AYANAMI

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion © GAINAX / ProjectEva - TV Tokyo - NAS, Hideaki Anno, and AD Vision.

I was the beginning.

My soul was woven deep into the pattern of this kabuki dance, masks upon masks upon masks, hiding the truth from not only our foes but ourselves.

I am the end.

Now is the time for the dance to end, our wild revels done, and all masks to be removed. The hour is midnight, and we have come full circle.

What God could not do, Man has done. The wyrm bites his own tail, no doubt wondering where the faint sensation of pain comes from…

But…

Is this all I was meant for?

Why am I?

It should not be important.

Who am I?

I am I.

But why? What is the purpose of me?

A doll, dancing upon strings that I cannot ignore yet must?

A young woman, forced from the circle of her race and into another circle damned from its inception, spiraling ever downward?

A vampire goddess, to gently whisper, "It is not to be feared…" to a thousand thousand of thousands?

A midwife, prying a newly birthed god from a moribund universe?

I remember… I watched the way that the dance went on around me, and found only wonder in that none searched out the important question to ask, only finding fleeting shadows, not knowing what they were looking for. Not even I could see the question, except at the very edge of my perception, dancing its own mocking dance, not wearing a mask for it had no need of one.

Should humanity exist? Why?

That is not the question.

I look into Kaoru's eyes, that are also my own, reflecting nothing onto nothing, and wonder if he knows the question.

He looks back at me blankly, and I remembered the old aphorism that dead men tell no tales.

In that case, why am I talking?

Did Shinji suffer me to live after all?

Or am I just to stubborn to admit that I should be dead?

Am I a ghost?

Who am I?

There is no other way to answer that other than:

I am I, and that is truth.

But why am I?

It is not important, but I shall ask it anyway.

That question must be answered, will be answered by Shinji, boy-god, the Young King, the blood price that magic demands. I triggered Instrumentality to put the answer in his hands, and I wait here to hear it from his lips.

But… it is cold… here… waiting…

Webmaster: Larry F
Last revision: January 7, 2006