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FUYUTSUKI

A Neon Genesis Evangelion short story
By Aaron Bergman

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion GAINAX / ProjectEva - TV Tokyo - NAS, Hideaki Anno, and AD Vision.


I have never doubted which of them is more cruel.

Gendo may orate grandly about Instrumentality and Dead Sea Scrolls and the Third Impact in rolling words that fill you with hope, joy, and pride, but only Yui can calmly change Shinji's diaper while stating that she will - no, already has, in a sense - sacrifice her only son in order to… what? Leave a sign that Humanity WAS here, a brief light shining desperately? A declaration that would last until the suns grew dim and all worlds fall to darkness?

Yui was the one that shaped Gendo's unforged steel into a razor's edge, which would split the world.

Oh, she may try to cover it up in language, but the look in her eye convinces me that she would gladly throw herself, her son, her husband, and even the world upon the bonfire, if it would lead to what she wanted, what she needed. The light of a fanatic burns in her eyes, and sometimes it's hard to face the part I had in this. She found something to believe in, and all I found was old age.

Some years later, when a certain young doctor asked me why Rei was so cold, so… distant, when she remembered Yui being so warm, so caring, I could only stare mutely, the words that I wanted to say not coming from my throat. I honestly tried not to laugh, knowing that it would offend her, but I failed, and the poor young woman stormed off. I'm afraid she never looked at me the same again.

The truth is, Rei was Yui, in so many ways that even I only begin to comprehend. The difference was that… well… Rei just didn't care for the mask that Yui had to put on just to avoid being ostracized.

I'm not saying that Yui was insane but rather that… hmm, all right, that's what I am saying. But… being a prophet, having seen the future in a collection of rotting scrolls, knowing that you were fated to die just to give your only son a chance to bring humanity true happiness, without knowing if that chance will ever play out because that's where the scrolls end… I could excuse a bit of madness. Hell, I'm not certain I could have remained sane myself.

Regardless, I see the light of a true fanatic burning in her eyes, and I wonder if it will all be worth it in the end.

It will be, of course, but we all know the price to be paid for returning to Paradise.

The Apple, once eaten, could not be returned into the hands of God so easily.

 
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