white fur where it wasn't green. It also had a golden crescent mark on its forehead.

AARON: 'Ello, 'ow are you, mate?"

> "'Ello. 'Ow are you?" the creature asked in a strange European-Irish-Scottish-English sort of accent.

EYEWRIN: Suspension of disbelief… fading… losing interest in… story…

AARON: Fer cryin' out loud, three new characters get inserted into a Sailor Moon fic and you're losing interest? You've done worse personally!

> Terra blinked, then shrugged and responded. "Oh, just foin, just foin now," she said, doing a perfect imitation of the creature's accent.

> The green and white creature looked impressed. "Not bad."

EYEWRIN: He may be impressed; however, I am not. I can sound like a bad mélange of every British Islands stereotype too, and with half the calories of a regular… uh… whatever that seal thingy is. Dammit. That joke would have been funny, if I knew what to call that flying abomination!

> "Um, thanks."

> "So, ya doin' foin, roight?"

> Terra thought about it. "Well, I just got over a really nasty headache, but I'm fine now… Except for the fact that now, I seem to be hallucinating," she said sweetly. While her intelligence and emotional strength had been improved, she was still as happy as ever.

AARON: Uh. I think a better line might be, "but I'm fine now, aside from the hallucination that just asked me how I'm doing." ….Never mind, that line sucked too.

AERIN: Don't be so hard on yourself, Aaron. You're just trying to make a line that could be funny actually funny.

> "Oh, a mushroom farma' too, eh?" the seal asked.

AARON: "Oh, a mushroom farma' too, eh? P'raps ya added a bit too much salt ta yer batch of Rollin' Rockhead Mushrooms, ya think?" I love the ArbyFish, Ben, and you should never miss a chance to refer to the One's unique 'shroom batches.

EYEWRIN: A-HA! It's called an ArbyFish! …….What's an ArbyFish?

AARON: Yes.

EYEWRIN: That doesn't answer my question! Are you being deliberately annoying, or are you really not able to describe what one is?

AARON: Yes.

EYEWRIN: Rrrggh! > _<

> Terra raised an eyebrow. "No, I was actually referring to you."

> "I'm not an 'allucination!" the odd… thing said indignantly.

AERIN: "the… odd thing said" I really don't think the ellipses work right there, dear.

> "What are you, then?"

> "I'm an ArbyFish!" it said, fluttering in the air for effect.

EYEWRIN: That did not answer either her question or mine. I need facts! Documentation! An extended study in their natural habitat!

> Terra frowned, processed this information, then returned to her usual happy self. "An ArbyFish? How nice! What brings you here?"

EYEWRIN: (sourly) Well, it's nice to know that someone doesn't care about what the hell an ArbyFish is.

> "Your 'elp. You see, there's evil. Evil's bad for me mushrooms, ya see, so I gotta squish it. So, want ta 'elp?"

> What a nice little ArbyFish, or whatever it is, Terra thought, continuing to smile. "Of course I'll help you!"

> Arby smiled back at her. "Roight. Now, use this." He made a series of flying barrel rolls, after which a pendant of some sort dropped into Terra's hands.

AERIN: (covers her face with both hands) Oh, spirits above, Ben, you did not just do that. You'd better not have done that, for your own sake.

> Not knowing what else to do, she wore it. "What would you like me to do now?" the redhead asked, again very nicely.

AERIN: Shoot yourself in the head before submitting to the indignity that is Magical Girlhood?

AARON: Why are you so opposed to that sort of thing, anyway?

> "Hmm?" Arby asked, looking up from his examination of the pattern of the quilt on Terra's bed.

AERIN: (scowling) Because magical girlhood is a very sad statement about power. Power of any sort, magical or not, doesn't just land in your lap in the form of a pendant or wand or cute mascot animal; you have to reach out and find it! Anything else is just lying flat on your back, passively waiting and waiting for something that will never, ever happen unless you make it happen.

> "Was there something you needed me to do?"

AARON: And destiny? What about that, eh?

AERIN: Tripe. Make your own destiny, and try to enjoy your fate; marry a tuxedo-wearing bucket-headed moron unless you want to, not because some half-dinar psychic tells you that you're going to marry him anyway.

> The small, green-patterned seal blinked. "Loike wot?"

EYEWRIN: Er, as much as I haven't enjoyed your little debate on the validity of a massively popular genre, there is a story here we should be paying attention to. I suppose this scene is important, or else Ben wouldn't have introduced yet another new character.

> Terra giggled at the creature. "Well, you did mention something about evil and mushrooms."

AARON: Good point, Eyewrin….Wait a second, I'd think that evil would be great for some of our friend's more… specialized mushroom brand names. The Kaos Kharma Khreamer, the Blooddrinking Morrocan, the Ayanami Robot Fabreeze Dino-Ninja — all of them scream out for evil influence.

> The ArbyFish smiled at that last part. "Ooooh. That. Wot I think ya need ta do is… Well, I think ya need ta… I dunno." He shrugged. "Oh, just say, 'Earth Power!' n' follow me."

AERIN: Ag. This had better be good, Ben. And no nudity!

> "Okay," Terra replied, picking up a pencil and writing a quick note to her parents.

EYEWRIN: "Off to save the world, hallucinating that a flying seal is my magical mascot animal, my homework is already done for the night so don't worry about it — Love, Terra"

> "Come along, then," Arby pressed.

> "Earth Power," Terra whispered sweetly.

> And the transformation sequence began, just as Terra's mother walked in.

AARON: D'oh! That's the end of poor Terra's mother. Nobody must know the secret identity of the newborn Sailor… Sailor… what kind of Sailor Sen— er, Scout would she be with a call sign like 'Earth Power'?

EYEWRIN: Dirt? Rock? Pebble? Sand? Oh, I know! Sailor Lava! It's got kind of a ring to it. Sailor Lava…

AERIN: It sounds like a brand name industrial soap, Eyewrin.

> "Oh my," Kasumi Incognito said, raising a hand to her cheek in shock.

AERIN: Aaah! Not my old friend forced to do a cameo in a third-rate insertion fic! How low will Ben sink!!!

AARON: Now, now, now… don't be so hard on Ben. It isn't so bad! Cameos are a fanfic bread-and-butter! And besides, you shouldn't underrate this fic. It's close to second-rate. (After a long pause) Kind of close, anyway…

> The sequence continued. Sunlight gathered around Terra. A white leotard with pink bows remained as the sunlight finished. A swirl of autumn leaves came, forming the white, pink-rimmed gloves and pink boots, then more leaves appeared, forming a pink miniskirt. More pink bows formed on the back. A glowing circle flashed on Terra's forehead, sprouting a golden tiara with a heart-shaped pink jewel in the center. Finally, she gave a smile, and the transformation sequence was complete.

AERIN: (grudgingly) Okay, no nudity tastelessly described by the perverted imagination of a twisted author… I'll let you slide on it this time.

> Waving to her mom, Terra left, following Arby.

> "See you later!" the sailor-suited girl called back happily.

> Kasumi almost frowned and picked up the note, which read,

> "Mom, gone off to fight evil. Be back in a little while. —Terra

> P.S. Don't worry, okay?"

EYEWRIN: (snaps fingers) Damn! I was so close!

> "Oh. Oh my!" Kasumi said in surprise. She looked out the window, watching her daughter rush off, and paused to consider the implications of what had just occurred. Then, after a few moments, she merely shrugged and smiled. "Well, as long as her homework is finished, I guess it'll be all right."

EYEWRIN: (laughs hysterically) No way!!!!

AARON: (reaches out and pauses the story, laughing almost as hard as his Evil Clone while he turns to the audience) We're writing this on the fly, ladies and gentlemen, as we read this; Eyewrin's comment above bears only a coincidental resemblance to exactly what the author wrote. That's just… (Wipes a tear away) too much… (Turns the fic back on)

> She went back to her work, humming a cheery tune. "I hope that fuku is warm enough for her. It gets a bit chilly at night."

AERIN: Any well-dressed Magical Girl should always remember that tights are not only warmer than bare skin, but also go with almost any seifuku design. Over ninety Magical Girls a year would avoid colds if they'd just remember this basic fashion tip.


> At the same time, Serena was receiving visitation by a certain black cat.

AARON: Certain black cat? That covers a lot of ground, despite what Ben implies. (Rubs chin) Who could it be?

EYEWRIN: Jiji, maybe? No, wait, this isn't high-class enough to have a Ghibli character cameo.

AERIN: What about Kuroneko-sama? He's black.

AARON: Nah, my money's on Ura the Armor Cat. Come on, he's the coolest pet ever! Finally, a use for felines! Living armor…

EYEWRIN: But he's not black, Aaron. Idiot.

AARON: …Maybe he just fell in some black hair dye. (Defensively) Hey, it could happen!

> "Wow! Is this for me?" Serena asked, indicating the pendant.

AARON: Aren't you going to complain more about mahou shoujo stuff, Aerin?

AERIN: No. Serena is the sort of girl who deserves to be a Magical Girl.

> "Yes," Luna replied.

EYEWRIN: Ah! Luna! I never would have guessed! Well, he didn't say anything about a brand from the El Rancho Crescent Moon on her forehead, so it was kinda easy to make that mistake…

> Serena wasted no time in putting it on the bow of her school uniform. > "It's so pretty!"

> "It's not just a piece of jewelry," Luna noted.

AERIN: …Shouldn't she be talking with a slightly snobbish Brit accent, if this is the English dub?

EYEWRIN: Yeah, but how do you transliterate something like that? Gutter London, Welsh, Scots… all those are easy to write down, but upper-class? It's defined by the fact that it pronounces the words correctly in the first place!

> "What is it?" the blonde girl asked.

> "It is something that will enable you to become Sailor Moon!"

> "What's Sailor Moon?" Serena asked quizzically.

AARON: Should be, "What's a Sailor Moon? And can you eat it? I'm huuuuungry…"

EYEWRIN: (shudder) And you say my Molly accent is disturbing when you can do that???

> Luna sighed. "Just say, 'Moon Prism Power.'"

AARON: "Moon Shazbut Nower?"

AERIN: "No, Moon Prism Power!"

AARON: "Right! Uh… Noon Grizm Glower!"

AERIN: "Moon Prism Power, you utter blithering defective waste of human genetic byproducts! Fine, dear, that is it. I'll find someone who actually has the brains of a dead mackerel to be the Sailor Sensh— er, Sailor Scout of the Moon."

AARON: "Ewww, mackerel brains! Who'd want that? I'm sure it'd be all icky and slimy!"

> "Okay. MOON PRISM POWER!"

EYEWRIN: Wasn't she supposed to say, 'activate'? I'm sure that was the line in the dub…

> What will henceforth and forever be known as a Standard Sailor Moon Transformation Sequence™ occurred. Sailor Moon looked at herself in a mirror. "Whoa! What's going on here?!"

EYEWRIN: Don't you watch anime? Come on, girlie, you must've seen this hackneyed plot play out a dozen times through a childhood of intelligence-destroying cartoons.

> "You are now the Sailor Scout of the Moon."

> "Huh?"

> Luna gave a summary of what she was supposed to do: fight evil, find the other Sailor Scouts, find and protect the Moon Princess, etc. A few seconds after that was finished, the jewel in Sailor Moon's right "meatball" flashed.

AERIN: Why are they called meatballs, anyway? Meatballs aren't round! I always thought they looked kind of like little pork buns, myself.

AARON: No way, they definitely look like she painted a couple of those superball things yellow and stuck them to the side of her head. You know, the ones that bounce off of anything?

EYEWRIN: That hairdo always resembled some sort of elaborate cooling system to me; who knows how stupid she'd be if her brain overheated?

> "Help me!" an ethereal voice called.

EYEWRIN: "'Elp me, Obi-Won, yer my only hope!"

> "Hey," Sailor Moon said, "that sounds like Molly."

> Luna gasped. "Your friend is in danger!" she exclaimed. "We have to leave and help her. Now!"

> "Uh, right!"

> They left immediately for the jewelry store.


> Jadeite held the glowing ball of accumulating energy…

AARON: The crystal was shedding its light silently…

EYEWRIN: D'wah?

AARON: Oh, never mind.


> Meanwhile, Molly was feeling extremely uneasy. Everyone who had bought a diamond from the sale had collapsed.

EYEWRIN: What fascinating and visual description, Ben. (Yawwwn) Look, I know that everyone who reads this has already seen Sailor Moon, and probably knows what's gonna happen from here, but adding a bit of scene description would not be amiss.

> "Mom, what's going on?!" Molly asked. She was shocked when what once appeared to be her mother slowly changed into Morga, one of Jadeite's lackeys.

AARON: Booo! (Throws popcorn vigorously) How does anyone know what she is! Heck, I didn't even know her name! This scene reeks of narrative laziness, Ben! Describe SOMETHING, for Serenity's sake! Even if it's just Molly's shoelace!

> "It's all very simple. I'm an evil vampire from the Negaverse. I drain energy. I drained the energy of those you see around you. And YOU'RE NEXT, LITTLE GIRL!" Morga said, taking glee in Molly's horror, diving at her.

> Molly dove out of the way. "Help!" she called out to the 'hired help,' who merely stood there and smiled. She tried to back off, but was caught by the youma, who began draining her.

EYEWRIN: Ah, Ben, you used the word 'dive' two paragraphs in a row. 'tis a basic mistake, but come on! You know better than to be lazy like that! (Fires a handful of popcorn)

AARON: Argh. This scene is where the "Deep Hurting" starts, I suppose. Had to be somewhere….

> Then Sailor Earth stepped in.

AARON: And it ain't gonna end any time soon.

> "What am I supposed to do?" Sailor Earth whispered to Arby, who was sitting on her shoulder.

AERIN: Pose in a silly fashion, point at them, then explain their crimes against "X" species to them, if you're into the traditional style of things. If you're more into personal safety and ease of combat, then go for the 'blasting from the shadows before they know you're there' technique. Less noble, more effective.

> "Hmm… Make a speech and stop 'em from drainin'," the seal replied indifferently as he concentrated on balancing a mushroom on his left fin. "Ya know… tell 'em why ya gonna blast 'em. Stuff loike that."

AARON: "Hmmm… well, as far as I remembers, ya gots ta make a speech, point a bit, then blast 'em. They gots ta know why yer blastin' 'em, othawise it just tisn't fair, roight?"

> "Well, alright," Earth whispered back, took a deep breath, and then said in a commanding voice, "I am Sailor Earth, and you have taken the life energy of many people. Diamonds are for use in jewelry and drills, not for draining! On the behalf of the people of Earth, you must be stopped!" She instantly felt a twinge of guilt for being so pushy.

AERIN: A twinge of guilt for using cheesy dialogue would've been a better waste of precious paragraph space.

AARON: Well, it wasn't that bad. Sheesh.

> Morga stared, absently releasing Molly, who scrambled away.

> "Ins-pa-rational!" Arby said with great enthusiasm.

EYEWRIN: And what he's really thinking is, "I gots ta write that gal some dialogue afore she embarrasses herself loike that again…"

> Sailor Moon entered right then. "And, I am Sailor Moon! Champion of justice. I right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means you!"

> Luna sighed at the speech, then perked up at the sight of another Sailor Senshi. (Mention a reference to Senshi vs. Scouts) "Who is she?" she asked under her breath.

AARON: A-HA! He left a note to himself! You think that in the final version, Ben will fix this?

EYEWRIN: Ten bucks he doesn't.

AARON: You're on!

AERIN: (hums a little tune)

> "Get them!" Morga called out to her henchmen, previously the several 'hired helpers,' who morphed into various creature/human monstrosities.

EYEWRIN: (monotone) Oh no. The scary monsters have shown their true forms. I am terrified for the helpless Sailor Sensh— Scouts. They will surely (yawns again) perish. (Suddenly throws a huge handful of popcorn, which bounces off the computer screen) Describe something!!!!!

> The drained customers stood up, going after Sailor Earth, followed by one of Morga's henchmen, chasing Sailor Earth out the door.

> Everyone who remained began attacking Sailor Moon.

AERIN: Yeah! Go for the stupid blonde!

> "WAAAAAAHHHH!" Sailor Moon cried as she dodged a volley of varied energy blasts, thorns, and other painful attacks.

AERIN: Kill her, kill her, kill her… if you just execute her right now, you can save a whole series worth of trouble for your Evil Overlord.

> "Sailor Moon! Take your tiara and throw it at them while saying, 'Moon Tiara Magic!'" Luna cried out. Sailor Moon was too occupied to do anything but dodge and panic.

EYEWRIN: But man oh man, is she great at it!

> "I don't like this game anymore!" Sailor Moon whined.

AARON: Then hold in the reset button as you press the power — oh, wait, you're in real life, not a game. For a second there, I was confused!

> A whirling energy blast came from behind her, creating a focused fireball upon impacting two of the youma, vaporizing them. Everyone looked around.

> "Oh, come on! You can take these things!" a voice called out. Sailor Moon felt her confidence rising at this.

AERIN: Her confidence rose so high, in fact, that she didn't hear this voice say anything about her being an idiot or having all the character of a dead walrus, so I guess that it all worked out for the best.

> "NUCLEAR BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!" the voice yelled. A shadow launched itself from behind Sailor Moon, its foot slamming into the head of the youma closest to her, knocking it out cold. The shadow rebounded from the kick, doing a quick spinning flip to land beside Sailor Moon.

EYEWRIN: "DAN-DAN BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!!" ….Okay, obligatory Twoflower reference: complete. (Pulls out little checklist and marks one of the lines off)

AARON: You're keeping a list?

EYEWRIN: And checking it twice.

> The shadow was revealed to be a tall man with short black hair, wearing green armor with a sheathed sword and had a golden circlet around his head. The circlet had a blue jewel at the forehead.

> He smiled at her.

> Sailor Moon sighed and went into her 'heart eyes' mode.

AERIN: Someone should doink her in those eyes.

> "Greetings. I'm the Starlight Knight. May I ask who you are?" the man asked.

EYEWRIN: Atomic Starlight Knight. Sheesh, you'd expect him to know his own name.

> "Ser, er— Sailor Moon!" Sailor Moon said, transfixed by his blue eyes. On second thought, she considered, maybe this isn't that bad after all.

The Starlight Knight quickly shook her hand.

AARON: Indent, sucka, indent, before I make an indent in your forehead.

> "Wonderful to meet you, Sailor Moon," he said before a growl attracted their attention again. "Shall we continue?" Sailor Moon shook herself out of her daze and nodded, smiling.

> The Starlight Knight unsheathed his sword and, giving a nod to Sailor Moon, began combat with a heavily armored lobster-like youma.

> "Sailor Moon!" Luna called out.

> "What is it, Luna?" Sailor Moon replied. Luna then repeated the instructions on the Moon Tiara Magic attack.

AARON: "Right! Boom Viagra Magic!"

AERIN: "Moon Tiara Magic, you blithering twit!"

> "Moon Tiara Magic!" Sailor Moon called out, throwing the glowing tiara. It flew into a youma, dusting it. "I got one!"

> "Good work, but keep an eye out behind you!" Starlight Knight said, hurling his sword past Sailor Moon, and directly into a youma that was sneaking its way behind her, disintegrating it.

AARON: I guess that throwing away his weapons and fighting barehanded is part of his, ah…

EYEWRIN: Idiom, sir?

AARON: Yes! Idiom!

> Sailor Moon's tiara came back to her, and she caught it.

> Starlight Knight, now lacking a weapon capable of fending off the pincers from the youma, was dodging, but also seemed to be enjoying the entire experience immensely.

EYEWRIN: Of course he does! It's in his, er, uh…

AARON: Idiom, sir?

EYEWRIN: Yes! Wait! Didn't we already do this joke?

AARON: Any joke worth doing once is worth doing over and over and over and over until the people reading are sick to death of us.

> "Moon Tiara Magic!"

> The second throw obliterated the lobster and another youma behind it. Starlight Knight felt the energy used in the tiara as it passed by.

> "Yikes! That girl's packing some power!" Starlight Knight whispered to himself before asking, "Can I duplicate that energy?" His mind responded affirmative. He turned his head, smiled and nodded to Sailor Moon, who smiled in return. He sensed something coming at him.

> "Atomic Sucker Punch!" Starlight Knight yelled, and drove a glowing, energy-enhanced fist directly into the face of an oncoming youma, driving it back a few meters. He'd have gone for his sword, but that was too far back, and behind Sailor Moon, so that wasn't an option. He went for trying to duplicate Sailor Moon's attack.

AARON: Always taking the easy way out… why doesn't he just rip a youma's arm off and beat it to death?

EYEWRIN: Because he wants to show off the ASK's neato ability to learn. It's called 'writing', Aaron; you should figure out how to do it sometime.

> He took off his circlet.

> The green-armored knight held it, charging it with energy.

> "Stellar Circlet Disintegration!" he called out, finding a nifty new name for the attack he just mastered.

AERIN: Ig. That attack name is nowhere near nifty. It's barely worthy of spiffiness. How could Ben have lost his ability to rate cool attack names so quickly? Doesn't he know that niftiness

> Then, he threw it.

> Direct hit! The circlet tore through the youma he had been fighting and disintegrated it. There were now only two youma left: Morga, and a biker-type-guy with knives for arms. Starlight Knight caught his circlet and put it back on. He found himself once more beside Sailor Moon. He picked up his sword.

> "I'll take the biker, you take the 'goldfish,'" he whispered to Sailor Moon.

AARON: …Goldfish?

AERIN: Probably just something that we missed, dear.

> "Okay," the blonde girl replied, with only a little hesitation.


> Outside…

> "What would you like me to do now?" Sailor Earth asked Arby happily, expertly dodging the youma's energy blasts in front of the jewelry store while keeping the mind-controlled people from getting hurt in the process.

> "Oh, first, ya might loike ta stop the people from being mind-controlled," Arby replied. "Ya know. Moight be a good idea. Think a' somethin'."

EYEWRIN: Very accurate and succinct suggestions from the ArbyFish indeed.

> "Alright," Sailor Earth replied, not knowing how, but somehow analyzing the power that the transformation had given her before deciding on a course of action.

> "Earth Sunlight Happiness Purification!" she said, gathering energy, then releasing it, causing the area to light up in a pure, white glow. The youma cringed while the people sighed contentedly and collapsed. (After the fight was over, they woke up feeling like a million dollars. "I love you, man!")

EYEWRIN: Hah!

> "Oh my!" Sailor Earth said in surprise, noting the effect.

> "You'll pay for that!" the youma said, recovering from the 'attack,' if you could call it that.

AARON: "Sure thing. Uh, in what currency? Sorry, all I have is a check for some Hardcore Whoopass; can you cash it if I endorse it to you?"

> "Good work. Now, watch out for the monsta'," Arby advised. As soon as he did, Sailor Earth dodged another energy blast, only to be caught by the youma. The beginnings of anxiety began to creep up in her psyche. She kept smiling, of course. Maybe, she thought, the big scary monster just needed a hug.

AERIN: Or maybe he needs a boot to the head. Wake up, girlfriend!

EYEWRIN: …Did you just call her 'girlfriend'?

AERIN: It was sarcasm, okay?

> There was a red flash as a rose flew in and imbedded itself in the asphalt between Sailor Earth and the youma. It released her and backed off a bit.

EYEWRIN: Roses? Roses? WTF is he doing throwing flowers around? Does he think this is some kinda opera? Flowers just aren't scary. Well, unless they're the kind that let you blow fire out your nose like an overweight world-saving plumber.

> A man in a black tuxedo came out of the shadows. He wore a top hat and a white mask that covered his eyes. He also had an ornamental cane to go with the ensemble.

AERIN: Perhaps he does think this is some sort of opera!

> "I am Tuxedo Mask. Believe in yourself, Sailor… Moon?" Tuxedo Mask said, looking a tad quizzically at Sailor Earth.

> The redhead shook her head. "Earth," she corrected.

EYEWRIN: (sulkily) I still like Sailor Lava better.

> The man shrugged. "Yes, so if you only believe in yourself, you can do anything!"

AARON: Doctor Emmett Brown's wisdom returns to haunt us once more.

> "True enough," Sailor Earth said, smiling at Tuxedo Mask.

> "So take out the monsta', then," Arby suggested. "Come along. Can't be 'ere all noight. Got mushrooms ta tend to, ya know."

AARON: First flowers, now mushrooms… what the hell do you think this is, Ben, Super Sailor Mario Scout Brothers IV?

> The monster in question was now advancing toward them. Sailor Earth took action, an unknown reflex taking effect.

> "Earth Thunderstorm," she intoned sweetly. A cloud gathered in the area. A wind blew into the youma. Multiple lightning strikes hit, doing a nice job of electrocuting it. It crumbled into dust. Sailor Earth gasped and held a hand to her cheek as she saw what happened. "Oh my!"

AERIN: How does that first taste of real blood go down, dear? Starting to feel a bit more like your old self again?

AARON: …Uh, I thought you hadn't read this before.

AERIN: (puts hand to mouth) Well, I haven't, but I do know about—

EYEWRIN: Shhhh!!! I'm halfway enjoying the mystery, here, I don't need you to spoil it! Jerks.

> "Good work, Sailor Earth!" Tuxedo Mask said, then left mysteriously.

> Sailor Earth looked over to the smoldering remains of the youma, which quickly vanished. Arby fluttered over to sit on her shoulder. "Not bad."

AARON: "Fer an outroight amateur!"

> "Um, Arby? I just… What did I just do?"

> The ArbyFish shrugged. "Ya blew 'em up. Don't worry 'bout it. Probably woulda' eat'n sumbody 'er somethin'… Simply wouldn't 'a been propa', ya know."

AARON: A-ha! That's the ArbyFish incoherency that I've grown to know and love from those lovable little mouldy seals! I couldn't understand quite what he was saying, but it was so fun to read him saying it!

> The redhead blinked. "Oh. Okay." She looked at where she last saw the tuxedoed man go. What a nice man, she thought, her mood brightening.


> Back inside…

> Sailor Moon prepared to throw her tiara again. Starlight Knight was preparing to pull out another weapon in his arsenal.

EYEWRIN: "WORLD DESTRUCTION BEAM!!!!"

AARON: No, that comes later in the series. Othawoise it just wouldn' be propa.

> "Moon Tiara Magic!"

> "Magical Ginsu Sword!" Starlight Knight called out, making a second sword appear in his left hand. He held them together, gathering a charge, then slashed the swords in the air, releasing the charge at the knife-biker youma. It braced itself for destruction.

EYEWRIN: "No, don't kill me! I have so much to live for! Eighteen tiny daemonic spawns in my home dimension! A chess tournament that I have to win! An ARRRGGGHHH!!!"

> Sailor Moon's tiara vaporized Morga.

AERIN: What, no taunting call of "Moon-dusted"?

> Starlight Knight's attack merely impacted in the center of the youma.

> The youma, feeling that it wasn't destroyed, felt itself and began to laugh at the knight, and then exploded in a brilliant display of fireworks.

EYEWRIN: Do not laugh at the Happy Fun Atomic Starlight Knight. Do not taunt the Happy Fun Atomic Starlight Knight.

> "Excellent work, Sailor Moon!" Starlight Knight said. He waved goodbye and walked off, vanishing into the shadows.


> The energy ball Jadeite held vanished. He looked more annoyed than surprised.


> Jadeite appeared in front of Sailor Moon, scowling at the defeat of his plan. His entire task force had been obliterated!

AARON: And teleporting so quickly meant that he didn't have a chance to change his uniform; the pizza stain on his lapel was driving him insane!!

> Sailor Moon was surprised because she hadn't adapted fully to the oddity of someone appearing out of nowhere.

> "It's amazing that one such as you could be such an annoyance. Don't worry, I will not underestimate you next time," Jadeite said, then disappeared.

AARON: (Serena voice) "Oh, wow, who was that? Well, I guess that he can't be that important, or else he would have told me his name in that villainous… villainous…"

AERIN: "Idiom?"

AARON: "Yes, idiom!"

EYEWRIN: (plugging ears) Nooo! Stop it!! Stop it!!


> "Wait, was that who I think it was?!" Atomic Starlight Knight thought as he watched the scene. A.S.K. had activated his invisibility as soon as he went into the shadows then doubled back to check up on Sailor Moon.

AARON: Let's see if he can keep from spoiling it by slamming his head into a wall to keep the voices at bay.

> "Sure looks like it. I guess that means that the Negaverse is back!"

> "Alright! The Negaverse… Do you know what this means?"

> "Yeah! I'll get to test out that hardware I've got lying around! Blow up evil fest! YEAH, BABY!!!"

AERIN: Yeah!! Death! Destruction! Huge, budget-eating special effects explosions!

> "That's right. Guess what else I found."

> "What?"

> "I analyzed the energy of Jadeite's teleport!"

EYEWRIN: "You did?"

AARON: "Yes!"

EYEWRIN: "Well, what was it?"

AARON: "It was a little bit country, and a little bit rock and roll…"

> A.S.K. smiled. "This just keeps getting better and better. So I can teleport now?"

> "Right."

> "YESSS!" Atomic Starlight Knight said triumphantly. He had always wanted to be able to teleport. Well, as long as he could remember, right off hand.

AERIN: About fifteen minutes, then.

> He wasted no time in trying it by teleporting to what he had designated as his home base. Due to its being located deep within the atmosphere of Jupiter, he hadn't been able to go back there for quite some time now.

EYEWRIN: That's what you get when you buy budget real estate.

> He hoped that his starship was still there.


> On her way out, Sailor Moon had freed Molly's mother, and given a dramatic goodbye before leaping off into the shadows. A couple of leaps later, she slammed directly into Sailor Earth.

AERIN: Did their heads crack together and sprout those cute little bandages? I love those gag shots!

> "Ow!" Sailor Moon said, being unceremoniously knocked to the ground.

> "Humph," Sailor Earth exhaled, having the wind knocked out of her as she was also pushed down.

AARON: I don't know why, but that sentence just feels like a redundant repeating of stuff that's been said already. Could you reword it or something?

> They both got up and dusted themselves off, and then gasped when they finally noticed each other.

EYEWRIN: What did they think that they'd bumped into, a brick wall?

> "Hello," Sailor Earth said brightly.

> "Hi!" Sailor Moon replied in a friendly manner.

> "Weren't you back at the jewelry shop just a few minutes ago?" Sailor Moon asked Sailor Earth.

> "Yes! I was outside. I met someone nice: A man in a tuxedo!"

> "I was fighting evil inside! The whole place was filled with monsters! Someone in green armor helped me. We got all of them!" the blue-skirted warrior for love and justice said, sighing inwardly at her memory of Starlight Knight. They then talked about more details of the whole experience.

EYEWRIN: I guess slaughtering a band of helpless youma who never even stood a chance is a bonding experience for young teenager girls.

> "So you're really Terra?" Sailor Moon asked, surprised.

> "And you're really Serena?" Sailor Earth asked joyously. They started a conversation about school, video games, etc.

AERIN: How much longer do you think this fic is going to be, Aaron?

> Luna cleared her throat. "Perhaps we could continue this at a later time," she said. "I need to discuss some things with Serena now."

AARON: I dunno. Can't be too much longer. The episode is coming to an end soon, and how much farther can he stretch it past that?

> Sailor Moon and Sailor Earth looked at each other, then turned back to the cat and nodded in agreement.

> "How about you meet me before school?" Sailor Earth asked.

EYEWRIN: Hey, how does she expect that Serena, Ms. Late-To-School of the Year, would be able to meet her before school?

> "Okay, I'll see you then!" Sailor Moon replied.

> They then went their respective ways.


> Before the Tuxedo Mask persona was completely submerged, he had a thought. During the fight, he had felt as if who he had been helping was not quite the right person… But he shook that off. Who else would he have defended? At least now, he knew visually who to look for when something like this happened. He would remember that.

AARON: Hah!

EYEWRIN: Hey, that's my line!


> "MAN, what a workout!"

> Back at his designated 'home base,' Atomic Starlight Knight was reviewing what he had seen and was considering his options. His starship was still there, and the automated systems had even repaired the structural damage made from his first encounter with this particular solar system. The repair systems had repainted it chrome, but he didn't mind. He wasn't thinking about that right now, anyway, so let's shelve that flashback for a later chapter. Right now, he was thinking about Terra.

EYEWRIN: Yay! He's wrapping it to a close! We won't have to read the flashback now!

> "First of all, why a Sailor Senshi?"

AERIN: Uh… you do realize that if he doesn't do it now, he'll do it in the next chapter, right?

> "Because that's probably all Arby has experience with… besides mushrooms."

AARON: (shudder) Now that's a disturbing image. "Aye ams Saila 'Shroom, protecta of dark compost heaps just perfect fer growin' a roight fine crop!"

> "Second: I know the Senshi are not entirely recognizable from their normal selves when they're transformed… but I do not remember Terra having her hair in that particular style."

> "Aw, come on! You've seen transformations do stranger things!"

EYEWRIN: Like those cross-dressing weirdoes from the last season of Sailor Moon? What were they called, anyway? Something like the Starlights?

> "I suppose you're right, but wasn't her hair supposed to be red?"

> "Just forget it. For now, just say Terra==Sailor Moon, okay?"

EYEWRIN: Oh, I get it now. ASK thinks that Moon is Terra, Tux-boy thinks that Earth is the one he's supposed to protect, and hours of wackiness and hilarity ensue from this simple mix-up!

AARON: You sound like advertising copy, Eyewrin.

> "Terra equals Sailor Moon. Are you sure?"

> "Yeah! Now quiet!"

> "Okay, but why did Arby make her 'Sailor Moon,' in particular?"

AARON: He wouldn't really need a reason at all, aside from sheer weirdness. He's an ArbyFish.

> "Most likely because that position hadn't been taken."

> "Understood. Using the link, can I release some power into her non-Senshi form?"

EYEWRIN: So far, I think that I like the ArbyFish the most. The ASK is an old friend, and this 'Terra' is just a flavorless character. So, anybody got any suggestions about how to improve the story?

> "Hmm… YES! I'll get on it."

AARON: Eh. I wouldn't mind seeing a little more description.

> "Now, for training, taking her in to fight the Negaverse on their home territory will be perfect for this!"

AERIN: I dunno; the thing is that the story is already established. We know what happens in the first story; why would he bog down the narrative by describing stuff we've already seen?

> "Um, I beg to differ."

AARON: Good point, actually, but I think just a little bit more description wouldn't be hurtful either…

> "What is it this time?!"

EYEWRIN: I know what would improve this thing: Not writing another chapter of it. (Pause) Just kidding, just kidding!

> "Remember what the Negaverse did to the Moon Kingdom?"

AERIN: It's hard to forget ten acts of malicious and premeditated Breaking-and-Redecorating, not to mention the vicious incident where they replaced the Moon Princess's shampoo with Nair…

> "What does that have to do with— OH! I see how that could be a problem. Perhaps I should step up the training process with something a little less dangerous?"

> "Indubitably."

> "Like full Global Thermonuclear War?"

EYEWRIN: Hey, it's Full-scale Global Thermonuclear War. Get it right, or don't write it at all.

> "What the… No, like skeet shooting."

> "NO! I say we should go with Veritech fighters!"

> "Hover tanks!"

AARON: "Chung chung chung chung Magitek Armor!"

> "Thirty lashings with a wet noodle!"

> "No! Weight training!"

> "Let's do android combatants! I think Dr. Gero is—"

> "SEND IN THE CLOWNS!!!"

AARON: "THOSE LAFFY, DAFFY CLOWNS!!"

> "DON'T SEND IN THE CLOWNS!!!"

> *WHAM!*WHAM!!*WHAAAAAAM!!!* "Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP, EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!"

EYEWRIN: Hah hah!

> The Atomic Starlight Knight stopped, having reached a state of complete and total indecision. He shrugged. "Aw, well. I'll think of something… appropriate."


> &&&[End Chapter 1]


AERIN: So, that's it?

AARON: Until next time.

AERIN: I don't think I want to see a next time.

AARON: Well, I'm sure that I can get some more starving dogs and throw them in the pit… this time, I'll try to feed them every few days so they don't just die in there before Ben gives me his fic.

EYEWRIN: Well, this wasn't so bad, really. I dunno why you're complaining so much, Aerin.

AERIN: Because… because… Oh, forget it. So, what do you think, sirs?

BEN: ….Push the button, Dan.

\     |     /
  \   |   /  
    \ | /    
- - - o - - -
    / | \    
  /   |   \  
/     |     \




Fwshhhhh!

 

 

 

Layout, design, & site revisions © 2005

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: May 21, 2007

Old Gray Wolf