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A Ranma ½ Songfic
By Aaron Bergman

(Sung to "I am Iron Man" by Ozzy Osbourne/ Black Sabbath)

 

I am Happosai
Better not have panties if I pass by
Leaping through the night
Stealing bras is my only delight!

Got two slaves named Soun and Genma
They're pathetic let me warn ya
They grovel and whine a lot
Then they try to kick my butt!

(Insert Soun saying "Now face the technique so terrible even the ninja of the Chingansai school of martial arts couldn't master it! Now you see us… and now you don't!" Then, Genma says "First, assume the position. Then face your opponent, and… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!")

Groping women is the greatest pleasure
Beats all else measure for measure
Soft flesh and luscious curves
Fill me with lots of verve!

Nobody sees me
Until I want you to know

(The skirt flipping Foley sounds, along with "Eek!" and "A pervert!" Then, Happosai starts chuckling and shouting "What a haul! What a haul!")

The midnight panty raid
Is the coolest place to go

(Happosai says "Somehow, it just doesn't fulfill me like it used to. Maybe I should start skipping over the smaller sizes…")

Live with a cute redhead
Got gazongas near as big as my head
The thought of her with a tan
Makes me forget she's really a man!

(Ranma-chan says "You dirty old man. Can't take my eyes off you for a moment!" Happosai shouts, "I gotta way of dealing with swimsuit-stealing little punks like you! …I go steal me some new ones.")

I look old and funky
Kinda like a shriveled-up monkey
But don't take me for a wuss
And I'm not a freaking octopus!

(Happosai says "Yeah, and why do I gotta be the Oompa-Loompa?!" Then, the music starts fading to the accompaniment of "What a haul! What a haul!" and "Daijobu! Daijobu!")

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